We only play in our own race....offensive?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I'm curious, do you take offense to this statement?

 

I'll be honest, I do. I know I probably shouldn't and it probably shouldn't be a big deal (especially given that it's usually in profiles of people who are the same race as me). Even tho, those couples are the same race as us, we still just keep right on going. I don't know if it's because we don't play only within our own race and I don't want to feel like someone else is taking issue with me because I do, or because I have a feeling that a lot of those couples wouldn't play with us because we don't stick to our own race so it's not worth bothering, or because I come from a mixed race family. I think it's all of the above.

 

Then there are those that add on the line "no offense", which to me sounds just like "I'm not judging you". As in, whenever someone starts something with "I'm not judging you", that's exactly what they are doing.

 

I can't help but think that a better approach would be to just leave that out and then send a nice "no thanks" if you are approached by someone you aren't interested in (regardless of the reason). I realize that for many it's just a personal preference; but, for many it's more - like the couple we met last night that started talking about some club they went to that was just "too dark" for their tastes (and they didn't mean the lights). We hear that kind of phrase too often (we live in the SE) and it just makes me want to run.

[km34 672]

I don't rule out people based solely on that line, but usually it is paired with other comments or grammar errors or glaring spelling deficiencies that I just don't bother. I can usually tell that it is going to be someone with whom I have nothing in common, so it isn't even worth a message to see.

 

We saw/heard it a lot in Indiana, and it never surprised. I think I've only seen it on one profile since moving out west.

 

I tend to prefer people of my own race, and I could never figure out why... I'm attracted people of other races based on photos, but it's never really panned out in person. Turns out it's probably all because of my weird sense of smell and the whole pheromone/being attracting to people who smell similar to your family thing. I wonder if I can overcome it now that I know what it is or if biology is too strong.... Because, really, I've missed on out some awesome people because the base physical thing just wasn't there!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

We hold nothing against anybody based upon race (except maybe Martian race as we understand that the female will try to twist your ears off your head while you're fucking).

 

Basically no good purpose in expressing anything negative in any on-line advertisement. If somebody is not to your liking, just say no and leave out any explanation.

[Alura 2,774]

I think KM34 is on to something. I used to know a white shithead who referred to Asians as UFOs (ugly fucking orientals). While I take great exception to such ignorance, I agree that we're more attracted to our own race.

 

I believe there is also an unexplained attraction between different races. My Native American ancestors (both male and female) were quick to jump into bed with Europeans as soon as they arrived.

 

More than genetics, I think attraction is based on early experiences. My strongest attractions are to cowgirls. We have a gorgeous barrel racer who advertises for her father's new car dealership on TV. I love the way her jeans fit her lithe frame, with those huge belt buckles that she obviously won at rodeos, her long blonde tresses escaping her Stetson. Uhmmm... Makes me want to trade my old Porsche in on a new Chevrolet.

 

On the other hand, Native American cowgirls, though rare, catch my immediate attention!

 

Alura

[TheRedHalf 81]

Basically no good purpose in expressing anything negative in any on-line advertisement. If somebody is not to your liking, just say no and leave out any explanation.

 

I agree, we prefer reading profiles with a positive spin to them. Too much of the we don't do this and we don't like that and it's on to the next profile for us.

[CentTex77 104]

I take mild offense to the statement because it carries connatations of racism. No, it's nowhere near dropping an N-bomb or calling someone a UFO (to reference Alura's post above) but it adds an unnecessary racial element element to the person's profile. As Julie pointed out; you don't need to say that you don't play outside your own race. You can just say "no thanks" if someone of another race reaches out to you.

 

Having said all that, I find interracial sex to be all kinds of hot. Maybe that's part of the reason why I take mild offense to the phrase.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I don't rule out people based solely on that line, but usually it is paired with other comments or grammar errors or glaring spelling deficiencies that I just don't bother. I can usually tell that it is going to be someone with whom I have nothing in common, so it isn't even worth a message to see.

 

 

I think you are onto something with this. Most of the time we see it it's within the first 2 sentences of the profile. Whenever I see anything really glaringly negative that early in a profile it is a turn-off, so it's not just that line. When I see it later in a profile if I've liked what I've seen up to that point it's more like an "ah man why they gotta be that way?" Than me thinking totally negative about them. But, that line does rub me wrong.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I take mild offense to the statement because it carries connatations of racism. No, it's nowhere near dropping an N-bomb or calling someone a UFO (to reference Alura's post above) but it adds an unnecessary racial element element to the person's profile. As Julie pointed out; you don't need to say that you don't play outside your own race. You can just say "no thanks" if someone of another race reaches out to you.

 

Our thoughts exactly. I just don't see the need for it. It takes about two seconds to send one of the standard "no thanks" messages, so why does someone feel the need to spell it out ahead of time for one specific group and introduce that negativity?

 

(except maybe Martian race as we understand that the female will try to twist your ears off your head while you're fucking).

 

[two4youinswva 3,068]

It does rub me the wrong way. Enough so that we will take a pass on them.

It's not that people can't have their preferences on who they're attracted to. It's the fact that it leads me to wondering why they feel strongly enough about this to state it in a profile, and what the underlying message may be.

[shrevecouple 252]

Rub people the wrong way or not. I had it in our profile because I just haven't been attracted to black guys.....AND for some reason black guys seem to be attracted to me. Or they have had more balls to approach me than white. I don't know why but I have always gotten approached twice as often by black men. Sometimes you just want to avoid having to say it over and over. It never has had anything to do with racism, purely preference.

[occ 148]

We haven't really had an issue with this since we don't go the on line route. Mrs occ is very fond of black guys as well as other races but we have been black or white exclusively so far. Not necessarily by choice but our crowd is mostly white. We've introduced a number of black guys to our friends so there is a nice mix now. We had one awkward experience at a house party where two black couples were invited. There was a white couple there who had real issue with it and left. Awkward silence for a few minutes and then all the rest of us started up and had a really great time. Good sex transcends race as far as we are concerned.

[cupl4fun 361]

It wouldn't just bother us, that statement would be a definite, "no way are we gonna play with them". If you are not even willing to get to know people if there skin is not the same as yours, then we probably wouldn't have very much fun together anyway. People are people and skin color has nothing to do with anything. Better to play with cool, open-minded, people of a different race than us, than someone who looks like us but are just jerks.

 

I understand attractions are different for different people, but to say "only the same race as us" excludes everybody who is different than you. You can't tell me that there is somebody out there who is not attracted to anybody from a different race. And even if it really is about attraction, then just politely say in a message back, no thanks (as Julie said). Putting it in your profile just smacks of things which would really creep us out.

 

In general, I don't find African American women attractive, but we would never say such a thing in our profile. The reason I would never say this is despite the fact that I am mostly not attracted to African American women, if Rihanna showed interest in me I would be there in two seconds (and Mrs. cupl even quicker). I have seen other African American women who were so breath-taking that Mrs. cupl had to remind me not to stare. My point is you never know whom you might find attractive if you give them a chance. Putting that in your profile just limits you, and scares "hippies" like us away...lol.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Erk. Pffftt. "No offense" or not, a statement like that is going to offend some people. Like me. I'm not only going to pass those folks by, I'm going to remember enough about them to make sure I don't accidentally play with them at a club or party. It's partly the negativity - I also pass on people whose profiles have things like NO SINGLE MALES or "clean shaven only" or NO GIRAFFES - and partly that I just don't want to be intimate with the close-minded. Also, really, it's likely a tell for a whole host of things that would either disgust or bore me and life's too short for that.

[meumeu 46]

I have to agree with cupl4fun whole heartedly! "only the same race as us" exclude every other race, you may say you're not attracted to a particular race all you want but there's a word for that. As you stated attraction is different for everyone, but I usually have to see, and/or talk to the person at which time I may or may not be attracted. Dismissing a whole race before even seeing them, talking to them getting to know them says something about you and it's not a good thing. I wouldn't give a couple or single for that matter the time of day, as everyone already said a "no thank you" will do just fine and we all move on.

[Dont.Stop 339]

I posted a story a few months back about a couple we inquired about on SLS and they shot back "no black males". I'd probably prefer they put it in their profiles so that we wouldn't waste anyone's time. And there are couples who do. I see it as preference. If it's more than that, that is their problem not mine. Nothing wrong with posting your preferences, likes and dislikes... that's the point of the profile isn't it?

 

We've had other couples who tried to arrange parties and had to dump some planned guests because they wouldn't attend if we were coming (we are an interracial couple). And maybe we have been taken off guest lists for the same reason. Who knows. It just doesn't bother me if my skin color is your problem. It has never been a problem for me.

 

Oh, and that couple who said no? We see them quite often as we travel in the same circles. Always say hi, always greet her with a hug and kiss, like I do all the ladies of the lifestyle. He's been hitting on Mrs.DontStop. Ain't happening.

[Alura 2,774]

Hmmmm. Somehow, I can't see "No Single Males" or "No Giraffes" ?? as a prejudiced situation. I've never been attracted to either. Now, horses (as long as a couple rides them rather than fucking them) are a different matter. "Cowgirls with trained horses please contact me!"

 

I've only been lucky one time with a black chick. I gotta say it was special, but her color had nothing to do with that. If, however, there had been a cowgirl available at the same time, I'd probably never have had the experience.

 

Alura

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Hmmmm. Somehow, I can't see "No Single Males" or "No Giraffes" ?? as a prejudiced situation. I've never been attracted to either. Now, horses (as long as a couple rides them rather than fucking them) are a different matter. "Cowgirls with trained horses please contact me!"

 

And me. Barrel riders rule. And are totally worth sneaking over the fence to meet, even if they're 40 to your 20. Her horses were pretty too.

 

I'm not attracted to giraffes either, or any species other than human, but I've discovered that people who exclude are going to have a mental or emotional taint that is going to color (pun acknowledged) my experience and not in a good way. My partner isn't as sensitive, but his playmates haven't been inside his body, which I suspect makes a difference.

[LFM2 1,482]

And to think that I was a team roper. Maybe I should have switched to barrels or poles like my daughter.

 

"We only play in our own race" is offensive to me. Period. It would be a no go for us. Maybe they wouldn't be our cup of tea anyway.

[CentTex77 104]

Rub people the wrong way or not. I had it in our profile because I just haven't been attracted to black guys.....AND for some reason black guys seem to be attracted to me. Or they have had more balls to approach me than white. I don't know why but I have always gotten approached twice as often by black men. Sometimes you just want to avoid having to say it over and over. It never has had anything to do with racism, purely preference.

 

I have to applaud Mrs. Shreve for her post above. While I may not necessarily agree adding that line to a profile, I'm not in her shoes (and no doubt I'd look silly if I were), and it's easy to jump in and agree with everyone on a thread like this like I did. It's not as easy to come in with a different take. Thanks for a thoughtful post.

[Chicup 41]

If we listed all the "no"'s in our profile it would basically be a list of no's. We don't because being overly negative in a profile is in our opinion likely to turn off the kinds of people we are looking for.

 

Mrs. chicup isn't a racist, yet she only wants to play with white males. Her maid of honor was Asian, yet she doesn't like Asian men or women for sex. One of her best friends is black (and hot) yet she is not sexually attracted to black women. And yes I'm going with the "some of my best friends" line but its true so I'm not going to apologize.

 

So while we do not have "we only play in our own race" in our profile we might as well have. She just doesn't have an instant attraction to them, and rarely do you get to know personality in a swinger time line before the question comes up.

 

I think what people are reacting to so strongly is the negativity, hurt feelings, and desire to be PC when someone puts that in their profile. For example our profile could list the following "No"s.

 

No people with facial tattoos.

No obese people.

No people who overly tanned and look like beef jerky now.

No Guido want to be's.

No May/Decembers

No one under 30

No non-whites.

 

You read that sort of thing, and you think first "what an asshole" and second "what an asshole racist". You don't have to be a Klan member to only want to have sex in your own race. Now sometimes when reading a profile you get that Klan member vibe and I can understand staying away, we would too, but should one be more offended by that as by profile that say HWP only, or the men must be over 6 foot, or the men must have a penis over X length? I see it as all part of the same "what you want to have sex with" mindset.

 

I have seen profiles that said "black males only" or "latino looking for latino" and I can't say I was offended.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I think it's that specific phrase "We only play with our own race" that gets me.

I don't have a problem with "We're looking for ______ couples", or something along that line. I know it's the same thing, but it isn't, for some reason.

 

It may just be my issue, but it rings wrong for me.

 

And yes, we've read this exact phrase quite a few times over the years.

[Chicup 41]

I think it's that specific phrase "We only play with our own race" that gets me.

I don't have a problem with "We're looking for ______ couples", or something along that line. I know it's the same thing, but it isn't, for some reason.

 

It may just be my issue, but it rings wrong for me.

 

And yes, we've read this exact phrase quite a few times over the years.

 

So is the problem only playing in your own race or saying it on your profile? The feeling I'm getting is the saying thats the problem not the lack of doing.

[slevin 1,374]

So is the problem only playing in your own race or saying it on your profile? The feeling I'm getting is the saying thats the problem not the lack of doing.

 

Maybe it's that the majority of people who put it on their profile are the type of people who give you the "klan member vibe" due to either the phrasing they use, the combination of things on their profile, or just their willingness to put it in their profile at all? Something about the phrasing that was used in the way the OP referenced does seem sketchy to me. Seems worse than saying something like "we only play with other Caucasian couples" or "she isn't attracted to black men". Don't really know why though.

 

Also, it's such a touchy subject that nobody ever wants to even 'seem' like they're racist. You can't even have a conversation about it with most people. So the mere mention of anything of the sort will touch on a subject people just don't want involved in their sex life. Kind of like talking about politics.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

So is the problem only playing in your own race or saying it on your profile? The feeling I'm getting is the saying thats the problem not the lack of doing.

 

I think it's more the negativity, and the need to put it out there. It rubs me wrong in the same way it would if the ad said "no fatties" or something like that in the first few lines. I've seen plenty of MWC seeks same, but which is basically saying the same thing without the connotation. Add to that both placement and what it's surrounded by.. I get that you want to put it at the top, and so it's not missed, but in doing so it just starts your profile off on a negative note. On the other hand, I was looking at a profile that read really well and had that line in the last section and I could have easily missed it.

 

I have seen it go further to the point of obvious racism with one profile that read "we play in our own race and our playmates should too" or something to that extent. And there are those that make it clear in person like the couple we spoke to at a party this weekend that made a comment about another club being "too dark".

 

Given how much of it still exists on this area, and we do pass by profiles that state that preference, because the likelihood is there that it's more than just a preference.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I think what people are reacting to so strongly is the negativity, hurt feelings, and desire to be PC when someone puts that in their profile. For example our profile could list the following "No"s.

 

No people with facial tattoos.

No obese people.

No people who overly tanned and look like beef jerky now.

No Guido want to be's.

No May/Decembers

No one under 30

No non-whites.

 

You read that sort of thing, and you think first "what an asshole" and second "what an asshole racist".

 

I don't have any particular need to be PC, but I'm definitely going to have a negative reaction to a profile that excludes and I'm going to avoid that couple or person. I get having a preference - for some reason I'm rarely attracted to Asian men - but that erasure of individuality that throws a blanket over every person of a particular color or body type or age denotes a mindset that I don't want to snuggle up to.

 

What I think when I read something like "black males only" or "we only play with our own race" or "must be over 30" is more along the lines of "meh" and then I move along, because life is short and there are enough people out there that I would like to fuck that I don't waste time on those I wouldn't.

[Dont.Stop 339]

What I think when I read something like "black males only" or "we only play with our own race" or "must be over 30" is more along the lines of "meh" and then I move along, because life is short and there are enough people out there that I would like to fuck that I don't waste time on those I wouldn't.

 

Or as we like to put it... there's too much ass out there to worry about this piece.

[Alura 2,774]

LFM2 said:

And to think that I was a team roper.

 

The more I learn about you, LFM2, the sexier you get! I just love them cowgirls... regardless of her color.

 

However, I'd never write in a profile, "Cowgirls only, please!"

 

I married Mrs. Alura, a city girl. I doubt she ever saw a live steer before I took her to her first rodeo.

[corynlaine 118]

you know, I come at this from quit the opposite direction. You see adds ALL the TIME about wanting a BBC (as if there are no white men who have large members) and the specific requirement brings back to me all the racist conotations of black men and lynchings because they looked at a white girl.

 

I am projecting because I am not a black man but anytime I read that in a profile I cringe.

[Alura 2,774]

I once knew a German woman who had never dated (or had sex) with a white man, only black American soldiers, and a lot of them, she claimed. She refused to date white guys.

 

Her German accent while speaking Ebonics was quite unique!

 

It seems to me that if one makes decisions based on someone's skin color, it's racial prejudice. I suggested that she was prejudiced against white guys. She agreed, but didn't care.

 

My best and longest friend (since 1973), a white guy from Minnesota, 6'2", blonde hair, blue eyes, just married his black girlfriend. I don't know of him ever dating a white girl. "Black women turn me on," he explained.

 

"To each his own tastes, said the old lady as she kissed a cow," my college roommate's mother used to say.

[RDfnd 180]

To me, part of swinging is the variety it provides. As long as there is adequate physical attraction between all parties to have sex, that's all that matters. Older, younger heavier, thinner, and from any race or culture on earth. That's part of the whole experience.

 

My wife enjoys some black men. Why shouldn't she have the chance to have sex with them if the situation presents itself. There are women from all races that turn me on and I wouldn't pass up a chance to experience them sexually either.

 

To each there own but we prefer to not limit our playing field.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

corynlaine said:

you know, I come at this from quit the opposite direction. You see adds ALL the TIME about wanting a BBC (as if there are no white men who have large members) and the specific requirement brings back to me all the racist conotations of black men and lynchings because they looked at a white girl.

 

I am projecting because I am not a black man but anytime I read that in a profile I cringe.

 

I tend to agree with you that it's also a weird sort of racism. I've talked to some of my black male friends and they tend to agree that they don't really enjoy being invited to things just BECAUSE they are black any more than they want to be excluded. I can't imagine living in that situation, where you are never sure where you fit in. Then when it's an interracial couple it gets even trickier. We were talked to one of our IR couple friends recently and he was telling us about how they often get couples contacting them from their profile, sending them their phone # wanting to hook up, etc. Then he'll text them and send a picture of both of them (with faces) and they'll often get a reply of "oh we didn't realize you were black" (even though their profile says it).

 

There are all types out there, and I guess sometimes it's easy to miss things in a profile.

 

CentTex77 said:

I have to applaud Mrs. Shreve for her post above. While I may not necessarily agree adding that line to a profile, I'm not in her shoes (and no doubt I'd look silly if I were), and it's easy to jump in and agree with everyone on a thread like this like I did. It's not as easy to come in with a different take. Thanks for a thoughtful post.

 

I have to agree with you here. It's always good to hear from those who disagree, and in situations like this it's nice to hear the reasoning for why people do what they do. We can't learn if we never look at things from the other side.

[angelkin 1,326]

Rub people the wrong way or not. I had it in our profile because I just haven't been attracted to black guys.....AND for some reason black guys seem to be attracted to me. Or they have had more balls to approach me than white. I don't know why but I have always gotten approached twice as often by black men. Sometimes you just want to avoid having to say it over and over. It never has had anything to do with racism, purely preference.

 

I have been quietly lurking in this thread seeing where it would go - and perhaps not knowing how to express my own feelings about it. Mrs. Shreve hit my nail on the head...we get a lot of offers from black men, and I am just not attracted to them and saying it over and over does get old. Like Mrs. Shreve, it's nothing personal nor racial...we are very good friends with an interracial couple; the lady is black and we quite like getting together with them for fun; and yes, I play with her too.

 

It's in our profile and if you didn't really read it well, you'd probably miss it. It's nicely written and I am sorry if it offends.

[D&D 362]

I don't have any problem with some one putting that in their profile. In fact I think they should put in their profile if that's how they feel!

 

It isn't my responsibility to satisfy anybody else's preferences, likewise they have no such responsibility to me. If you can't f-me because i don't meet some preference you have I would much prefer knowing that before hand! We have wasted a couple of evenings and expensive dinners on people who didn't state what they preferred! For one couple it was my soul patch and my ex Morman status that was too much for her to handle.... Well it would have been nice to know that you can't screw someone who had those characteristics before we met for dinner.

 

If you feel strongly enough about something that it is a deal breaker I think it should be in your profile. I am not going to take offense that you like this and don't like that! Seriously if you can't hop in the sack with me because of my weight, my height, my boob-size, penis length, skin color, facial/body hair, politics, religion, economic class, education, my spouse, my upbringing, etc., please let me know upfront so I don't waste my time meeting you. I appreciate those profiles that are clear about what they want and don't want. Swinging isn't a civil right, I'm not going to sue you for being discriminatory. in fact I think you have every right to be discriminatory. Although it isn't going to help you get laid, at least not by Mr and Mrs D&D.

[shrevecouple 252]

What aggravates me is that any preference someone has can get them labeled. What is the purpose of putting anything in a profile? I think it's quite narrow minded myself to think that just because someone isn't sexually attracted to a certain color, size, lenth or width that they are automatically close minded, racist, cruel or assholes. There is a big difference to me in sexual preference vs everyday life. Two of our best friends are a mixed race couple (hispanic/black). Just because I wouldn't ever be interested in fucking them don't make me racist. Of course someone not attending a party because someone of a different color may be there is racist in my opinion.

 

I am sure there is that one in a million that would make me think twice. OH Shemar Moore maybe, just like that one guy who mentioned Rihanna. But be honest with yourself, that falls within the exceptionally beautiful category and the majority of people swinging aren't in that category as much as they would like think they are.

 

It's this notion that you should be ALL IN for whatever and whomever comes your way or else your closed minded that I find ridiculous and a major turn-off!

 

(We stopped pursuing swinging so I am sure my words are moot.)

[cupl4fun 361]

As for me I was not implying that someone has to be "all in for whatever". It probably wouldn't even bother us if someone just came out and said. "Sorry, no black males, because in general the Mrs. is not sexually attracted to them." But, to put "We only play in our own race" in your profile sounds very much different to us than saying there are certain people we are not attracted to. One says this is my preference, the other sounds more like dogma. The completely limiting nature of seeing, "We only play in our own race" in a profile would simply be a turn off for us as a couple. It would set off warning flags for us that there is possibly something going on there which we are not even remotely interested in. We would simply pass profiles which said such a thing on. The great thing about profiles is you can pretty much put whatever you want in them (within reason), but you also need to know that if you say certain things it is probably going to upset some folks and limit your responses. For us if we saw, "We only play in our own race", we would move on. The owners of that profile may very well not be "racist" and we might miss out on some cool people, but that is still probably what our response would be.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

It's in our profile and if you didn't really read it well, you'd probably miss it. It's nicely written and I am sorry if it offends.

 

I'm curious as to how it's written in your profile?

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I am sure there is that one in a million that would make me think twice. OH Shemar Moore maybe, just like that one guy who mentioned Rihanna. But be honest with yourself, that falls within the exceptionally beautiful category and the majority of people swinging aren't in that category as much as they would like think they are.

 

It's this notion that you should be ALL IN for whatever and whomever comes your way or else your closed minded that I find ridiculous and a major turn-off!

 

There is a very big difference between being ALL IN and throwing a big ole blanket over a group and saying NO.

 

We all have preferences and then, if we're flexible and reasonably open-minded, we have exceptions to those preferences. I'm not generally attracted to Asian men, fat men or women with flabby triceps, but I'm not going to put it in my profile - or carry it around in my brain as a weighing device - because I'm open to the exceptions. Where I'm not open is to people who go around with a lot of ironclad rules regarding anything, including sex partners, because rigidity isn't going to give me what I'm looking for.

 

It's actually a choice to publicly characterize a strong preference like race as We Only Play in Our Own Race (or Looking for BBC ONLY) versus indicating a preference, a choice that gives a fairly particular look into the way people move in the world. I really do appreciate people who come out with their list of WE DON'T, because it's an efficient way to eliminate possibilities.

[T-Rex 148]

Compatability is important to us. There are many aspects of compatability. Race isn't one of them. Racism is: it is an instant deal killer. We've got better things to do than listen to or put up with that.

[angelkin 1,326]

I'm curious as to how it's written in your profile?

 

"Not into men of color, there's just not an attraction there for her" direct from our sls profile. I would never say something so crude and offensive as written in the original post. Moreover, hubby (and me as well) likes women of other races and is quite excited to explore his interest further.

[shrevecouple 252]

Well just to clarify I never said "We only play in our own race". I only said no black males. I think how we worded was something like "Please no black males, she just isn't into them." I havent' had enough experience around Asian, Hispanic or any of the other races to know.

[km34 672]

I think it is important to note that not everyone who says something about limiting play with certain races is racist... For angelkin, shreve, and myself it is a lack of physical attraction, not a feeling that other races are inferior or somehow gross.

 

I think it is generally easy to tell the difference between people who have racist tendencies and people who have a legitimate physical preference.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

"Not into men of color, there's just not an attraction there for her" direct from our sls profile. I would never say something so crude and offensive as written in the original post. Moreover, hubby (and me as well) likes women of other races and is quite excited to explore his interest further.

 

Well just to clarify I never said "We only play in our own race". I only said no black males. I think how we worded was something like "Please no black males, she just isn't into them." I havent' had enough experience around Asian, Hispanic or any of the other races to know.

 

I think the difference is the wording. That you make it clear it's a preference and not a generalized broad stroke statement excluding everyone outside of your race. The only thing I can figure on why we see it so often around here (worded as it is in the title here) is (hopefully) because there's a lot of copy and pasting going on. Maybe people see it in other profiles and just assume that that's the best way to word it.

[cupl4fun 361]

I think the difference is the wording. That you make it clear it's a preference and not a generalized broad stroke statement excluding everyone outside of your race. The only thing I can figure on why we see it so often around here (worded as it is in the title here) is (hopefully) because there's a lot of copy and pasting going on. Maybe people see it in other profiles and just assume that that's the best way to word it.

 

Agreed, to say this or that is not our preference is totally understandable and not at all racist, to say "we only play with our own race" is a horse of another color (pun intended)

 

The good news is that now that we have cleared up the confusion, we can all still play with each other.

[angelkin 1,326]

I think the difference is the wording. That you make it clear it's a preference and not a generalized broad stroke statement excluding everyone outside of your race. The only thing I can figure on why we see it so often around here (worded as it is in the title here) is (hopefully) because there's a lot of copy and pasting going on. Maybe people see it in other profiles and just assume that that's the best way to word it.

 

Do you think it has anything to do with geographical location? Though I have most always lived in Ohio, the times I was in the southern part of the US, I felt there was an underlying racist attitude.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Do you think it has anything to do with geographical location? Though I have most always lived in Ohio, the times I was in the southern part of the US, I felt there was an underlying racist attitude.

 

I definitely do think it has a lot to do with the geographical location.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

...we get a lot of offers from black men, and I am just not attracted to them and saying it over and over does get old.

 

Sometimes you just want to avoid having to say it over and over.

 

Out of curiosity, how often did the two of you find yourself saying "No thanks" to online offers?

 

It probably wouldn't even bother us if someone just came out and said. "Sorry, no black males, because in general the Mrs. is not sexually attracted to them." But, to put "We only play in our own race" in your profile sounds very much different to us than saying there are certain people we are not attracted to. One says this is my preference, the other sounds more like dogma. The completely limiting nature of seeing, "We only play in our own race" in a profile would simply be a turn off for us as a couple. It would set off warning flags for us that there is possibly something going on there which we are not even remotely interested in. We would simply pass profiles which said such a thing on. The great thing about profiles is you can pretty much put whatever you want in them (within reason), but you also need to know that if you say certain things it is probably going to upset some folks and limit your responses. For us if we saw, "We only play in our own race", we would move on. The owners of that profile may very well not be "racist" and we might miss out on some cool people, but that is still probably what our response would be.

 

I have been trying to put my thoughts about that phrase "We only play within our race" into words the last day or so. You hit what I was thinking pretty much dead on.

 

On a side/related note: In every profile I've read that said "We only play within our race" the couple was already a "no" in our minds before we got to that statement. In other words there was never a case of "Oh man, if only they hadn't put that in there, we'd totally do them".

 

Once again to reiterate, I am only talking about the exact phrase in the title of this thread, and not about personal preferences listed in other ways.

[angelkin 1,326]

Out of curiosity, how often did the two of you find yourself saying "No thanks" to online offers?

 

In the beginning, it was 1-2 times per day. Then, after the first few months of having an online swinger ad and answering emails with "no thanks", we added the line "not into BBC, there's just not an attraction there for her". Then inquiries declined to 3-4 times per week. BBC ended up not being specific enough, so we changed it to "Not into men of color, there's just not an attraction there for her" and inquiries declined to 3-4 per month.

 

We strive to answer all emails sent to us; we don't like to ignore people, that seems just rude when it happens to us. We also feel "no thanks" isn't really enough, though I suppose it's better than nothing or being rude.

 

I appreciate it when someone states something in their profile that saves me the effort of contacting them. If doesn't hurt my feelings or feel discriminitory if someone says they are not into BBW, won't meet smokers, prefer friends under 40 years old. I have always viewed my preference in the same light, just up-front information for the reader to make an informed decision about whether to make contact.

 

I realize much of the discussion on this topic is reactionary to the exact title of the thread - it is offensive, it seems racially charged, it is closed-minded. At least the discussion made me question how we presented it in our profile and ultimately how it was perceived by others. It's been thought-provoking and interesting to read the replies. Isn't that the real reason we come here...to be challenged, to openly discuss ideas?

[two4youinswva 3,068]

In the beginning, it was 1-2 times per day. Then, after the first few months of having an online swinger ad and answering emails with "no thanks", we added the line "not into BBC, there's just not an attraction there for her". Then inquiries declined to 3-4 times per week. BBC ended up not being specific enough, so we changed it to "Not into men of color, there's just not an attraction there for her" and inquiries declined to 3-4 per month.

 

I can see where that would get old. I occasionally forget that some members (especially those in Ohio) live in hotbeds for swinging, and have a lot more activity on ad sites. We live in a very lightly populated area, and therefore a lot fewer swingers are in our immediate area. So, we would be less likely to be inundated by single male requests than many of you.

 

 

At least the discussion made me question how we presented it in our profile and ultimately how it was perceived by others. It's been thought-provoking and interesting to read the replies. Isn't that the real reason we come here...to be challenged, to openly discuss ideas?

 

Yep. It's a good discussion. It made me explore exactly why that specific statement bothers me while stating a general list of preferences, likes and dislikes, such as how you state yours in your profile, don't phase me in the least.

[shrevecouple 252]

My answer would pretty much mirror Angelkin's. It literally was daily and sometimes a few a day. Once I put it in there it only slowed to once or twice a week. I have to add it's been this way my whole life. From high school till now IRL I get hit on by more black men than white. It may just be geographical. I live in Louisiana where the black/white population is more 50/50.

[angelkin 1,326]

My answer would pretty much mirror Angelkin's. It literally was daily and sometimes a few a day. Once I put it in there it only slowed to once or twice a week. I have to add it's been this way my whole life. From high school till now IRL I get hit on by more black men than white. It may just be geographical. I live in Louisiana where the black/white population is more 50/50.

 

I have had the same IRL experiences as you. In high school I rarely dated but got hit on by many of the black guys in school...and then called a racist for not being interested.

 

If I may be so forward Mrs. Shreve...I live in Ohio and wouldn't say the population or geographical diversity is the same. I think we have a similar body type and one that black men find appealing...it's the booty:)