Is a "Hot Wife" a part of swinging?

[Alura 2,774]

If a husband (or wife) sits home while his/her spouse goes out and gets laid, is this a part of swinging? Why?

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I've thought about this long enough that my head's in a knot and I still can't choose any of the above options. I know swingers who play separately sometimes, including the Hot Wife scenario in their adventures. Does that mean they're only 80% swingers? If I'm sitting in the club's lounge chatting while my partner is upstairs fucking a friend, does the fact that I'm not at home qualify the activity as swinging where it wouldn't be if I was?

 

I can come up with a whole bunch of what-ifs without it taxing my brain, but I still don't have an answer that fits in the poll. What I have is this: It is if they say it is.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I'm going to say yes, couples who play separately, whether open marriage, hot wife, whatever are still swingers - so long as both are in agreement / honest about it. As long as they are both in agreement and honest about what is going on then the "couple" is still both involved in the scenario.

 

I would not say that a couple who has just given a blanket "you can do what you want but I don't want to know about it" attitude would be swingers, I think that falls more under the "permission to cheat" category.

 

I think it's the honesty and openness that creates the line.

 

But, that's just my opinion.

[km34 672]

I agree with Julie... Playing separately - including the "hot wife" scenario)- can be swinging, open relationship, or a DADT (don't ask, don't tell) situation. It all depends on how the couple perceives it. DADT's tend to cause more harm than good, though, because from what I've seen if a person isn't comfortable hearing/knowing about the activity then he/she isn't really ok with it.

 

I wouldn't include playing separately in swinging unless they do play together at some point, too. If it is just her playing all the time and he's never involved but knows, open relationship. If he told her it's fine but never wants to know when, where, who, etc. - DADT and probably future fallout. And then obviously, wife going out and husband having no knowledge of it = cheating.

[lustylearning 705]

It's all consensual non-monogamy to me But, as I read through the rest of today's posts and see what sparked the thread, I would say, more specifically, that any consensual non-monogamy which doesn't involve an emotional/romantic component, to me anyway, would fall under the umbrella of "swinging."

[LFM2 1,482]

My knee jerk reaction was no, of course it's not swinging...

 

Then reading and thinking about it, swinging can be whatever you make it. Whether one spouse sits at home watching television, knitting or whatever while the other spouse is getting their fill of hot sex. If they both agree and are honest about their actions, I don't see why they can't call it swinging.

[Chicup 41]

Couple 1: So you guys are swingers?

Couple 2: Yea.

Couple 1: Us too, how long have you guys been in the lifestyle? We've been off and on for 10 years.

Couple 2: About 3 years.

Couple 1: Been to any clubs around here?

Couple 2: We don't do clubs, not our thing.

Couple 1: Oh you do online adds?

Couple 2: Not exactly, Sally goes to bars by herself, meets guys, fucks them and then tells me about it.

Couple 1: Oh really, hey it was really nice meeting you, catch you later maybe.

 

Ok the entire conversation above is completely fictional because they would never get to stage one about being swingers, but you get the idea.

 

Being there are no swinger language police you can call ANY activity swinging. I just don't agree that "hot wife" would qualify. Its definitely a different lifestyle of sorts, a different approach to sex, but it bears absolutely no resemblance with what you would expect when someone says 'swinger'. One thing I've noticed here over the years is that it seems that many groups who are not swingers want to be lumped into the swinging umbrella. I'm not sure why, I guess we are the cool kids among the sexual deviants, but BDSM is BDSM, swinging is swinging, and hot wife is hot wife. Just because there are some similarities at some level doesn't make them in any way the same thing.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

If I'm sitting in the club's lounge chatting while my partner is upstairs f***ing a friend, does the fact that I'm not at home qualify the activity as swinging where it wouldn't be if I was?

 

I can come up with a whole bunch of what-ifs without it taxing my brain, but I still don't have an answer that fits in the poll. What I have is this: It is if they say it is.

 

My thoughts tend to be along these lines too. When you get down to trying to split hairs on what is and what isn't, then the whole thing starts to fall apart. To me, Julie's answer about the honesty and openness is what creates the line seems to be the best explanation of what is and what isn't, but that's just me.

 

Honestly, I don't really care one way or another though. Whether it is or isn't doesn't have anything to do with how I see myself as a swinger, so I just don't see the point in trying to convince someone that my definition is the only correct one out there.

[Chicup 41]

There is no point if you don't care if a word has any useful meaning. We cringe every time a story involving some sort of criminal misconduct uses the word "swinger" to spice it up, yet the word itself is apparently meaningless to many in the community. Perhaps we should go back to wife swappers.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Two different things. If someone causes a 20 car pileup that shuts down the interstate driving home drunk from a hot wife party, we wouldn't cringe based on whether or not they met our definition of swinger. We cringe because they could have been driving home from a Chamber of Commerce golf outing but that wouldn't be used in a sensationalistic manner to spice up the story nor often carry the implication that all who frequent golf outings are going to act irresponsibly resulting in fiery crashes on the interstate.

 

Taken literally, wife swapping won't work in this case because there isn't really a swap there, it's only one way. Taken literally, Hot Wife doesn't work because you can be hot and a wife and as monogamous as they come. Should MFM with a single male really be called swinging since since only 66% of the participants are swingers by some definitions? You can poke holes in about any label or scenario someone can come up with.

 

What it comes down to is we are all part of an overall group that identifies itself as "swingers" and yes, there are plenty of subgroups within that. As voluntary members of the larger group, the burden is ultimately on us to determine whether another member fits into our chosen subgroup or into another subgroup that we may not identify with or have any interest in ourselves. Either way, they are still members of the larger group. Anybody can call themselves a swinger, so until the swinging community has it's own regulatory arm to enforce the rules, we'll just have to deal with that.

[Chicup 41]

Personally I think including "hot wife" as part of swinging is nonsense. The only resemblance to what we do as swingers is that the wife ends up having sex with another man with the man's knowledge. In that case cuckolding is swinging as well. It is a completely different experience and as such should be denoted as one.

 

This isn't about getting fixated on "hot wife" as the definition of "hot" and "wife", it is about the term together. If I say "hot wife couple" you KNOW what they are into. If I say "swinger couple" what does that mean to you? To me it means a couple that exchanges partners and has sex. It shouldn't require a second definition to figure out what they do. Swinger as an umbrella for "non-monogamous sex where both partners are aware" simply doesn't cut it.

 

I don't really care that they want to call themselves swingers, I want to call myself a lot of things I'm not too.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Personally I think including "hot wife" as part of swinging is nonsense. The only resemblance to what we do as swingers is that the wife ends up having sex with another man with the man's knowledge. In that case cuckolding is swinging as well. It is a completely different experience and as such should be denoted as one.

 

This isn't about getting fixated on "hot wife" as the definition of "hot" and "wife", it is about the term together. If I say "hot wife couple" you KNOW what they are into. If I say "swinger couple" what does that mean to you? To me it means a couple that exchanges partners and has sex. It shouldn't require a second definition to figure out what they do. Swinger as an umbrella for "non-monogamous sex where both partners are aware" simply doesn't cut it.

 

You may well think it's nonsense, because it doesn't fit into your very small tent. However, to argue that your tent is the only one that fits isn't particularly logical. For instance, even with your theoretical narrowly defined swinger couple, you are still going to have to dig a little further to find out if they're soft or full swap. Or married rather than partnered. Or even that what they want to do on that night fits your definition of swinging, because that can change from one night to the next.

 

"Swinger" is a pretty big tent, but it's smaller than the "ethically non-monogamous" one or the "I/we have sex with others with or without our partner's permission." And all of them are a helluva a lot bigger than yours. Thank God.

[km34 672]

Anybody can call themselves a swinger, so until the swinging community has it's own regulatory arm to enforce the rules, we'll just have to deal with that.

 

Would membership to this Swinger Body of Government include dues and a quarterly newsletter? Would board members and other elected officials be chosen by the number of certifications they have on SLS and similar sites?? Oooh, and all of the meetings would definitely need to be held in hot tubs, right?

 

I think the term "swinger(s)" has evolved a lot since it was first coined. Manufacture used to signify things made by hand whereas now things can be manufactured mechanically or manually. Does that make mechanically made items any less manufactured by current definitions? No. Much like a swinger who practices a different kind of sexual expression than me isn't any less of a swinger. When I hear that someone is a swinger or a swinger couple , I think they engage in recreational sex. No more, no less until I have more information.

[Chicup 41]

You may well think it's nonsense, because it doesn't fit into your very small tent. However, to argue that your tent is the only one that fits isn't particularly logical. For instance, even with your theoretical narrowly defined swinger couple, you are still going to have to dig a little further to find out if they're soft or full swap. Or married rather than partnered. Or even that what they want to do on that night fits your definition of swinging, because that can change from one night to the next.

 

Completely irrelevant. If I say "he is a fisherman" does that give you some useful information to what he does? He might be a bass fisherman, a salt water fisherman, a fly fisherman etc. Swinger is being used by you apparently as "Alternative lifestyle". Both swingers and hot wife couples (and note there is a separate term for them to start with!) are alternative lifestyles, but apparently that means the same as swinger now.

 

"Swinger" is a pretty big tent, but it's smaller than the "ethically non-monogamous" one or the "I/we have sex with others with or without our partner's permission." And all of them are a helluva a lot bigger than yours. Thank God.

 

Boo hoo, I don't think hot wife = swinger. THANK GOD its just my opinion otherwise... well er... nothing has changed...

 

So if hot wife means well hot wife, and swinger can mean hot wife, what does a couple that exchanges partners for sex get called?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Would membership to this Swinger Body of Government include dues and a quarterly newsletter? Would board members and other elected officials be chosen by the number of certifications they have on SLS and similar sites?? Oooh, and all of the meetings would definitely need to be held in hot tubs, right?

 

hmmmm, not sure, we are still drafting our constitution I think, been at it for decades now. Isn't that pretty much what the Swingers Board is, a Constitutional Convention for swingers? All of your ideas sound great, especially the meeting requirements. The part you left out though is the strict requirement of having a full quorum before any meetings can be ruled to order

[lovinher 505]

You may well think it's nonsense, because it doesn't fit into your very small tent. However, to argue that your tent is the only one that fits isn't particularly logical. For instance, even with your theoretical narrowly defined swinger couple, you are still going to have to dig a little further to find out if they're soft or full swap. Or married rather than partnered. Or even that what they want to do on that night fits your definition of swinging, because that can change from one night to the next.

 

"Swinger" is a pretty big tent, but it's smaller than the "ethically non-monogamous" one or the "I/we have sex with others with or without our partner's permission." And all of them are a helluva a lot bigger than yours. Thank God.

 

A question was asked, and an opinion was given. You are no more correct than Chicup. Who draws the line where swinging begins and where is it? Certainly not you, Chicup...or me.

I find it amusingly ironic when a board member insinuates someone else is narrow minded (or flat out says it) when that someone doesn't agree with them.

 

Like someone mentioned above "It is what they say it is". But, not everyone would agree them.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Chicup said:

 

So if hot wife means well hot wife, and swinger can mean hot wife, what does a couple that exchanges partners for sex get called?

 

Full swappers, which are also a type of swinging. See my venn diagram, it's a work in progress... I'm sure yours will look different (as will everyone else's).

 

I do love these "what is swinging?" threads, they are always fun, and drama-free (ok, maybe not drama-free).

[VegasLee 1,486]

I have an idea.

 

Lets forget the words "Swingers" or Lifestyle and just go with immoral degenerates.

 

If you look up both words seems to pretty much cover anything and everything that is ever discussed here.

[Alura 2,774]

... immoral degenerates.

 

Yep! That's us!

 

Alura

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I have an idea.

 

Lets forget the words "Swingers" or Lifestyle and just go with immoral degenerates.

 

If you look up both words seems to pretty much cover anything and everything that is ever discussed here.

 

I'm voting for that one and will happily jump in the hot tub with it.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I have an idea.

 

Lets forget the words "Swingers" or Lifestyle and just go with immoral degenerates.

 

If you look up both words seems to pretty much cover anything and everything that is ever discussed here.

 

+1

 

EDIT: Since it's now available:

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Lets forget the words "Swingers" or Lifestyle and just go with immoral degenerates.

 

Ding, Ding, Ding - we have a winner

[lustylearning 705]

I love philosophical debates with immoral degenerates. I especially love how the debate disappears when the panties come off

[Partyperks847 123]

I have read and re-read the discussion and I have to chime in here. Call me sanctimonious if you will, but I say with no guilt or reservation that I take the terms "Lifestyle" and "Swinging" very seriously. It is not just semantics. Those in the "10 a.m. or 7 p.m. one on one hookup while the spouse or significant other is home or at work and may or may not be aware" crowd are doing something, but it's not "swinging" and it is not "lifestyle". It doesn't make them evil or bad people or even wrong, they are just not doing the same thing I do, and if I am wrong, I'll stop doing it, tomorrow.

[LiveLoveHaveFun 114]

My typical response to this type of question is, who cares? Be who you are, have fun and let those who are concerned with labels and who enjoy arguing over trivial matters drive themselves crazy.

 

I feel what’s more important is that you understand what you’ll find in each category so you can be successful in finding what you’re looking for.

 

Michael and I started in the lifestyle only interested in couples. Now, we have a few couples we play with together and I have a few gentlemen and a girlfriend that I’ll play with alone. So what should we call ourselves? Oh wait, don’t answer that because I don’t care.

 

However, the poll results clearly reflect most people agree with Julie’s disposition.

 

Alicia

[Partyperks847 123]

My typical response to this type of question is, who cares? Be who you are, have fun and let those who are concerned with labels and who enjoy arguing over trivial matters drive themselves crazy.

 

I feel what’s more important is that you understand what you’ll find in each category so you can be successful in finding what you’re looking for.

 

Michael and I started in the lifestyle only interested in couples. Now, we have a few couples we play with together and I have a few gentlemen and a girlfriend that I’ll play with alone. So what should we call ourselves? Oh wait, don’t answer that because I don’t care.

 

However, the poll results clearly reflect most people agree with Julie’s disposition.

 

Alicia

 

Alicia

 

I hear what you are saying, it's just that I don't conciser it to be trivial.

I often wonder at what point in human history the term "labels" became a negative thing. I am in the camp that thinks they are not only positive but necessary.

All due respect to those folks who's lifestyle choice is extramarital serial single partner sex, I would fight to the death for their right to peruse that, but I will never agree that that lifestyle choice is the same as the one I peruse. I didn't say better or worse mind you, it's just not the same

[sweet_tna 680]

We humans are such funny creatures. We insist on putting labels on things in order to help understand them. And yet . . .

 

"What's in a name? that which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet"

 

Old Billy was right. But by all means, please save me a seat in the Constitutional Convention . . . I'll bring my copy of Robert's Rules of Order.

 

=)

[cupl4fun 361]

Need clarification for me to decide, I think. Does the husband never participate at all? If he does not participate then he cannot be called a swinger, but I would have no problem with calling her one as long as the husband knows and approves. I know lots of males who do this and everyone calls them swingers, but only the ones who have approval, the other ones are called by less polite names...lol. Now if the husband sometimes plays too but mostly lets his wife go out, then they both are swingers in our mind.

 

"I am not looking for a semantic debate, I just want the protein." This whole conversation reminds me a bit of a scene from a movie Mrs. cupl and I love

[Chicup 41]

Perhaps a good question is why do "hot wives" or perhaps their husbands, want to be called swingers?

[cupl4fun 361]

"Perhaps a good question is why do "hot wives" or perhaps their husbands, want to be called swingers?"

 

Easier to be included and meet people if you are a part of the "group" called swingers, i.e. wearing the moniker opens doorways. The same reason lots of cheating husbands want to call themselves swingers. But like I said earlier, if they have "Lincoln approval" (Curb Your Enthusiasm reference) from their spouse, I personally don't think it really matters what they call themselves as long as they are open and honest with any potential partners.

[WesternSwing 504]

It all depends on your definition of swinging. If it's "both members of a couple get some strange on or about the same time" than no, hot-wifing is not swinging. But there are swingers who hot-wife and there are those who primarily hot-wife that swing. So there is a cross-over.

 

So though it's been posted before, I'll direct you to Franklin Veaux's excellent Venn diagram of non-monogamy http://tacit.livejournal.com/333842.html

[BeStylnIT 114]

Yes, by my definition it is. Swinging is when a couple allows themselves to play with others; while it isn't effecting the marriage or how much they care for one another. So whatever the scenario I say it is still swinging.

[Chicup 41]

Yes, by my definition it is. Swinging is when a couple allows themselves to play with others; while it isn't effecting the marriage or how much they care for one another. So whatever the scenario I say it is still swinging.

 

So an open marriage is swinging by your definition as is being a cuckold.

[WesternSwing 504]

So an open marriage is swinging by your definition as is being a cuckold.

I would say swinging is a subset of an open marriage/open relationship, therefore all swingers have an open marriage/open relationship while not all who have an open marriage/open relationship swing.

[Partyperks847 123]

I would say swinging is a subset of an open marriage/open relationship, therefore all swingers have an open marriage/open relationship while not all who have an open marriage/open relationship swing.

 

We may be dealing in semantics here, but in no way shape or form do we have an open marriage/open relationship. In fact swing has little to do with our Marriage/Relationship.

Yes, by my definition it is. Swinging is when a couple allows themselves to play with others; while it isn't effecting the marriage or how much they care for one another. So whatever the scenario I say it is still swinging

 

To me that's way to broad a definition. IMHO swinging involves both partners and or 3 or more people.

 

So an open marriage is swinging by your definition as is being a cuckold.

 

To me cuckolding is swinging, hotwifing is not. Reason being cuckolding involves both partners, generally hotwifing does not.

[km34 672]

I would say swinging is a subset of an open marriage/open relationship, therefore all swingers have an open marriage/open relationship while not all who have an open marriage/open relationship swing.

 

That's how I've always seen it as well.

 

Open relationship = nonmonogamous in general, whether it be sexually, romantically, or both.

[Partyperks847 123]

That's how I've always seen it as well.

 

Open relationship = nonmonogamous in general, whether it be sexually, romantically, or both.

 

 

Just so I understand your position, you make no distinction between a couple who is in a lifestyle guided by general rules with personal boundaries and perimeters with the emphasis on mutual gratification, and a couple who's marriage is based on serial nonmonogamy absent the other partners participation, and if we agree on the definition of "open marriage", sometimes without the other partners knowledge (at least till after the fact) or any approval process with the emphasis on personal gratification?

[km34 672]

Just so I understand your position, you make no distinction between a couple who is in a lifestyle guided by general rules with personal boundaries and perimeters with the emphasis on mutual gratification, and a couple who's marriage is based on serial nonmonogamy absent the other partners participation, and if we agree on the definition of "open marriage", sometimes without the other partners knowledge (at least till after the fact) or any approval process with the emphasis on personal gratification?

 

That's not my position at all.

 

Open relationships, IMO, are ETHICALLY nonmonogamous relationships of any form. That means that any partner(s) must know and approve of that type of relationship structure. Swinging falls under ethical nonmonogamy, therefore falls under the umbrella term of open relationship.

 

For me, swinging is a subcategory under the general heading of "open" that is a couple-centric activity. So, as I said earlier in the thread, I would consider a couple who "hotewifes" to be swingers if they play together at some point and/or do the "hotwifing" in a way that is still about their relationship, but just in a general open relationship (sexually) if it is just her going off and he's not really involved at all.

 

In my experience, all varieties of open/nonmonogamous relationships are guided by general rules. That is most definitely not exclusive to swinging. Even cheaters (which I do NOT include in open relationship - cheating lacks the ETHICAL part) generally have "rules" - i.e. spouse can't know, limited contact, or whatever else eases their conscious/minimizes risk of being found out.

[Partyperks847 123]

That's not my position at all.

 

Open relationships, IMO, are ETHICALLY nonmonogamous relationships of any form. That means that any partner(s) must know and approve of that type of relationship structure. Swinging falls under ethical nonmonogamy, therefore falls under the umbrella term of open relationship.

 

For me, swinging is a subcategory under the general heading of "open" that is a couple-centric activity. So, as I said earlier in the thread, I would consider a couple who "hotewifes" to be swingers if they play together at some point and/or do the "hotwifing" in a way that is still about their relationship, but just in a general open relationship (sexually) if it is just her going off and he's not really involved at all.

 

In my experience, all varieties of open/nonmonogamous relationships are guided by general rules. That is most definitely not exclusive to swinging. Even cheaters (which I do NOT include in open relationship - cheating lacks the ETHICAL part) generally have "rules" - i.e. spouse can't know, limited contact, or whatever else eases their conscious/minimizes risk of being found out.

 

 

I guess we have a disagreement of semantics and definition. My "marriage and Relationship" (Two separate women) have little to do with sex with others and it is by no means and by no stretch of the imagination "open"

 

Based on friends who have this "open" relationship (some swing some don't) the term "open" implies just that, that both partners have agreed to allow the other to see and play with others at will without discussion or impunity....this does not exist in the same galaxy as my relationships or the relationships of the vast majority of lifestyle couples I know.

 

Again, it may be semantics, but if indeed there is a requirement for discussion before the fact and it's governed by rules, I would suggest that is not an "open" marriage.

[km34 672]

I guess we have a disagreement of semantics and definition. My "marriage and Relationship" (Two separate women) have little to do with sex with others and it is by no means and by no stretch of the imagination "open"

 

Based on friends who have this "open" relationship (some swing some don't) the term "open" implies just that, that both partners have agreed to allow the other to see and play with others at will without discussion or impunity....this does not exist in the same galaxy as my relationships or the relationships of the vast majority of lifestyle couples I know.

 

Again, it may be semantics, but if indeed there is a requirement for discussion before the fact and it's governed by rules, I would suggest that is not an "open" marriage.

 

What you describe as an open relationship, I would describe as a DADT arrangement within an open relationship.

 

The semantics is what makes these types of discussions interesting. Everyone seems to have their own set of connotations and definitions.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

To me cuckolding is swinging, hotwifing is not. Reason being cuckolding involves both partners, generally hotwifing does not.

 

Okay, I have to ask...what is hotwifing and what is cuckolding? I thought they were the same.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Other can refine my definitions if needed but I believe a hot wife brings people home to the husband or is watched by the husband as she picks up someone like at a bar; cuckold means the husband having no interest in "sex with others" sits at home waiting for his wife to come back maybe with and maybe without some kind of story to tell about her evening's adventure.

[km34 672]

Other can refine my definitions if needed but I believe a hot wife brings people home to the husband or is watched by the husband as she picks up someone like at a bar; cuckold means the husband having no interest in "sex with others" sits at home waiting for his wife to come back maybe with and maybe without some kind of story to tell about her evening's adventure.

 

Pretty close to what I've always thought on the hotwife definition... Although cuckolding is traditionally about humiliation, not disinterest. Specifically targeting men who are better looking, have larger penises, better stamina, something like that so that the husband is forced to watch his wife be pleasured better than he himself is able. I think lately it has become more widely accepted as a term for a couple where the hubby doesn't play, whereas historically a man was labeled "cuckold" where another more powerful/virile man forced him into a secondary position (at least sexually) so that he was still responsible for wife, family, etc. while the other man is getting the "spoils."

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Thanks guys for the clarification. Cuckolding is definitely not my thing. I wouldn't mind doing the hot wife thing though.

[Alura 2,774]

I believe the word dates from the middle ages and is derived from the "CooCoo" bird, which is known to lay it's eggs in another's nest.

[Partyperks847 123]

Okay, I have to ask...what is hotwifing and what is cuckolding? I thought they were the same.

 

To the best of my understanding, Hotwifing refers to a woman playing independently and for the most part not involving the husband, where as cuckolding generally involves the husband in a form or humiliation, be it actual or role play.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I consider swinging as when there are two or more COUPLES who trade partners. "Hotwifing" refers to a wife who has sex with other men with their husbands approval. He might be there to watch or he lets her get together with him on her own.

[mikeswinger56 15]

If my wife had sex without me there i would consider that cheating. That's our rules but whatever you agree on are the rules.

[weloveeachother 29]

If my wife had sex without me there i would consider that cheating. That's our rules but whatever you agree on are the rules.

 

I agree and disagree. If your wife is having sex without you there, without your knowledge or consent....that is cheating. Having an open relationship that is ok with both husband and wife....not cheating.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I've tried to stay away from answering this question because yes, it does depend on the couple and what they qualify as swinging. However, for me, I wanted to give myself time to answer this without being too bias...because the "hot wife" in me wants to say, yes! It was almost like I wanted to justify that the times that I played separately were "swinging." However, it is an entirely different feeling and dynamic when you play together with your partner versus playing alone with a playmate, whether it is separate rooms or separate houses. I didn't want to admit that playing alone was really an experience that was just between me and the playmate, no matter how much recounting there may be to the spouse after coming home. In the end, it's still an experience that only I can truly look back at. The both of us can't talk about how we felt "when this happened" or "when she/he did this." If swinging is not only the act of sharing/allowing/etc your partner to play with someone else but also experiencing it at the same time with them, then that eliminates several situations of "swinging". Perhaps these other scenarios are a subset of a more open, non-monogamous relationship, just like swinging is, but they are not in the same circle.

 

Mr. Sunbuckus and I have played together and separately. During the times that we played together, I can still remember the times I looked over at him to see if he was enjoying himself (or the times he wasn't). We can talk about the vibe of that playtime, what he thought about during certain moments, and what we might want to do differently or the same. During the times that we played separately, I can't share the moments when a playmate was able to screw me while I was in a V-shape and holding me completely up in the air. I can't ask him how he felt when a playmate was working so hard to pummel me that he used my feet as a place to wipe his sweat. Those are times that only I and the playmate can remember and look back on fondly or not.

 

Does this mean that I won't let Mr. Sunbuckus have a hall pass? Absolutely not. I know that there are opportunities that arise so infrequently that I wouldn't want him to not partake in because it wouldn't be considered "swinging" in the way I have defined it. I still want him to be happy, have fun, enjoy himself, and experience new adventures, with and without me. But I won't be able to share in the same enthusiasm as he when it is all over and done with. All I can do is be generally happy that he had a great time (hopefully).

 

So, that's my take...at this moment.