What is considered too personal?

[nc_couple_28304 18]

Hope this doesn't sound choppy not really sure how to word my thread right ..so here goes.

 

hubby and i went to a bar recently with another couple. We rode together and once we got into the parking lot and out of the car. The wife of the other couple grabbed my hubbys hand and proceeded to walk to the bar hand in hand with him.

 

Now we have known this couple for a while and consider them friends and well as more. However, this one simple gesture still seemed to "irk" me and yes that nasty green-eyed monster popped out his ugly head.

 

My hubby feels that kissing is too personal, yet i feel it is just another great part of sex. So I was really thrown by the g.e. monster on hand holding!

 

Of course once we got to the door, they stopped holding hands and we proceeded to enjoy the night and I have talked with hubby and we have decided to add that to our rules.

 

But since this is the first time this has ever come up with us I am curious on if other couples have other "rules" on specific touching or otherwise they consider should be kept between themselves.

[OhioCouple 40]

It is amazing how much I have learned (prior to having to deal with it, in the last couple of months) about personal boundries. I have learned that it would bother me for my husband or myself to 'cuddle' with the opposite partner after sex and I can say that it would bother me to have my husband hold hands with another woman. Now mind you, we can fuck, kiss and suck in every possible scenario and we can put our arms on the shoulders of, or even hook around their waists.... but cuddling (in like a going to sleep type scenario) and holding hands would bring up pangs of jealousy for me.

 

I see both cuddling and even the holding of hands (as if you were boyfriend/girlfriend) as ones of crossing my personal boundries.

 

Hey, BTW, welcome to the board! Thanks for bringing this question up!

[thump29 16]

Hi and welcome to the board! I have to agree with Ohio Couple on this, holding hands and cuddling after sex is way too personal for us. We always set rules before we do anything so it makes it easier but you never know when something like you said will come up and bother you. Like Ohio Couple stated we do everything from kissing and sucking and etc but somethings are just meant to be between the two of you.

[Roxysbayou 20]

I would have to say it goes with whatever makes you feel comfortable. I found myself feeling that way about a year ago. Hubby and I were out with a single female and she was "all over" my hubby at the bar that we were at. Others thought that he was her husband and I was just tagging along. I felt so bad that I ended up sitting at the bar by myself for a while. And a man came over to chat with me and was shocked when I said that I was with my husband. I was so embarrassed. I now have a big rule about public settings. I think it's about respect, at least for me. I took their actions as being disrespectful to me.

[fun_pairTX 26]

When someone wants to play with my heart instead of just my naughty bits...........................................

[naughty A 23]

I think it is better NOT to have public displays of affection like hand holding/kissing etc in public in NON swinger settings... after all you don't know who else might be seeing what is going on... sure it is risque and naughty but it is also uncomfortable if you run into a co-worker or your cousin.

 

too personal... for me.... attempts to draw me away privately or conversations that deliberately set out exclude the other person/s... although sometimes I have been guilty of this... especially when one half of a couple is saying one thing and the other half something else...

 

the other thing that is too personal... maybe more of a pet peeve... people who ask where do you work/what do you do immediately after meeting you.... hello? I'm not here to promote my business or to network for clients or to provide you with an easy way to blackmail me... if it comes up in conversation after I've known you more than ONE night than fine but it is not a good conversation starter in MY opinion.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Could it be that it wasn't so much the hand holding but the PDA (Public Display of Affection) that got you riled up? That she seemed to be saying IN PUBLIC "this is my guy"?

 

I've never taken issue with kissing... and even when saying goodbye depending on how daring we all feel it doesn't bother me if we all make our rounds so to speak. But I too would be uncomfortable if the male of another couple wanted to hold my hand or vice versa. THat would just be weird.

[nc_couple_28304 18]

Thank you for the warm welcome. Yes julie I definately think it was the PDA that caused the g.e.m to come out.

 

Otherwise i probably wouldn't have even given it a second thought.

 

Thanks for everyones great responses

[alabamafuntonig 20]

pda gem well hand holding is out for us also . were swinging not dating. but to each his own i guess . im sure the other women did not feel the same on this subject as you and thats not all that bad! she was just more comfortable with the thought of hand holding and a more intemite bond than you (i think) It sounds like you have a great couple to play with im sure if you and the lady friend have a small talk on what rules you try to follow future gem's will be some what avoided! kissing on the lips is out for us also .. some rules are hard to follow and sometimes the line gets crossed but if everone is comfortable with them the night is usualy more fun!

 

my 2 cents i got 98 more to spend on a nother reply!

[jen 16]

Bamma bam bam,

 

Lemme know when your .98 runs out, I'll give you a dollar if you promise to keep the funny parts in all of your responses.

 

You crack me up.

 

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Interesting...now see, hand holding wouldn't bother me in the least. I guess because I am a "hand holder" - old, young, men, women, children. Not with total strangers, but with people I know. I've never thought twice about it. Maybe I will now. But probably not. - EBF

[jewel2 16]

I would have to agree with the hand holding in public. We had a threesome with a single female at our home and she kept taking him to another room - away from me! It made both hubby and I uncomfortable. We were not sure what to say, so we just "winged it" and managed to have a great time anyway, but there were a few tense moments...

[alabamafuntonig 20]

everyone has there litle things that make them a little tense! i dont mind hugging but like i said kissing is out. so it only goes to show everone is a little weird in there own way..

[jen 16]

Quote

everyone is a little weird in their own way...

Bama bam bam, This is so very true. Cept me of course, I'm completely normal, not at all weird, very much ordinary, is anyone convinced yet? Anyone... About being too personal, I'd have to say (typing without experience) if they start wearing my panties, I think that's too personal. Or if they asked me to wear theirs....eewwww.

[thekolonel 15]

For us, anything goes in threesome situations. When we "date" a woman there's usually kissing, PDA, hand-holding, etc. going on, but we're careful to make sure the affection is spread evenly so no one gets the wrong idea. I like the PDA actually. People give us funny looks. In couples situations it usually stops at kissing in private, although we haven't ever really "dated" another couple so I don't know whether we'd feel comfortable with more.

[bill&sabrina 22]

I have been accused of not holding anything in my marriage sacred, and this will probably generate similar responses. To me nothing is to personal to do with someone we are playing with. Things are only personal when me and my wife are doing them. When I do the same exact things with someone else it is having fun with someone that isn't my wife; nothing more or less. I believe that if you are goind to swing you should let it all hang out. That doesn't include not practicing safe sex though. To me if you are going to do anything sexual with someone other than your spouse or comitted partner you should go all the way. I respect the fact that not everyone is like me, but I don't understand it.

Bill

[windsor4fun2 130]

I have to second Bill's view that the level of intimacy an action has can depend on who your doing it with. The level of emotional intimacy you have with a person can't help but be a factor in the intimacy level of a physical act your sharing with that person.

 

Jesse

[SwingVan69 22]

Thank you for this great post. I was feeling like a freak that the hand holding/PDA thing bothered me so much. I LOVE to flirt but can do it with a slight touch, words and looks. I feel like the handholding/PDA thing borders on Poly. I'm here for the sex, not for another man to "date" me. To me the flirting that people around us can't hear or outwardly see is WAY more exciting. It's like a dirty little secret that we can make hotter with flirting secretly in public and in private it can be very hot.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Hey, that's fine SwingVan, roll your own way.

 

I've had people in foursome relationships that were really solid, we enjoyed PDAs with them. It's right for us.

 

No judgement!

[couplers 4,645]

This is a post from five years ago, but I still remember the event and looked it up:

 

"... Lora, hubby and I were in a small town grocery store after hiking with some friends. Those two were grabbing a few things together while I was looking at something else. They went up to pay for their purchases, hubby gave the cashier the money and the cashier gave the change TO LORA. A shock went through me. Is it that obvious? It was like, "See, I'm not the only one that recognizes it." You don't give the change to another person unless there is a possessory interest involved. By taking that $2.67 it was like she had just stolen my husband."

 

Since she is part of our family, nothing is off-limits for Lora and hubby, including having a child together. But somehow that has stuck in my mind.

[PSULioness 856]

I don’t think any physical act that I have joined can be considered too personal. The only reason I have stopped anyone had more to do with actions or words. The L word is most definitely too personal. I also think making comments about others is personal. Making a derogatory remark is way too personal.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

The less rules the more fun!

 

I was very uncomfortable the first time I watched them kissing. It was something I hadn't thought of or imagined in my fantasies.

 

I was prepared for the physical part but not the intimate part.

 

She has more fun when she can make a connection. I'm ok with it now. I promised myself I wouldn't be jealous but I guess it just comes naturally. I'm happy that she is enjoying herself. It took me a long time talking her into trying it.

[Fla-swing99 136]

As my husband and I read through all the responses here it was very clear that there is a wide variety of difference on what is ok and not ok with everyone. For some people a particular thing can be a huge turn on and really heat things up while others see it as too much or crossing their personal boundries. We feel the bottom line is that no one is wrong for feeling the way they feel regardless of the act or what others think. We personally are not a couple that desires to seperate. What ever we do, we want to do it together and share the experience so if another individual tries to monopolize the time or attention of either one of us we would not agree with or allow that. Also we do not feel there is ever any reason room or justification for the L word in swinging-swap activities, unless that is something that polyamories feel is acceptable in their situations. Just our humble opinion...…..

[Napoleon 230]

I can't stand touchy feely strangers(male or female) who think its ok to touch me their very first time meeting me.

[Anon321 523]

The only rule we have is no kissing.

[Fitlakecouple 451]

Such a variety of responses - very interesting. We'd "pass" on a couple with a "no kissing" rule. All of the various responses underscores why finding a four-way connection is such a challenge.

[Guest]

Ah, for us intimacy makes it better. There is no green eyed monster. Holding hands, kissing, intimate talk are part of the sharing and excitement for us.

[Numex 2,416]

I don’t think any physical act that I have joined can be considered too personal. .. The L word is most definitely too personal. I also think making comments about others is personal..

Agreed, any physical act is ok, we do this to explore.

 

My wife exchanges "I love you" with certain partners for whom it is more than just sex. It doesn't bother me, but I do notice more when it happens casually as they're parting than when they are in the throes of passion. Nothing wrong with caring, it doesn't diminish her love for me.

 

.. Making a derogatory remark is way too personal.

Yeah, that's rude.

[southdenvercpl 24]

I just don’t understand the no kissing rule. I mean are you going to tell me it’s ok to go down on your lady or fuck her, but kissing is crossing the line? It’s just weird to us, and we would definitely pass on a couple with that rule.

[Anon321 523]

I just don’t understand the no kissing rule. I mean are you going to tell me it’s ok to go down on your lady or fuck her, but kissing is crossing the line? It’s just weird to us, and we would definitely pass on a couple with that rule.

 

Yes that's how we feel. Me and my GF were originally FWB so when we had sex we wouldn't kiss each other so to keep that distance. As things progressed we became a couple. However when she is with other guys or I am with other girls we keep it to just sex and try to take out the intimacy part of it. I realize that sounds weird to some people but it's actually not that weird to us. The sex is not intimate or romantic like it is to many of you. For us it is just dirty, kinky, and wild. And my GF has fucked A LOT of guys since we started doing this and not a single one has had a problem with it.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Hey, we started with a no kissing rule, like so many others. It didn't last long one we found out that it didn't bother us to see the other with someone who wasn't us. Still, it was an important rule until we knew that we would be comfortable with setting it aside.