Would you swing with a poly group?

[km34 672]

A lot of the threads in the Polyamory & Swinging forum focus on the difficulties (or lack of difficulties in some cases) that come with swinging in a poly relationship.

 

So, whether you are poly, understand poly, or are completely new to the concept of poly, would you as a swinger play with people in a poly relationship?

 

Please explain which option you chose and why you answered the way that you did.

 

If you answer no, is it because it is too complicated of a situation? Or do you prefer to keep the number of people involved lower? Or are you afraid that poly swingers are more likely to get emotionally involved (something that is generally frowned upon)? Or something else entirely?

[sweet_tna 680]

It depends . . . Is this the entire poly group? Is it a portion of the group? As with any swinging situation, we'd want the chemistry to be right with any potential playmates and to feel comfortable that their relationship is solid. We'd also have to discuss limitations/ground rules. In essence, we'd handle it the same as we would with a "regular" couple/single. Though the more people you add into the mix, the tougher it's likely to be getting the right chemistry all the way around.

 

=)

[CuriousNJCouple 38]

Rules and boundaries can get sticky when more people are involved. I would say yes for me as I "think" I could handle it. My wife would be much more reluctant, just because she is much more conservative in the bedroom. The topic does make me think!

[D&D 362]

I agree with sweet TnA. If the chemistry is there we would. Don't see how it is really all that different from playing with a bunch of couples at a house party. Obviously we prefer to play with couples that have a relationship and are comfortable enough to to let us share in that. So a poly group that was similarly committed to each other and wanted to share would not really be any different except in scale. If everyone in the group is comfortable with us being there and taking part we would most likely swing with whomever we felt a mutual attraction. I add the qualification that we wouldn't be interested if the end goal was to get us to join the group. Already have the love of my life...

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Interesting question.

 

We have played a little with members of a poly foursome. Both in one-on-one settings, mixed couple settings, and in a group setting. It has never been an issue, and they are four of our favorite people including outside of the swinging environment.

 

It has been fun, and there hasn't been an issue, although we do keep our eyes open for potential ones, as the female of one half of the foursome appears to be somewhat possessive of the male of the other half of the foursome. They've been a foursome for at least seven years now, so I think that adds some stability and confidence in our choice to play with them.

[SAMnTINA 362]

How others choose to live is their business. IF it works for them great. We are looking for playmates not life partners so the more the merrier.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Yes for me, iffy for Pet. For that reason, I put if the configuration were the FMF variety rather than MFM. I don't think he'd be comfortable with the latter. I'm more anything goes as long as there's chemistry everywhere.

[DigginIt 1,132]

It is so hard to find two people where there is a connection but I could see where maybe one of the poly liked me and another one or two of the poly like the mrs, we could find fun things to do but the chemistry is important and the poly would have to understand that one or both may not like all. If they were accepting to that point then we would play with them. Just like in swinging, nobody takes one for the team.

 

The dynamics of the group wouldn't matter. It could be me with another guy in a MFM with the mrs or me with the mrs and two other guys with the wife, etc.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I have before and would again, even with FFM triads, which isn't a favorite configuration when sex is involved.

[angelkin 1,326]

Yes, we like group play, so we'd be open to swinging with a poly group provided the chemistry and interest level was there.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

We would and we do. The polyamorous people of our acquaintance are among the sweetest we know. They only occasionally, however, play as a group. No idea if this is typical.

[slevin 1,374]

We would and we do. The polyamorous people of our acquaintance are among the sweetest we know. They only occasionally, however, play as a group. No idea if this is typical.

 

I think we'd actually be more comfortable playing with a poly triad as a group. Mrs. S is more uncomfortable playing with one part of a couple without the other part of the couple present. Even when we know they are both ok with it.

[km34 672]

I think we'd actually be more comfortable playing with a poly triad as a group. Mrs. S is more uncomfortable playing with one part of a couple without the other part of the couple present. Even when we know they are both ok with it.

 

I've been kind of wondering this since answers started coming in, but have been trying to decide if it deserves it's own thread or not!

 

In general, I assume (which I try not to do too much of) that people who play with one half of a couple without the other being present would be comfortable with playing with part of a poly tangle without the rest present while people who don't take part in playing separately (either themselves or even with others) wouldn't be comfortable unless everyone in the relationship was present. Is that fairly accurate? Do/would you employ the same verification process for a section of a poly group as you do/would for half of a couple to make sure that everything is honest? Or would you be more likely to trust a poly couple when they tell you their other partner(s) are okay but not interested?

[Partyperks847 123]

I went with "other, please explain"

 

While I am in what is for all intents and purposes a "poly relationship", (FMF) we are very much swingers FIRST, lovers second and Poly third. Any 'Poly Group" we got together with would have to have those same priorities. I can't imagine it working or ever getting started if that was not the case.

[km34 672]

I went with "other, please explain"

 

While I am in what is for all intents and purposes a "poly relationship", (FMF) we are very much swingers FIRST, lovers second and Poly third. Any 'Poly Group" we got together with would have to have those same priorities. I can't imagine it working or ever getting started if that was not the case.

 

Is there a reason for that? Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but the way you describe your relationship is that the three of you are in it for the sex first, the lovers situation second, and love/romance comes last. Why would it matter if another poly group felt differently? If it was a closed triad, for example, where it is basically a group marriage - the three of them firmly committed to one another as a poly family who then choose to swing? They would be poly first and swingers second, but their priorities wouldn't affect your interaction. Just curious if I'm misunderstanding or if there is a reason you wouldn't be comfortable with people who identify primarily as poly but also enjoy swinging.

[Partyperks847 123]

km34 said:

Is there a reason for that? Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but the way you describe your relationship is that the three of you are in it for the sex first, the lovers situation second, and love/romance comes last. Why would it matter if another poly group felt differently? If it was a closed triad, for example, where it is basically a group marriage - the three of them firmly committed to one another as a poly family who then choose to swing? They would be poly first and swingers second, but their priorities wouldn't affect your interaction. Just curious if I'm misunderstanding or if there is a reason you wouldn't be comfortable with people who identify primarily as poly but also enjoy swinging.

 

You misunderstand, but that may be my fault for expressing my thoughts poorly, so let me rephrase...

 

Our relationship is based on love and respect which trumps all matters of extra-unit sex....in other words love and romance comes FIRST.

When it comes to sex outside the bounds of intimate love however, we are first and foremost swingers, partners of our friends and playmates second, and a Poly unit for the purposes of group encounters last.

 

To be honest, many triads we have encountered are way too bogged down in the poly dynamic to be much fun in a swing situation. It is frankly too much to remember and to be brutishly honest, a bit sanctimonious. A couples rules and preferences are enough to deal with, a third party complicates it even more.

 

This is why while we arrive as a Triad and introduce ourselves as such, we generally check that at the door of the play room. If we were to get together with another poly group, they would have to be like minded. Complicated logistics are a major turn off to all 3 of us.

[km34 672]

I'm having a very difficult time understanding what you mean, and I don't know if it's the cold medicine or the way you're explaining it! I'm so sorry!

 

Do you not generally play as the 3 of you, then, since the dynamic is a bit more difficult?

 

I don't really see why a well-functioning triad would be any more difficult than a couple, but I've only come across one or two of those and none of them were swingers. I would think that 3 people having rules that they've all agreed upon would be pretty much the same as 2 people who have rules that they've agreed upon. Unless it's something like F1 can do anything, F2 can only do soft swap type activities, and M can do anything as long as he doesn't kiss another woman instead of we're all full swap, safe sex only. So, I guess if the rules are as individuals instead of as a group, I could see it getting complicated.

[Partyperks847 123]

km34 said:

I'm having a very difficult time understanding what you mean, and I don't know if it's the cold medicine or the way you're explaining it! I'm so sorry!

 

Do you not generally play as the 3 of you, then, since the dynamic is a bit more difficult?

 

I don't really see why a well-functioning triad would be any more difficult than a couple, but I've only come across one or two of those and none of them were swingers. I would think that 3 people having rules that they've all agreed upon would be pretty much the same as 2 people who have rules that they've agreed upon. Unless it's something like F1 can do anything, F2 can only do soft swap type activities, and M can do anything as long as he doesn't kiss another woman instead of we're all full swap, safe sex only. So, I guess if the rules are as individuals instead of as a group, I could see it getting complicated.

 

Sometimes we play as a triad, other times as a a couple in all the possible combinations, sometimes we play separately.

 

I assumed the question was in regards to Poly with an upper case P, in other words referring to those who identify themselves as Polyamorous FIRST with swingers as a secondary identity or discipline. (as is the case with hard core or 24/7 B&D, S&M, D/s and the like)

 

All I am saying is that in my experience, these folks have rules that are simply way too complicated for me. We are "lower case p" poly if you will. That doesn't mean our relationship is any less close or permanent, it just means we are not deeply ingrained in the ways of the subculture

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I would have no problem at all laying with a poly "group". The problem would come from someone trying to "love" me to the point that they became possessive or jealous.

[km34 672]

I would have no problem at all laying with a poly "group". The problem would come from someone trying to "love" me to the point that they became possessive or jealous.

 

Are you more concerned about that with someone who identifies as poly?

 

I personally trust (most) poly people to recognize their emotions and be able to deal with them without causing drama. Usually they're aware of when they start feeling a crush, or like-like someone, or could potentially love someone so it's less likely to "sneak up" like it does with some.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

On 7/24/2012 at 12:34 AM, sweet_tna said:

It depends . . . Is this the entire poly group? Is it a portion of the group? As with any swinging situation, we'd want the chemistry to be right with any potential playmates and to feel comfortable that their relationship is solid. We'd also have to discuss limitations/ground rules. In essence, we'd handle it the same as we would with a "regular" couple/single. Though the more people you add into the mix, the tougher it's likely to be getting the right chemistry all the way around.

Same for us.  We wouldn't go so far as to say poly = never, but we would be giving a really hard look at the dynamics of everything since the more people involved, the more opportunity for something to get off track.