Swinging to prevent cheating

[Alura 2,774]

On our first date, Mrs. Alura and I agreed that it's not practical (and perhaps boring) to plan to have sex with only one person for a lifetime. This was not to prevent adultery so much as a way to continue to experience that unique thrill of the first time with someone. I must say that swinging with other couples filled this goal swimmingly! Neither of us ever considered cheating, so I reckon it was successful in preventing adultery, too.

 

Alura

[Lionheart72 2,190]

Now, my wife and I have never been monogamous. It was never an expectation of our relationship and our marriage vows specifically included no mention of it. We both, in our lives before we met and after, always considered sex to be a fun passtime and a sometime expression of close friendship. We've been swingers for a while. We've discussed polyamory (though have never met anyone who we would specifically wish to have such a relationship with). With all of that, my wife has cheated on me once, and declared it one of the biggest mistakes she ever made for a variety of reasons. (I confess to taking a perverse joy that she found a totally unstatisfying sexual experience and that it also served to strengthen rather than diminish our relationship... but that's another story.)

 

Does swinging prevent cheating? I think closeness, openness, honesty and communication can prevent cheating. Therefore, if you are in a relationship that has all the best qualities of good swingers, you are also in a relationship that has a solid foundation for avoiding cheating. However, and you will forgive my bluntness, ultimately I think people who start swinging solely because they think that being allowed to have sex with other people eliminates the "need" to cheat understand neither swinging nor cheating. Both are far more than the phsyical act of fucking someone who isn't your spouse.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I'll go with benefit of swinging for the reasons stated in the posts above. I think it can be an inoculant against cheating, the key word there being can. Just like real inoculants, it doesn't work 100%, and for some, there may be some condition that makes the inoculant itself dangerous. Nor would I at all say that people in monogamous relationships need to go out and swing to try to prevent some future cheating, it doesn't work like that. But, for those who can make swinging work well for them, I think it does strengthen the relationship in all sorts of ways, and the stronger that is, the less likely to cheat.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

It could be any one of these or a combination depending upon context. A man I met early in our exploration of the lifestyle told me that swing activity is the one reason he no longer went philandering. He seemes very earnest. I also know a man who continues to take advantage of his wife's unsuspicious nature to go out and sin.

 

I will speak from my own situation: it is just possible that one reason (a secondary reason, as you called it) that my own wife was eager to get me into this lifestyle is that she remembered where and how she found me.

[Chicup 41]

I've never cheated on Mrs. Chicup, before or after swinging. I can't really say if it prevented cheating but I can say what swinging did was made sure there would be no desire for that outlet. So who knows maybe it did prevent cheating and I'm completely unaware.

 

I don't see it as a BAD reason to swing, though I'd be rather cautionary if it was "well hes going to cheat anyways so might as well swing". Odds are that person is going to cheat anyways, as it does happen with swingers.

[Alura 2,774]

...that my own wife was eager to get me into this lifestyle is that she remembered where and how she found me.

 

Was that somewhere between caveman and new man?

 

Alura

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Was that somewhere between caveman and new man?

 

Alura

 

I was then and am still somewhere between a caveman and the new man.

 

So here's the rest of the story, as Paul Harvey would say. We like to say to people we that have been married for fifteen years but have known each other for twenty years. But we are both on good terms with our respective ex-spouses. For this reason, we never tell this story to either ex-spouse.

[Brian and Jo 344]

We started swinging over 30 years ago. We had been married for 17 years and had become bored with each other in bed. We made love less and less often and when we did it was routine, repetitive and unsatisfactory. We had both had a couple of extra-marital affairs. When we found out about our cheating we sat down and had a long discussion about swinging, or as it was called in those days wife-swapping. We agreed that we both wanted and needed some variety in our sex lives. We decided that it would be better for both of us if we obtained this variety together in an open and above board fashion rather than running around in secret behind our backs. So we decided to explore the swinging lifestyle.

 

It was one of the best decisions we have ever made. Over the years we have enjoyed sex with many other partners. Our sexual boundaries have expanded in many ways, for example we have both discovered the pleasures to be derived from bisexuality and group sex. We have become very good and close friends with the couples with whom we play on a regular basis, either one-on-one or in a group setting. Our own sex life is stronger and more satisfying and we continue to enjoy a very good marriage with the added benefit of a liberated lifestyle.

 

For a number of years we have also enjoyed an open marriage. While we swing together with other couples and singles, both men and women, most of the time we do play alone sometimes either one-on-one or in threesomes. When we play singly we have a couple of rules which we always follow. We are open and honest with each other up-front and afterwards we describe to each other what transpired.

[slevin 1,374]

I don't see it as a BAD reason to swing, though I'd be rather cautionary if it was "well hes going to cheat anyways so might as well swing". Odds are that person is going to cheat anyways, as it does happen with swingers.

 

A corollary is: if we don't swing I am going to cheat. This would be a bad reason in either case IMO.

[lotsoffun201 175]

Anybody who thinks swinging prevents cheating is not living in reality. I have personal experience to prove otherwise. We're swingers and he cheated. Cheating isn't solely about sex or emotions, and some people will cheat regardless.

 

Agree with this for sure as I have the same experiences. Also, remember that in addition to physical cheating, there is emotional cheating, which is probably the WORST!

[sweet_tna 680]

Well, we (the collective "we") seem to always be telling newbies that swinging can either build upon a strong relationship foundation, or make the cracks widen. On that premise, swinging to prevent cheating would be faulty logic. After all, on this same premise, cheating is a symptom of a bigger problem.

 

Mr. Sweet and I went through a rough patch some time ago, where I was tempted to cross the line. The realization of such was a hard stop for me. I knew that we needed to fix what was wrong with us before taking a step further in the lifestyle. We did, and it's all good. But it just furthers my point that even secondarily, swinging to prevent cheating isn't really a good reason.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I think the idea of "giving her outside fun to prevent adultery" is a bit of one lying to theirself. My thoughts are that if this is your "reason for swinging" chances are it won't work and likely cheating will eventually ensue anyway... or at the very least the person "giving in" will eventually feel resentful.

 

In the case of the post that the comment was pulled from - I definitely stand by the above. Just the way the OP words his posts tells me there is big trouble in paradise. They may have started to prevent her from cheating, but it's just as likely it may be him who cheats. Resentment already exists.

 

I also don't think that swinging will prevent cheating. An honest and committed relationship (honesty being the key point here) with good communication is about the only thing that could possibly prevent cheating. Even with all of that, there are many things that could be missing in a relationship that might lead to cheating.