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Should I tell my husband how many times my friend-with-benefits made me come?  

22 members have voted

  1. 1. Should I tell my husband how many times my friend-with-benefits made me come?

    • Yes
      19
    • No
      3


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My husband and I have always been very open and honest with each other about everything. We're not swingers but we did play around once with another couple many years ago. Anyway, my husband thought it would be fun to give me a hall pass to use with one guy. He didn't know I already had a guy in mind when I planted the idea in his head! ;)

 

I workout 1-2 hours a day 4-5 days a week at a gym down the street. There's a really cute trainer there... he's muscular, tan, handsome, so hot! We had been flirting for a few months so the sexual tension really built up. We started sleeping together a bit over a week ago and I've been with him 8 out of the last 11 days now. I can't describe how hot the sex is - my whole body is in complete ecstasy - didn't even know sex could be that intense or pleasurable. The fourth night we made love he gave me the most intense orgasm I've ever experienced. And the night after that he fucked me for nearly three hours straight...100% of his attention on making me cum as many times as possible. I can usually climax 3-4 times in a good session with my husband. My record was nine. Well, let's just say that after three hours of the most amazing sex I've ever had in my life, he had succeeded in making me cum 21 times. I'm pretty sure that record will never be beat with me! On top of the incredible sex, he is a really cool guy and he's a blast to hang out with. He's funny, considerate, smart, sweet, etc. So in addition to the awesome sex I'm getting the full "boyfriend" experience...holding hands, snuggling, making out, cuddling all night, etc... which I totally love!

 

So how honest should I be with my husband about the extent of the fun I'm having....without getting my hall pass revoked?! I mean, just the thought of this guy touching me makes my pussy dripping wet and my heart beat faster. Should I tell my husband how many times I came? Am I having way too much fun for a married woman or is this what a hall pass is all about? I'd love to keep fucking this guy as long as possible!!

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:Welcome: from Oklahoma, Kathy! Thanks for joining us.

 

Do you think this could turn into a full-blown love affair to the point that it might threaten your marriage?

 

Alura

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I voted no, but that depends on if he asks you directly or if it ever comes up in a conversation beyond whether or not you had fun. If he wants to know and asks the question, don't lie.

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How extensive was your hall pass? If it wasn't limited to something other than the full boyfriend experience, my vote will be yes. Actually, though, my real answer is do whatever you need to do to reconnect with your husband and remind yourself how much of your pleasure stems from his love for you. (Sorry if that's a buzz kill, but I'm a big fan of remaining grounded in my relationship, particularly when the extracurricular sex is boneshakingly amazing. :))

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This cannot be boiled down to simple yes or no. Ok, tell you husband about the great sex. But in the same conversation, ask for his help to withdraw from, or at least cool down, the unhealthy relationship that developed.

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and I've been with him 8 out of the last 11 days now.

 

For me that's a yeah, most likely. Sounds like you are heading for issues down the road. You want to hide what you are doing from your husband already for fear of losing it.

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In reply to Alura - I don't think he thinks of me that way...but if he did fall in love it would definitely make it hard to not feel the same. However, I do love my husband so it's not going to threaten our marriage. It would be weird to be in love with two guys at the same time! Definitely possible I think...but hopefully he won't fall in love with me so we won't have to deal with that. It's just a really fun fling...that's all!

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I'm sorry to take a different tack on this, but ....

 

:redflag: :redflag: :redflag: :redflag:

 

Please, take all of this as constructive criticism. I mean nothing derogatory to you.

 

Having a hall pass is one thing. This is a full blown love affair. I see no reason to believe it's anything other than that. 8 of the last 11 days you've been with him? You might as well be living with him and not your husband, and asking for a hall pass to be with your husband! :eek:

 

The sexual experiences you are having with this guy sound great. I'm very happy for my wife when she has such experiences too. But, everything my wife does in the lifestyle (and vice versa) are out in the open. We tell each other everything, nothing held back. If you are questioning whether or not you should tell your husband something like this, you are already cheating on him. Yes, even with a hall pass. It's cheating because you are intentionally holding back information that just about every husband in the lifestyle would want to know. You started out lying but not being honest with your husband about you having this guy in mind when you planted the idea. The lies have just continued.

 

It isn't about whether or not you are having too much fun. There is no such thing. Every time my wife has sex with another man I want her to have the absolute best experience she can possibly have. After all, that's the point, isn't it? It IS about that your husband is not along for the ride. Now, if he's all happy about that, doesn't care to know, etc., then fine. But, it doesn't sound like that is the case. Rather, it sounds like you know you are doing something wrong and you're very worried about your husband finding out because it might go away. Your biggest worry seems to be losing your hall pass.

 

I think you already know the answer to your questions. If you want to keep your husband and this guy too, I strongly suggest you STOP playing with this guy for a night at least and have a heart to heart talk with your husband. Be prepared to hear that he wants you to stop seeing this guy, and don't get angry with him if he asks for that.

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In reply to Alura - I don't think he thinks of me that way...but if he did fall in love it would definitely make it hard to not feel the same. However, I do love my husband so it's not going to threaten our marriage. It would be weird to be in love with two guys at the same time! Definitely possible I think...but hopefully he won't fall in love with me so we won't have to deal with that. It's just a really fun fling...that's all!

 

In part two of this story.....

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I'm no expert on this because Mrs. Alura and I rarely played separately, but it seems to me that one-on-one situations lend themselves to easily allowing the relationship to become more than just fun. When we played with couples, the whole evening was one of laughter and fun. There was never a situation where fucking and joking could easily turn into serious lovemaking.

 

Alura

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In case it goes beyond fling to love, check out the poly info. Some people do manage to be in love with more than one person.

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I voted yes, because I think honesty is one of the most important components of a successful open relationship. If you could see yourself falling in love with this man, tell your husband. Today. Like, now or as soon as you can. He needs to know. I honestly don't think the number of orgasms is actually important, but the fact that you feel something other than lust should be discussed with hubby to make sure he isn't completely blindsided by anything that happens.

 

There's a lot of great info on poly both on this board and on some of the sites recommended in the poly section. Definitely give it a read, if for no other reason than to prepare yourself just in case. :)

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We may be new to swinging, but I can tell you this much…Neither my husband nor I would be okay with this if it were happening to the other.

 

1. You already had the guy in mind, and flirted for a year

2. You planted the seed in hubby's head?

3. It sounds to me like you have already fallen for him. Where does that leave your hubby?

4. Hand-holding, cuddling? 8 of 11 days?

 

This is exactly the thing I would fear when beginning to swing. Imagine how your husband would feel if he found out not just that the other guy makes you come 21 times, and you choose to be with him over your husband on any given night, but that you love the cuddling and hand-holding.

 

What if the roles were reversed?

 

Mrs.

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There should be a rule on the swingers board that poly can't be mentioned without both members of the couple being part of the conversation and open to the idea.

 

TwosexyMI laid out whats wrong with this situation very nicely. It is practically negligent to go from "this guy fucks my brains out and I love it, but I am afraid to tell my husband cause he might say to stop" to say "look into poly."

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Alright as a single male weighing in on this, the union line would be "more power to you, go for it girl!". But, I am not going to go there. I am sorry but to me this is not a Lifestyle situation, hall pass or not. You said that "you already had this guy in mind when you PLANTED the idea in your husbands head". Let's turn this around, your husband meets a hot young thing at the local Hooters and she is either attracted to him or his wallet. She is young, hot, sexy, big boobs, tight butt, small waist and can suck start a Harley. Well your husband wants to hit that in the worst way and somehow talks you into a hall pass with some "hypothetical" woman. You agree and he then spends the next two weeks as a walking Viagra commercial. How would you feel?

 

I am sorry to be this blunt but I think you are having an affair and not a shared lifestyle experience. I have never been a fan of the hall pass when it comes to the Lifestyle, simply because of this type of situation. I was friends with a local couple that was also in the Lifestyle. Well they did the hall pass arrangement and the wife ended up leaving her husband for her fling. Well a few months later the new guy left her for another girl.

 

Remember anyone, male or female, that has no problems breaking up someones relationship will not be there for the long run.

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In our experience, Mrs. Playmate left her husband of thirty years for a coworker who left his wife and kids. Two marriages were destroyed. They lived together for a short time when Mr. Newlove left her to return to his family.

 

I'm skeptical that hall passes ever result in anything good. I'm sure someone will cite a case to prove me wrong.

 

Alura

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We may be new to swinging, but I can tell you this much…Neither my husband nor I would be okay with this if it were happening to the other.

 

1. You already had the guy in mind, and flirted for a year

2. You planted the seed in hubby's head?

3. It sounds to me like you have already fallen for him. Where does that leave your hubby?

4. Hand-holding, cuddling? 8 of 11 days?

 

This is exactly the thing I would fear when beginning to swing. Imagine how your husband would feel if he found out not just that the other guy makes you come 21 times, and you choose to be with him over your husband on any given night, but that you love the cuddling and hand-holding.

 

What if the roles were reversed?

 

Mrs.

 

You can call it a hall pass, I call it "you got permission to cheat" and you want to continue to do so by hiding the "facts" from your hubby. I don't know the extent of the "permission" your hubby extended to you, but I would say that at this point you are probably at the very least toeing the line of what he had in mind if not well over it. Whether or not you tell your hubby how many times this guy made you come is irrelevant at this point. That's not even an issue, everything else is the issue.

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I'm not even going to vote on this one, and let me tell you why. The question is irrelevant. The issue at hand here is the fact that you manipulated your husband into granting you a hall pass for someone with whom you'd been flirting for a year. Now that you've gotten the hall pass, you've been spending most of your time with this dude. Multiple orgasms notwithstanding, you're also cuddling, holding hands, and "making love." You've made NO mention of reconnecting with your hubby, which is also worrisome.

 

That this dude gave you 21 orgasms is NOT the issue. That you've not been sharing your experiences with your husband and being totally honest with him IS. And it's a big ole' issue that's gonna' bite you in the arse if you don't STOP right now. You need to take a breather from this dude before things get any more intense than they are. Spend time with your hubby and tell him HONESTLY what's been going on. (Though if my honey was gone with another woman that much, damn skippy I'd know something was up).

 

If this sounds judgmental, it is. You asked for our opinions, and mine is based on what you've told us and my own personal experiences. YES, I've been granted hall passes, but they were for a specific person at a specific time. Each time, I reconnected verbally, physically, and emotionally with Mr. Sweet as soon as possible afterward. And my hubby was pleased to hear that I had a great time.

 

Best of luck to you, though I expect you've a bit of a rough road ahead of you.

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A lie of omission is still a lie and there are a lot of omissions here. You incrementally worked your way to your goal for several months. You did so quietly and effectively and you no doubt got off on the whole process. And, while your husband may always be honest and open with you, you have worked on the edge of deception. Usually, in people, the guilt begins to accumulate and they relieve it with some big 'reveal' as you are planning to do. You're not wanting to tell him the sex is so great because of being honest, you're wanting to tell him because you've been dishonest. That's a big difference, with completely different outcomes. If you were smart, so far we only know that you're clever, you should end the affair with the person from the gym. -- Susan

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"Darling, Let's talk about Scott. He's really good in bed and I'm loving it!... but I want to make sure you and I are alright. How do you feel about my hall pass, so far?"

 

Alura

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Wow, your message really blew up the responses. Tread softly, my friend. Heed what everyone is telling you and make your own decisions. Would you want to hear numbers from your husband? Is there some way this could be a threesome? That might be good? I don't know, but there are a lot of good suggestions above. Keep us posted!:kissface:

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My husband and I have always been very open and honest with each other about everything.

 

Clearly not the case. Would you be able to show him your post? Now that would be honesty.

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You can call it a hall pass, I call it "you got permission to cheat" and you want to continue to do so by hiding the "facts" from your hubby. I don't know the extent of the "permission" your hubby extended to you, but I would say that at this point you are probably at the very least towing the line of what he had in mind if not well over it. Whether or not you tell your hubby how many times this guy made you come is irrelevant at this point. That's not even an issue, everything else is the issue.

 

Did you mean to quote me?:confused:

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What happened to the OP? It's been a couple days since she posted, I would like to see how/if things have unfurled.

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What happened to the OP? It's been a couple days since she posted, I would like to see how/if things have unfurled.

 

I would be curious to know as well! :)

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Did you mean to quote me?:confused:

 

I did. I just forgot the "What They Said" part of my post. My apologies for the confusion.

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To put my two cents in, I think it depends on if your hubby would find it hot knowing. My wife gets with a guy alone and has several times. Each time I ask her about it after when I'm making love to her, she softens the answers to make it sound like was just ok or good, when I know it was great. I finally said to her that I prefer honesty over her protecting my feelings. Last night she got with him again and I told her to let loose with him because it would be more fun. She did, and came home and told me all the dirty details as well as what a great fuck he was and how much she loves it. That turned me on so much, not just because I found it hot, but because I loved her sharing it with me so to not make me feel excluded or that she was hiding anything. I realize different couples have different ideas on this, but this is what works for us.

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What happened to the OP? It's been a couple days since she posted, I would like to see how/if things have unfurled.

 

I'm guessing she's having too much fun to post.

;)

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What happened to the OP? It's been a couple days since she posted, I would like to see how/if things have unfurled.

 

Most people asking for advice don't actually want advice. They already have a course of action in their minds and are seeking validation. Since she didn't get the "correct" advice, she's not coming back.

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On 7/31/2012 at 9:40 PM, Kathy0478 said:

My husband and I have always been very open and honest with each other about everything. We're not swingers but we did play around once with another couple many years ago. Anyway, my husband thought it would be fun to give me a hall pass to use with one guy. He didn't know I already had a guy in mind when I planted the idea in his head! ;)

 

I workout 1-2 hours a day 4-5 days a week at a gym down the street. There's a really cute trainer there... he's muscular, tan, handsome, so hot! We had been flirting for a few months so the sexual tension really built up. We started sleeping together a bit over a week ago and I've been with him 8 out of the last 11 days now. I can't describe how hot the sex is - my whole body is in complete ecstasy - didn't even know sex could be that intense or pleasurable. The fourth night we made love he gave me the most intense orgasm I've ever experienced. And the night after that he fucked me for nearly three hours straight...100% of his attention on making me cum as many times as possible. I can usually climax 3-4 times in a good session with my husband. My record was nine. Well, let's just say that after three hours of the most amazing sex I've ever had in my life, he had succeeded in making me cum 21 times. I'm pretty sure that record will never be beat with me! On top of the incredible sex, he is a really cool guy and he's a blast to hang out with. He's funny, considerate, smart, sweet, etc. So in addition to the awesome sex I'm getting the full "boyfriend" experience...holding hands, snuggling, making out, cuddling all night, etc... which I totally love!

 

So how honest should I be with my husband about the extent of the fun I'm having....without getting my hall pass revoked?! I mean, just the thought of this guy touching me makes my pussy dripping wet and my heart beat faster. Should I tell my husband how many times I came? Am I having way too much fun for a married woman or is this what a hall pass is all about? I'd love to keep fucking this guy as long as possible!!

That sounds like pure cheating

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