Pregnant!!!!

[Lakotarose 15]

Hi all, I told you all that my fiance & our female friend had gone all the way just about a month ago. Her fiance tried again to get what he couldn't that night but still couldn't keep it up for more than a minute which was fine by me I was still feeling a bit uncomfortable and my fiance & friend had done it again but she felt too uncomfortable being in the same place & all becuz this time she was sober so they didn't go at it as long as they did that first night.

 

Now here's where I got the surprise. My fortune readings told me about & to be prepared for but who could be prepared for this...

 

My friend informed me that she was 2 weeks late not knowing exactly how far along she is right now but I made her take the pregnancy test at her house. She bought 2 of them just to be sure & low & behold they both came back positive. She saw her doctor and he confirmed it and now the question is if it's my fiance's child or hers

 

She says she doesn't know if my fiance's condom broke or not since she couldn't really tell about anything from that night because she was loaded

 

But, she is quite positive that this baby is her fiance's.

 

The only people really concerned about all this is her fiance and myself. He even asked me if I knew if my fiance kept the condom on throughout the whole thing? I told him I wouldn't know, I wasn't there the whole time, I left shortly after he did.

 

What doesn't help the matter is that my friend wasn't on protection herself for about a month while this was happening.

 

Anyhow wanted to keep you all informed & up to date. I'll let you all know what the ultrasound prediction turns out to be so we'll all know exactly how far along she is, keep your fingers crossed, thanks all.

[windsor4fun2 130]

That definitely makes an uncomfortable situation even more complicated. How does your friends fiance feel about the possibility of the child not being his? Is the chance it isn't his going to be a major problem with him?

 

Good luck, I hope things work out.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This is a hard one to deal with. I would look at it as tho it is her fiance's child. The only way you will find out otherwise is through a paternity test and considering the hurt that it could cause it's probably not worth it.

 

Have you talked to your fiance about this yet? Asked him about the condom issue?

 

I remember a long time ago we had a topic come up on here regarding what folks would do in a similar situation to this...

 

Pregnancy...what if?

 

And a list of other threads dealing with pregnancy

Pregnancy...

[thump29 16]

Chances are that it is not your fiance, because of the condom he used. I would definetely talk to him about it. Good luck, hope everythig turns out ok.

[fun_pairTX 26]

It is important to determine paternity as the childs medical future is dependent on its medical ancestry. Its too late to worry about feelings whats done is done, be real and deal with it.

[EternallySingle 32]

I was with an older couple. Well, older for me at the time. They were 38(her) and 44(him). It scared me to death when he came to my barracks and told me his wife was late and I might need to give a blood sample for the DNA test. I was lucky. Turned out that she was actually going through menopause early.

 

It is very important to find out who the father is as soon as possible. Like fun_pairTX said, it is important to know if there are any potential health problems that may arise in the future.

 

As far as the hurt feelings go, find a way to deal with it. I know that's a cold thing to say, but we all chose this lifestyle and all the dangers and complications it will bring. The four of you have to talk things out and decide how all of you are going to procede from here. It is no longer about the four of you, it is about a baby. THAT should be your main concern, not if someone's feelings are going to be hurt if its your fiance's child instead of her fiance.

[alabamafuntonig 20]

I can't imagine how they got pregnant with a condom on!

 

Am I missing something!

[Lakotarose 15]

Well for one my fiance doesn't really remember much about that night either, all of us were drinking but I came to real fast once things started happening & got nervous. Our friends fiance asked her if Ken wore the condom the whole time that upset her becuz she doesn't know herself for sure if he did or not:confused:. I talked with my fiance after my friend found out she was pregnant he started acting guilty buying me flowers that night i told him the news and cleaning around the house which he never does! & as for paternity tests that would be easy her fiance has red hair she has blonde their daughter looks like her but with her dad's red hair & my fiance has black hair & on both their families side noone has had dark coloured hair or blue eyes they're either green or brown but yep they know that as soon as this baby is born after they find out how far along she is that they will do a paternity test. I'm not hurt exactly i've gotten over that a while ago after it all happened. It's happened before with them she was on pills her fiance wore condoms for the first year of being together she got pregnant with their daughter during that time so obviously both forms of birth control didn't work for them then & as for this time she was forgetful & wasn't on her pills for about a month so she screwed up in a big way & she knows it. I'm more concerned for her than myself she has 2 other children one from a previous boyfriend & the daughter her & her fiance have. Anyhow I just wanted to tell everyone I appreciate all the advice & this site it's been helping me out quite alot with all my questions. Thanks everyone.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Quote

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig

I can't imagine how they got pregnant with a condom on!

 

Am I missing something!

 

Condoms do break... and sometimes they do slip (this has happened to me on at least two occasions - not a fun fishing trip).

 

Of course, you'd think if either of these had happened someone would have noticed. If she was so smashed she didn't, you'd think that he would have.

[lovers 25]

"Condoms do break... and sometimes they do slip"

 

That has happened to us. We've had two occasions (before we started swinging) where the condom broke and we had to make a mad dash to get the morning after pill. After the second mishap, Angie went on the pill. Since then, no worries (knock on wood).

 

It proves that nothing is 100% effective. So lets all be careful out there.

[St. Augustine 20]

I can't imagine how they got pregnant with a condom on!

 

Am I missing something!

 

Lots of people have the misconceived notion that condoms prevent pregnancy. Historically they are known only to prevent the possible transference of STD's. If you want to prevent pregnancy it is wise to use another form of birth control along with the condom.. i.e, vaginal suppositories, IUD, the pill. People should never ever depend on condoms alone to prevent unplanned or unwanted pregnancy. Especially if you are in the "Swing Lifestyle".

[Vjklander 138]

and sometimes people just 'forget' to use them, or choose not to at the time. I think that accounts for a whole lot more instances than condoms actually breaking.

[Lakotarose 15]

Quote

Originally posted by Vjklander

and sometimes people just 'forget' to use them, or choose not to at the time. I think that accounts for a whole lot more instances than condoms actually breaking.

 

Yes very true that sometimes people just choose not to use one @ the time, the first time the men tried this they both were prepared to go @ it without the condoms that was exactly 1 week b4 the night everything finally happened & like i said she "forgot" to pick up her next prescription of birth control then decided to wait until her next period to take them which would've been around now when she would've started taking them her & her fiance have not had an active sex life for so long, trust me I've heard all about this for about as long as I've known them, & when the first weekend failed they've been going @ it non-stop then the weekend everything happened between us all it was that week she started feeling symptoms without really knowing it so I guess I should tell you all her & I have talked again for quite awhile after my last post we calculated it & the child should definitely be her fiance's her & my fiance, Ken, only slept together 2x her fiance, joe, & I haven't slept together once & lately he sure has been hinting around that he would like to but he has that problem of "stage fright" as he calls it & I'm just not too comfortable with the idea of doing it with him now that his fiance is pregnant although she has told me that she told him not to push it too fast to try again with me. That got me really confused:confused: since she told me b4 all this really happened that she wasn't into it & wouldn't do anything if I wasn't comfortable with it, none of them admit that they all talked about it & felt fine with the idea but no one talked to me about it & that's how I feel everything came about almost like I was left in the dark:( I just really don't know anymore but she goes in for her ultrasound in 3 weeks so she'll know just how far along she is & as for our men they've cooled off for now although they both joke that they're gonna be keeping me busy now that she's pregnant. I've led a rough life growing up wishing that something exciting would happen but I didn't mean this

[alabamafuntonig 20]

Lots of people have the misconceived notion that condoms prevent pregnancy. Historically they are known only to prevent the possible transference of STD's. If you want to prevent pregnancy it is wise to use another form of birth control along with the condom.. ie, vaginal supositories, IUD, the pill. People should never ever depend on condoms alone to prevent unplanned or unwanted pregnancy. Especially if you are in the "Swing Lifestyle".

 

 

um you got me on this one to my knowledge thats all there good for is stopping sperm! but hey whatever as far as my comment it was just a simple question. i relize as most adults condoms break,slip,tear ,burst and so forth my point was answeard by the thread starter and now im clear. as far as breaking on me it has happend thats why i pull out regardless of a condom or not its safer for me!

[Tarnished Halo 16]

My GOD! This must truly be a nightmare come to life. Another factor to consider in if we should be doing this. I am struggling with many issues, and didn't even condsider what if someone gave my husband a call and said guess what! Good luck to you, I don't even know what to say!

[StacyCat 30]

This would be my second worst fear, second to getting an incurable STD.

 

Condoms dont work all the time. Even with perfect use, they can have a 5% failure rate, but their actual failure rate is around 12%, for pregnancy.

 

Everyone should think about this senario before swinging, or before deciding about their personal sexual health. If the couple or female) wasnt taking birth control, then its good that condoms were used. And it should have been discussed before hand, so if something did go wrong then precausions could have been taken.

 

I wish all four of yall the best of luck. All this worrying will probably be for nothing, and yall will have a great bundle of joy in 8 months :-)

[anetrnlov 15]

Quote

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig

I can't imagine how they got pregnant with a condom on!

 

Am I missing something!

 

Like everyone else has said condoms aren't as effective as people would like them to be.

 

Then again either is Birth control. I was on the pill when I got pregnant and had been taking it for about 2 years.

 

My friend's ex-fiance got pregnant while he was using a condom and she was on the pill. Talk about a freak accident. That child REALLY wanted to be born!

 

I do agree with everyone else that your best bet is for everyone involved to use some type of birth control.

[alabamafuntonig 20]

what to do what to do...

 

since you will not know for a while I'm not sure you can do anything. If it is his I can suggest a monthly payment plan with the state you live in for child support! Any other option as far as what I would do would be that!

[anetrnlov 15]

Personally I think the 4 of you need to sit down and be honest with one another about how you feel about this whole thing.

 

You need to consider all options and how it is going to affect all your lives.

 

This is one of those "assume the worst but hope for the best senarios."

 

Sorry if I am not much help.

 

I hope everything works out for the best.

[Lakotarose 15]

Thanks all for the great advice, I have spoken to all 3 of them but not together just kind of going along day to day right now, she goes in for her ultrasound in another month & a half to determine how far along she is & yes I knew she wasn't on her pills her fiance usually knows when she's missed a few but apparently this time he didn't bother checking. My Fiance is in a state of shock becuz everything that was said that night came right back in their faces, I brought up the fact that protection should be used becuz i knew she wasn't on her pills & she brought up the fact that she didn't want anyone to get mad @ anyone if we all were in agreement to this, naturally the men said they were in agreement she agreed but noone bothered asking me if i agreed I quickly downed my drink then glanced over to see Ken with Tia & Joe trying his best to persuade me to encourage him, It was quite the night. When I told my fiance she was pregnant he looked shocked, Tia & I both talked seriously the first time the men tried something & it came back to haunt us. I stated then that if something had occured between all of us that weekend what would've happened if i got knocked up with Joe's baby & her with Ken's? or if we both got knocked up by the same man?! she agreed then that she wouldn't agree to anything if the men should try again but the following weekend she sure jumped on that band wagon awfully fast, she says it was becuz she was drunk. I asked my fiance the night I told him she was Pregnant " I Bet you're glad you used a condom that night huh?" He asked me to repeat myself & when i did he turned away & grunted, I still don't know what to make of that response & when Joe asked Tia if Ken used the condom the whole entire time they were up there she said she doesn't remember if he did or not she was soo drunk she doesn't recall too much other than seeing Joe leave & me following right after, her & ken thought we left to continue in a different room not knowing that joe left the house in his car & i left to the riverbed in my truck & she recalls leaving the room with ken when they finished & then hurting herself by falling down some steps (4 of them) she's fine tho just a badlly sprained ankle that's finally healed. Her & Ken were upstairs an awfully long time that night both Joe & I were surprised. Anyhow I am having everyone here for ken's birthday this month hopefully then I can talk to them all w/o any interuptions, thanks again all....

[sportync 20]

Well, Rose, y'all are still talking and still friends, so why keep worring about something that has already happened? There's absolutely nothing that you can do, now, to prevent what has occured, so make the most of it and enjoy the friendship you have with these folks. They will probably be needing the kind of support you get from friends in the next few months, and if you are pretty comfortable with each other, Joe and Ken might just keep you real busy during the 3rd trimester!! Just think...two horney guys to take care of you for three months....things could be worse, you know. I certianly don't mean to make light of something as important as this is, but hey, another life is coming into the world. That's a good thing! Sportync

[Vjklander 138]

I think sportync is on to something here. Along the lines of "making lemonade out of lemons" or something. I think it would be great for a baby to come into the world with 4 loving 'parents'. Which reminds me of a part of a book. As y'all must know by now, we are big fans of Jean Auel's Earth's Children series of books (the first is Clan of the Cave Bear). In one of the books, There is a clan split into two factions, the river people and the mountain people. They help each other out for planting and harvest and major fishing expeditions etc. They live apart for the spring-fall, but the river people live with the mountain people for the winter. The arrangement is set up so that one couple from the mountain people share quarters with one couple of the river people. They also share pleasures amongst themselves and any children are considered children of all four. On maturity, the children decide to be river or mountain people. That is of course a fairly cursory synopsis, but you get the idea.

[Lakotarose 15]

Yep we're still talking although the thought of the men keeping me busy the last 3 months of her pregnancy well...... I don't think that will be happening. Tia has talked to her fiance and told him to quit trying to sleep with me & even though she's talked to him the past week since her finding out she's pregnant he's still hitting on me really hard & that upsets her. My fiance has still been acting strange since that night but went back to his usual work routine until I've told him she's pregnant I asked him " I bet you're glad you used a condom with her that night then huh?" He asked me to repeat myself & when I did he turned away from me & grunted then made the excuse of returning the rented dvd's we just watched that weren't due back for another 2 days & left he didn't even come right back until an hour & a half later thinking I would've been asleep by then. Right now he's asked me to not talk about that night again so i've respected his wish & kept my mouth shut as for Joe I've told him I am still not comfortable with him flirting with me the way has been ever since we've all found out there's a baby on the way but that just doesnt seem to stop him from trying especially when Tia isn't around he'll try to kiss me or get a quick feel of my breasts. I've told Tia & she's had yet another talk with him but I just don't think he is registering the fact that I am not going to be sleeping with him anytime soon after all he's gotten stage fright 2x & couldn't perform so why would I bother trying again? Oh well as for the baby to be my fiance would have no problems paying child support & help out any which way he can after all he loves children depending on how far along she is & if a paternity test is required & the child is my fiance's then he'll do all he can as for me i know not to blame a child for the sin's of his/her father or mother after all a child is the most innocent being out of something that happened that precautions should've been taken more seriously than it was & since she's pregnant he's been hinting around for me to become pregnant but i'm not going to become pregnant just becuz she is. I want to pursue a career in the computer field plus i've done my share of rasing children since i turned 10, helped raise 2 nephews as well as 2 nieces & still look out for 3 of them especially my youngest niece & my 2 nephews. Those 2 boys are like my younger brothers & my youngest niece has needed me since her mother took up booze & coke & an abusive boyfriend over looking out for her own daughter & her father is none better he's into drug dealing & has hepititas c plus one lung of his collapsed so he's not doing to good plus he forgets her b-day quite often so kids for me is like i've already had them even tho I love our son more than anything I just really don't know if i'd have another. I'm 25 & i'm the youngest in my family of 5 but you wouldn't know it. I grew up in seattle washington, moved here to bc when i was 13, got kicked out when i was 16 becuz i refused to eat onion soup( mom was a coke addict then with an abusive b/f herself) moved back to seattle for a year lived on the streets & took care of myself very good, didn't do drugs or slept around. Ken's the 3rd guy i've ever been with. This is all probably more than y'all wanted to know but I thought i'd share a bit of my life story with you. Thank you all for the advice, as for that movie woke up in reno or whatever that's called..i'm definetly renting that for ken's b-day that way all 3 of us can watch it Thanks again, I really appreciate all the advice you all have to give.

[Lakotarose 15]

Hey all, thought I'd keep you all updated. Since Tia told Joe she was pregnant he seemed fine with it but now he's acting really grumpy towards her & giving her the silent treatment for the past 2 days but acting civil toards me & ken. Joe & ken even went out for a ride to the river to talk about things & Joe told ken that he's been having thoughts lately about this baby not being his but maybe Ken's, ken told him that was his first thought when I told him she is pregnant but he doesn't think that this could be possible. Anyhow Joe has been awfully rude to Tia by telling her she can go get a job after she has this child & he'll take a year off to raise it so she knows what he has to put up with trying to take care of a family of 4 as it is. He's made her cry alot over the past 2 days that it's begining to take it's toll on her but she's too scared to talk to him about his moods & she's getting pretty upset seeing him openly flirt with me and grabbing at me in front of her while he's been basically ignoring her for 2 days going on 3. Ken & I have come to the conclusion that we're going to send them on a date just the 2 of them & watch their daughter for them since her son is at his dad's for the next 3 weeks, they really need to sit down & talk instead of Joe talking to ken or me he needs to talk to her & her always talking to me she needs to talk to him. Her ultra sound has been confirmed for the middle of september & she's keeping her fingers crossed that she's concieved before the 15 th of last month or after the 15th. Anyhow she herself told me that she wouldn't mind if Joe should again try with me when she's further along but I just don't know how i'd feel, after all those 2 times we tried it all out i still didn't feel comfortable. How many times does it take to feel comfortable swinging? Looking forward to all advice given will be greatly appreciated.

[alabamafuntonig 20]

you know ! maybe you should chalk this one up as a learning thing! I dont think i would swing with them in the near future or again after this little mishap!

[Lakotarose 15]

Quote

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig

you know ! maybe you should chalk this one up as a learning thing! I dont think i would swing with them in the near future or again after this little mishap!

 

Well that's what i figured the first time around after this all happened, she says she wasn't planning on getting pregnant but then why didn't she take her pills when she knew the first time the guys were trying to swap partners:confused:. Oh well it's happened & there's no going back that's for sure. The men don't know she messed up by not taking her pills & i don't want to be the one to tell them either although Joe has guessed & said he blames her getting pregnant cause obviously she missed taking her pills a few times not knowing that she wasn't taking them for over a month. Right now they are aguing again & she's coming over here, all this stress on her cannot be good for this baby, they're both not thinking about the baby's health. I am going to tell her that if this keeps up she could end up losing this baby if they don't straighten things out & get rid of the stress, am I right on this?

[J & K 16]

My fiance has still been acting strange since that night but went back to his usual work routine until I've told him she's pregnant I asked him " I bet you're glad you used a condom with her that night then huh?" He asked me to repeat myself & when I did he turned away from me & grunted then made the excuse of returning the rented dvd's we just watched that weren't due back for another 2 days & left he didn't even come right back until an hour & a half later thinking I would've been asleep by then. Right now he's asked me to not talk about that night again

 

Why does this sound so fishy? Seems like nobody remebers that night being drunk, but we think maybe one person does. We been reading everything and too many weird things are going on with 3 people. It might be just us thinking this way and we might be wrong, but we think two folks had sex without the right stuff on and nobody wants to fess up to it. Forgive us if we are wrong, but nobody has brought that idea up yet.

[Lakotarose 15]

Quote

Why does this sound so fishy? Seems like nobody remembers that night being drunk, but we think maybe one person does. We been reading everything and too many weird things are going on with 3 people. It might be just us thinking this way and we might be wrong, but we think two folks had sex without the right stuff on and nobody wants to fess up to it. Forgive us if we are wrong, but nobody has brought that idea up yet.

 

Well My fiance did put on that condom I saw him do that, for one she is the only one who wasn't really protected not taking her pills for over month & as for the condom well no one can tell if something was wrong with it because it went down the drain. We'll never really know for sure until this child is born if she happened to have conceived around the 15th of last month. Tia, Ken & I are pretty much sure that this child is Joe's it is only Joe so far that isn't convinced. I wasn't so sure myself in the beginning but now i am almost 100% sure the child will be Joe's.

[ohio_cpl_4_fun 15]

Sounds to me like alabama needs to read up on different birth control methods. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I think most of us know that "pulling out" won't keep you from getting pregnant.

[alabamafuntonig 20]

Quote

Sounds to me like alabama needs to read up on different birth control methods. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I think most of us know that "pulling out" won't keep you from getting pregnant.

 

Such as the pill and condoms I suppose! Maybe iud or norplant. Ya the sponge too. noxyil 9 and other various creams works too, and abstinence (fool proof) .

 

now to reverberate your point and indulge this (new fish)

You see ya got to have rhythm I suppose, I guess control. I think in my adolescent stages of life I learned some wear the female egg needs to have sperm to be fertilized (correct me if I'm wrong)

 

some can provide, some can control it some cant, try a ovulation chart, a period planer..the body is a funny thing it ovulates 1 egg for 3-4 days a month then cleans it out. as they say you got one shot one opportunity. the sperm can swim and stay alive in some cases 24-48 hours after being deposited in the woman's innerds.

 

i guess some people are just more fertile than others. What works for me may not work for you. But as far as knowing what and how not to get pregnant I'm ok with it. My children were planned and not accidents. And even if there was a "mishap" guess what, you do the deed and plant the seed, you have to let it grow! I'm cool with that! It is not me who needs to read up on things...I'm not going to get pregnant! As a matter of fact I will never become pregnant!

[ionsawmill 86]

I'm not sure, but I think what alabamafuntonig was saying is that even if he is wearing a condom, he still pulls out; not that he relies on this as a primary form of birth control. I think a condom + coitus interuptus would definitely be more effective than a condom alone.

[alabamafuntonig 20]

you are correct. a little of both actually.

 

but if ya don't plant the seed the tree won't grow...

[Lakotarose 15]

Okay Tia & I both know what other forms of birth control that is out there for us as well as for the men, Ken knows that I always take my pill everyday, Joe knew when Tia would miss a day or 2 but once she got back from the states helping his sister out down there for 9weeks & came back saw her doctor got her exam done then a new prescription for her pills she just happened to have forgotten to pick them up immediately 2 weeks late to be exact then she decided to wait until her next period to take them well that was the wrong thing to do becuz she got knocked up, if any of you met her you would think as well that she did this on purpose becuz Joe has been pressuring her to get a job becuz he has been working so hard to provide for the 4 of them (her son, their daughter & the 2 of them) and he's not getting anywhere trying to get all the bills paid & making sure that there is food in the house. She has always tried finding one excuse after another not to work, 1 excuse she always used was that she had no car to get out there to submit resumes and the second one she used when she got a car was noone to watch their daughter, I always volunteered to do this for her but she always found another excuse not to go, the 3rd one was she wanted to have another baby b4 she turns 30 so after the baby then she'd think of finding a job. ONE tooooo many excuses & Joe has even called her on this one telling her that she got what she wanted was another baby so she doesn't have to work so obviously she's messed up on her pills more than once since being back. She has been trying too hard to convince everyone that she didn't plan this to happen but she never told Joe in the first place that she wasn't on her pills for a month, she knows that he would be very ticked off with her if she planned to get pregnant on purpose knowing she wasn't on her pills and being willing and able to sleep with Ken & if the child turned out to be Ken's & not his. He would feel very betrayed on her part for doing this. He's confided in me numerous times that he feels she hasn't been truthful with him about her birth control I feel it's up to her to tell him & not me so i said nothing. But as I said she & I as well as the men know there are other forms of birth control. Thanks for the input keep them coming i'll read every piece of advice you're all willing to give me thanks.

[BettyAnnMBSC 24]

hubby put this into simplest terms early on and has shared the idea with at least one of our playmates...

 

"no birth control method is 100% except abstinence. Since we're obviously not gonna do without -- getting pregnant is a possibility we might have to face. So, if we do, we deal with it and move on. No big deal -- it's part of the lifestyle."

 

[ionsawmill 86]

Originally posted by BettyAnnMBSC

"no birth control method is 100% except abstinence.

 

Tell that to Mary.

[ionsawmill 86]

Quote

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig

you are correct. a little of both actually.

 

but if ya don't plant the seed the tree won't grow...

 

Your eloquence astounds me.

 

[Lakotarose 15]

Hey there everyone, Thank you all for replying & adding your thoughts. I've read every one of them & appreciate what advice was given. Tia is no longer pregnant she had a miscarriage & was pretty upset by this & the news that she was exactly around 10wks pg so that really got the guys thinking about whose child it could've been. Now her & her fiance are trying to have another one but he's been talking non stop about bringing in reinforcements:eek: & with Tia not being on pills she wants only his child but has been awfully flirty with my boyfriend who does flirt back but insists that he wouldn't go any further knowing if he does i'd leave if she ended up with his child instead of her fiance's. Everything got out of hand for a while there but he & I went away for awhile & sort of worked things out & agreed that we don't need this lifestyle @ least I don't. Anyhow just wanted to touch base & let you all know what's been going on. Ciao all 4 now

[wrnakedru 38]

It gets discouraging at times - we all get so involved with a situation someone asks for help with. Start giving our thoughts, sharing our concerns, offering advice, asking questions. Getting more details.

 

And then poof - the person at the core of the situation disappears.

 

And we have no idea how things came out.

 

Could make a person go batty, ya know?

 

So thanks so much for taking the time to come back and update us on this story. I am sure many will be relieved to hear this is what happened in this particular situation.

 

During my "fertile years", I gave birth to two daughters, nearly five years apart. I also had three miscarriages. One between the two births, the other two after the second child. Only the first one was a distressful event, as we had been trying to get pregnant again and it was taking a while.

 

The last two miscarriages were both a relief - almost blessings, actually. The first of those I had become pregnant despite having an IUD - which had somehow ended up actually in my uterus. I was fearful what impact this might have on the child. Plus I had a young baby - and the two would have been only 12 months and 10 days apart if I had carried to full term. Would not have been easy, for sure.

 

The last miscarriage I had was after my ex and I were already in the lifestyle. He had a vasectomy, but I was still fertile. Many in the families of course knew of his vasectomy - and I am sure would not have thought too much of me - or my pregnancy. [ The father actually was an old high school buddy of my ex's so it would have been an awkward thing all around]

 

I did feel rather badly about being so relieved to have lost a child though - and discussed that aspect with my doctor. He told me that although some have miscarriages frequently, and do have physical problems, which is sad - - for the most part, a miscarriage is nature [or God's] way of saying there was something wrong - and the pregnancy could not nor should not have been supported. That made me feel a bit better about my being relieved.

 

I would have had a difficult time of it, if I had been put in the position of having to seek out and have an abortion. Was glad not to have had to make that decision.

 

It doesn't seen that your friend has a firm grasp of things though - and has her own agenda for desiring pregnancy - which has nothing to do with the child actually. Her own selfish motivations are what is driving her - and it is best a child was not brought into that situation. More especially so since the paternal issue was so muddled.

 

I am glad for you too - that bullet got dodged. Also pleased to know you [and your boyfriend] are maintaining some "space" in that relationship. Boy, that situation was literally LOADED with "bad karma"!

 

Continued happiness is wished for you - hopefully unincumbered by the sort of melodrama that pregnancy had already wrought.

 

Take care of yourself, let us hear from you with any updates you may wish to share.

 

Hugs to you and yours!

[b_and_sc 16]

This a VERY scary thing to happen...and just so everyone knows, NOTHING is 100% effective. Even vasectomy has a failure rate of 1 in 1000 or something

 

I'm 2 weeks late and getting worried...I feel for you guys

[Lakotarose 15]

Yeah they are trying again & truthfully I don't hang out with them that often now that my work schedule has been upped to full time & my fiance working F/T as well although he seems to be finding alot more time to go over there to visit her during the mornings & is always talking about her. things are sort of still rough between him & i but he's trying to straighten that out although he sure doesn't like it when Joe & I start talking & playfight the way he & Tia do. Anyhow if anyone has anymore advice please feel free to let me know I appreciate all the advice anyone has to offer.

[LadyCleo 16]

Quote

Originally posted by Lakotarose

although he seems to be finding a lot more time to go over there to visit her during the mornings & is always talking about her. things are sort of still rough between him & i but he's trying to straighten that out although he sure doesn't like it when Joe & I start talking & playfight the way he & Tia do.

 

I would tell him that I am uncomfortable with the relationship and cut them both off. It sounds like he is busy cozying up to her rather than to you.

 

There are lots of other people in this world to be friends and/or play partners with. It does not have to be this particular couple. Especially with your history.

[Lakotarose 15]

Quote

Originally posted by LadyCleo

I would tell him that I am uncomfortable with the relationship and cut them both off. It sounds like he is busy cozying up to her rather than to you.

 

There are lots of other people in this world to be friends and/or play partners with. It does not have to be this particular couple. Especially with your history.

 

Yeah I know all about the swingers clubs & where to look for other couples but that's just not for me, I've talked with Ken & we've split for the time being:bricks: There is still a lot of feelings for me towards him but the way things have been going lately this is for the best all around Tia is once again pregnant, Joe has admitted to her & ken that he's attracted to me more than the sexual sense that hurt her feelings but she's admitted that she sort of feels the same way about Ken. Things just got out of hand & i don't even know how on earth all this even came about considering the fact we've all hung out together for 4 yrs & nothing like this has ever happened before until last summer & then again this summer. I have a F/T job now & have been meeting quite a few interesting gentlemen but i think from this point I'm just gonna take things slow for a while. Thanks again to everyone for all the input & advice like I said i read all of them & take each one into deep consideration. I'm not going to being putting anymore posts on this site as I just am not in this lifestyle even tho I've written on here i was only just looking for the advice on how everyone here first came about doing this & now that I've separated from ken will not be in touch much with tia & joe there really is no need for me to make any more posts here. Thanks again take care all