Should we attempt to swing with friends?

[tmlove 15]

my husband and I have friends that are super HOT and totaly turn us on but they our best friends / Should we play ??? I ,know they want to but because they are our best friends we are scared

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

to The Swingersboard.

 

Point 1: We have best friends. We would not presume, based upon this alone, that they would want to play with us. Have you received any other hints that they are the kind of people who would want to play?

 

Point 2: Supposing you have received hints that they are "players", in the swing lifestyle sense. You play and things go wrong (the guy ends up being clumsy in bed, the woman's nether regions smell like a tuna boat, somebody has a jealous reaction). There goes the friendship down the dumper. You have to consider these hazards.

 

~Michael

[angelkin 1,326]

We tend to keep friends in separate categories, those who we met swinging and those we know outside of swinging. Seems to make like more simple and there's little risk of ruining a friendship. We don't really even do vanilla things with swinger friends.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Glad to have you here!

 

Everyone has their own opinion and what has worked for them, and if you do a search you'll find some other threads on this topic that you might find good reading. For me, the answer is no, don't swing with friends from the nonswinging side of your life. Just too much to go wrong, and lots of swingers out there to choose from instead of trying to make new swingers out of existing friends.

[LifeJoy2012 15]

What about swinger friends becoming regular (vanilla) friends? Seems like if you met a couple for swinging -- based on similar interests, personal chemistry, social compatibility -- those attributes could also be the basis for a regular friendship.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

What about swinger friends becoming regular (vanilla) friends? Seems like if you met a couple for swinging -- based on similar interests, personal chemistry, social compatibility -- those attributes could also be the basis for a regular friendship.

 

Funny story, which I have shared before... my wife and I met a nice couple at a local swingers club, had some common interests and even some vanilla friends in common, generally hit it off. Well, a little while later the Mr of the couple "friended" us on Facebook. Since we had some vanilla friends in common, my wife didn't connect the friend request with the fellow we met at the club. When she did, she hit the roof! She went into a total screaming panic that this guy had friended her. It took me about ten minutes to calm her down and a few days of gentle conversations to get to the heart of the issue. Fundamentally, it turned out, she has the people we meet swinging into a neat little mental box, completely seperate from the rest of her life. When the lines between her worlds blurred, she freaked out.

 

As for me... well, I will confess that running into someone at church, who I frist met in the context of watching her spank my naked wife in front of a dozen onlookers, kind threw me for a loop. But after I put my eyes back into my head and we all dodged the "so how did you guys meet" question, I've been pretty ok with it. My wife remains less comfortable. Given my wife's comfort levels, I don't think we'll ever have folks we met at the club over for coffee (so to speak).

 

In the end, it comes down to what you are comfortable with.

 

I do think it's easier to move people from the "swinging partner" box to the "friend" box then the other way around. Having met them in the context of swinging, it's easy to get connect over the shared vanilla interests. Having shared vanilla interests doesn't usually give the same conversational openings for learning if they would be into swinging. I only have two vanilla friends who I've talked about swinging with... and one of those isn't so much "vanilla" as a "different flavor of freak." I would happly swing with either of them, but they aren't interested. So it goes.

[Alura 2,775]

I always take the wrong side of this issue.

 

We had been playing Euchre with a couple for a couple of years, almost weekly. Over several games, we introduced some sexual jokes or references. They responded with some porn flicks.

 

When they came to our house to play (cards) we played music that might make one horney. Laura liked Johnny Mathis; I was more of a Judy Collins/Joan Baez kind of guy, but we knew Sally was a country fan. We added "Country's Best Love Songs," or some such title. Sex was more often in the conversation.

 

One evening Laura asked, "What do y'all miss most about being single?"

 

Sally: "A cleaner kitchen."

 

Mike: "I could play more golf!"

 

Laura: "Fucking different guys."

 

Nobody was interested in what I had to say, so I said nothing. Laura smiled. Sally was not the type to be struck speechless. "Yeah!" she said. "On the first date!" Mike and I grinned at each other.

 

Laura: "How do y'all feel about swinging? We want to try it."

 

... and the conversation went on from there...

 

Alura

[GspotDPlover 84]

...Fundamentally, it turned out, she has the people we meet swinging into a neat little mental box, completely seperate from the rest of her life. When the lines between her worlds blurred, she freaked out...

 

I always take the wrong side of this issue...

 

Honestly, sometimes I think the hemispheres in women's brains are not linked (yes, yes, I am a chauvinist meany and you are reaching to the keyboard to ridicule my insensitivity with your PC correct high ground). But women in the US have friends and then the men they have sex with. Then they get married and expect their husbands to be their friends. Genius! But I digress.

 

It is unfortunate how compartmentalized and conflicted people are on such matters. The long descent from Puritanism to Secularism on to Neopaganism and other stops along the way in the US is apparent in any topic similar to this one. I think Alura is on the right side of the issue, this time. If you two are swinging, want to swing with this couple, they want to swing with you...what is the problem? This sounds ideal for all of you. This seems silly, the fear that you will loose your friends if you start playing with them. Sure you might loose them over some unexpected jealously or other swapping related matter, but you might loose them over a poor exchange of christmas gifts, or fender-bender, or politics, or a squash match. Now if you are attracted to your friends the buttoned-up but very fit Amish couple you want to sleep with, then you would be wise to never tell them you want to fuck them or you will loose them as friends and be the subject of their church prayer tomorrow. But this couple is not Amish, they are hot swingers like you! Friends you can be your dirty selves around and not hide your enjoyment of other sex partners. Friends who share the common interest in sleeping with you both.

 

Well, if things fall apart, feel free to file a lawsuit against me if you like. But keep in mind I am broke.

[Just Passing By 140]

The overwhelming odds are on the side of don't hit on your Vanilla friends.

 

If you already knew they were swingers , or at least freaky in some sense you could think bout it , but still not an automatic green light.

 

The reverse is a lot easier. We made clear that in public to give aperence of *normal* friends , never had any problems with that.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Only if you are willing to risk losing their friendship.... and of course, only if they are actually interested in swinging.

 

Swinging with besties could be the best thing to happen to your friendship or it could be the worst. Sadly, you won't know which way things will fall until after the fact.

[wantin2play540 15]

All very good advice! we have made many new "friends" in this lifestyle, most we dont even play with for different reasons, we did have a cookout this past weekend w/ our new swinger friends but this was a family event! w/ drinking involved everyone behaved themselfs, I think that they can as long as the rules are "laid" down before any event and everone understands them

[M&S 266]

This is a very tough call - classic high risk high reward. We have a set of very close vanilla friends who have expressed a strong interest in swinging (they are our only friends who know we do) but so far we have not encouraged it. We really like them, and find them sexy but would not want to jeopardize our friendship if things went poorly and are also nervous that if things spent south they may "out" us which we don't want.

 

I guess to me it comes down to two things. First is it worth the risk to the friedship for an admittedly, great upside and secondly, are they sufficently mature that if it did not go well, they would respect your privacy

[drinnt 201]

This is a very tough call - classic high risk high reward. We have a set of very close vanilla friends who have expressed a strong interest in swinging (they are our only friends who know we do) but so far we have not encouraged it. We really like them, and find them sexy but would not want to jeopardize our friendship if things went poorly and are also nervous that if things spent south they may "out" us which we don't want.

 

I guess to me it comes down to two things. First is it worth the risk to the friedship for an admittedly, great upside and secondly, are they sufficently mature that if it did not go well, they would respect your privacy

 

As any seasoned swinger knows NOTHING EVER TURNS OUT AS YOU THINK IT WILL. If all four people are aware that there are things that they DON'T KNOW THEY DON'T KNOW and still want to try swinging then GO FOR IT! Just be AWARE IN ADVANCE that shit is gonna come up. It will be shit you now have to deal with to keep your "friendship" on track. If it goes well you will be closer, if it has bumps it will create a strain where there is now none.

 

Odds are pretty damn good (in our experience) that out of FOUR PEOPLE, at least one is going to have some adverse emotional reaction at SOME POINT. It will be an emotional situation that you as "friends" are not used to dealing with in your relationship - you may determine that it's too much work and thus you may choose to see eachother less or not at all.

 

THAT IS THE RISK. The reward is well worth it. Friends come and go - enjoy them while you can. If the SHTF then it would have anyway eventually.

[bogeyman 32]

The only one we ever did it with was my best friend that was 30 years ago almost to the month. We are still good friends today although he is now married with more than a hand full of kids. Not sure if he'd do it today, but I think the wife could probably coerce him into it. We've talked about those days over email several times. He seems open to it but I'm just not sure. Maybe we'll get there some day.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

Bring up the idea of swinging/swapping/watching and listen to the reaction. If it's positive you might be in luck. The next step is if they would want to experience that with you and your boyfriend/husband.

[HanAndLeia 67]

My only experience with swapping killed a friendship.

 

We talked about it and they were like "yeah totally, let's do this" and we were like "you sure" and they were like "yeah we're all mature adults". And then we did it, (not vaginal intercourse, just traded blows), and then they just disappeared, dropped off the map, didn't return any phone calls. Found out years after that after we swapped, they got a divorce. They were friends for 15 years and then one day, poof, just didn't want to talk to us anymore. So weird.

 

I personally would love to have a dedicated couple for swapping. I'm not really interested in strangers. I want just maybe one other woman in addition to my wife, and we're close to that couple and we stay swappers for a long time.

 

So while I prefer to swap with close friends, it seems the one time we tried it, the friendship died, (rather quickly). Though the death of the friendship seemed more like just collateral damage from their marriage falling apart. Apparently she was also sleeping with like 10 other guys and he didn't even know it.

 

Sorry, rambling now.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

My only experience with swapping killed a friendship.

 

We talked about it and they were like "yeah totally, let's do this" and we were like "you sure" and they were like "yeah we're all mature adults". And then we did it, (not vaginal intercourse, just traded blows), and then they just disappeared, dropped off the map, didn't return any phone calls. Found out years after that after we swapped, they got a divorce. They were friends for 15 years and then one day, poof, just didn't want to talk to us anymore. So weird.

 

I personally would love to have a dedicated couple for swapping. I'm not really interested in strangers. I want just maybe one other woman in addition to my wife, and we're close to that couple and we stay swappers for a long time.

 

So while I prefer to swap with close friends, it seems the one time we tried it, the friendship died, (rather quickly). Though the death of the friendship seemed more like just collateral damage from their marriage falling apart. Apparently she was also sleeping with like 10 other guys and he didn't even know it.

 

Sorry, rambling now.

 

If you know you get attached, finding one other woman may lead to a lot of problems with jealousy and confusion. I think it's a recipe for disaster. I'd suggest finding a handful of people and rotating through them so you are less likely to get attached.

[mde 4764 15]

When I was part of a couple, we met a couple as swingers, and became best friends as well. As they said, we were vertical and horizontal friends.