Husband wants threesome but has jealousy issues

[Bambi 15]

My husband would like to see me with another man and him in a 3 way. The reason I am confused is that he has a jealousy factor. I do not understand why he wants to do this considering he gets jealous when I talk to other men? Can he change his jealousy factor with in a week just like that?

 

I think it would be cool to have two men. My problem is how do I know he will not get jealous if we tried it.

 

We got into a big fight over this yesterday.

 

Should I wait and see how is when it comes to me talking to men to see if he gets jealous? Any suggestions on how I can test him?

[danc694u 19]

Bambi,

 

Run!!!! Run far away!!!

 

Something doesn't sound right here, I'm sorry. But, I'm the really paranoid part of this couple. And for the life of me (I'm male) I can't understand this behavior.

 

While I can't give advice on this Bambi. I will state that I would be very concerned, if it were me.

[SexhoundDog 18]

Bambi,

Since I'm only living vicariouly off these stories so far,my opinion may not be worth much in the eyes of the old pros. I'd almost suggest that you approach cautiously so as to get how the old man really feels. For instance, maybe do some heavy passionate kissing with the introduced person and maybe let them feel your tits. Then try to catch eye contact with him to see how he's reacting. Your question also begets another question. Does he have an individual in mind for the 3 way? If so, is this a friend of his or total stranger? If he's wanting to see you in a 3 way but you say he's the jealous type, I've got to believe he would want it to be with him and someone he knows and likes. I've had visions of my wife doing oral sex with a few friends of mine (which she likes as well), but for some reason the fantasy is a bit foggier imagining men I don't know. Anyway, if it looks like he's gettin a rise in his levis, go another step further and start rubbing the other guys crotch outside his pants. If he still appears cool, you be da' judge from there!

[Alura 2,775]

Wow, Bambi! This sounds scary as hell to me. It's true we need to know a lot more about the situation to make valid suggestions.

 

You said you got in a big fight over this... Was it a violent fight? Does he ever hit you in any way? When he shows his jealousy, does he sometimes get violent? Does he own a gun?

 

If any of these are true, you should not even consider playing, even if it's his idea. I have a female friend (non physical) who used to be married to a jealous man. He'd accuse her of the most innane impossible things and rant and rave for hours. He never laid a hand on her until the evening he damn near beat her to death. She ran to an abused women's shelter that night and never returned. They're divorced but she still worries about him sneaking in in the middle of the night and killing her.

 

If he ever gets violent, you need to get the hell out of there NOW. It won't get better. If you are not ready for that, pack a small bag with a few days supply of clothes and a couple of hundred dollars, if you can, and leave it at a friend's house, just in case.

 

If you're absolutely sure he won't get violent, the answer, it seems to me, is the same one we see so much on this board. You need to learn to communicate with him.

 

You say you don't understand why he wants to have a threesome when he's so jealous. Tell HIM you don't understand that and find out! Tell him you won't consider it unless he proves to you that the jealousy us a thing of the past.

 

Please keep in touch through this forum. I think several folks who contribute here are seriously concerned about you.

 

Cheers,

Husband of Alura

[LIZA 20]

Well it is possible he is just bringing up the idea of another man to see what your answer will be if he is truly so jealous.

 

This is a trick women usually use but I guess men probably do too!

[CanadianCouple 18]

Originally posted by Alura:

I have a female friend (non physical) who used to be married to a jealous man. He'd accuse her of the most insane impossible things and rant and rave for hours. He never laid a hand on her until the evening he damn near beat her to death. She ran to an abused women's shelter that night and never returned. They're divorced but she still worries about him sneaking in in the middle of the night and killing her.

 

Wow, isn't this a bit of a stretch putting all that in, since the original post only mentioned they "had a big fight"? How many people in here who are one half of a committed couple can claim they've never had a "big fight"?

 

I know you mean well, but the next time you and your wife have an argument I doubt you'd appreciate a third party warning your wife about your possible violent/homicidal tendencies, simply because you're a man.

[Stratecpl 19]

Bambi,

 

I would truly be concerned about the jealousy. Maybe he's not the violent type at all, but he is STILL jealous. Proceed very cautiously, and discuss it in detail with him. Make sure you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's into this. And make sure that you do only what you're comfortable with doing! Far too many spouses get pushed into things they really don't want to do, just so the other can get their jollies. I agree, a threesome would be great, but make sure it doesn't cost you a marriage!!

 

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[Alura 2,775]

I think you're right, Ron, there is a lot for Bambi and her husband to explore and discuss, IF he's not violent. If he is, I agree with Danc: She needs to run like hell. She does NOT need to join in a threesome at this stage of her relationship, whether he has been violent or not!

 

Sorry, Dan. I'm standing pat on this. It is not a "reach" if the guy's violent which, of course, we don't know. I didn't say he's violent, I asked. If you had visited our friend in the hospital and had seen the damage done the first time her husband "got physical..." Well, I don't know you so I don't know what you'd think...

 

Incidentally, in 22 years my wife and I have not shouted at each other nor called each other names. We've often said, "I don't agree..." and sat down and talked it out, but we've NEVER had a "fight."

 

Cheers,

Proud Husband of Alura

[Bambi 15]

The argument was over the 3 sum with one of the employees at work.. I told my husband serveral times no one from work. They all have big mouths and I do not want to have to face them after donig the 3 sum.

Seee my husband and I work together in the same place but different departments.

[CanadianCouple 18]

Originally posted by Bambi:

The argument was over the 3 sum with one of the employees at work.

 

Fine, but the husband of Alura wants to know if your husband has ever hit you, threatened to hit you, or if he owns a gun. He apparently inferred a great deal from your disclosure that you had an argument with your husband. Perhaps you can set his mind at ease.

[Stratecpl 19]

Bambi,

 

It would be wise to exercise caution when it involves anyone from the work place. We are in a similar predicament at our gym where my wife and I go regularly. There is a nice fellow there who we both know and like. He's big and handsome, and single. We'd love to have him in a threesome MFM, but he's a big talker. If we mentioned it to him and he didn't go for it or was offended, we'd never be able to show our faces again without knowing everyone there was knowledgeable of our "hobbies."

 

On the other hand, if this man was trustworthy, it would be very convenient. If, on a whim, you and your husband decided the night needed some warming up, you could ask him at work and then it would be very easy to arrange.

 

If problems ever arose, though, someone might have problems in the workplace, whether it was due to either love or jealousy. Employment is something to also consider.

 

I'm sorry for sounding negative here, but first PLEASE talk this out. CAREFULLY. If it works out you'll enjoy great times. If not, at least be able to end it with dignity.

 

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[danc694u 19]

Originally posted by Bambi:

The reason I am confused is that he has a jealousy factor. I do not understand why he wants to do this considering he gets jealous when I talk to other men?

 

Abuse aside. Let's get back to the facts of this post....The Big Green Eyed Monster that no one has addressed within this argument.

[Alura 2,775]

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:

 

Fine, but the husband of Alura wants to know if your husband has ever hit you, threatened to hit you, or if he owns a gun. He apparently inferred a great deal from your disclosure that you had an argument with your husband. Perhaps you can set his mind at ease.

 

Well put, Dan, although I wish I'd not included the gun. Guns don't kill people, people do, and anyone who wants to hurt someone will do it with a toothpick if that's all they have available.

 

I guess the problem here is that "a big fight" seems more serious than an argument to me. Maybe to Bambi, an argument is a big fight.

 

Assuming your husband is a teddy bear who has never scared you, Bambi, you might consider hooking up with another couple. That way each of the four people could sit out and watch a threesome, one of the many advantages of playing with couples.

 

A couple once told me that swinging solved all jealously problems for them. That's reason enough to do it, in my opinion, but I, too, would be really careful about playing with someone you can't easily stay away from, especially if they have a big mouth.

 

Cheers,

Husband of Alura

[CanadianCouple 18]

Husband of Alura --

 

I feel compelled to explain to you why I seem a bit touchy on this subject.

 

First of all, no man EVER has a justifiable reason for striking a woman, ever. I'm proud to say that during my 44 years on this earth, I never have. However, I feel the very real issue of domestic abuse has been bastardized and mis-used by certain groups who seek to capatalize on this subject by using it to push their own agendas.

 

As our handle implies, we live in Canada. In December of 1989, a terrible crime took place in the University of Montreal. A mentally deranged man named Marc Lepine, armed with a rifle, entered a classroom and after ordering all the male students to leave, proceeded to shoot 14 young women to death before taking his own life. As tragic as this was, it was further compounded by the outrageous smearing in the media of men in general. Men here were barred from attending candlelight vigils. U of M male students who attempted to express their shock and grief over the murders were shouted down by outraged women, many of whom accused the male students of passive complicity soley because of their gender. Feminist groups publically claimed this was typical behaviour of men in general. An all-out propaganda war was declared against men in Canada, and the press, fearful of being tarred with the same brush feminists used against men, cowtowed under the assault. Each year since, feminist groups have used the anniversary to again spew their hatred for men. And each year the same gutless media allows it.

 

A few years ago, it was proposed that doctors in Canada be required to ask all female patients who visited their offices for any reason if they're being abused by their partners. Not just suspected cases of such, but during ALL visits. If your wife Alura visted her MD for a breast exam, imagine her being quizzed by her doctor on whether or not you beat her, or she feels threatened by you in any way. The law didn't pass (thank God), but it illustrated to what extent hysteria can travel over a particular issue that's in vogue at the moment.

 

I love and cherish women as much as any man, but I have a problem with them being treated like retarded children. These are adults who have a wide spectrum of organizations available to them should they find themselves in a violent situation, or one they have reason to believe may become one. By the way, my wife Janette was incensed at the proposed law I mentioned, she found it personally insulting and condensending.

 

I mention all this to you so hopefully you can understand why I was a bit upset at what seemed an overreaction on your part to Bambi's first post.

 

Dan

[Alura 2,775]

Hey, Dan!

 

Thanks for the explanation. It brings the things you wrote previously into perspective.

It seems to me folks always overreact to any outrageous act. That's understandable, right or wrong. I don't understand why we keep electing fools who think the answer to every social problem is to pass another law, and there is no explaining the media...

 

I keyed immediately into the jealously issue in Bambi's letter. Perhaps that was a mistake in this case, but jealously makes people do ugly things.

 

We have a jealous ex-lover "on the lam" here in Oklahoma at this writing. His girlfriend excaped him to the home of a family friend who gave her shelter. Loverboy went there, killed the good samaritan and kidnapped the lady. She escaped after a couple of days and he ran off into the woods. Now there's a huge posse searching Cherokee County's back country and it isn't over yet...

 

It's not just men. There are women out there who are willing to ventilate their man's chest with a .38 if she thinks he's seeing another woman. We had one of those here not long ago...

 

Our favorite charity is DVIS (Domestic Violence Intervention Services). They do wonderful work, at the risk of their own lives. Domestic violence is a huge problem. Too often, jealously is the root cause.

 

Thanks again,

Husband of Alura

[Stratecpl 19]

Wow, Dan and Alura! These are prime examples of how people's minds can get off on tangents and do the worst scenario things. Very sad but they sometimes happen. We certainly don't want them recurring, anywhere, any time!!

 

I guess the jealousy is the worst creature out there. It thrives on half-truths and demented ideas, and can only bring about more bad things. Maybe in some extreme situations, no amount of communication can break this barrier down.... but any sane, intelligent person can understand the other's point of view if he or she listens.

 

Communication between two people, especially two MARRIED spouses, is free. It costs no money, but is worth all the gold in the Black Hills. It should always be our first choice, our ultimate tool, to better and happier marriages and even our very lives (in general). Not to mention how it affects swinging!

 

Just my two cents, for what it's worth!!

 

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[Alura 2,775]

Communication between two people, especially two MARRIED spouses, is free. It costs no money, but is worth all the gold in the Black Hills. It should always be our first choice, our ultimate tool, to better and happier marriages and even our very lives (in general). Not to mention how it affects swinging!

 

Just my two cents, for what it's worth!!

[danc694u 19]

I'm still concerned about the jealousy comment!

 

If it's so bad that he acts this way with her just looking at someone. What's going to happen when she gets nailed by another man? Even with his blessing. Even with him watching.

 

We're talking about 2 extremes here. He gets pissed at her for looking at a man. But, wants her to have sex with another man? What's up with that?

 

How many of you on this board get pissed at your spouse for looking at someone of the opposite sex?

 

Of course, he could be BI. And, only wants to share her with men he finds sexually attractive.

 

David --- the Anal One

[Alura 2,775]

Originally posted by danc694u:

 

I'm still concerned about the jealousy comment!

 

If it's so bad that he acts this way with her just looking at someone. What's going to happen when she gets nailed by another man? Even with his blessing. Even with him watching. We're talking about 2 extremes here.

 

That's what concerns me too, David. Bambi has, in my opinion, a potentially volatile situation on her hands in which she's unlikely to be able to do the right thing in her husband's eyes, no matter which path she follows. Add that to the fact that they all work together and the other guy has a big mouth... I can't see why she'd even consider it! Unfortunately, we still don't know enough to assess the situation; only Bambi does.

[danc694u 19]

Originally posted by Alura:

 

That's what concerns me too, David. Bambi has, in my opinion, a potentially volatile situation on her hands in which she's unlikely to be able to do the right thing in her husband's eyes, no matter which path she follows

 

What Bambi is describing, borders on manic behavior. GO GO GO...STOP STOP STOP. This guy appears to have some serious issues here that need to be addressed OUTSIDE of this lifestyle, not from within.

 

One thing is for sure! This lifestyle has 2 very profound effects on couples. They will either become closer, or they will wind up another statistic for divorce court.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I can see a couple of possibilities here.

 

1. Sometimes those who are jealous in general do ok as long as they are in control of the situation.

= I have some friends where the woman is extremely jealous. She gets jealous when she catches him checking out women at a restaurant. However, when a situation came up where she was able to pick the girl they all had a great (jealousy-free) time together.

 

2. Liza's option - he may be trying to test you to see how you will respond.

 

3. He may be trying to get you to do this as a set up. And if you go through with it, it may become something he holds against you later for whatever reason.

 

None of us can tell you what is going on in his head. You know him best (we hope).

[LIZA 20]

Here is something I have to add.

 

For about the first 18 months we were into swinging, I was extremely jealous. I would get upset and angry at times about experiences we had had and how my husband acted/what he did, did he find her more attractive, etc...Then a few days or weeks later, I (always me) would bring up the topic of trying again and we would try again. Then go thru the jealousy again after!

 

I was very conflicted about the whole thing (and still am to a lesser extent) I wanted to, but didn't and I had a very hard time reconciling those opposite feelings.

 

However during this time, if my husband talked to another person about my erratic behavior, I don't think they would have told him I was a maniac, or to RUN to a battered men's shelter, or ask if I had a gun, etc.

 

Maybe Bambi's husband is just going thru the same sort of conflicts I did. But somehow because he is a man that makes him dangerous?

[danc694u 19]

Originally posted by LIZA:

I don't think they would have told him I was a maniac...snipped... But somehow because he is a man that makes him dangerous?

 

The word was manic. Not maniac. They are 2 related, but very different terms. Manic behavior is shown by everyone from time to time. It does not imply they are a maniac.

 

But, they can both be equally dangerous under the right conditions. Especially when you involve another person, that may further aggravate/escalate the behavior.

 

It's not tied to one specific kind of emotion. And the results will vary from scenario to scenario. Slap a real sh***y day with it, you've got the makings of a bar room brawl. Or, a suicide.

[LIZA 20]

Yes I'm aware of the difference in MANIAC and MANIC!

 

I don't see anywhere in Bambi's very brief posts anything to indicate her husbands mental state if he is suffering from Mania or Manic-depressive psychosis. She really has not told us much of ANYTHING, other than he gets very jealous if she talks to other men and he has suggested a threesome with a co-worker.

 

What I was trying to say was that I could relate to her husband as I behaved in a very similar way, first being jealous and angry about swinging, then bringing it up and pursuing it again. I was conflicted, not dangerous. But everyone here has jumped on her very few words to turn this man into a wife-beating, gun-toting, life-threatening MANIAC! I was merely pointing out that it's possible he is just going thru the same conflicts I did.........BUT because he is a guy there is an assumption made he is now dangerous

[Bambi 15]

What I can gather about his jealousy is that he feels like he is not good enough for me and I would find someone better than him.

 

By the way no we do not own any guns, no he has not hit me, and no I do not have to run because he is not that kind of violent person.

[Alura 2,775]

Wonderful! Thanks for that vital information. With that "problem" non-existant, our advice would be:

 

1. Forget the loose lipped guy at work.

2. Talk the whole thing through before you act. Once you've agreed on the course of action, plot it together and work together to make it happen. The "chase" can be fun!

3. Constantly reassure your husband of his good looks, technique, intelligence, your love and devotion. Don't let a day go by without saying, I love you."

4. Consider a married couple to help you realize your fantasies. Your husband should be less threatened by a man who is committed.

 

That's our advice. It's free. Does that give you some idea of what it's worth?

 

Cheers and Smiles,

Alura

[lycioos 16]

If he's not sure of himself and feels he not good enough for her, wouldn' swinging just draw a deeper wedge between them? Everyone here has always agreed that you must have a good solid marriage that is STRONG before you can swing. If he isn't feeling adequet enough for her it isn't strong, therefore swinging will fuel the fire and he may even turn on her with the thoughts that "so and so can satisfy you better then me, I'm oughta here." Jealous tendencys can go either way at any time. I would work those issues out with him first and be sure that you have, before going anywhere with the topic of swinging.

[Stratecpl 19]

Alura,

 

Wonderful advice!! I was sitting here laughing to myself because my wife always uses #3 on me...Of course, I think she means it, so there's no misunderstandings or anything between her and me... LOL (poor delusioned woman)

 

And I also agree, forget the guy with the big mouth. If possible, go with a couple, there's more fun and excitement there. But definitely talk it all over, reassure each other constantly, because that's what a great marriage and a great loving life involve.

 

Bambi, good luck. It's only natural for anyone to feel those twinges of jealousy. I have felt them, my wife has felt them, every one of us here have felt them... but they work out just fine as long as you two can discuss them and then enjoy the fabulous sex you two will have together afterwards.

 

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[lycioos 16]

I guess now I am confused. Jelousy is jelousy. I'm not sure I understand why it is o.k. just because someone says they think they are inadequet. First all of you were giving the advice of WOOOOOOOO hold it. Now its all systems go because of the type of jelousy. Maybe it's because I've never had to deal with it, but would someone please explain to me the differenc??

[MattMann 17]

From my experience I can say that it is entirely possible to be jealous about your wife being interested in other men AND to not be jealous in a swinging situation. I was very jealous of previous sexual partners my wife had before I had even met her and if I found out she had been seeing or even e-mailing other men about have sex behind my back I would be just as jealous. This may very well stem from insecurities I may have. But I can tell you that I have experienced no jealous feelings from our swinging together. I can't pretend to know the psychological reasons for such seemingly paradoxical behavior, but I feel it may have to do with my being in control of the situation (I always do all the emailing and setting up of meetings and finding the couples, so maybe I don't feel she is out looking for a replacement, just going along with what I have already put in place). Also, the fact that we swing together and in the same room, so I know what is going on more or less and don't have to imagine the scenario taking place as I do for her past lovers. The conclusion I reach is that having sex with another person does not harm your relationship or marriage, it is the lying and cheating and betrayal felt from them that cause the hurt feellings and anger. Maybe your husband feels this too and would like to try the excitement of seeing you with another man without the loss of control and feelings of things going on behind his back that finding you having sex with another man would bring.

[lycioos 16]

I really appreciate that. That explains a lot to me. I just couldn't understand the reason behind the sudden changes in feelings, but what mattmann said makes sense to me. Thanks for clarifying that up.

 

Bambi, just take it slow and be sure before you begin!!!

[Alura 2,775]

Hi, Y'all!

 

Some may recall that on the 13th I wrote of a jealous lover who killed a guy, kidnapped his abused girlfriend, (who later escaped), and ran off into the woods.

 

They captured him without bloodshed yesterday. He was hiding in a chicken house. Guess who was with him? The abused girlfriend! Both are in jail now, he for murder, she for aiding and abetting a fugitive.

 

This has nothing to do with Bambi. Just thought y'all might like to hear "the rest of the story."

 

Cheers,

Husband of Alura

[LIZA 20]

One thing few people seem to accept or acknowledge here is that jealousy is a completely normal human emotion.

 

Insane jealousy that leads to murder, no. But a marriage completely devoid of a LITTLE jealousy at times hardly seems normal either.

 

I'm not even talking about in swinging situations only, but in all aspects of life it's perfectly normal to feel a twinge of it now and then

[cpl4fun 15]

Bambi,

I met a girl about 8 months ago who has a boyfriend. They are both swingers, but only with a few close couples. She told me that he is a very jealous type when they go out to your average bars, restaurants, etc. But, when it comes to the LIFESTYLE with other couples, or at swinging clubs, he is completely ok with everything. I thought this was strange, but the way she described was that he is comfortable if he's present, because he knows it's just SEX. He gets jealous when she flirts with other guys in bars, etc. because the guys might be looking for something more permanent. It sounds strange, but that is how she explained it. It's possible that your man might not be threatened by the guys you choose, as long as he is an acting participant.

[sexypairca 41]

Bambi, do NOT even think of going there! If you don't mind having your career come to a crashing halt and want to stay in the same position for the rest of your life, then go ahead and do it with the office loudmouth - this could cause future problems with workplace harassment - you did it with that guy, so if you want that promotion or raise, or if your HUSBAND wants that promotion or raise, you may be expected to spread your legs! Workplace harassment is a crime, but why set yourself up to be a victim of it?!!

 

You cannot unfuck someone, and you have already mentioned you are leery of office gossip.

 

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, BUT play at work makes Jack unemployed.

[Bambi 15]

Hello again, This time the question is about being possesive. I feel like I might be a little possesive with my hubby. I have been trying to work through this and been doing fine for now. I am wondering how to over come this part of me fully?

[4sum 15]

Wait a sec.

 

Wasn't your last post about HIS jealousy issues? Have you guys played at all yet?

 

Not that feelings of possessiveness, jealousy, or insecurity are ever all one person's in a relationship, but the answer is pretty much the same from both sides of the relationship. If there are issues, you need to discuss them with EACH OTHER before you can really arrive at a comfortable place.

 

Even then, sometimes feelings you've dealt with will creep back in, but if you keep communicating, you can pretty much head things off before the become serious problems.

[Bambi 15]

No, we have not played yet. He has been working on his jealousy factor which is great.

 

On the play scene we have not met a couple yet. It seems most that had responded to our ads only wanted to trade pictures. So like I have suggested to him in the past we should go to a swing club. At least we can see what the people are like instead of going through these goofy ads.

[danc694u 19]

In all fairness, I think we all have a touch of that in us. It's handled a bit easier than the jealousy issue is though IMO.

 

I doubt anyone else will agree with this comment. But, you can side-step some of this issue, by allowing your "insecure" partner to do the choosing of couples, places, and times. But since you're both having issues...that's not a workable deal.

 

Taking you to task here now You guys are playing a very dangerous game trying to get around 2 very complex emotions, without getting the "real" issues on the table.

 

One of you has jealous tendencies, the other is possesive. You guys really need to sit down and discuss these issues with each other. Address each others concerns, state WHY you feel this way, even if it pisses you off!!

 

ALL good marriages have arguements, in some cases very bad arguements. The differance is, they don't take it personally. They allow each other to voice their concerns, even if it pisses them off. If we stayed PO'd for disagreeing with each other. We would be pissed almost 24/7. But we both realize, we're a team! If we can't find a common playing field, there will be no game (read relationship).

 

There will come a point in time, when you realize that the "real" issue is whether or not you trust each other. And this is when you'll decide to "play the game" or get a divorce.

 

Some additional advice: You're going to be taken to task here by a lot of people. The reason being, you guys haven't really worked out all of your issues/concerns. But, don't let a few biting words deter you from coming here for advice and comment.

 

Based on your post, I would go as far as to say you guys are nowhere near ready to "swing". But you've let the genie out of the bottle, so you need to discuss it with each other rationaly, and to complete resolution. In other words, now is the time to be totally honest with each other and decide whether this is going to happen, at all.

 

Good Luck

[M&B 21]

I think that the two of you need to make a contract: no swinging. At least for now.

 

Your possessiveness is not necessarily insecurity. Remember, traditionally marriage is an exclusive arrangement. We can't own each other, but, agree to commit to each other. When you consider the idea of stepping outside this concept, all of your upbringing and society's messages conflict with your desires. Its normal to feel this way.

 

But, you have these desires. That's a starting point. We all know this feeling!!

 

If you go to a party or club, just go and have fun with each other. Don't wander, don't touch, no nothing, no nada. Watch, maybe. But that's all.

 

What you may see may be exactly what you are looking for. Then again, you may find exactly what is wrong for you. In that case, you can leave- never to return. You have limited the impact on you relationship.

 

If you find it more enticing, go again. Test each others feelings, often. Any inkling of doubt, stay out. It ain't worth it. You will still have your own private parties!

 

If your mutual feeling is positive, then its really worth it! Then, the parties are more crowded!!

 

There a lots of people on this board that found it easy to slide into the lifestyle. Many, too, eased into it. Most, obviously, like what they got out of it. You may, too.

 

M

[hotclubcpl4u 15]

My husband and I are very new to this lifestyle and so far have very little experience, however the one thing that we do know (and practice) is very open and honest discussions....lengthy and ultimately, very erotic for both of us.... I would say, that if you can't even disuss this subject without "a big fight" as a result, that "run for your life" is very good advice. This lifestyle is for the benefit of both partners, and if one person feels in the least bit uncomfortable in any way, then it definitely off limits and time for more open and totally honest discussion. The couple and the love that you have for each other always comes first. Never do anything that will jeopardize that, otherwise your motives and the end result will be a disaster. And NEVER do anything just to please someone else!!

[10thBadger 25]

On 1/12/2002 at 10:36 PM, Alura said:

I think you're right, Ron, there is a lot for Bambi and her husband to explore and discuss, IF he's not violent. If he is, I agree with Danc: She needs to run like hell. She does NOT need to join in a threesome at this stage of her relationship, whether he has been violent or not!

 

Sorry, Dan. I'm standing pat on this. It is not a "reach" if the guy's violent which, of course, we don't know. I didn't say he's violent, I asked. If you had visited our friend in the hospital and had seen the damage done the first time her husband "got physical..." Well, I don't know you so I don't know what you'd think...

 

Incidentally, in 22 years my wife and I have not shouted at each other nor called each other names. We've often said, "I don't agree..." and sat down and talked it out, but we've NEVER had a "fight."

 

Cheers,

Proud Husband of Alura

If you don’t know he’s violent, why would you even approach it that way. It’s almost like you’re writing the story yourself when this person never said anything about him being violent. Wow I agree with Canadian couple, you were way out on a limb to reach that theory of yours of violence