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Hi, me and Mrs. Nightvoyeur are going to have our first soft swap experience soon. We have been married 21 years and only been with each other. We are of course starting in to this slowly and would like to hear any advise anyone might have on the subject. We are both just turned 40 and are in great shape for our age. Hoping to find some information for dealing with jealousy just in case.

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The best advice is to just go slow and enjoy every little thing. As far as jealousy, keep things fun. It's going to be tempting to get really involved intimately because of the newness but that could make one, or both, of you a little jealous to see. So, at least until you get accustomed to seeing each other with someone else, keep the activities more on the fun side.

 

If the other couple are newbies too then a game of truth or dare might be a comfortable way to see your spouses doing things in an unthreatening setting.

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For us, setting clear boundaries and communicating them with the other couple was key. As well, for our first non-club soft swap experience we found that a game helped ease the awkwardness of transitioning form "normal" social conversation to the sexual - we used a game by greatsexgames.com. I think it was Sexploration - it was a DVD based game where players answer sexual questions or do sexual dares. The game is designed for 2 or more couples and can be set for dares to have erotic acts within the couple only or within the couple and between the women (bisexual option). It does not go further into play between the couples than that but their other games do.

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Thank you for the advise. We plan to keep things fun and lighthearted, we have set our boundaries and have a game in mind as well to break the ice so to speak. Sounds like we have the basics covered. One other thing though. My wife has confided in me that she is afraid the other woman will be prettier than her. My wife is pretty by any ones standards (she has younger, hot girls hitting on her all the time) I have told her how pretty she is and she has nothing to worry about as far as someone else getting my attention more than her. Is there any ideas on how to make her more secure with her body?

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First off, :Welcome:

 

Have you met your potential playmates yet? How did you meet them? What has lead you to wanting to swing?

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Yes we have met our first playmates. They are mutual friends of ours. We have known them for many years. We think soft swinging would be fun, exciting, adventurous and spice up our sex life. We both realize how excited another person can make you just because of the newness regardless of how much you love your partner and both feel that our marriage is bound together by more than monogamous sex. We have a strong relationship and a great marriage and wouldn't trade that for anything but feel that we can have fun with this and not affect our marriage in a negative way. Very interested in the book by the way. I think it would answer most all our questions.

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I would suggest you proceed with caution. Ask yourselves (and ask this question as a foursome since it sounds like the potential for swinging has already been discussed) if this is worth risking your friendship over? If you can go in with the lines of communication wide open among you all you will have a better chance at avoiding the pitfalls of awkwardness the next day. Since they are already friends I can also see where there is a higher potential for jealousy. Again, make sure everyone is communicating openly and honestly together. Unfortunately, there is no way to predict what may happen or how people might change after an encounter, and those are risks you take. When it comes to newbies playing with friends is definitely a risky prospect.

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You were doing really good up until you mentioned friends. Really bad idea. Do a search here for threads pertaining to just how bad it is.

You are starting slow, experimenting and on the lookout for jealousy which is excellent . But if it does surface, trust me, IT WILL be a factor in your future relationship with your friends.

Been there... got the T-Shirt!

 

Better that you both swing independently and it that works for both couples then it might work to swing between the 4 of you.

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Soft swap or not, the ideal situation is to relax and enjoy everybody's company including that of your partner's and then pair off. If jealousy is an issue, discuss it before hand, but if it is a big issue stop before you meet them or go any further. You meet in this arena for one thing, be open and allow each other the benefit of being just a normal human with desires. Sure, watching each other with somebody else is a turn on to many, but guarding them with you eyes and mind does not achieve anything. Enjoy the talk afterwards when you are alone.

It's funny because you know what going to happen, at least in part before you start. Don't pay attention to your partner, give that consideration to your new friend and enjoy. You enjoy, they enjoy and everybody enjoys. Our first was nerve racking to a degree, yet we did it to have fun and see what it was all about. The second and third with the same couple was a blast and we progressed from there. In short enjoy.

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Thanks for all the advise. Everything worked out just fine no jealousy whatsoever. I know the word friends raised a flag but even though we have known them for a long while we actually were more or less acquaintances. So much fun. The wildest night of our lives.

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So glad your first experience went so well. Is this something you will want to do again, or was that the fulfillment of the fantasy?

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It's only natural to feel jealous seeing your wife/husband enjoying having sex with someone else. I wouldn't be happy if she didn't like it.

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