Dangers of swinging.

[excitedfem 15]

I am concerned about some possible dangers with swinging and what to do for safety.

 

It seems like a woman could easily get raped in a swinging situation.

 

Should both my husband and I carry weapons?

 

Has anyone ever had a bad experience?

[angelkin 1,326]

Weapons - not for us and we've never considered it. We've never had a bad experience as far as someone going too far, but then I am a fairly willing participant:) Just be safe - use the same techniques you might use when dating and single. Meet in public first, hotels for first time encounters with someone new - that sort of thing. Most people in the lifestyle are very respectful and very laid back...but you should be mindful of of your limits and safety all the same.

 

Relax and have fun with it AND

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

We're kinda stumped as to how you came to your conclusion about the possibility of rape in a swinging situation. This is an activity/lifestyle in which there are countless potential partners available for no-string-attached sex. Who would need to use force?

 

Regardless, it's nice to see another Colorado couple infiltrate the Swingers Board. Welcome!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

I see you have recently joined so here is my WELCOME TO THE SWINGERSBOARD.

 

In the seven years my wife and I have been active in this lifestyle, we have never heard of anybody being raped or any attempt at rape. Bad experiences, yes, we've had these. But each of these were owing, at least in part, to our being too eager about going forward with a developing relationship. These bad experiences typically had something to do with going a distance down the road then realizing that one or the other new acquaintance was doing it only to please their spouse.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Welcome to the Swingers Board

 

No, we have never felt the least bit uncomfortable in the manner you are talking about at any swing event, whether it be clubs, parties, or meeting other couples one on one. As others have said, just use common sense techniques like meeting new people in public places, etc. Like Angelkin said, most people in the lifestyle are very respectful and laid-back, which is why I think it is a good practice to swing with swingers and not try to make spur of the moment swingers out of other people. Swingers know the score and what it is all about, and aren't likely to react in all sorts of crazy ways if things go south. Nonswingers thrown or tempted into a swinging situation still probably won't, but the risk is higher in my book.

 

I recommend maybe starting with a local Meet and Greet in your area. There should be plenty of them listed on any of the online sites like SLS. They usually are held in hotel banquet rooms or something like that, so there is no sex on the premises. Just search for a group in your area that seems like it might be a good fit, and then sign up to attend. It will be a good low pressure environment to start to get your feet wet and get a feel for things.

[GspotDPlover 84]

I actually think your fears happen much more often in vanilla/normal club and dating environments than they do among swingers. You should always be cautious but sexual pedators and rapists prey on the weak and easy targets; swingers are not easy prey for the most part. Plus the troubled souls you fear have deep insecurity issues and typically psychologically suppressed sexual desires; the opposite of swingers who have/are opening up their seuxual desires for others to indulge. Swinging is about giving and sharing, not taking.

 

Follow others advice about caution and use common sense. Weapons are a bad idea since you will be removing clothes for playing and if at a party or club they will likely be forbidden. Stay close to each other if you feel unsafe in any situation. And do not start swinging by going to group night at an erotic theater (unless you really want, sounds like you do not). If you put out an ad for a gangbang a hotel for instance, just screen the men answering the ad and choose the ones you are comfortable with. Plus if they all arrive seperately, a man in the group who is overly pushy will not be welcome and can most often be easily removed. Allot of the men--both single and attached--who get into swinging are very sexual but not the sort to get drunk and force a woman to do anything. We want willing sluts. There is no bigger turn on for me than a horny woman who can handle and give allot of sexual affection, and nothing is a bigger turn off than a woman who is disinterested or afraid.

 

Swingers are also accustom to being selective--both in their choices and the choices of others regarding them--and doing only the activites they want to participate in with the people they want to do them with. I have meet a few potential playmates at a hotel bar or club and we chated and then decided we did not want to proceed. Even when I was the one being rejected it was fine, if disappointing. Plus if I was a rapist, we where in public. The times I meet at someone's home or in a hotel, the husband/bf was always present. Forcing a woman into anything is just not a common or accepted part of the swinging environment. We are all in the lifestyle to meet people and have mutual dirty fun!

 

But be smart, cautious, and have lots of dirty fun!

[Lionheart72 2,190]

I hate to go against the prevailing opinion, and in general I agree with it, but there are some risks associated with swinging.

 

You can run into pushy guys. I've known of guys who have pushed boundaries (attempted penetration without condoms when told that condoms are required, attempted anal sex when told it was off the menu). We have been fortunate, in our personal experiences, in that any such encounters we have had ended well... the guys backed off when called on it. It helps, I think, that I'm standing there watching my wife and making it very clear that cross the line is unwise. So, while everyone is right that it is neither common or accepted, it is possible. It is worth using common sense and being careful. Don't drink to excess. Don't go off alone with a stranger. Trust your gut and if you're getting a bad vibe, get out. Of course, none of this is unique to swinging.

 

Should you carry a weapon? Not just no but hell no. If you're going into a place where you feel better by being armed, just don't go there at all.

[Alura 2,774]

I am concerned about some possible dangers with swinging and what to do for safety.

 

In almost thirty years, we never felt endangered.

 

It seems like a woman could easily get raped in a swinging situation.

 

I've never heard of such a thing.

 

Should both my husband and I carry weapons?

 

I live in a "concealed carry" state. I've never known a swinger to carry a weapon. Can you imagine having sex with your shoulder holster on?

 

Has anyone ever had a bad experience?

 

We never had one and never knew anyone who did.

 

from Oklahoma, Excitedfem! We're glad you've joined us!

 

Aluras

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I/we like to meet potential playmates in a non sexual situation first like for lunch or dinner or at a bar, miniature golf etc. ... you get the idea. The only bad experiences are when the guy can't get it up for my wife or I can't get it up for the woman or if the guy is disrespectful to us slapping her and/or calling her a slut/whore/bitch/cunt as he rams his cock in her as if we are supposed to be turned on by that.

[excitedfem 15]

I was reading some older post and one woman said a partner initiated anal sex without permission and ripped her anus. The another post said the man came back after her husband left and forced her to have sex with him. All these posts are on this site.

[km34 672]

I was reading some older post and one woman said a partner initiated anal sex without permission and ripped her anus. The another post said the man came back after her husband left and forced her to have sex with him. All these posts are on this site.

 

Those are both extreme cases and definitely not the norm. As for people pushing for something that you've said no to, if it happens - that's when you start screaming bloody murder so your hubby can help you get the guy off of you if you're not able to stop it yourself. Others have already mentioned that you shouldn't invite people to your home until you've known them for a while and trust them. If you're worried about that, then NEVER tell people where you live. They can't come back to somewhere they've never been.

 

It's really easy for women to get raped when they're walking to and from classes on a college campus. Does that mean no women should go to college? No, it means that women should take precautions (telling people where they'll be, making sure at least one person if not more are aware of their schedule so it will be noticed if they're late/don't show at all, having the police AND campus security numbers easily accessible, walking with someone else whenever possible, etc) so that risk is limited.

 

I'm not trying to discount your concerns, I think it's wonderful that you're thinking things through. However, there are horror stories out there about everything, so you just have to decide whether it's worth the potential risks or not.

 

I've also never been in a bad situation, but I have been in a situation where I've had to say "Stop! You're not wearing a condom!" (happened a few times) or "I already told you I'm not ready for intercourse, I'm outta here" (happened once in a club when I was in a group room, hubby wasn't with me, I told the 5 people up there that I wasn't okay for intercourse without hubby present but would play around a little - one guy pushed it, I left the room) or something like that. Like Lionheart said, anytime I've seen/experienced pushiness, the pushy person usually backs off when called on it. Being prepared to call people on it and say NO when you need to is definitely a skill you need to have before starting to swing!

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

There is no such thing as a risk free activity. If 1,000,000 people do an activity - and estimates for numbers of swingers in the US range from 100,000 - 4,000,000 - there will be people who have poor results. However, your original post referred to a woman being easily raped, which is unlikely in the extreme. If you are concerned for your safety, though, having your partner always by your side is a far better option than going armed, since sex usually = naked.

 

I have multiple years of swinging, including three as a single woman, and while I've had a few experiences that could have been better, I've never felt or been in danger.

[Chicup 41]

My wife has MORE chance being raped outside of swinging than in it because I'm not there with her always outside of swinging.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

This actually seems a good place to share a recent experience of mine. My wife and I went out to swingers club a short while ago. The highlight of the evening involved five guys with their hands (and other parts) all over my wife on a mattress while I-don't-know-how-many people looked on (we're into that). Before things even seriously started to heat up, a well dressed man approached me, identified himself as club security and asked if I was with my wife. He wanted to make sure someone was looking out for her. I assured him that I was. For the rest of the encounter, no less than two club staff members stood guard at all times to assist me in ensuring my wife's safety. Now I will say that is the most visible club security has been, in my experience. It was special event with a huge crowd and they were obviously taking extra precautions... but the club always has security and, in my experience, always keep a careful watch on the safety of guests.

 

So, should you use caution? Yes. However, the kind of horrible events you're citing are by no means common. Most men I have encountered at swingers clubs, even the "dreaded" single guys, are respectful, polite and very appreciative of the women there.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

There are occasional pushy people in swinging, but they are much more rare than you will likely encounter in a vanilla bar or club. When alcohol is involved, sometimes people get stupid, and that includes swinging. You found very negative situations out of THOUSANDS of posts here on this site, that should tell you just how rare a situation like that is. Take a look at just how few posts are even in the Bad Experiences forums compared to the Good Experiences or to the Forum as a whole and you'll have an idea of just how high you risk is.

 

I've been doing this for about 15 years and I've never had anyone force me to do anything I did not want to do, nor have I personally known anyone who has. I did have a friend one time who while at a party felt that a couple of guys were being very pushy. However, after talking to her it became clear that the issue was not so much the guys as that she never told them "NO" and I don't even mean in a loud way, just at all. She'd somehow gotten it in her head that she had to let them touch her. Once I straightened her out on that she was fine.

 

As for weapons, they would create more bad experiences for you than they would save you from.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Agree with the majority here, there are people that can be aggressive and push boundaries...push to the extent of rape or any kind of forcible act, no.

 

When we are meeting people, we can usually get a feel for them. Are they aggressive, pushy, rude, new, etc. Use your common sense and most likely the worst story you will ever have to tell is the guy couldn't keep it up

[Gordo 618]

I am concerned about some possible dangers with swinging and what to do for safety.

 

It seems like a woman could easily get raped in a swinging situation.

 

Should both my husband and I carry weapons?

 

Has anyone ever had a bad experience?

 

Well let me go against the grain here. I recommend full body armour. at least 1 Uzi for maximum damage and a sawed off shotgun isn't a bad choice either.

 

Keep your backs in the corner just so someone can't sneak up behind. And the crocodile pit out back we keep that for disposal of the offenders.