Have threesomes become an obsession for me?

[mikeswinger56 15]

This summer has been the most active we have ever been in swinging. Our sex life is great, we are doing it all the time. We are in a relationship for over a decade. However my wife is starting to ask me if I am obsessed.

 

We are doing a lot of mfm threesomes, one almost every weekend since around June. We have a "friend" who as far as I know has been nothing but a gentleman and has played with us and also another male back in July. A couple weeks ago we did our first "creampie" and things kinda changed after that. She was a little upset because we had made a rule about not doing that but in heat of the moment and after some drinks I said go for it.

 

I don't know if I fucked up but she is not as into it anymore. We're good but she thinks I am obsessed, and I may be. She also said she only does it for me.

 

Is it maybe time to romance her again? The vibe seems to be gone and I love her with all my heart. Does this sound like a good time to take a break?

[Lionheart72 2,190]

I hadn't even gotten to your last sentence before I was thinking: This sounds like a good time to take a break.

 

IMO, you did fuck up. Breaking rules in the heat of the moment and after a few drinks is never a good idea. Breaking as big a rule as one related to unprotected ejaculation under those circumstances is a very bad idea, IMO. She has reason to be upset. Not knowing the whole story, I can't tell if you told her to "go for it" and she agreed and now regrets it, or you told him to "go for it" and she went along and feels like she was used. Neither way is good... just different psychology behind her reaction.

 

Take a break. Don't "romance her" ... talk to her. Get to the root of the problem. Is it the "creampie" incident (which, depending on how she feels about it, might well be enough on its own for her to want to stop and never do this again)? Is it more than that? Or less than that? You've been setting a pretty frantic pace and maybe she just needs a couple weeks off. Or maybe she's done (short or long term). Regardless, listen to what she has to say. Respect her views. Say what you have to say. Be prepared for the worst (you'll survive it... that's why we have internet porn) but don't assume it.

 

Communicate, communicate, communicate. Good luck.

[Redbeardhd90 15]

Changing the rules mid-game would definitely guarantee no second meetings.

[M&S 266]

If I had to guess, her current reaction is a combination of anger at the rules being broken, but equally importantly, a feeling that your sex life has become too lifestyle focused.

 

As others have said, you need some good discussion with her and, where I you, I would own up to two things: first, you broke the rules in the heat of the moment and are profoundly sorry and secondly, you will work on the vibe you are giving off that you are obsessed with the lifestyle and sex.

 

If you can work through that, my guess is a complete break is not necessary. I think that if your sex life had gotten so hot while you were swinging, your wife was probably pretty into it and turns on by it. Her statement that she is only doing it for you may be more a reaction to her fearing you like to too much. If you back off a bit you may both get to a place where it is a sexy complement to your intimacy and sex life, not a surrogate for it.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I have to agree with M&S that a large part of her reaction is at the idea that rules got broken and you changed things mid-stream. You'd had an agreement that certain things would not get done and when you allowed that change mid-stream to her she felt that your relationship came second to the swinging fun. It's definitely time to take a break and focus on each other for a while. Regroup and return when you are both ready with rules you are both comfortable with and an agreement that there will be no heat of the moment changes.

[slevin 1,374]

One thing that I think was glossed over; if the rules were broken she was a part of breaking them. Even if all she did was go along with it, she had every chance to put a stop to it herself. That doesn't absolve you of your part in breaking those rules though.

[Guest sandraandalex]

Some times, even the if the blame is shared, I've taken all of it, which I would do in a situation like this. Later on Sandy may tell me she was culpable too, but that's not the issue in the moment. Acknowledgement and taking responsibility is.

[slevin 1,374]

Some times, even the if the blame is shared, I've taken all of it, which I would do in a situation like this. Later on Sandy may tell me she was culpable too, but that's not the issue in the moment. Acknowledgement and taking responsibility is.

 

That starts from understanding the situation though. I think you need to recognize what happened and what your role in it really is. If you decide to take responsibility for as a way to move forward and resolve it that is fine. If you don't understand everyone's involvement, you're liable to feel resentful since deep down you don't feel it's fair you're taking all the blame.

[Alura 2,774]

She also said she only does it for me. Is it maybe time to romance her again?

 

No. It's time to back away from swinging. If she's not into it for herself, she need not be doing something she really does not care to do.

[angelkin 1,326]

Swinging is supposed to be fun and a team sport. Right now, it doesn't sound like either for you two. Yep, taking a break is probably what you need. Take the time to evaluate if swinging is taking over your relationship and also understand if she really wants to do it anymore. This revelation sounds like it came as a surprise to you, is that right?

 

Admitting your part in breaking the rules, talk about it, move forward.

[mikeswinger56 15]

Well we seem to be fine, and she was not just mad at me. She thought it would be fine in the heat of the moment as well. But yes, she does want more romance and wants to back away from swinging for a little bit. I do think it is a good ide . We probably got a little carried away and we will not break the rules again. So all is well after a good heart to heart.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

So all is well after a good heart to heart.

 

Excellent. Glad to hear it.

[angelkin 1,326]

Thanks for coming back to share how things were going. I just love a happy ending

[M1F2KTJ 473]

couple weeks ago we did our first "creampie" and things kinda changed after that. She was a little upset because we had made a rule about not doing that but in the heat of the moment and after some drinks I said go for it. I don't know if I fucked up but she is not as into it anymore. W

 

I'm guessing by what you said is that the other guy came in your wife and that you licked/"ate" her pussy after that. Most women are turned off by anything remotely gay. They want their men to be "manly" and she might have considered you to be less than manly by knowingly drinking another mans cum even if it was oozing out of her. She might be using the obsession "argument" thinking it will persuade you not to do it again because she doesn't want to see you acting "gay" again.

[mikeswinger56 15]

Wrong guess.

[bydforever511 18]

I would recommend taking a break, even if it's a short one. My wife and I have gotten to this point on a few occasions ourselves. We've never broken any rules per se, but we've had blocks of time where we were very, very actively swinging. Looking back it seems to have typically happened during the summer months. Crazy from the heat? I don't know. The first time was actually the first year we actively got into swinging. Our first real experience was at the end of May and we both loved it so much and found such a great, trustworthy participant in one of my (our) best friends that we just kept going and going. There was literally a threesome, or me just watching the two of them have sex, every weekend and several times during the week for almost two months. At one point when we were in bed at night she mentioned that she thought we might be doing it too much. Believe it or not, I rather agreed. We talked with our friend and told him we just needed to take a break for a bit. We assured him that it had nothing to do with him and that we just wanted to "run a little maintenance" on our intimacy. It was the perfect thing to do, and it actually made things better.

 

A little over a month or so later I watched the two of them have probably the best sex they'd had up to that point. She was fully ready to get back into it after "recharging" and just getting back to "us" for a little while. We've had similar situations other times, but the key is that we always talk through it and agree on what's best. I would never push her into doing something for my sole benefit (i.e. something she felt she was doing just for me) and she knows that. And that's how you build and maintain that trust between you. I can certainly understand how one of your rules may have been broken. The heat of the moment can be a tough thing. I wish I had experience and better advice for you on that, but it sounds like you've gotten some great advice from others already. Bottom line, communication is the most important thing. The best thing may be to just explain to her how the rule got broken in the heat of the moment, take responsibility for it (even if you feel it was a somewhat shared responsibility) and talk it out. You can even explain to her how you can understand how she may feel like you're putting out a vibe that you're obsessed. After all, it's an easy thing to become obsessed with. My wife and I both have become somewhat obsessed for blocks of time. With a little honest communication and a "recharge" of your intimacy I'm sure you'll be back in business. It sounds like you have a solid relationship at the core, and it doesn't sound like you've completely ruined anything.

 

Best of luck to you both! :-)