How many men don't find it arousing to watch your woman have sex?

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Several of the husbands of the couples we have played with have said that they enjoy watching another man have sex with their wife. I was wondering how many men don't have that sentiment and only watch when they are preoccupied with the wife/playmate; otherwise, they would rather not be present or insist on playing together all the time.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

You're describing me. It's not that I find the sight of my wife having sex to be unattractive or uninteresting. It's just that I am busy giving attention to the woman I'm with. Girls like attention, you know. Very often my wife and her man go off into a different bedroom. I can occasionally hear her expressions of delight and that's sufficient for me to know that she is having a good time. Anyway, I fear I might cramp her style if I'm hovering over her.

 

There is this guy, God bless him, who likes to give his wife directions (you're doing it wrong; do it this way) while I'm fucking her. I do wish he wouldn't. His wife, I assure him, knows exactly what to do.

[angelkin 1,326]

I think for us it depends. In a threesome with another man, I think it's highly erotic for him to see me being pleased. When with another couple, I think he's focusing on her and it's probably a distraction.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

When I see Mrs two4you having fun with another guy I'm genuinely happy that she's having a good time and enjoying herself.

But, I don't get a boner from seeing it.

[M&S 266]

I feel the same as two4youinswva. I like to see my wife having pleasure and while it hugely turns me on to see her with another women, seeing her with another man does nothing for me. It may be some internalized jealousy (I sure don't feel jealous) but I do not find it erotic.

[drinnt 201]

I have struggled with the normal levels of jealousy over the years. Through experiences I found myself getting highly aroused at the sight of my wife getting fucked by another guy. I thought I was burning with jealousy but I was burning with passion! Its one of those situations where I want to rip the guy off so I can have a turn, but if I did it would stop the very thing that was turning me on so hard. So I'm a mixed bag, really. I don't like other guys fucking my wife, but I enjoy watching her getting fucked. Weird little emotional cookie that one is.

 

I've been realizing lately that I'm not in the LS just to fuck other girls. No one can top my wife - not yet anyway. If I never got to fuck another woman again I would be perfectly happy. Two women have come close over the years to captivating my lust but are not in the LS anymore. I'm in the LS because I like to be in situations where my wife and I can play with others - and whatever happens, happens - just for the fun of it. We're not hardcore. So it's taken a while to sort out my feelings about other guys fucking my wife.

 

Where I stand today is - I don't like that she's fucking another guy AND at the same time it turns me on like crazy.

[D&D 362]

When I see Mrs two4you having fun with another guy I'm genuinely happy that she's having a good time and enjoying herself.

But, I don't get a boner from seeing it.

 

In all of our experiences, except one, I have been like Two4. It was nice to see her enjoy herself and get lost in the moment, but it didn't turn me on. When she has played with other women it has always been a huge turn on for me. I think this may be because of the context though. When she is playing with another woman I am oly watching. Those two have my full attention. I am thinking about her and he other woman. When we are swapping I am not watching her very intently. If I were to just watch her have sex, while not myself participating I think I would be just as turned on as I am am watching her play with a woman.

 

When i think about the one time I did get turned on watching her have sex it was probably because of the specific view. He was kneeling on the floor and she was laying back on a low couch. His wife and I were up on the bed so we had a very good view of them enjoying each each. It was like watching a porn movie. When mrs d is having sex in bed next to me I don't get that nice of a view and I certainly have my own object of entertainment that deserves my full attention. Also I'm a very poor multitasker so if I have my own "task" it hard to pay attention to something else.

[amagical 15]

I have struggled with the normal levels of jealousy over the years. Through experiences I found myself getting highly aroused at the sight of my wife getting fucked by another guy. I thought I was burning with jealousy but I was burning with passion! Its one of those situations where I want to rip the guy off so I can have a turn, but if I did it would stop the very thing that was turning me on so hard. So I'm a mixed bag, really. I don't like other guys fucking my wife, but I enjoy watching her getting fucked. Weird little emotional cookie that one is.

 

I've been realizing lately that I'm not in the LS just to fuck other girls. No one can top my wife - not yet anyway. If I never got to fuck another woman again I would be perfectly happy. Two women have come close over the years to captivating my lust but are not in the LS anymore. I'm in the LS because I like to be in situations where my wife and I can play with others - and whatever happens, happens - just for the fun of it. We're not hardcore. So it's taken a while to sort out my feelings about other guys fucking my wife.

 

Where I stand today is - I don't like that she's fucking another guy AND at the same time it turns me on like crazy.

 

i believe there are many more out there who are feeling the same as you..this is plain simple human nature with adding fuel of excitement .not really knowing how high or which way the flame will go.i am very much on same page as you though i do sense women can cover this form adventure up much easier when the shoe is on the other foot

[drinnt 201]

 

i believe there are many more out there who are feeling the same as you..this is plain simple human nature with adding fuel of excitement .not really knowing how high or which way the flame will go.i am very much on same page as you though i do sense women can cover this form adventure up much easier when the shoe is on the other foot

 

Thanks for that. Often times I feel like a heel for being honest when the honest answer isn't the one everyone wants to hear. I get a lot of feedback about being genuinely happy that SHE is having a good time. Well...I'm happy SHE is having a good time AND sometimes I'm also NOT HAPPY about the situation. Is what it is. Sometimes I'm happy for her AND it turns me on - SO it I can find something there for me too.

 

Women definitely can cover it up better. I say often that all women need in the lifestyle is a bottle of lube and a smile. It's all about the girls and there is no physical obstacle women need to overcome just to have sex (boner)...PLUS there is no shortage of guys willing to offer up a hard cock and a smile. FOR ME, the LS has presented a lot of challenges, physical and emotional.

 

The reward still outweighs the effort...MOST days.

 

Now let's be brutally honest about all the selfless nobility. It's very easy to be happy for someone else when YOU are having fun too. My wife has said many times, "well, how about being happy that I'm having a good time?" That's well and good if we're both having fun doing it. But let me tell you...there have been many occasions where watching me have a good time was not enough for her either.

 

So whenever someone says they genuinely enjoy watching their partner have a good time I call bullshit. There's nothing selfless or noble about it. Its only enjoyable if we are getting something out of it too. THAT is a fact of human nature.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Thanks for that. Often times I feel like a heel for being honest when the honest answer isn't the one everyone wants to hear. I get a lot of feedback about being genuinely happy that SHE is having a good time. Well...I'm happy SHE is having a good time AND sometimes I'm also NOT HAPPY about the situation. Is what it is. Sometimes I'm happy for her AND it turns me on - SO it I can find something there for me too.

 

Women definitely can cover it up better. I say often that all women need in the lifestyle is a bottle of lube and a smile. It's all about the girls and there is no physical obstacle women need to overcome just to have sex (boner)...PLUS there is no shortage of guys willing to offer up a hard cock and a smile. FOR ME, the LS has presented a lot of challenges, physical and emotional.

 

The reward still outweighs the effort...MOST days.

 

Now let's be brutally honest about all the selfless nobility. It's very easy to be happy for someone else when YOU are having fun too. My wife has said many times, "well, how about being happy that I'm having a good time?" That's well and good if we're both having fun doing it. But let me tell you...there have been many occasions where watching me have a good time was not enough for her either.

 

So whenever someone says they genuinely enjoy watching their partner have a good time I call bullshit. There's nothing selfless or noble about it. Its only enjoyable if we are getting something out of it too. THAT is a fact of human nature.

 

I like the honesty of your post. I think Mr. Sunbuckus feels exactly the same way that you do. He's happy that I am having fun sometimes but when it gets to the point that I'm having more fun than he, then it gets upsetting and I can understand that. I think one of the reasons this may be the case for a lot of males is because males enjoy sex just as much as women. They want their piece of pie. If it were some other activity, maybe shopping, getting their nails done, or rock climbing and the husband has zero interest in it, they don't mind telling the wife to go have a fun time. They know that they wouldn't have any fun doing those activities so they are more than happy to let the wife go and do it by themselves or with like-minded friends. Meanwhile, when the wife is out, the husbands are out doing something they find fun; watching tv, doing some kind of sport, playing computer/console games. Thus, with swinging, men can feel jealous/upset that the wife is getting more action than they are because they want to have that kind of fun as well.

[lovinher 505]

 

So whenever someone says they genuinely enjoy watching their partner have a good time I call bullshit. There's nothing selfless or noble about it. Its only enjoyable if we are getting something out of it too. THAT is a fact of human nature.

 

"whenever someone" Meaning everyone always? Sorry but you really don't know what your'e talking about. When my wife is happy, I'm happy. That's what I get out of it.

[dodgechevy 149]

I've never been a jealous guy. When we first started talking about swinging I had no problem imagining her with another guy. When we actually came to swapping I realized that I was neither jealous, nor did it turn me on. Plus I really do like paying full attention when we swap, so i'm 100% focused on the other wife anyway.

[WildMiCouple 325]

 

So whenever someone says they genuinely enjoy watching their partner have a good time I call bullshit. There's nothing selfless or noble about it. Its only enjoyable if we are getting something out of it too. THAT is a fact of human nature.

You can call bullshit all you want.......but you'd be dead wrong

Normally we enjoy separate rooms as it lets us focus on our partners more. But the times we all share the same bed or room, I thoroughly enjoy watching her enjoy her partner. The more she is enjoying herself and getting into it, the happier I am for her. And I know a few more guys just like me.

In fact, those times we were together that she enjoyed herself the most, are the ones that often fuel my masturbation thoughts

 

Brett

[Sgts19 17]

When we were involved more into the swinging scene I found out having same room sex was a distraction for me. I don’t know what you’d call it but I more than enjoy hearing or watching my wife with other men. Because of that I found myself not paying the attention to partner than I should, a sure no no! I never had any complaints but somehow didn’t feel I was living up to my end of the bargain. On rare occasions that I could hear my wife enjoying the attention she was getting I did in fact get more turned on and tried to make my partner have as good as of a time as my wife was. Hey I weird when it comes to this stuff.

[drinnt 201]

"whenever someone" Meaning everyone always? Sorry but you really don't know what your'e talking about. When my wife is happy, I'm happy. That's what I get out of it.

 

The only one thing in this world that is "EVERYONE ALWAYS" is that we all die. There is room for exception, and I FIRMLY uphold that it is the exception...not the norm.

 

Any time I have EVER run into anyone over the last 12 years that has said "I just enjoy watching my spouse have a good time" was getting their own pleasure out of the situation. Once that pleasure was removed do you really think the person not having fun anymore is going to go play bridge? Hell no! When a situation falls out of balance it has to be addressed, and it usually is one way or another in those situations.

 

It's a constant give and take - like any relationship. There must be balance, and everyone must be happy - HOWEVER that happiness is derived.

 

So Lovinher - either you qualify for sainthood or you are getting something out of it WHEN she is happy - that is your reward, that is what makes you happy. If you were not happy then you would have a problem. THAT is all I'm a sayin'

 

Mrs. Sunbucks reiterated it well.

 

Also - YES I do know a long-term relationship where the wife does everything she can to keep the relationship going - and CLAIMS that she enjoys seeing her spouse happy, and that's all that matters. She doesn't get out of bed, smile or laugh very much...but hey, she's happy to see him happy.

[drinnt 201]

You can call bullshit all you want.......but you'd be dead wrong

Normally we enjoy separate rooms as it lets us focus on our partners more. But the times we all share the same bed or room, I thoroughly enjoy watching her enjoy her partner. The more she is enjoying herself and getting into it, the happier I am for her. And I know a few more guys just like me.

In fact, those times we were together that she enjoyed herself the most, are the ones that often fuel my masturbation thoughts

 

Brett

 

Hey Brett - not that it matters a whole lot because you proved the point fantastically. From what you wrote you get a TON of good stuff out of seeing her happy. You get to be alone with another partner and have fun. You enjoy watching her with another partner. You are happy watching her get into it so you can masturbate to it later.

 

Those are all GREAT things. So YES you are getting something out of it!!

 

And if you weren't????

 

Would still be so eager to swing just so you could watch your spouse have the time of her life?

 

If so, you are an exception and also qualify for sainthood. If not, then welcome to the norm.

[drinnt 201]

When we were involved more into the swinging scene I found out having same room sex was a distraction for me. I don’t know what you’d call it but I more than enjoy hearing or watching my wife with other men. Because of that I found myself not paying the attention to partner than I should, a sure no no! I never had any complaints but somehow didn’t feel I was living up to my end of the bargain. On rare occasions that I could hear my wife enjoying the attention she was getting I did in fact get more turned on and tried to make my partner have as good as of a time as my wife was. Hey I weird when it comes to this stuff.

 

I'm going through a bit of that now. Fortunately we have a couple that is new to the LS and they have a high emotional awareness which has been great for us. They are all for grabbing back your spouse NO QUESTIONS ASKED if things get too intense. They acknowledge the thresh hold and it works for us. Personally, I am way more turned on by watching my wife go and then I just want her back. I like the LS for the opportunity to express ourselves sexually as a charge for OUR sex life. I'm not into it for the other girls...there have been very few that I was into near as much as I am my wife. Just the way it is.

 

We are with another couple that would just assume TRADE OFF 100%. That gets limiting because it doesn't turn me on and I'm not that into her but my wife is very into him. This is where a KEEN AWARENESS for what works (and what doesn't) prevents us crossing the line where ONE OF US is NOT HAVING FUN. Sure I'll ENJOY my wife getting railed...and then I'll fuck the shit out of her. But what that does is leave the other wife fending for herself. That's just not right. And if I did not get to have some sexual fun that night, I would not be happy either. So we have to be ever-present of what our desires are and manage them.

 

This is what led to the whole point of saying "I am happy simply seeing my wife have a good time is enough for me" is BULLSHIT. When it comes to sex I want MINE! BRUTAL TRUTH! And I maintain it's that way for every human being. Anyone who says otherwise is A) A Saint, B) Lying, C) Lying to themselves or D) not human.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

This is what led to the whole point of saying "I am happy simply seeing my wife have a good time is enough for me" is BULLSHIT. When it comes to sex I want MINE! BRUTAL TRUTH! And I maintain it's that way for every human being. Anyone who says otherwise is A) A Saint, B) Lying, C) Lying to themselves or D) not human.

 

I'll pick D, then. I know this is a thread for and about men - and to keep on topic, Mr. Doe finds having me there reassuring in spots, but he's mostly completely focussed on whatever it is that he's doing - and I've been enjoying that aspect a lot, but...no.

 

I think it's a common thing to run with the idea that our reality is universal, because it's so logical and right, but people really are quite varied in their responses and motivations. There's nothing wrong with wanting YOURS and many of us would agree, because that's how we're wired. There are others for whom that's not always true and that's normal for them.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Perhaps it depends on how...I hate using this word...selfish each of us are? Some are more selfish (not shellfish, brain!), than others and depending on the situation/person/object. When it comes to good food, yes, I can be quite selfish and want more for myself. When it comes to doing housework...not so much. I'm more than happy to let someone else do it. So, yes, I do think that there are special people out there that can truly be happy for their spouse when they aren't sexually engaged while swinging. However, I think it depends on how much desire they have to swing with other people. If the desire isn't a lot, then it doesn't bother them. If they are there to play, then it can be upsetting that they aren't getting "some action" as well. And from our limited experiences, it seems harder for males to get play than women which exasperates the balance.

[nhcpl1968 18]

We are a full swap cpl ....We also do enjoy MFM and i really do enjoy watching her have sex with other men. but, i do join in i will not sit back and just watch

 

 

Bill

[WildMiCouple 325]

My wife has said many times, "well, how about being happy that I'm having a good time?" That's well and good if we're both having fun doing it.

drinnt.......perhaps it's semantics, but I still don't see how I'm proving your point fantastically. I am very happy for the love of my live if she's happy. Her happiness does give me joy. So that joy is what I'm getting out of it. I don't have to be involved or eating my cake too to get that joy. Is that joy I get out of her happiness this selfishness you speak of? If so.....guilty as charged But that's certainly not how I understood your point.

 

Brett

[joaninla 162]

I sometimes joke that my husband would rather watch another guy with me, than be with me himself. Now, while not altogether true, there certainly is a lot of truth there.