What to say to a potential couple while at a swing club?

[Latitudechange 15]

I live in Las Vegas and have visited a local club here called the Red Rooster.

I've been there twice--once with my girlfriend and once alone.

My girlfriend is 10000% into the lifestyle and I'm slowly getting more and more into it.

My question is what to say to a couple when we are there just sitting around having drinks.

 

She wants to have some fun with a woman--but she never has.

Until then, she has ZERO problems with me being with another woman----as long as she gets to watch.

I have the same feelings about her too.

But neither of us can figure out how to break the ice when everybody is just sorta sitting around.

I figured since I seem to have the gift of gab, that I'd start up a conversation.

Am I supposed to approach the man first?

I hope you don't flame me for asking this question---I really have no clue.

 

Thanks in advance.

[angelkin 1,326]

First, welcome to the forum:) Glad to see you're jumping right in:) We're a pretty friendly group of people here, I doubt anyone will flame you - ever, unless you say something incredibly rude.

 

It's kinda unclear if you are seeking couples for yourself, or with your girlfriend.

 

Even the most experienced lifestylers have trouble with friendly conversation and breaking the ice. That being said, we consider it like "dating" in our former lives - the difference is that you are introducing yourselves to a couple and not a single. Start by asking friendly questions, smiling, listening intently...move on to "can we join you" at their table, or "would you like to join us" if you like them. A good icebreaker is if one or both of you dances - ask them to join you on the dance floor - any activity that allows you some time to get to know them - a friendly game of pool, a breath of outdoor air.

 

I think you both approach the couple together if you're looking for four-way play. If you are on your own, yes, approach the man first - or at very least both of them together. Never wait until the lady is alone and open a conversation while her man is gone in the restroom, that's just tacky. A line that works on my husband every time: "Man, your wife has great xxx". After a few minutes, it's not out of place to ask what type of encounter they are looking for this evening.

 

If you share some additional details, we can give you some more pointed advice.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Welcome aboard!

 

Starting conversations is hard, just like it is with total strangers outside of swinging. We kind of just start with some basics like - have you been here before, do you come often, how long have you been swinging, is this your favorite club or do you go to others too - just general questions like that which aren't too personal or prying but relate to the club. It's a good starter topic since you know for a fact that all have at least that in common since you all are sitting in a swing club having this conversation. If that goes well, then things just usually progress on their own in a more natural manner to sharing some info about yourselves, how you like to swing if it seems like there might be mutual interest, etc.

 

Other ways to strike up conversation is to compliment someone on their outfit, hair, etc. Be sincere about it, don't just use that on anyone if you don't really like outfit or whatever, but it is a good way for the girls to get talking and once the girls are comfortable with each other and chatting, then the guys usually follow along.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Hi and welcome. Not only are we not flamers, we were all new once and we like questions.

 

Angelkin's advice is spot on. If you're the one with the verbal gift, then you should be talking to the other man. If your girlfriend is also social, she has a little more latitude and it will go over well if she approaches either the man or the woman. I often ask how couples got into swinging, because I like stories. We also compliment (your wife has a great xxx really is a good conversation starter) and either invite people to sit with us or ask if we can sit with them. Honestly, at clubs I've heard every conversation from floor tile (post-coital conversation in group playroom) to fetish.

 

If everyone is just sitting around, you're going to have to circulate.

[ViSexual 1,008]

As far as single men?

 

The guy we both liked the most approached us openly and honestly. He made it clear that he found my wife very appealing, both physically and (after chatting of course) socially. And, he didn't leave me out of the conversation either and even mentioned that he and I should go out for a beer sometime.

 

He made it clear that he wanted to share a sexual encounter with us but that he also might like to explore a friendship as well.

 

He was the only single male we ever did have a threesome with.

[Latitudechange 15]

Well thank you all very much for the responses!

First, welcome to the forum:) "Man, your wife has great xxx".

Never in a million years would I ever get to say that outside of a swingers club and NOT get my teeth knocked in.

I'm assuming the man wont take offense.

I mean--it's a swingers club---he's there for the same reason I am.

So... I'll go with this one:

"Hey..your wife has a great ass"

Hopefully he says something like "Thanks!"

Then what? I really would rather just get right to the point--but I know I cant.

 

I'd like to run this one by you guys here...tell me if this is not tooooo forward:

"Hey...your wife has a great ass....do you guys wanna join my girlfriend and I in a private room?"

 

Just like that....the way it's written...nothing more nothing less.

Can I 'get away' with that?

 

Thanks again for the help.

[Latitudechange 15]

I wish one of you would just come to Vegas and walk me thru this one-on-one.

Cause I'm slowly getting cold feet.

[angelkin 1,326]

No, you probably can't get away with just that. If you met a girl at a bar, could you use the same line with success? Uh, probably not...

 

Like I said, it's like dating only now you need to find 4 people interested in one another at least to some varying degree.

[Latitudechange 15]

Good point.

[angelkin 1,326]

Are you a member of any of the online swinger sites? Sometimes it's easier to break the ice via chat and then agree to meet at the club...then you already know there's an interest and you can cut to the chase a little faster...

[Latitudechange 15]

No---but that seems like a great idea so I just signed up for that swinglifestyle site I just found here.

Thanks for the idea!

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

"Hey..your wife has a great ass"

Hopefully he says something like "Thanks!"

Then what? I really would rather just get right to the point--but I know I cant.

 

I'd like to run this one by you guys here...tell me if this is not tooooo forward:

"Hey...your wife has a great ass....do you guys wanna join my girlfriend and I in a private room?"

 

Just like that....the way it's written...nothing more nothing less.

Can I 'get away' with that?

 

No, of course you can't. You are wooing people. Schmoozing them. Being appealing. Presenting yourself as desireable playmates. Going straight to "wanna fuk" isn't going to get you there with 99% of the people you meet. In between "Hey....your wife, etc.," and "do you guys..." there needs to be conversation. Couplenuswing has given you a couple of good starter subjects to insert in the middle that will work.

 

Also, why would you want to jump straight to the sex part? Without some conversation/flirting/dancing how will you know you're all compatible?

 

Everyone has some anxiety about stuff like this. It's a little like being back in high school, except with the social aspect more like 3-D chess. However, it really doesn't have to be particularly difficult, particularly for those with a gift of gab.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I'd like to run this one by you guys here...tell me if this is not tooooo forward:

"Hey...your wife has a great ass....do you guys wanna join my girlfriend and I in a private room?"

 

Just like that....the way it's written...nothing more nothing less.

Can I 'get away' with that?

 

Nope, you won't get away with the "wanna fuck" approach, not with us anyways. The answer is going to be a side to side head shake and a polite but short no thanks. That's probably the last words you'll hear from us too, we will disengage as quickly as possible and will try to avoid getting in another conversation with you. We don't have a clue about you, how do we know if we want to have sex with you?? We don't have to know what your dog's name is and where you went to high school, but come on, give us at least a little to work with and some time to do it

 

I remember the feeling and still experience it to some degree. But, trust me, you are making this too hard. Just be yourselves and don't make work out of it. Strike up a conversation with someone and if it is meant to go somewhere, it will almost on its own naturally. Trying to force it doesn't help. I think the key is realizing that you won't hit it off with everyone, it just doesn't work that way. Once you realize that and understand there are going to be many more a swing and a miss than home runs, then it is a little less intimidating.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Well thank you all very much for the responses!

 

Never in a million years would I ever get to say that outside of a swingers club and NOT get my teeth knocked in.

I'm assuming the man wont take offense.

I mean--it's a swingers club---he's there for the same reason I am.

So... I'll go with this one:

"Hey..your wife has a great ass"

Hopefully he says something like "Thanks!"

Then what? I really would rather just get right to the point--but I know I cant.

 

I'd like to run this one by you guys here...tell me if this is not tooooo forward:

"Hey...your wife has a great ass....do you guys wanna join my girlfriend and I in a private room?"

 

Just like that....the way it's written...nothing more nothing less.

Can I 'get away' with that?

 

Thanks again for the help.

 

If someone approached us in that fashion we would be pretty surprised at their lack of social skills, we'd politely decline, and laugh about it later. Like others have said, it's like meeting someone in any social situation.

 

Be friendly and engaging, listen, share stories, get to know them a little. It's basically just having a nice conversation, sharing some laughs and relaxing together. Then you can get an idea based on eye contact and body language if they are interested in you. Not many girls are going to be interested in someone who tells there husband they have a great ass. Commenting on clothing or shoes or their smile to the lady herself is much more acceptable.

 

We usually ask people if they've been to the club before, how long they've been involved in swinging, how far away they live, what type of work they do or what they like to do in their free time. Then you can ask the girl to dance if you like. I think it's better to talk to both members of a couple as equals. We met a guy who asked my husband if he could kiss me. That rubbed me the wrong way, if you want to put your lips on me, ask me!

 

Since you have a girlfriend why don't you ask her what she likes to hear from someone who is trying to pick her up?

[Latitudechange 15]

I feel like an asswipe.

 

I dunno what made me think I could just walk up to somebody and spit out that foolishness.

Your all right.

I wouldn't try that in a regular bar, what made me think I could try it there.

These people aren't hookers...their normal people looking for other NORMAL people.

Not some horny dood just looking to hook up.

 

Well... this week she and I will be going back to that Red Rooster....and I simply can't wait.

I will 100% try and just be myself and see where it goes.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I feel like an asswipe.

 

I dunno what made me think I could just walk up to somebody and spit out that foolishness.

Your all right.

I wouldn't try that in a regular bar, what made me think I could try it there.

These people aren't hookers...their normal people looking for other NORMAL people.

Not some horny dood just looking to hook up.

 

Well... this week she and I will be going back to that Red Rooster....and I simply can't wait.

I will 100% try and just be myself and see where it goes.

 

No need to call yourself names. It's kinda frowned on around here, even if it's you doing it. It's often a surprise to find out that swingers are generally just as picky as folks out in the vanilla world, maybe even pickier, actually, because two people have to agree before you can have sex with them. Plus, the likelihood is that people have really thought about what they want, have lots of opportunities for sex (lack of scarcity can really up your chances of refusing less than exciting potential partners) and are mostly there to fulfill their own desires. So, yeah, you are going to have to do some wooing.

 

I think if you just go and be yourself, it will work great. Honestly, you have charm to spare and that's never a bad quality.