Does being bisexual mean you'll do anyone?

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

In another thread a few people who responded that they were somewhere in the bisexual range qualified their answers by saying they weren't attracted to all men or all women. I already knew that, because I know from the inside that attraction to multiple genders doesn't mean attraction to all members of it, but I thought it was interesting enough to comment there.

 

Sunbuckus responded thusly:

 

For some reason, it seems that it is assumed that if someone is attracted to both genders that they must be attracted to everyone. Of course, they are just as picky about who they are attracted to. Maybe it's because they have a wider range of attraction that reaches beyond just one gender that it might seem that the range of physical attraction for them might be more lax? Does that make sense?

 

I think she is correct, that there is a kind of unexamined assumption that bisexual = will do anybody, but I don't know how widespread it is. Is this something you've come across anywhere?

[slevin 1,374]

I'm not bisexual, and Mrs S thinks of herself as bi-curious. She's not open to calling herself bi-sexual, and part of that is just due to the label I think. I wonder if people qualify their bi-sexuality by saying they are selective as a means to downplay their bi-sexuality. In other words: "I'm not really that bi-sexual, I'm not attracted to many people of the same gender".

 

Just a thought from my own curious mind

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I'm not bisexual, and Mrs S thinks of herself as bi-curious. She's not open to calling herself bi-sexual, and part of that is just due to the label I think. I wonder if people qualify their bi-sexuality by saying they are selective as a means to downplay their bi-sexuality. In other words: "I'm not really that bi-sexual, I'm not attracted to many people of the same gender".

 

Just a thought from my own curious mind

 

I think that's certainly a valid and interesting theory, that the qualifier is about the reach of their bisexuality rather than a defense against a presupposition. I hadn't thought of that one. Thanks!

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I'm not bisexual, and Mrs S thinks of herself as bi-curious. She's not open to calling herself bi-sexual, and part of that is just due to the label I think. I wonder if people qualify their bi-sexuality by saying they are selective as a means to downplay their bi-sexuality. In other words: "I'm not really that bi-sexual, I'm not attracted to many people of the same gender".

 

Just a thought from my own curious mind

 

 

Yes, that is an interesting theory as well. It is funny how those who are straight or gay don't have to say, "I'm selective" or that they are straight-curious/gay-curious as a way to "warn" others that they might not be attracted to what ever gender they are attracted to. For those who are listed as bi-curious or say that they are selective, they could use it as a way to also let others down easily that they just aren't into that person. For example, perhaps the bisexual male is interested in the female half of a couple but not the male half. Maybe having that qualifier is a way to let others know that they shouldn't assume that the bisexual one doesn't necessarily find both halves attractive in a couple.

[Hippiegirlie 276]

I am flat out bi-sexual and have been for as long as I have been sexual. I can tell you, in my experience, that there is a stigma attached to bi-sexual people that we "will do anyone." So not true. I honestly believe that I am pickier when it comes to partners than a "straight" person is, but that could just be my personality, too. I have found the same stigma is attached to people identified as gay or lesbian. I believe it is a social stigma that is coming from the dis-ease of the general straight population, perhaps even linked to religious or moral upbringing, in thinking that people with other sexual identities are "not normal," and therefore must be willing to have sex with anyone.

[slevin 1,374]

Maybe that's a logical fallacy to some degree? If someone is "so sexual" that they want to have sex with people of both genders, then it must be that they will have sex with "anyone".

 

Just another wild unsubstantiated thought.

[Hippiegirlie 276]

Maybe that's a logical fallacy to some degree? If someone is "so sexual" that they want to have sex with people of both genders, then it must be that they will have sex with "anyone".

 

Just another wild unsubstantiated thought.

 

Oh Slevin... I sincerely hope you didn't mean to say that a bi-sexual person is bi-sexual because they are more sexual than straight people...On the other hand, I am rather insatiable, but I don't think it's because I'm bi, I think it's because I'm me

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Maybe that's a logical fallacy to some degree? If someone is "so sexual" that they want to have sex with people of both genders, then it must be that they will have sex with "anyone".

 

Just another wild unsubstantiated thought.

 

That's actually my theory for why there's an assumption that bisexuals are less picky than straight or gay folks (I've had lesbians and straight people make that same leap, btw). What I don't know is whether my experience is uncommon or common, though.

[slevin 1,374]

Oh Slevin... I sincerely hope you didn't mean to say that a bi-sexual person is bi-sexual because they are more sexual than straight people...On the other hand, I am rather insatiable, but I don't think it's because I'm bi, I think it's because I'm me

 

I'm not saying that at all and it's not my view on the subject. I was posing a question about whether that was a logical fallacy that people have. In other words, if someone thinks a bi sexual person will have sex with anyone, is that because they assume that person is bisexual due to hyper-sexuality? As I said, that isn't my view on it, I'm just putting out some thoughts that run through my head as I think about the discussion. Reasons why someone may think bi-sexual people will have sex with anyone.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

We shouldn't have to qualify it, but I totally get where people are coming from that do. During my stint as a SBF it got to the point where it really did feel like people (ok, bi women at the clubs I went to) assumed that just because you answered yes to the question "Are you bi?" that it automatically meant you'd do them!

 

Then again, I do know some swingers that pretty much would do anyone who would say yes to them.... and many of these women fell into that category. So...... I guess if you'll do anyone, it's easy to assume that everyone else would do anyone. I guess we all want to believe that others are more like us than different.

[M&S 266]

My wife is very bi-sexual and has no issue with the label. But she is very picky about who she would play with, male of female. She wants someone, of either sex, that she finds physically and emotionally attractive. Her view is that people are either straight, bi or gay and they are also either selective or not selective. You can be straight and non-selective just as easily as you can be bi and very selective.

[cplnuswing 4,712]

This thread has been interesting since it just never occurred to me that anyone would think bi + bi = instant attraction. I've always just assumed everyone thought the same way I did - bi, gay, or straight, doesn't matter, you still have to have at least some interest in someone before you want to have sex with them, and there's probably just as many or more that you don't than you do.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I've always just assumed everyone thought the same way I did - bi, gay, or straight, doesn't matter, you still have to have at least some interest in someone before you want to have sex with them, and there's probably just as many or more that you don't than you do.

 

You'd think so, but this is something I've run into as well:

 

During my stint as a SBF it got to the point where it really did feel like people (ok, bi women at the clubs I went to) assumed that just because you answered yes to the question "Are you bi?" that it automatically meant you'd do them!

 

In instances like that, it may be a woman thing, because a lot of women are used to being wanted (or at least to be able to have sex whenever they want it), so it's a bit of a stretch to understand that they're not actually objects of desire to other women. That's certainly something I've run into with straight women, many of whom have rushed to tell me that they're "not into women," and then been surprised that being straight means I'd never have any interest in them, anyway.

[Playful1 434]

I've definitely seen this assumption. Actually though, I see it the worst for bi guys. Somehow there is an assumption that if they are bi, they simply will not be able to restrain themselves from grabbing any dick that walks by.

 

I'm bi, I'm insanely bi, I like women more than men even. I'm also pretty slutty in that I will play with most women I meet barring a few things. That said, I have definitely felt the pressure of "but you're bi, so you'll do anyone right" sort of situation.

 

It's unfortunate. I think some people confuse being bi with just not having many standards.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I've definitely seen this assumption. Actually though, I see it the worst for bi guys. Somehow there is an assumption that if they are bi, they simply will not be able to restrain themselves from grabbing any dick that walks by.

 

Including straight dicks. At least if you're bi and female, the assumption is only that you'll do all bi women.

[ackjae01 17]

Ask any 100-110% straight or gay person if they desire the whole population of their preference ...

[Hippiegirlie 276]

Including straight dicks. At least if you're bi and female, the assumption is only that you'll do all bi women.

 

Not always true. I have had straight women uncomfortable around me because they assumed since I was bi, I would "want them." This, unfortunately, brings out the bitch in me and I usually end up whispering to them something like "don't worry, I wouldn't do you if you WERE bi." Funny enough, I've had more than one ask why and even had one that then decided she was "curious" and wanted me to experiment with her. I said no, of course.

 

I do think that many straight men are nervous about being with/around bi or gay men than straight women are with bi/lesbian women. The male stigma is much higher.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Not always true. I have had straight women uncomfortable around me because they assumed since I was bi, I would "want them." This, unfortunately, brings out the bitch in me and I usually end up whispering to them something like "don't worry, I wouldn't do you if you WERE bi."

 

That's been my experience as well, but those particular straight women assumed I'd want them, not all (straight/bi/lesbian) women. That's where the difference lies, I think. As least there you just have to unpick the mistaken notion that you want to do her, merely because you're attracted to some women. Bi guys seem to face the assumption that they'll do anyone.

[Guest eroticart]

Positively not, we are very selective about our partners for both sexes. There has to be attraction for both of us or we don't play. No one here "takes one for the team", and if it's a bi couple both of us have to be attracted to both of them. There are a few situational exceptions but for the most part we stick to these guidelines pretty closely. We don't HAVE to have sex with anyone, why would we, just because we're bi feel we have to have sex with just anyone.