Feeling a little bamboozled

[andia12 15]

My husband and I are still kind of new to swinging (MFM). It is taking me some time to get use to doing it. My husband is more involved in setting everything up. I am still not sure if this is for me but I am willing to experience it a bit more. However, last time we did it it kind of scared me off and I feel hesitant to do it again. We invited over a man that my husband met on Craigslist. They exchanged a few emails and my husband was very clear that we were looking for a thick cock. We exchanged photos then decided to meet ( he sent photos of his big cock). I was not feeling comfortable bcs it was our first time hosting and our little ones were sleeping . My husband told me not to worry kids won't wake up and he will take care of it. So, I agreed and proceeded with our plans, but still feeling nervous about it. Before the guy arrived I drank four margaritas to calm my nerves and distract my thoughts. At first, when the guy came over it was a bit weird but after another drink I became comfortable and chatty.He had a few drinks as well and the chemistry was great! We all chatted for a couple of hours. My husband seemed to like him. Everything was going well until... he dropped his pants! He was not thick or long or anything. It was the size of my thumb and he couldn't even have an erection. I think he thought my husband might have been small because we were looking for a big cock. Anyway, I was disappointed but I decided to go with it after all he was cool. He did a lot of oral and did a very good job ( I guess making up for what he LIED about having). Well, in the process of him eating me out my daughter wakes up! My husband gets up really quick to attend to her. He comes back and tells me that she didn't see anything. We continued and wrappped up the night. Before he leaves he asked us a few times when we will do it again we explained that we usually take long breaks but that we had a nice time. Next day, I was feeling like crap. Hangover and bamboozled! You know like your single days of getting drunk thinking u met the guy of your dreams only to sober up and think wtf did I do! Something like that I was feeling. I was upset at myself, my hubby and him. I thought it was disrespectful to come to my home on a lie! Anyway, and the worst of it all my daughter tells me a few days later that why was a man doing this and she demonstrated it, my heart fell! I explained to her that it is something that adults do and not little kids and sorry bcs I did not want her to see that. Okay, a week later guy sends email and text about getting together again my husband tells him it was a nice time but we won't be doing it again. Next day, he parks in front of my home and I have a little window on my door so I see him pull up and then he looks in and he is staring at me I couldn't see him very well so i am trying to figure out who he is for a split second then it dawns on me I moved away from window and called my husband. I got really nervous. My husband text and asked him if he came to our home he denied it and said maybe we confused him we another guy we did it with. And then he got into why we don't want to see him again that if there was a reason. We text him and told him that we were not confused and it was our first time hosting at our home but that we do not need to explain ourselves and we had a nice time lets leave it at that. He got upset and said he does not like to be falsely accused! And started to say that i said i wanted to see him again and that i said we had did this before. my husband and I did say we can do it again but we changed our minds under the circumstances. but i never said i hosted at my home before. I felt he was judging us to assume that i have a whole bunch of men come to my home that i can confuse him. i thought it was a low blow. Anyway, I am kind of freaked out! I am nervous if he will come over to my house again or do something mean.

[swing.kidz 367]

Welcome to Craigslist.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

First off, welcome to the board.

I'm sure you'll get some feedback about your experience, but first I'd like to know what your takeaways are from this, so we can get an idea of what kind of feedback you need.

What do you think you would do differently if you had it to do again? What were your mistakes? How do you prevent those mistakes from happening again?

[andia12 15]

Interesting that you would ask this because my husband and I were asking ourselves the same question. What we learned? Well, We will most def. not invite anyone to our home before getting to know them. Knowing them on a personal level. Also, the biggest reason will be when my kids are home it can't happen. I cannot let that happen again. And not letting things pass, if he said something and he lied or it is not what it seems speak up. Because at the end, we thought about the conversation we were having with him and it boiled down to everything he said we thought was a lie.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Those are all very valuable lessons. I'm sorry the experience that brought them to you feels bad, but I hope you are able to focus on what you've learned and how much that will help.

[TheRedHalf 81]

Hi andia12, Welcome to the board!

 

Before the guy arrived I drank four margaritas to calm my nerves and distract my thoughts. At first, when the guy came over it was a bit weird but after another drink I became comfortable and chatty.He had a few drinks as well and the chemistry was great!

 

This is the one thing that stands out for me. I'm the type of person who needs a couple drinks to loosen up so I understand this COMPLETELY. If your margaritas are anything like ours five would be a bit much for us. As the male half I have to watch what I drink for many reasons but I also like to be in control and don't want to end up with regrets the next morning. This is just my 2 cents and I'm sorry things didn't go well for you. I hope you don't give up and get to have some nicer experiences.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

First, I extend to you a warm WELCOME to the Swingeraboard. I will not bother to point out the lessons learned as I'm sure you already recognize what they are.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Welcome! Look forward to hearing more from you as you move forward from a not so great experience.

[angelkin 1,326]

Welcome to the forum! Sorry to hear that your experience wasn't positive, but it sounds like you have put all the pieces together to have a better experience next time.

 

Process it, talk about it, move forward. Dwelling on it won't change what happened. Rocky starts are common in the lifestyle, I am sure each of us could tell you a story about a not-so-fun experience. Don't let this one negative situation cloud your opinion of the potential positives new experiences could bring - keep an open mind and realize that this is not the norm. This guy was a bad apple, don't let him spoil the bunch.

[lotsoffun201 175]

Here are your mistakes and I think you probably figured it out already:

A. Meet in a public place FIRST

B. Never go to your home the first few times. Hotels are cheap, and if he's upstanding he will pay or at least split the cost.

C. Little ones shouldn't be home.

 

ONLY when you are very comfortable should you consider bending the rules

[sunbuckus 3,569]

andia, I'm glad you guys are safe and I hope nothing worse occurs. Chalk this up as a learning experience and try not to repeat the same mistakes in the future.

[Hippiegirlie 276]

Wow andia, I am very sorry this happened to you! As stated very well before me; plan ahead, keep home life and play life separate and know who you are dealing with before you get to sex. Your story reminds me of those date rape/stalker made for TV movies. I had a serious stalker problem about 6 years ago and it is very frightening. I recommend no contact with this man. The more you answer back, the more he will persist. I agree that if you had to consume that much alcohol in order to play to begin with, you should really look at why you are pursuing this. I have a feeling you are not completely on board and are "getting used to this" to please your husband.

[shy_couple 460]

Could not agree more. We have similar rules. Keep this part of our life seperate from our ''normal'' ''vanilla'' life.

 

We have not used CL to meet although some of our friends have had good luck. If we did decide to try it, These rules would be the. We also believe in a few drinks to loosen up but prefer we all start sober so that our judgment is not clouded, s hat we are on high alert for any red flags.

 

Here are your mistakes and I think you probably figured it out already:

A. Meet in a public place FIRST

B. Never go to your home the first few times. Hotels are cheap, and if he's upstanding he will pay or at least split the cost.

C. Little ones shouldn't be home.

 

ONLY when you are very comfortable should you consider bending the rules