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My gf and I were talking about our fantasies, and her biggest one is to be on a club dance floor and have me come up from behind her and take her in front of the crowd. The appeal to her is for everyone to see what we have and want it. We have a long distance but awesome relationship: very secure, mutual trust, respect and acceptance. She's my one ;-)

 

She assumed this was going to remain a fantasy until I told her about a sex club my friend worked at in Portland. We did some Googling and have found what sounds like a relatively acceptable club here in PHX. She'll be in town this weekend, so we're planning on hitting it tomorrow night.

 

We've talked at length about what she wants and what her boundaries are. She's adamant she does not want any other male participation, which I'm fine with. However, from what I've heard about the two on-premise clubs in PHX, there are a ton of skeezers who follow women around jerking off. She's drop dead gorgeous, so I have no doubt she'll be the center of attention. I'm a bit worried that she's going to get out on the dance floor to set up her fantasy and get swarmed.

 

I've also heard these guys will try to join in without invite, and I have visions of dudes going beyond a polite touch to ask permission and just go for the prize.

 

I've read women's accounts about going into a situation thinking they knew their boundaries, and then getting into the thick of it and a switch flips and they discover desires they never realized. I trust her to know herself and what she wants, but I'm not so naive to discount these accounts.

 

So we had even more discussion about boundaries. My goal is for my baby to fulfill her fantasy and have a memorable night. Ultimately what we decided is if either of us are uncomfortable with what's going down, we'll immediately and clearly say so. Other than that we want to go with the flow and what feels right without a million "are you ok with this?" questions to ruin the spontaneity.

 

My first concern is too much pushiness is going to ruin her experience. I've read several people on here saying swing club members don't just arbitrarily grope others without permission, but I've gotten very different accounts from locals. Any experience or advice here?

 

A secondary concern is I've read lots of advice on here about setting clear and absolute boundaries beforehand and sticking to them. Are we being too lax by just seeing where things go?

 

Thanks for the awesome, open environment to share and learn!

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If the club's rules allow for people to join in without permission or the club won't help make sure their rules against it are followed/enforced, this may not be the club for you to try this fantasy.

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All clubs are different and have a different vibe. Her fantasy of you doing her on the dance floor isn't typical of what you see at clubs, even on-premise clubs, at least the ones we go to. Finding a club where that fits into the normal behavior to the point where you would be comfortable doing it also might also mean it is more of a wide open, no holds barred type of place, so along with the good in that as it pertains to making it happen is going to also be the bad of likely lots of single guys taking advantage of that atmosphere thinking they can do whatever they damn well please.

 

Maybe try to hit a happy medium while still keeping the main element of the fantasy. Find a club where the group play area is couples only or any single males have to be invited and accompanied by a couple. Then, have public sex with each other. In that situation, the people involved are going to be a whole lot more respectful about boundaries, asking first, etc.

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I'll address three things. First, I've never been to a swinger's club that allowed sex on the dance floor. Most allow some touching, but I've never seen full on sex on the dance floor at the on-premise clubs I've been to. Not saying it's never happened or a few clubs might allow it, but I don't think that's the norm. You can 'take her' in front of a crowd, but a group room is going to be a better bet. YMMV

 

Second, if the club you are attending strictly follows the 'no means no' golden rule of swinging, she shouldn't get swarmed. I am an attractive young woman and I take good care of myself. I may get a lot of attention at clubs, but nobody is 'swarming' me. To be honest, the times I've had problems have more often times been from bi-women and not from 'skeezer men'. If anybody gets too friendly a simple 'no thank you' takes care of the issue 99% of the time. I wouldn't go to a club that didn't enforce the golden rule.

 

I prefer to swing with couples that have discussed and know their boundaries, as there is less chance for drama. I have found drama follows people with ill-defined boundaries (especially newbies), couples with uneven rules for the husband and wife and drunk couples. I am not a 'couple' so take this for what it's worth, but when dealing with an intimate part of your relationship, I think you 'could' set yourself up to fail if you do not have some firm boundaries in place for at least your first time.

 

Have fun, be safe and remember nothing is worth the safety of your primary relationship!

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The clubs we go to allow this, but I haven't seen it happen on the dance floor itself. People do play in the seating area around the dance floor, mainly oral sex. At our club, no one else would try get in on the action or swarm anyone, but single guys are very limited by the club.

 

I'd suggest going to the club and checking it out before deciding to have sex on the dance floor. The suggestion to play where you can be watched in the play area is a good one too.

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Our rules at The Jungle were, "sex is fine ANYWHERE", in the pool, in the hot tub, on the dance floor, on the decks, BUT NOT ON THE POOL TABLE AND NOT ON THE BUFFET TABLE".. UNDER THE POOL TABLE WAS FINE.

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In Washington state, it's illegal to mix nudity or sex with alcohol, so you couldn't do it here. So, although I've seen more than one discreet blow job happen in the dining room of our local club, I've never seen sex on the dance floor.

 

I'm not so certain I agree with the need for absolute and unshakeable boundaries. I think it all depends on what your concerns are and what drives the making of the rules and boundaries. What if you made some hard stop boundaries for your first time and also some softer, "well, this is as far as I think we want to go" intentions that fall way short of the hard stop? Combine that with the knowledge that, should you like what you find and wish to pursue things farther, you do have more than one shot at going to a club and it might leave you both feeling pretty relaxed about your visit.

 

In terms of pushiness, I've rarely encountered it and when I have it's because I've been insufficiently clear in my first no. And, while I've occasionally opened my eyes to find a skeevy guy or two jerking off a little too closely, the only real pushiness I have come across has been from women who were a few glasses over the limit.

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Hey Mauijanedoe: the "no sex/alcohol" rule... We have laws here in Texas about sex/nudity.... IE: nude strip/dance clubs, you can bring your own bottle and they only sell mixers, but I'm curious. Does that law apply to all venues? Here, at a swingers club, where sex DOES take place, we can't sell alcohol, but you can certainly bring your own.. I assume you're talking about public clubs? yes? Even in private venues? interesting if I understand you right.. Here, sex in public is illegal, nudity is legal (even in public here).

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Hey Mauijanedoe: the "no sex/alcohol" rule... We have laws here in Texas about sex/nudity.... IE: nude strip/dance clubs, you can bring your own bottle and they only sell mixers, but I'm curious. Does that law apply to all venues? Here, at a swingers club, where sex DOES take place, we can't sell alcohol, but you can certainly bring your own.. I assume you're talking about public clubs? yes? Even in private venues? interesting if I understand you right.. Here, sex in public is illegal, nudity is legal (even in public here).

 

Even private clubs (which this one is) that do not provide the alcohol but do allow it to be served have a form of a liquor license (I think it's technically a banquet permit), so, yeah, the restrictions around nudity and alcohol apply. Here, you can only buy and consume soft drinks in strip clubs, because of the liquor laws, for instance, and until just this year, you could only buy hard alcohol at either state run stores or in restaurants that had to have a large percentage of income from something other than alcohol sales. There were no bars and I'm not sure if that's changed as well. Instead, there were taverns where you could buy beer and wine only.

 

And all of that still seems less crazy than Maui, where the Liquor Control Board prohibits dancing.

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Our rules at The Jungle were, "sex is fine ANYWHERE", in the pool, in the hot tub, on the dance floor, on the decks, BUT NOT ON THE POOL TABLE AND NOT ON THE BUFFET TABLE".. UNDER THE POOL TABLE WAS FINE.

 

Rules in the club I attend are sex is allowed anywhere except the Jacuzzi and the bar/buffet. Last Saturday a couple had sex on the dance floor against the stripper pole and it was amazing to watch!

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Thanks for the feedback everyone! We're getting ready now for a night out, hoping to hit the club. Wish us luck! I'll post a follow up when I can.

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Even private clubs (which this one is) that do not provide the alcohol but do allow it to be served have a form of a liquor license (I think it's technically a banquet permit), so, yeah, the restrictions around nudity and alcohol apply.

 

Exact same thing in Virginia, including the Banquet License. And yes, the club we usually attend has had the ABC agent show up a couple of times over the years to check things out.

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So we went out, had a couple of drinks and drove over to check the place out. The area of town it was in was no shit the ghetto. Found the club and the first impression was hell no. The clientele hanging out front scared the crap out of me. Mostly thug types, a couple of dudes that no kidding sported the epitome of pedo mustaches. The hourly rate flea bag motel behind the place creeped my gf out more than anything. We looked up the second place on GPS and saw it was literally around the corner. We decided to do a rolling check out, with the same or worse vibe. After some very short contemplation, we decided we'd rather wait for a Vegas trip and go somewhere that the mere sight of doesn't give us the heebie jeebies.

 

Patience and baby steps.

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Check out My Secret House Party. They are house parties held in Chandler, usually between two homes. One is actually a mansion that they use for the bigger parties. There is also a smaller home that is used for more intimate gatherings.

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Thanks AZCouple. I've seen their site. I'm just not sure it'll provide the club/dance floor scene we're looking for. We only get a weekend together every couple of months, so until she moves down here it's hard to get out and explore much. Not giving up though ;-)

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You made the right call to not go into those clubs. Kudos for not following through! You can find other opportunities that are safer and classier, places where she will feel considerably more comfortable.

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Thanks bbarnsworth! I'm glad she and I both felt equally uncomfortable lol! And that Vegas/LA/San Diego are all close enough to provide a viable alternative option. The support is much appreciated though.

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shesmy1, we know of the two clubs that you speak of in Phoenix. Yes, they are skeevy but that's where we started. If you go on a Friday or Saturday night from 11pm and later, there is a sizable crowd where there's more couples. At Discretions, they have two places that you can indulge your exhibitionism without feeling like you will be swarmed. There is the barred couples room near the front that only couples can enter (this is only on Fridays/Saturdays. Single males will line up to peek inside to see what happens in the room but cannot enter unless invited in by a couple. Another option is what we call the "fishbowl" room because it has a one way window. You go in and can't see others on the other side (you can still hear them though) but they can see you. We've done both and even though it's not the dance floor fantasy you can have a couch/bed that is more comfortable. We have also been to the Red Rooster in Las Vegas and to tell the truth, it is also skeevy feeling. We still haven't been to a club that is not skeevy and will probably have to find one whenever we travel out of state.

 

There are house parties in the Phoenix-metro area as well that you can engage in exhibitionism as well. If you are specifically looking to only do the dance-floor fantasy, then hopefully other members of the forum can point out a club out of state where that is acceptable.

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There are swing clubs that lack that 'skeevy' (great word!) feeling. It's a bit distant, but on your side of the country; Pokher-Knights in Reno most emphatically does not have that skeevy feeling. The owners are a great couple, the facility is very nice and clean, and the atmosphere is great. They even have a large swim-spa.

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