How to approach a single guy in a bar for a 3some with me and my hot wife ?

[victoria'dreams 141]

Hi, my wife is a lingerie model, she's a bombshell. she looks like a playboy magazine I believe mostly all guys would want to have sex with her if she asks.

 

but we want to have a 3some (MMF) and she do not want we meet people online. Her fantasy is that we pick up someone in a bar just like that and go the same evening to have sex with him (I'm 100% straight by the way). My feeling is if she picks up the guy it will be weird for me and I'll feel on the side and we want a 3some that we're all part of it. If I go to talk to the guy, it might be super creepy for him.

 

Any advices on how to do that ? thanks a lot.

 

 

btw : I, Nick, had experiences (MFF, MMF) in the past but with people I knew. She has no experience at all.

[angelkin 1,326]

Boy, that's a tough one. I guess if we were going to try that, we'd cozy up to the bar and talk the guy up - together. Once the conversation was rolling, we'd spring it on him, "Victoria has this fantasy...would you be interested in joining us for a straight threesome?" This is just a suggestion, we've only tried it once, and before we were swingers. Turns out the guy was bi, so the idea was shot down. I suppose it could work though! Hopefully, someone with some experience in this arena will chime in.

[Guest screaminggood]

Agree with Angelkin...approach him together. What you should be prepared for is him to be in shock for a few minutes before he realizes that y'all are really serious and that the male is okay with it. Make him comfortable with the idea.

[Alura 2,774]

Your wife should ask him, "How do you feel about swinging?"

 

Alura

[victoria'dreams 141]

Boy, that's a tough one. I guess if we were going to try that, we'd cozy up to the bar and talk the guy up - together. Once the conversation was rolling, we'd spring it on him, "Victoria has this fantasy...would you be interested in joining us for a straight threesome?" This is just a suggestion, we've only tried it once, and before we were swingers. Turns out the guy was bi, so the idea was shot down. I suppose it could work though! Hopefully, someone with some experience in this arena will chime in.

 

Agree with Angelkin...approach him together. What you should be prepared for is him to be in shock for a few minutes before he realizes that y'all are really serious and that the male is okay with it. Make him comfortable with the idea.

 

thanks a lot it seems maybe it's a good idea to go together. and just the fact if the guy freaks out, you have support from each other and not be alone feeling super awkward.

 

Do you think we shall go talk to a guy checking her out already, or probably that guy is more the one on one type thinking he can seduce a girl even in couple cause he's so awesome ?

i just don't want to end up with a guy thinking just to bone my girl in front of me. I'm not the cuckold type. I'm not saying watching her getting some does not turn me on but it has to be only part of the situation. or i need to think the guy is super nice and he makes me comfortable. I guess you need quite some time spending with that guy first talking to feel you can place "Victoria has this fantasy...would you be interested in joining us for a straight threesome?". I guess that few seconds after seems really long.

[victoria'dreams 141]

Your wife should ask him, "How do you feel about swinging?"

 

Alura

 

You think so ? that would be clear and honest. why not but i feel the term "swinging" is so full of images for the people from the outside or people who just never tried anything this could scare them out. Doing a 3some is the same exact thing, they will be swinging, but probably think they are not. For vanilla people, so many cliches about swingers, the sex clubs and the fetish clothing, 1000 partners they had etc. it's off course not what I think but is it not what people who do not know anything about swingers thinks ? maybe i m totally wrong.

 

Nick.

[CaptainAndNurse 17]

Along with what Alura suggested, maybe another approach would y'all talk to a single guy for a bit to feel him out and then if you agree that he would be okay leave it up to Victoria to explain that she has as longtime fantasy of being with two men at the same time.

 

In my opinion I don't consider this one act as swinging, so I don't think I would ask him about swinging. That alone could scare him off. Right now it seems it is a single fantasy that she wants to fulfill. Is it a long term thing that she wants to engage in regularly, or is this a one time adventure just to satisfy a sexual fantasy?

 

Does she like women? What about a married couple? Would she like a foursome? ~Captain

[Alura 2,774]

The handy thing about "How do you feel about swinging?" is that it cannot be answered with "yes" or "no." It requires a full sentence and will lead into a conversation about swinging (or "swapping," "group sex," etc.)

 

It should be asked by the woman because ladies are generally considered safer than men when sex is involved. It also negates the idea that the husband might be pressuring the lady into swinging, an all-too-common situation that experienced couples (and, I suppose, singles) watch for.

 

Whether asked of a couple, single man, single woman, or preacher, no invitation is implied. It's not much different from "How do y'all feel about skiing?"

 

Alura

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I'm always of the opinion that if you are going to swing, then do it with swingers. Fantasies like this always are really hot in everyone's minds, but then when it is time for the rubber to meet the road, all sort of other things can start to get in the way of it coming off like you had hoped. This can happen to experienced swingers when trying out a new scenario they haven't done before, not to mention some random guy you meet at a bar. You might get lucky and stumble up on a guy who is experienced with threesomes, but is he experienced with a threesome with total strangers? Probably even less likely.

 

You have some experience, she has zero, and the odds are the guy you find going this route has zero. Add those numbers together, and it just doesn't sound like a good formula for success to me. Not saying it can't happen, but it just seems to be making things more difficult than they need be.

[victoria'dreams 141]

I see Alura and Captain agree on Victoria to talk to the guy. It's probably the best for the single guy and also sexier when a girl ask you this kind of things. but she should be alone going to talk to that guy, or just the one bringing it up in the conversation ? if I'm far, could it looks like for that guy thinks she's just bored with me or something ? what would be the opposite of Alura saying "negates the idea that the husband might be pressuring the lady into swinging". but I guess from the single guy point of view it is probably the best when the girl comes with the swinging in the conversation.

Shall she go alone directly from starts when I drink my martini ?

I like the idea we both meet the guy and at least decide if we like him or not, before suggesting the swinging thing. Was it what Alura and Captain was thinking too anyway ?

 

Captain, yes she does want to try with a girl sometimes. Couple not yet but who knows ? she talk more like she would like to try things, but not enter the swingers World. She also afraid of "what about it destroy our relationship?" and "if we do once does it means we have to do more after?" kind of things... but her ultimate fantasy would actually be, in her mind at least, if she could choose, to higher the number of guys. Like her and 3, or guys, that's the "big" fantasy she has. but we both think we should anyway try with one extra guy first to see how it goes. Don't you think so too ? from no experience at all for her to a group sex it could be just too dangerous. or...?

[victoria'dreams 141]

The handy thing about "How do you feel about swinging?" is that it cannot be answered with "yes" or "no." It requires a full sentence and will lead into a conversation about swinging (or "swapping," "group sex," etc.)

 

It should be asked by the woman because ladies are generally considered safer than men when sex is involved. It also negates the idea that the husband might be pressuring the lady into swinging, an all-too-common situation that experienced couples (and, I suppose, singles) watch for.

 

Whether asked of a couple, single man, single woman, or preacher, no invitation is implied. It's not much different from "How do y'all feel about skiing?"

 

Alura

 

I agree with what you say. but don't you think when a couple you don't know tells you "how do you feel about swinging" it's very hard to not take it as "we are a swinging couple, would you like to do something with us" right away ? it's not like you are bringing your skis in a bar and say "how do y'all feel about skiing" ? but don't get me wrong, I love the idea too, and you can win a lot of time bringing the subject and you could play stupid if the guy take it as an invitation and replies no no "I was just curious about the subject, we were not asking you".

 

Do you talk from experience would be great to know if you used that with vanilla strangers.

[victoria'dreams 141]

cplnuswing, you're making a good point. the actual doing the fantasy could just end up filling up only 10% of the desire... or even a minus and "never want to do this again ever"... having a very boring, unpleasant first experience...

 

Victoria is against people online because she thinks when you meet the person, the smell, the feeling, the look, the voice, body language, could be so different and not pleasing you at all. And the sex club is too far for someone who never entered one. Shall I drop the idea of meeting non swingers for swinging time with ? just go to a swingers bar ? but don't you agree that the atmosphere is just ultimately different.

 

but your point about 2 people with no experience at all on the 3 for the 3some, is dangerous, very dangerous.

[victoria'dreams 141]

btw is anyone knows how to move this thread to the section "Swinging with NON swingers" ? I misplaced it here... thanks a lot !

[victoria'dreams 141]

I wanted to add : thank you all so much for your great help ! and sorry if am I asking 1000 questions !

[Alura 2,774]

I see Alura and Captain agree on Victoria to talk to the guy. It's probably the best for the single guy and also sexier when a girl ask you this kind of things. but she should be alone going to talk to that guy, or just the one bringing it up in the conversation ? if I'm far, could it looks like for that guy thinks she's just bored with me or something ? what would be the opposite of Alura saying "negates the idea that the husband might be pressuring the lady into swinging". but I guess from the single guy point of view it is probably the best when the girl comes with the swinging in the conversation.

Shall she go alone directly from starts when I drink my martini ?

I like the idea we both meet the guy and at least decide if we like him or not, before suggesting the swinging thing. Was it what Alura and Captain was thinking too anyway ?

 

Captain, yes she does want to try with a girl sometimes. Couple not yet but who knows ? she talk more like she would like to try things, but not enter the swingers World. She also afraid of "what about it destroy our relationship?" and "if we do once does it means we have to do more after?" kind of things... but her ultimate fantasy would actually be, in her mind at least, if she could choose, to higher the number of guys. Like her and 3, or guys, that's the "big" fantasy she has. but we both think we should anyway try with one extra guy first to see how it goes. Don't you think so too ? from no experience at all for her to a group sex it could be just too dangerous. or...?

 

Assume you and Victoria {I envision her wearing a low-cut but form fitting red satin cowgirl shirt, black Cruel Girl jeans, and red cowgirl boots with a black Stetson (Gambler Block) and lipstick that matches her shirt. Diamond earrings and her wedding band, of course.} in the Avalon Ballroom in Amarillo, Texas. A live band plays Country Music. Victoria has been asked to dance by a cowboy who, (she has let you know) is hot beyond doubt. They dance. You invite him to sit down and have a drink. Victoria sits next to, but not touching him. You dance with her. Then he, again. Share the lady. All the time all y'all are chatting and enjoying the company. When you and Victoria dance, she can update you on the progress of the plan. They dance a faster number. As they are starting back to the table, she stops him to dance to a slow song. She dances more closely, her face toward his neck. (Does he have the hint of an erection in those jeans?) While she is talking ("I like your after-shave, what is it?") she lets her moistened lips move against his neck, just below his ear.

 

"Eau de Corral," he says with pride.

 

Back at the table, Victoria sits closer so that her thigh is against his, but not acting like it is anything different. The talk continues between the three of you. Eventually, your wife will feel comfortable enough to ask, "How do you feel about swinging, Chet?" She should not say another word. Wait for his reply.

 

Inevitably he will reply, "Huh?"

 

Victoria explains, "It's a lifestyle for couples who like to have sex with other people from time-to-time... just for fun. Our favorite 'thing' is that we like to have single guys help Mr. Dreams fuck me silly." (Big smile). "How would you feel about being in a threesome?"

 

"It sounds like fun to me!"

 

"How about we go to our hotel and give Victoria a night to remember?"

 

"Yes, I'd like to do that, Mr. Dreams."

 

"There are some things we need to tell you, Chet," says Victoria. "Remember that I am the boss. What I say goes."

 

"That sounds fair, Ma'am."

 

"My husband will be with us and participating all the time. You and he will not be interacting. It's all about me. I'm on the pill and we trust it, so you can eventually come in my pussy. If I ask you to come in my mouth, give me as much as you can. I love the taste! No anal, I don't like it, but double-penetration in my pussy would be great if we can manage it. I want to dance once more with Mr. Dreams, then one with you. After that, I'm going to fuck both of you silly."

 

"Do you really want to try DP, Sweetheart?"

 

"I think so. His cock isn't too big," Darling.

 

"How do you know that?"

 

"I danced with him, Silly. I checked out his erection. It might be a good opportunity to try it. I'll let you know."

 

"This is a first one for me, Victoria! Are you sure your husband doesn't mind if I have sex with you?"

 

"I'm totally sure, Chet. Otherwise we wouldn't do it. Don't worry. Now kiss me, please, here on the dance floor, among god and everybody."

 

It's just communication.

 

Alura

[Alura 2,774]

...what would be the opposite of Alura saying "negates the idea that the husband might be pressuring the lady into swinging"

 

It's been my experience that a wife who is being pressured into swinging by a horney husband will not enthusically enter the conversation. She won't ask any questions about y'all. The husband will be the one to carry most of the couple's part of the conversation.

 

Both Mrs. Alura and I would try to draw her out. "Are you a native Oklahoman, Sally Ann?" "Where did you go to school?" "I just love that dress; where do you shop?" "Etc."

 

If it didn't work we'd say our "good lucks" and depart.

 

Alura

[ALilOEverything 901]

This-

 

The handy thing about "How do you feel about swinging?" is that it cannot be answered with "yes" or "no." It requires a full sentence and will lead into a conversation about swinging (or "swapping," "group sex," etc.)

 

Though I've never done it, I have a lot of fantasies of picking up a guy at a bar with my husband there (never picked up one without my husband either). I envision making eye contact, heavy flirting and then a leading question of "what you do think about threesomes?"

 

I doubt I ever will do it though. I'm not a very bold person in the vanilla world and I would see the third guy as a completely vanilla person. I have good friends who do this all the time with mixed results. Often the guy can't perform but they say they've had enough good experiences doing this it makes it worth it for them.

[unibull_arena 15]

I`m sure I`m in the minority, but I`d personally rather be approached by either the couple together, or the male half. The hot wife thing would seem like a set up of some kind to me, unless I had previous information. I don`t really trust women who approach me. Too many bad experiences with chicks who are only looking for a cocktease or a free drink; and all sorts of creepy mixed signals.

 

I`m in touch with a dude right now who apparently wants me to fuck his wife. And we struck up a conversation online that I`m sure I`d have difficulty having over the gender divide. It all makes me really comfortable. It also helps that his wife is my kind of gal, plain Jane girl-next-door.

 

IF the female half must approach, pretty much her only chance with me would be to be VERY direct. The best pick up line on me is, "I find you attractive and I`d like to get to know you" and I wonder why women don`t use it more often.

 

The least smiley and flirty and cleavagey the better. I would simply excuse myself and bolt otherwise.

[sweetgirlknows 121]

I`m sure I`m in the minority, but I`d personally rather be approached by either the couple together, or the male half. The hot wife thing would seem like a set up of some kind to me, unless I had previous information. I don`t really trust women who approach me. Too many bad experiences with chicks who are only looking for a cocktease or a free drink; and all sorts of creepy mixed signals.

 

I`m in touch with a dude right now who apparently wants me to fuck his wife. And we struck up a conversation online that I`m sure I`d have difficulty having over the gender divide. It all makes me really comfortable. It also helps that his wife is my kind of gal, plain Jane girl-next-door.

 

IF the female half must approach, pretty much her only chance with me would be to be VERY direct. The best pick up line on me is, "I find you attractive and I`d like to get to know you" and I wonder why women don`t use it more often.

 

The least smiley and flirty and cleavagey the better. I would simply excuse myself and bolt otherwise.

 

Good for you unibull! A man that stands up for himself and isn't putty for women's moulding is hot (to me anyway)! One thing I dislike about the swinging community is the pedestle women get (everything else works lol). We can be just as horny and skiving as men! The only difference is we are coy about it so it gets by. I think the pedestle is there to give the illusion women are empowered thus arousing us but to be honest I find it patronizing and unattractive. Give a girl a chance without the unnecessary theatrics and a real woman will blow you away....pun intended :-D

[Guest screaminggood]

As someone who's done it, I didn't call it "swinging," I said a "threesome," as it's a much more innocent word.

 

As for choosing the hot, confident guy vs. the really sweet guy. Most importantly, it should be someone that she is attracted to (check), then are you comfortable with him (check). Some of those ultra-confident guys are very nice to husbands that are willing to share attractive wives; some of those nice guys aren't so nice if they are nervous. It has to be a blend.

 

ENJOY THE HUNTING...IT'S HALF THE FUN!

[unibull_arena 15]

Good for you unibull! A man that stands up for himself and isn't putty for women's moulding is hot (to me anyway)! One thing I dislike about the swinging community is the pedestle women get (everything else works lol). We can be just as horny and skiving as men! The only difference is we are coy about it so it gets by. I think the pedestle is there to give the illusion women are empowered thus arousing us but to be honest I find it patronizing and unattractive. Give a girl a chance without the unnecessary theatrics and a real woman will blow you away....pun intended :-D

Yes!! Your post made my day. I`m so glad there are people that I see eye-to-eye with in the world. Give me a woman who loves to fuck without the theatrics or the pedestal any day!

[victoria'dreams 141]

"Eau de Corral," he says with pride.

Alura

thanks that was a good detailed scenario

 

It's been my experience that a wife who is being pressured into swinging by a horney husband will not enthusically enter the conversation.

Alura

the husband could pressure his wife to go and talk to the guy and pretend she really want some. what stop a pressuring husband to do that ?

 

Though I've never done it, I have a lot of fantasies of picking up a guy at a bar with my husband there (never picked up one without my husband either). I envision making eye contact, heavy flirting and then a leading question of "what you do think about threesomes?"

 

I doubt I ever will do it though. I'm not a very bold person in the vanilla world and I would see the third guy as a completely vanilla person. I have good friends who do this all the time with mixed results. Often the guy can't perform but they say they've had enough good experiences doing this it makes it worth it for them.

I think you are right about the guy couldn't perform, too much going on on the head of vanilla person, i'm afraid of that... shall we talk to the guy early before he's too drunk to reduce the whisky dick ?

 

I`m sure I`m in the minority, but I`d personally rather be approached by either the couple together, or the male half. The hot wife thing would seem like a set up of some kind to me, unless I had previous information. I don`t really trust women who approach me. Too many bad experiences with chicks who are only looking for a cocktease or a free drink; and all sorts of creepy mixed signals.

 

The least smiley and flirty and cleavagey the better. I would simply excuse myself and bolt otherwise.

I would think that too, but i've the feeling many people here will not send the guy alone.

 

As someone who's done it, I didn't call it "swinging," I said a "threesome," as it's a much more innocent word.

 

As for choosing the hot, confident guy vs. the really sweet guy. Most importantly, it should be someone that she is attracted to (check), then are you comfortable with him (check). Some of those ultra-confident guys are very nice to husbands that are willing to share attractive wives; some of those nice guys aren't so nice if they are nervous. It has to be a blend.

very good point !

 

Yes!! Your post made my day. I`m so glad there are people that I see eye-to-eye with in the world. Give me a woman who loves to fuck without the theatrics or the pedestal any day!

I've a theory about why women are on a pedestal in the swingers world and i'll be a bit pro women : I think in most couple you meet the girl is way hotter then her husband (i'm talking general) the woman is in better shape and the husband might have few extra pounds etc. So basically without his woman, as a single guy, he might not have that crazy good sex lifestyle. He might be just a single guy, and mostly single guy life is not getting girls everyday and when you want. In a sex club, couple pay less and single guys 3 times more and are numerous and in real competition. These singles guys have to work out, be clean, attractive, be interesting etc. to raise their chances and that pressure the married guy do not have. The wife on her own as single would find easily someone in a sex club without competition. I think the woman is the key to open that great door and that's why maybe she's on a pedestal ?

 

But that said, she enjoys as much the life style and fun of it. And there she's as important as the husband.

[unibull_arena 15]

 

I've a theory about why women are on a pedestal in the swingers world and i'll be a bit pro women : I think in most couple you meet the girl is way hotter then her husband (i'm talking general) the woman is in better shape and the husband might have few extra pounds etc. So basically without his woman, as a single guy, he might not have that crazy good sex lifestyle. He might be just a single guy, and mostly single guy life is not getting girls everyday and when you want. In a sex club, couple pay less and single guys 3 times more and are numerous and in real competition. These singles guys have to work out, be clean, attractive, be interesting etc. to raise their chances and that pressure the married guy do not have. The wife on her own as single would find easily someone in a sex club without competition. I think the woman is the key to open that great door and that's why maybe she's on a pedestal ?

 

But that said, she enjoys as much the life style and fun of it. And there she's as important as the husband.

A single guy who`s frank about gender is always at risk of being ostracized, yet I just can`t seem to keep my mouth shut!

 

Your reasoning for the pedestal in the lifestyle reflects society`s reasoning in general, IMO. And when you come down to it, biology.

 

Women pay less and are more sought after in any club. Women are usually put up by less attractive male partners because being attractive to men is double-edged; whereas to women it`s a lifeline. It is much more to the advantage of women to shack up with flat footed unattractive men with resources, and play with more attractive men. Less competition from the 10/10 girls. Unattractive men are better doormats, erm gentlemen.

 

The paradoxical thing is that pot-bellied bald men are seen hand-in-hand with women in public more often than tall, chiseled, bronze men.

 

I am single by choice and a very bad doormat. Hard luck. I`ve been trying to meet women who`ll go to the swing club with me for over a decade. It`s been a total flop. I refuse to go as a single guy the same way I refuse to suck up to women in nightclubs.

 

My new angle is simply talking to guys who want their wives fucked. Angles keep me busy and I hope I never run out of them.

[victoria'dreams 141]

My new angle is simply talking to guys who want their wives fucked. Angles keep me busy and I hope I never run out of them.

 

I think every guy in a swinger couple want to have his wife fucked. If not he will be no swinger and be vanilla, which is as a tradition to cheat, have affairs, lies and hide

 

I want my wife fucked too it does turn me on a lot, I wouldn't be here if not. Of course it's not all what I want.

[angelkin 1,326]

I think every guy in a swinger couple want to have his wife fucked. If not he will be no swinger and be vanilla, which is as a tradition to cheat, have affairs, lies and hide

 

 

Maybe...but I believe some men view it as a necessary trade off, something they have to give up to gain the opportunity to fuck other women. Not *all* swinger men are in this to share their wives primarily.

[victoria'dreams 141]

My new angle is simply talking to guys who want their wives fucked. Angles keep me busy and I hope I never run out of them.

 

I've a question and please don't see any judgment it's really something I would like to know : what turns you on on a 3some with a couple, is it to fuck the wife of someone else, or to see a girl having sex with two guys or ?

 

and second, if you were in a couple (if you become someday doormat) would you be too jealous to share your girl ? i m asking that cause my feeling is that many guys who have the fantasy of having sex with another couple wouldn't like to have their gf in a 3some. they want to fuck someone else girl. I'm talking not swingers couple. not you maybe I mean I met men like that quite often, which could make me feel bad as the husband.

[victoria'dreams 141]

Maybe...but I believe some men view it as a necessary trade off, something they have to give up to gain the opportunity to fuck other women. Not *all* swinger men are in this to share their wives primarily.

 

you are right...

I also don't mean "primarily", I mean more as total part of it.

 

but it's sad a bit to think some guys actually suffer swinging (sharing their wives) but will do it only to fuck another girl ?

[victoria'dreams 141]

and to add to what I said. I'm going to sound like a super pretentious douche but to not make you think I only like to watch my girl with someone else : I had a lot of girls in my life and many 3some w two girls (MFF). enough to get confidence to enjoy my wife having fun in a 3some MMF for the first time (her first time). I just want it to be good for her and me, and make her fantasy comes true. it's why the help you guys give me is gold.

[sweetgirlknows 121]

I've a theory about why women are on a pedestal in the swingers world and i'll be a bit pro women : I think in most couple you meet the girl is way hotter then her husband (i'm talking general) the woman is in better shape and the husband might have few extra pounds etc. So basically without his woman, as a single guy, he might not have that crazy good sex lifestyle. He might be just a single guy, and mostly single guy life is not getting girls everyday and when you want. In a sex club, couple pay less and single guys 3 times more and are numerous and in real competition. These singles guys have to work out, be clean, attractive, be interesting etc. to raise their chances and that pressure the married guy do not have. The wife on her own as single would find easily someone in a sex club without competition. I think the woman is the key to open that great door and that's why maybe she's on a pedestal ?

 

But that said, she enjoys as much the life style and fun of it. And there she's as important as the husband.

 

I wish to submit my theory too. Comparing men and women in terms of attractiveness is like comparing apples to oranges. Sure they are both fruit but it is a matter of opinion which satisfies more in which regards! Beauty is after all in the eye of the beholder! Most guys I have seen at clubs are not bald, fat, and old. They are your regular average guy. I don't expect to meet Brad Pitt at a club but I think a guy whose in really bad shape knows better than to go to a swingers club.

 

Do you think women have lower standards in terms of what we consider an attractive guy just to be in the lifestyle? It sounds like that is what you are implying. Maybe I am misreading you. That being said, do you really think every woman at a club is the picture of beauty? Do you think every guy wants to do every woman at a club? I've seen some women at the clubs that clearly don't take care of themselves and most guys would be reluctant to get near them. Guys certainly do not lower their standards for what makes women attractive to them just to get some and neither do women.

 

I think the real reason women get the pedestle is stereotype. Society still can't accept the fact that women like to fuck too (i.e. 50 Shades of Grey)! We just don't like to get pregnant and catch diseases lol! Remember the Sandra Fluke / Rush Limbaugh ordeal? He called her a slut for advocating for birth control. Most women would rather not be labeled a slut or whore for liking to fuck to so we restrain ourselves to societal standards to be accepted. The proverbial "pedestle" in swinging encourages us to own our desire to fuck freely without being labeled something negative (instead something celebrated).

 

This pedestle is well intentioned but an act of overcompensation since I think part of the pleasure of sex comes from knowing you've earned a good fuck. Mr. Sweet once said to me, "why do you think guys are stereotypically so into sex? It is because we have to work hard for it so we know we've earned it when we get it." It is a sense of accomplishment for guys and as a woman I do not understand that sense. So long as the "pedestle" exists women will never understand what it feels like to have deserved a good fucking for your effort of pursuit! This is why I encourage the guys to be picky when it comes to women so they make it more fun for me lol! Remember, the biggest sex organ is your brain, not pussy or penis. I just see the pussy and penis as minor extensions of the brain. If the brain isn't satisfied the lower organs aren't going to get the best.

[unibull_arena 15]

I've a question and please don't see any judgment it's really something I would like to know : what turns you on on a 3some with a couple, is it to fuck the wife of someone else, or to see a girl having sex with two guys or ?

 

and second, if you were in a couple (if you become someday doormat) would you be too jealous to share your girl ? i m asking that cause my feeling is that many guys who have the fantasy of having sex with another couple wouldn't like to have their gf in a 3some. they want to fuck someone else girl. I'm talking not swingers couple. not you maybe I mean I met men like that quite often, which could make me feel bad as the husband.

Sure. Thanks for asking.

 

I have been in two open relationships. I gave both of them a hall pass (3 women total). I would have been in many more if it weren`t for the fact that I simply do not meet enough women who are interested in them. Vanilla women do nothing for me.

 

I don`t see any sense in having a wedding since I am not religious. You won`t catch me dead with a wedding band. I also don`t see any sense in not having an apartment of my own and sharing every single day with someone. I`ve done that for 3 years, and it completely killed my desire to have sex with her.

 

That being said, I would love to have a primary open relationship in which we both had hall passes and separate personal spaces. I`d like to have days together and days apart.

 

------------------

So, I have no problem with a partner who has sex with other men. In fact, I think it`s HOT. Women who have many partners are HOT, period.

 

Now, I think your question is a little different: if I`m not mistaken, you`re asking me if I`d play together with a partner. I`d be open to the idea, but I am many steps behind making that decision.

 

Just meeting women who want more than being chased and paid for, a wedding ring, a house to shack up in, and children has been a lifelong challenge.

[Alura 2,774]

thanks that was a good detailed scenario

 

Thanks! It was fun!

 

 

he husband could pressure his wife to go and talk to the guy and pretend she really want some. what stop a pressuring husband to do that ?

 

Nothing can be 100% in swinging, in my opinion. I've never experienced this but I'm sure some have. It's better to pay attention to the wife's body language and demeanor. Does she seem to be having fun or is she guarded?

[victoria'dreams 141]

i just wrote a long answer to many of you. clicked post and the website asked me to log in again. I did and all my post is gone ! I'm so annoyed.......

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here--Just when I thought I couldn't learn anything new. Alura's post is brilliant.

[Alura 2,774]

Thanks, Susan! Writing it was a kick! I laughed at my own jokes. TeeHee!

 

Do they have Honkey-Tonks in Illinois?

 

Alura

[Alura 2,774]

i just wrote a long answer to many of you. clicked post and the website asked me to log in again. I did and all my post is gone ! I'm so annoyed.......

 

Just post it here. It's a lot easier.

 

Es tut mir sehr leid, aber Ich kann nicht Posts auf Deutsch maken! Für mehr als dreissig jahren Ich habe keine wort benütz!

 

Alura

[victoria'dreams 141]

Just post it here. It's a lot easier.

 

Es tut mir sehr leid, aber Ich kann nicht Posts auf Deutsch maken! Für mehr als dreissig jahren Ich habe keine wort benütz!

 

Alura

 

Das ist kein Problem !!! and sorry on my part if my English is not the best... thanks to all of you to read through !

[victoria'dreams 141]

I wish to submit my theory too. Comparing men and women in terms of attractiveness is like comparing apples to oranges. Sure they are both fruit but it is a matter of opinion which satisfies more in which regards! Beauty is after all in the eye of the beholder! Most guys I have seen at clubs are not bald, fat, and old. They are your regular average guy. I don't expect to meet Brad Pitt at a club but I think a guy whose in really bad shape knows better than to go to a swingers club.

 

Do you think women have lower standards in terms of what we consider an attractive guy just to be in the lifestyle? It sounds like that is what you are implying. Maybe I am misreading you. That being said, do you really think every woman at a club is the picture of beauty? Do you think every guy wants to do every woman at a club? I've seen some women at the clubs that clearly don't take care of themselves and most guys would be reluctant to get near them. Guys certainly do not lower their standards for what makes women attractive to them just to get some and neither do women.

 

no no I don't think "women have lower standards in terms of what we consider an attractive guy just to be in the lifestyle?", not at all. I just meant "women have lower standards in terms of what we consider an attractive guy" period and I don't think women look all good in clubs. I wanted to point out that in a couple, to my personal view, I see the woman taking more care of herself than the guy (but they could both look bad :p ). Average women "in general" spend more time and energy to be in shape and look good then the average hetero sexual men. You don't think ?

[victoria'dreams 141]

Sure. Thanks for asking.

 

I have been in two open relationships. I gave both of them a hall pass (3 women total). I would have been in many more if it weren`t for the fact that I simply do not meet enough women who are interested in them. Vanilla women do nothing for me.

 

I don`t see any sense in having a wedding since I am not religious. You won`t catch me dead with a wedding band. I also don`t see any sense in not having an apartment of my own and sharing every single day with someone. I`ve done that for 3 years, and it completely killed my desire to have sex with her.

 

That being said, I would love to have a primary open relationship in which we both had hall passes and separate personal spaces. I`d like to have days together and days apart.

 

------------------

So, I have no problem with a partner who has sex with other men. In fact, I think it`s HOT. Women who have many partners are HOT, period.

 

Now, I think your question is a little different: if I`m not mistaken, you`re asking me if I`d play together with a partner. I`d be open to the idea, but I am many steps behind making that decision.

 

Just meeting women who want more than being chased and paid for, a wedding ring, a house to shack up in, and children has been a lifelong challenge.

 

Thanks for your answer. When I had a similar life and point of you in my life (when single and wanted to stay that way) the problem is that it's hard to find a girl that would want to stay that way for long. As soon as a she meets a great guy who's more doormat type, she's gone. I found myself spending so much energy "being single by choice" ! you need to quick your job just to have time to live that way... but on the other hand I had many great experiences

[victoria'dreams 141]

If I had to make a conclusion till now of all your answers to my question "how to apporach a single guy in a bar for a 3some with me and my hot wife ?". I would say that I should either go myself talk to the guy, let Victoria talk to the guy, or go both talk to him and put the sentence out at the same time I do the bass line and Victoria does the high. Also we shall be straight forward or let the conversation come to that after some time. Talking about swinging or never say the word.

It seems there is no rule...? shall it be a feeling you get at the right moment with the right people, the same way you do when you pick up someone as a single person ?

but what you mostly all agree on, is that the actual sex with that vanilla guy, might no be the best at all... he will not perform at all or not well or not respect the rules etc. At the end, having a 3some with a vanilla guy you meet on the spot might be just : NOT A GOOD IDEA !

 

???

 

[unibull_arena 15]

Thanks for your answer. When I had a similar life and point of you in my life (when single and wanted to stay that way) the problem is that it's hard to find a girl that would want to stay that way for long. As soon as a she meets a great guy who's more doormat type' date=' she's gone. I found myself spending so much energy "being single by choice" ! you need to quick your job just to have time to live that way... but on the other hand I had many great experiences [/quote']By so much energy, I imagine you mean chasing women. I do not do that, and that`s why I have held a steady job ever since I graduated from college. We`ve all seen quite a few men come undone trying to appease the opposite sex.

 

I have also had the cohabitation, monogamous kind of relationship and I spent more energy fantasizing about fucking other women (or even just taking a walk, for crying out loud) then than I do now. I've spent countless hours and dollars at the bar just trying to get away from the stifling environment of cohabitation and to have a little breathing room for myself.

 

I am up for having a full-blown relationship of mutual help, shared time and space, affection, and respect. But I do not plan on giving up on my personal space.

 

If women still need the Christian symbolism and codependency, so be it! It`s their loss. They don`t know what they are missing.

 

-----------

P.S. I thought women in northern Germany were a little more independent than most. I am interested in visiting Germany.

 

Are independent women just the proverbial unicorn, and regardless of social progress we're doomed to mate like chimps according to our biological programming for all eternity? Ooga-booga.

[sweetgirlknows 121]

no no I don't think "women have lower standards in terms of what we consider an attractive guy just to be in the lifestyle?"' date=' not at all. I just meant "women have lower standards in terms of what we consider an attractive guy" period and I don't think women look all good in clubs. I wanted to point out that in a couple, to my personal view, I see the woman taking more care of herself than the guy (but they could both look bad :p ). Average women "in general" spend more time and energy to be in shape and look good then the average hetero sexual men. You don't think ?[/quote']

 

It is true I spend more time prettying up than Mr. Sweet but he doesn't have to spend as much time because society in general defines "attractive male" much less specifically. I personally don't think spending more time prettying up makes me truly more attractive but since society dictates what a desirable female looks like I have to comply to be accepted. Society has a clearer and more detailed definition of what an "attractive woman" looks like (i.e. blonde, thin, big boobs, shaved pussy, petite, etc). For guys its just neat, clean, and somewhat muscular (but not too much) so it doesn't take them much time.

[Alura 2,774]

Average women "in general" spend more time and energy to be in shape and look good then the average hetero sexual men. You don't think ?

 

I'm just a Hick Okie, and I don't know much about average conditions, but I can damn-well tell ya that women are more attractive. They definitely look better.

 

Alura

[victoria'dreams 141]

I've spent countless hours and dollars at the bar just trying to get away from the stifling environment of cohabitation and to have a little breathing room for myself.

-----------

P.S. I thought women in northern Germany were a little more independent than most. I am interested in visiting Germany.

 

Are independent women just the proverbial unicorn, and regardless of social progress we're doomed to mate like chimps according to our biological programming for all eternity? Ooga-booga.

 

If you look for independent women, Germany will be your Nirvana. Most men suffer from the German girls when looking for more symbiosis love relationship. they would like the german girls to be more southern Europe codependency. I personally do not mind the Ooga-booga and I accept to be doomed

 

Victoria and I used to be independent and agreed to meet for sex before being a couple and have total freedom on our lives. was great. but somehow, we started to get jealous of others (the guys she was seeing and the girls I was seeing). On my side I knew she was too great, too good looking it was only a question of time she'll stop that deal we had and leave and I just couldn't imagine my life without seeing her anymore... I was just totally in love with her (this is my romantic hour). Please someone sing a song.

[unibull_arena 15]

If you look for independent women, Germany will be your Nirvana. Most men suffer from the German girls when looking for more symbiosis love relationship. they would like the german girls to be more southern Europe codependency. I personally do not mind the Ooga-booga and I accept to be doomed

 

Victoria and I used to be independent and agreed to meet for sex before being a couple and have total freedom on our lives. was great. but somehow, we started to get jealous of others (the guys she was seeing and the girls I was seeing). On my side I knew she was too great, too good looking it was only a question of time she'll stop that deal we had and leave and I just couldn't imagine my life without seeing her anymore... I was just totally in love with her (this is my romantic hour). Please someone sing a song.

Oh, so it`s not so much that women don`t want an open relationship, but the women you like don`t!

 

Awesome, mang. I`m going to make my way to Germany, and I will sing you Jane`s Addiction's "Three Days."

 

three ways was the morning

three lovers in three ways

we knew when she landed

the three days she`d stay

I`m a proud man anyway

covered now by three days

[Hippiegirlie 276]

i just wrote a long answer to many of you. clicked post and the website asked me to log in again. I did and all my post is gone ! I'm so annoyed.......

 

That has happened to me before. If it happens again, try cutting or copying the post and then signing back in and then pasting to your destination. I have found I am able to do that even if the site has logged me off.

[sweetgirlknows 121]

I'm just a Hick Okie, and I don't know much about average conditions, but I can damn-well tell ya that women are more attractive. They definitely look better.

 

Alura

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I've seen many men I'd rather stare at than women (I am bisexual). Your making too much of a generalization there. Most women do not measure up to the society defined standard of an "attractive woman." I know I don't and you probably don't either. It's nice to have physical Chemistry but I think any guy who respects me and my desires is SMOKING HOT! Mr. Sweet feels the same about women.

[Alura 2,774]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

My point exactly.

 

Alura

[victoria'dreams 141]

Oh, so it`s not so much that women don`t want an open relationship, but the women you like don`t!

 

Awesome, mang. I`m going to make my way to Germany, and I will sing you Jane`s Addiction's "Three Days."

 

three ways was the morning

three lovers in three ways

we knew when she landed

the three days she`d stay

I`m a proud man anyway

covered now by three days

 

yes ! the women I like don't.

 

Thank you for the song ! great smileys too

 

if you're serious about coming to Germany meet us for a drink we want to hear the song live.

[victoria'dreams 141]

That has happened to me before. If it happens again, try cutting or copying the post and then signing back in and then pasting to your destination. I have found I am able to do that even if the site has logged me off.

 

very good tip

[victoria'dreams 141]

My point exactly.

 

Alura

 

I think we all agree on that