The risks of even bringing up swinging with your partner?

[Rabbyt 15]

Hi Everyone,

 

This is my 1st posting so go easy on me. Looking for e-books on Amazon.com which I like to read before going to sleep I came across a book called "Swinging for Beginners", it was cheap, I was intrigued, so I got it. Well, I had no idea of the impact that book had on me. I've read it three times and been so thirsty for more information on swinging which has eventually led me to your site.

 

The reason why I'm searching so much for all the info I can get is that I haven't even mentioned the barest hint of swinging to her as I want to make sure I do it as best I can (if I decide to risk it) to give us the maximum chance that she might want to give it a go.

 

I really don't know what her reaction will be. On the good side, she loves sex, daily if possible, she loves it in different places and loves dirty talk and us verbalising and describing what we are doing to each other. I guess I'm trying to put it together in my

mind.

 

What I love after some of the information I've read is that it is something we do as a couple. I wouldn't be interested in swinging alone and in fact it is as much a turn on for me imagining her being absolutely pleasured by other men while I'm watching as it is for me imagining myself with another woman. I also love the sense of freedom, of being released from

the emotional worry when sex is totally associated with love and relationship always. I love the talk of how swinging can bring a couple a unique closeness as if they can discuss and see their partners having sex, they can talk about anything. I really believe it would bring us closer.

 

My worries are that there is some risk in even bringing this subject up as would it colour how she perceived me forever if she was totally turned off by the idea of swinging. I love my wife dearly and my desire to see with other men and for me to experience other women takes nothing away from this love. I want to see her in throes of pleasure and relive

the experiences later as I believe it would improve our own eroticism, sex, communication and desire for each other. If she decided against doing it, I would accept this (despite some

disappointment) but I guess I hope that it wouldn't affect our relationship or worse ruin it just by her knowing that I wanted us to swing with other people. I guess that's the risk I'm worried about and would like to be the best prepared and minimise it if at all possible.

 

Are there any particular signs, traits, signals that would be more common to women who would be open to swinging that i could look for in my wife to make the BIG decision of whether to broach the subject with her.

 

I would appreciate any advice anyone can give and would like to thank everyone on this board for the wonderful information already contained in it.

 

Regards

Rabbyt

[twopeople2 15]

Do you watch porn together? Maybe you could make comments about whatever part of that you may like and see how she reacts. Or even talking dirty during sex. I don't mean bust out and say I'd like to swing honey would you? But, it would be a way to give her a hint or ease into it without outright shocking her. She may go along with it and think it's just sex talk but then later when you're out of bed you could bring it up and go from there. Others may suggest a more direct approach but just an idea, it worked for me.

[OhioCouple 40]

Excellent advice, twopeople2! At least that is how it got started with us. We had a really crappy porn video that had no sound to it so it kinda forced us to talk while watching it and playing around.

 

RabbyT, what ever you do, don't spring it on her and don't force the issue. It took several years of talking for me (the female half) to finally think to myself "Hey, this might be fun!" We did at least 3 years of "pillow talking" and fantasizing, and even then I had to do a whole lot of research before we took the first step. This site is an excellent place for researching it and the folks around here are more than willing to answer any questions that you have. I think if you bring it up to her in the right way, we started talking about it while making love, you'll not harm your relationship at all. Just gauge her reaction and if she clams up or turns cold on you. STOP and tell her you were just having a fantasy and nothing more. Let it have time to sink in and who knows, she could be the next one to bring it up to you.

 

Good luck and welcome to the board!

[TNT 1,155]

You said that you had read a book on swinging…why not give the book to your wife and tell her that you found the concepts in the book interesting and would like her opinion on it.

 

Ted and I are both avid readers and it is not uncommon for either of us to read a book and then ask the other to read it also, so we will have someone to discuss it with.

 

If you both surf the web you could show her this site and say something like…”You have got to check this out it’s so interesting”.

 

In both cases I wouldn’t come right out at first and say that you are interested in trying this, just that you found it interesting and wanted to know what she thought about it. It will open the lines of communication between the two of you on the subject and that is the first step. It might take months or years before anything would come of it, but you have to start somewhere.

 

As others have said, watching porn and sharing sexual fantasies with each other is always a good idea.

 

No matter what you decide always remember that trust, honesty and patience, as well as, COMMUNICATION are the most important things in any relationship.

 

Teresa

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I'm guessing she knows you enjoy a good E-book before bed. Just tell her the truth. Say "honey you'll never believe this book I got the other night when I was looking for a new e-book". Then tell her about it. Obviously you didn't read it initially because of an interest in swinging, so being truthful here lets her decide on her own what to do with the info that you have found.

 

Tell her about the book and see what she has to say in response. If her reaction is "that is sick and wrong" then let it go. Either way the thought is planted in her head and she will probably continue to think about it. Either deciding she is totally against it or perhaps considering it and deciding that she too wants to know more.

 

The key here is to open the doors of communication and keep them open.

[Buck 17]

Rabbyt, I could have made your post. In fact several months ago when I discovered this board I made similar posts asking for similar advice. The advice given to me me was pretty much the same as you are getting...take it slow with your wife. Like yours, my wife loves sex, watches porno videos with me (and she gets really hot when we do ), and uses sex toys in front of me but is very cautious when I mention a MFM menage a' trois or me simply watching her have sex with another man. I don't push it, but I do take the opportunity to bring it up when the timing is right. The MFM thing has been a fantasy of mine for many years and she knows it. Several have suggested that I introduce her to this board, but like you, I am wary of that right now because once done, its too late if she responds in a negative way. I really don't think she would, but I'm still very nervous about it. I really suspect that deep down, if the opportunity ever arose in the right place. at the right time, with the right guy or couple, she would be open to swinging. I keep hoping that someday it might happen. I, like you evidently, am not pursuing this for my pleasure alone, as I am committed to my wife and would not do anything outside our relationship as a couple. I also know that if we ever get into swinging, it would be because I suggested it, not her. I base that on our history of me suggesting we watch porno videos then after she tried it, she liked it, and the same applied with sex toys. We have been married over twenty years and all of this has been a very gradual development to the point we are in now. So, I have no answers for you but can identify with you strongly and maybe we can share thoughts about this subject on this board. Have a nice day!

[thekolonel 15]

Most of the women I've met in the scene were nudged into it at some point by the men in their lives and then after a while discovered they loved it. At some point you need to have the talk with her. Tell her you'd like to visit one of these parties just to watch and see what it's like, almost like live-action porn. Put her under no pressure to go any further than that. Make it easy for her to take a baby step in your direction and she might come around.

[Rabbyt 15]

Hi again and thanks to everyone who responded. I guess I'll give some views on these responses and seek any further help that can be offered.

 

QUOTE]Originally posted by twopeople2

Do you watch porn together? Maybe you could make comments about whatever part of that you may like and see how she reacts. Or even talking dirty during sex.

 

No we have never watched porn together. I agree this would be a good idea, though I also have to come up with why, after 6 years of Marriage, I'm suddenly suggesting we get some porn dvd's. Though I'm more confident of being able to do this and I doubt she will have a problem with us watching them.

 

We have been talking dirty in bed for a little while now. It's funny because here I am wanting to swing, yet I'm the more repressed one. I'm 10 years older than she is and grew up with very repressed attitudes pushed into me regarding sex. Whilst I don't agree with them, I have always found sex was embarassing and wouldn't say a word during love-making except for the grunts and groans. However, I have been telling her how good it feels when she gives head for example and how good she is at it and asking what she wants me to do to her etc... in recent times including using the vulgar terms for the bits of us. She seems to really like this and I find it a turn-on too.

 

QUOTE]Originally posted by OhioCouple

RabbyT, what ever you do, don't spring it on her and don't force the issue. It took several years of talking for me (the female half) to finally think to myself "Hey, this might be fun!" We did at least 3 years of "pillow talking" and fantasizing, and even then I had to do a whole lot of research before we took the first step.

 

I think I'd find it hard to just spring it anyway and would need something to help me lead into talking about it. I wish I could somehow get her to read this board as the attitudes and opinions on Swinging are not what you expect when you are uniformed. They certainly surprised me. I hope when we finally talk about it it doesn't take 3 years for it to become a reality for us. And thanks for the Welcome! You people all seem so wonderful.

 

Originally posted by TNT

You said that you had read a book on swinging…why not give the book to your wife and tell her that you found the concepts in the book interesting and would like her opinion on it.

 

If you both surf the web you could show her this site and say something like…”You have got to check this out it’s so interesting”.

 

As others have said, watching porn and sharing sexual fantasies with each other is always a good idea.

 

Teresa

 

Hi teresa and thanks for your comments. I don't think I could just give her the book. She doesn't read that much and I would feel strange doing that as it would be out of the ordinary for me to do so.

 

She is just starting to learn a little about computers and we haven't done much web surfing together and certainly not on any sex sites. In time, I would love to be reading this board together with her as I think it has wonderful information. Or somehow at least get her to find this site and read some of it herself. I don't think she's ever seen a sexy type site before.

 

I think there's something in the sharing of fantasies. We have never told each other any of our fantasies. I have never asked her and she hasn't of me either. What's a good way to bring this up?

 

And don't worry, I agree wholeheartedly with your comments on trust and honesty etc... and a lot of the reason that Swinging has excited me is how much it seems to enhance all those qualities for the couples involved.

 

Originally posted by JustAskJulie

Tell her about the book and see what she has to say in response. If her reaction is "that is sick and wrong" then let it go. Either way the thought is planted in her head and she will probably continue to think about it. Either deciding she is totally against it or perhaps considering it and deciding that she too wants to know more.

 

The key here is to open the doors of communication and keep them open.

 

Hi Julie,

 

Thanks for your comments. I guess that seems a little too direct for me to start opening the communication doors on swinging. I'd like to somehow start it a little subtler than that and then get her the actual paper copy of a good book on swinging to read. You have a wonderful site and resource here and I genuinely thank you for it.

 

Originally posted by Buck

Rabbyt, I could have made your post.

 

Several have suggested that I introduce her to this board, but like you, I am wary of that right now because once done, its too late if she responds in a negative way. I really don't think she would, but I'm still very nervous about it. I really suspect that deep down, if the opportunity ever arose in the right place. at the right time, with the right guy or couple, she would be open to swinging.

 

So, I have no answers for you but can identify with you strongly and maybe we can share thoughts about this subject on this board. Have a nice day!

 

Hi Buck,

 

Hey good to know that there's others in the same boat. Then if there's things tried that have some succes they can be shared. I would love to have her see this board but I'd love it more if she somehow was able to stumble across it on her own. I'm sortof hoping that if we can get to talking about fantasies and then maybe give each other projects to find a site about whatever fantasy (in this case swinging or a 3-some) we are talking about and look at the sites. That's one way that's been going through my mind.

 

I'm not sure what I suspect about whether she would do it or not. Some things we have done in the past say to me that maybe she would, but I don't know yet. I guess that's the first question I want to establish for myself before i take it further with her. I want to be able to think that there's a reasonable chance that she might want to do this cause If i thought there was no way, then the risk just isn't worth taking.

 

Originally posted by thekolonel

Most of the women I've met in the scene were nudged into it at some point by the men in their lives and then after a while discovered they loved it. At some point you need to have the talk with her. Tell her you'd like to visit one of these parties just to watch and see what it's like, almost like live-action porn. Put her under no pressure to go any further than that. Make it easy for her to take a baby step in your direction and she might come around.

 

That is something that would be great to do with her but it's probably a step well into the future. I would love to go to a party with her though and just see what is happening without us doing anything. It would also help me to see if this is some sort of fantasy I've become fixated on (not that I think that's the case but you never really know till you do it) or is it really appealing to me.

 

Sorry about the long post but I thought it was better than doing a few different ones. I appreciate the time taken by you all and in some ways it reaffirms to me the sense of community and belonging that seems to be a part of Swinging.

[BradAndJanet 70]

Rabbyt, first let me say welcome to the board!

 

Second, I think you're on the right track, using your head and taking it one step at a time. I think you have the right attitude about this; taking it slow, letting things happen as they may and listening to the fine advice you've received here. Work it into your bedroom talk, find some porn to watch that shows some multiple partner sex and wait for the opportunity to ask her about her fantasies. She may surprise you.

 

If and when she's ready, show her this site. You can count on us to be just a friendly and supportive of her as we are of you. Best wishes to you. Stick around too, we'd love to get to know you better and hear how things are going!

 

-B

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Hi Rabbyt (and Buck, too). First, let me insert the caveat that I am NOT married or involved so I'm not coming at this from the perspective of a *wife*. But I am *old* and female, so that counts for something.

 

I think it would be terribly shocking to be in a long-term marriage or relationship and have my partner suddenly bring up the idea of swinging. I also believe that I would immediately start questioning myself and the relationship - which would only make for hard feelings and cause me to throw up a wall that might not be penetrable (if that is a word). Also, most of us settle into a marriage "forsaking all others, etc." so the idea of sharing with others outside those boundaries is initially shocking, to say the least - even when it is our own thought.

 

I hesitate to say this, but many people would find the idea of sexual sharing almost "abnormal," if you will. I know that I did, initially. Therefore, that is part of the thought process that has to be turned around, but it can't be done by someone (you) telling her that it is "normal" or "exciting" or "whatever." She needs to get there on her own - with little nudges by you - just enough to start opening one door at a time.

 

Knowing that everyone's circumstances are different, I would suggest a few "soft" activities that might start opening those doors if only for a peek.

 

Massage. There are massage therapists that will make house calls. Although not erotic massage, the after effects may be quite erotic and stimulating and open the door for sharing of fantasies regarding the involvement of others.

 

Of course, the porn idea is good, too, but depending on what you've done in the past, that might bring on negative comments or questions. If you've never watched porn together, you would probably want to start with something really soft and work towards the harder stuff. Also, there were some earlier threads on swapping/swinging on TV. Watching something like that together would be a perfect lead in for discussion and sharing. That might also enable you to suggest the idea of visiting an off-premesis club.

 

Have you ever visited a local adult bookstore together? That can be a ton of fun and can really open up communication. WOW!! I saw things there that I didn't even know existed! Not the sort of place I have an interest in visiting often, but it was fun one night just to go from store to store - looking. And watching other people. Really led to some risque and eye-opening conversations later.

 

Start doing things out of the ordinary for your relationship. Most of us "settle" into relationships...home from work, dinner, errands, laundry, etc. Why not surprise her one night by planning an early evening picnic with a little erotic play thrown in for dessert? Again, opening the door to adventuresome play.

 

Maybe a weekend get-a-way in some hotel with a jacuzzi, room service, wine...spend the weekend totally naked and playing with each other. And generally, you can watch some pay-per-view type porn there. Might be the perfect opening. Might be the opportunity to suggest the off-premesis club visit, too - if she has had the opportunity to even know they exist. (and believe me, although I'm *old,* I had not a single idea about that stuff until just 2-3 years ago!!)

 

Does she dress sexy - ever? Or like most of us - fall into bed at night in the old but comfortable t-shirt? Maybe coming home with a special gift - sexy nightie or something? Maybe even some on-line shopping together. That could be fun.

 

I posted somewhere else that we sometimes have to convince others that what we want is their idea , and while it may sound manipulative, we all do it all the time. And that is likely what you need to do - start placing one thought/idea in front of the other - allowing time for the idea to be absorbed - and all the while leading her to where you want to go. In the end, it will be an idea you came to together. They are baby steps and we all learn to "walk" at different paces. Only you know how fast she will walk, and one way or the other, she will tell you when she needs to go back to crawling for a while. And when and if she tells you that, you need to listen and allow it. It will probably be only temporary, then back to walking.

 

Hope this helps even a little - EBF

[Rabbyt 15]

Originally posted by BradAndJanet

Rabbyt, first let me say welcome to the board!

 

Thank you, you know I really do feel welcome here.

 

Second, I think you're on the right track, using your head and taking it one step at a time. I think you have the right attitude about this; taking it slow, letting things happen as they may and listening to the fine advice you've received here. Work it into your bedroom talk, find some porn to watch that shows some multiple partner sex and wait for the opportunity to ask her about her fantasies. She may surprise you.

 

Thanks, it's reassuring to hear experienced people tell me that I could be on the right track. And I do plan to take it slowly. As much as some people might not believe it, I want to do this as much for us, as I do for the potential opportunity to have sex with other women. In the past during some of the times when our relationship has been under stress, one of the things that she has always said is that she wants to be much closer to me. Now, it can be very hard to work out exactly what to do to become much closer, but reading the philosophy behind swinging and how it frees up couples and their inhibitions and allows them to communicate on every level totally openly, I think that I understand much better what that much closer means. BTW, our relationship is quite strong now so please don't take my comments to imply that we are having problems.

 

I'm not concerned if it takes us quite a while to get there as I imagine the journey will have some quite wonderful discoveries and opportunities to explore things together. What I've decided to do to start is I've ordered a copy of "Sweet Life: Erotic fantasies for couples" and will give it to her shortly for her birthday, telling her its for us to read and have fun with together.

I am 100% confident she will love this present as we have recently become more vocal during sex and this will be the next stage of actually talking about what we like and our fantasies rather than just using dirty talk to turn each other on during sex.

I imagine that the book will have a lot of fantasies that have nothing to do with swinging or other partners, but we'll probably be able to have fun with a lot of the fantasies in there.

 

I like your comment about getting to the point of asking her about her fantasies and "she might surprise you". Some of the things we have done in the past on the spur of the moment make me believe that this could be true. Like having sex on the beach on holidays (there was some other people a few hundred metres away) or her groping me on the spur of the moment while out and not in any opportunity to actually do anything else.

 

If and when she's ready, show her this site. You can count on us to be just a friendly and supportive of her as we are of you. Best wishes to you. Stick around too, we'd love to get to know you better and hear how things are going!

-B

 

This is probably the nicest thing that I've read in this thread. I'd love to get to the point where she comes on this site as so many things are explained so much better than I could do it. And to then have the people here willing to be supportive if she came here to help her understand that it's not just an excuse to Fuck around (excuse me for using that profanity but it didn't sound right using any other words for it) but so much more than that. I will be sticking around. In fact the only thing that would make me go away is if I eventually got a catagorical NO, NOT EVER from her as it would seem to be sill y to be hanging round here in that case.

 

Thanks for your thoughts.

[Rabbyt 15]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem

Hi Rabbyt (and Buck, too). First, let me insert the caveat that I am NOT married or involved so I'm not coming at this from the perspective of a *wife*. But I am *old* and female, so that counts for something.

 

I'm really interested in females points of view on this. I think it helps me get a better perspective on it. And btw, I would rather call you *wise* and female.

 

I think it would be terribly shocking to be in a long-term marriage or relationship and have my partner suddenly bring up the idea of swinging. I also believe that I would immediately start questioning myself and the relationship

 

We have been together for 6 years so it's been reasonably long-term. I think you might be right about her reaction. She can be a little insecure at times. She is quite a bit younger than me, she is a knockout to look at, slim, sexy, great figure and yet she often has a poor self-image of herself. I have to constantly tell her that she is so beautiful, not fat at all (she weighs 48kg and is 160cm tall) as if I have to convince her. I have bought her clothes that are a little sexy and she says she'll wear them for me but also says she's not good enough to wear them just out. She's wrong!

 

She needs to get there on her own - with little nudges by you - just enough to start opening one door at a time.

 

That's exactly what I would love to happen, where with some nudges I could get her to somehow bring up the topic asking me for my thoughts on it. I would be totally honest with her if I could get that to happen as her asking would be showing some potential interest in it. I guess im saying that would be the best case, though I've got to be prepared to raise it myself at some stage if it seems she never will. Otherwise I'd never know if she was just too scared to raise it.

 

Massage. There are massage therapists that will make house calls. Although not erotic massage, the after effects may be quite erotic and stimulating and open the door for sharing of fantasies regarding the involvement of others.

 

She actually loves to get massages and has done so a few times. One of her other birthday presents will be a 4 hour pampering at a Jurlique Salon. I actually organised this before i even read that book and started my interest in Swinging.

 

Of course, the porn idea is good, too, but depending on what you've done in the past, that might bring on negative comments or questions.

 

I actually thought we'd never watched porn together, but we actually somewhat have. On holidays, we've had a hotel pay TV on a Porn channel in Europe and it was pretty bad so we weren't really watching it but it excited us enough to make love and take pictures of each other. She also asked me to take her to Sexpo (an adult exhibition) 3 years ago and I bought her a pair of Wicked Weasel bikinis there. There is a Sexpo going to be here in November, so I'm going to ask her this time to go with me.

 

Also, there were some earlier threads on swapping/swinging on TV.

 

I'll certainly look out for those.

 

Have you ever visited a local adult bookstore together? That can be a ton of fun and can really open up communication.

 

No, I think this one maybe we could do a bit further down the track of exploring things.

 

Start doing things out of the ordinary for your relationship. Why not surprise her one night by planning an early evening picnic with a little erotic play thrown in for dessert? Again, opening the door to adventuresome play.

 

I love this idea. we can be in the countryside after a drive of about an hour and I can just imagine stopping the car, going into the fields away from the road and spreading a blanket. There would be the hint that we could be caught even if that was only a remote chance. And knowing her, I think she would absolutely love it.

 

Does she dress sexy - ever? Or like most of us - fall into bed at night in the old but comfortable t-shirt? Maybe coming home with a special gift - sexy nightie or something? Maybe even some on-line shopping together. That could be fun.

 

When on holidays, she had a wild time in the New York Victoria Secret on 6th Avenue and I have since then ordered from their catalogues for her a few times. I have bought teddies and babydolls and she does love them. Especially the teddy that has a rip open crotch. She was eager for us to try that out. I would like to see her dress sexier for general wear and I think she would too but her self esteem has been a barrier somewhat.

 

In the end, it will be an idea you came to together.

 

This is exactly what I'd like to achieve as I think if we felt it was a totally joint decision, we're much more likely to have fun and enjoy doing it.

 

Thanks for all your thoughts. They've been a real help!

[Buck 17]

Rabbyt, as ususual, ElusiveBiFem seems to be "right on" with her advice. Similar to what she gave me several months ago. As far not rushing into things and enjoying it along the way, that's almost an exact description of what has happened with me and my wife. We've been married over twenty years and it seems each year gets better. My fantasy about a MFM thing or watching her surfaced pretty early in our marriage when we were sharing our previous sexual experiences with each other. I, too am a few years older than my wife so she had experienced only a few partners, but as she told me about them I became so turned on I couldn't restrain myself. Then, slowly, over the years, I would verbalize my fantasies, especially in the throes of a sexual encounter between us, then we started watching porn videos, read a few "dirty" magazines together, etc. I forgot one thing in my earlier post, we also have had some great phone sex sessions when one of us was out of town on business. One thing I have done several times is pop a video in and key it up to the right "spot" or scene, then call her and when she is comfortable ask her to turn on the VCR and then things really heat up. Its a great opportunity to share those fantasies and masturbate together over the phone. I think she really appreciates the fact that when I'm out of town I'm not out running the bars and chasing women but would rather call her and have sex over the phone with her (such as it is). A huge part of our experience here is learning to trust each other, especially her learning that I am not going to "set her up" or push her into anything. She is even able to joke about my MFM fantasy with such comments as we need to buy three burial plots, one for each of us and one for "Him." Such comments as that lead me to to believe that with the right person in the right situation my ultimate fantasy might happen, but, again, I am not going to set up a surprise or anything like that. In the meantime, we're both having fun and the older we get, it seems the closer we get in every way, including sexually.

 

ElusiveBiFem, if you read this, I agree with Rabbyt, the word should be "wise" not "old"....especially since I think you and I are about the same age. Thanks again for your wise advice.

[windsor4fun2 130]

Originally posted by Rabbyt

I think you might be right about her reaction. She can be a little insecure at times.

 

If she can be insecure take special care to not say or do anything that could trigger it.

 

For us it was my wife that broached the subject of swinging. She has always been the more adventurous one. However was not a big shock to me because we had been fantasizing about swapping or a threesome for awhile. We started by discussing our fantasies during love making and it went from there. I would suggest as others and discuss your fantasies and see where it leads, you may be pleasantly surprised.

 

Jesse

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by Rabbyt

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem

Hi Rabbyt (and Buck, too). First, let me insert the caveat that I am NOT married or involved so I'm not coming at this from the perspective of a *wife*. But I am *old* and female, so that counts for something.

 

I'm really interested in females points of view on this. I think it helps me get a better perspective on it. And btw, I would rather call you *wise* and female.

 

And Buck: ElusiveBiFem, if you read this, I agree with Rabbyt, the word should be "wise" not "old"....especially since I think you and I are about the same age. Thanks again for your wise advice."

 

Thanks, Rabbyt and Buck. That *wise* thinng kind of makes my day.

 

I have a friend that told me just recently, " You didn't make a mistake. You were just practicing." I thought that was a terrific way to look at things.

 

And now this thing about being "wise" vs. "old." Sort of in the same vein...

 

The problem is, I'm so very *wise* that I shouldn't need to *practice* anymore. I should have life down pat by now.

 

Have a great day - EBF

[ready2pla 17]

I hope you find a way to break the communication barrier because she may have the same fantasy that you have discovered. I remember how I got the subject started we were only 20 married 2 years and while we were having a wild romp I started talking dirty asking her if she would like having a friend of ours big cock in her right then I knew she was attracted to him. She responded like crazy. We didn't talk about it after that except while we were hot and horny but it planted a seed in her mind wondering how it would be. She had never been with another man sexually. After a few times in bed we got started talking about it when we were alone no distractions. We have been married happly 27 years. Now as I look back you might not want to use a good friend that your wife is attracted to that could be dangerous in many ways. It just worked for us maybe because she was having the same fantasy I was. Good luck we have had some great years and wild times

[SexhoundDog 18]

I too am in the same boat your are, RabbyT. Windsor4fun2 hit one of my concerns on the head, and that's her insecurity. I'm without a doubt certain that if I'm ever to get my wife into ever trying it, that there is no way I'd even mention another female at first. It would absolutely have to be for her, and if it never went further than softswing stopping at oral for instance or an MMF encounter, I'm fine with that. If you are too, then maybe we'll both have some luck!

 

If your sex life is already good, I doubt it would hurt to see what her reaction would be to watching porn. My wife enjoys watching the strange cocks in them and I believe she likes the TASTEFUL MMF scenes the best, where the men are pleasuring the woman, not degrading her. When our kids go back to college, I'm ordering one called Femme done by Candida Royalle. I heard she makes porn that is more for women; go into search and see what you can find.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by Rabbyt

Thanks for your comments. I guess that seems a little too direct for me to start opening the communication doors on swinging. I'd like to somehow start it a little subtler than that and then get her the actual paper copy of a good book on swinging to read. You have a wonderful site and resource here and I genuinely thank you for it.

 

 

When you do get around to getting a paper copy of a book to read I would suggest Recreational Sex by Patti Thomas

 

It's a light read, great for those who don't typically read a lot and covers all the basics.

[Buck 17]

Rabbyt, the more you describe your wife, the more it makes me think she is open to spicing things up with you. Not the big leap to MMF or swapping but just spicing things up a bit. The fun she had at Victoria's Secret and the Sexpo thing you went to sounds like she enjoys being somewhat "racy". You know, the more I read what you and others have written on this thread and then me actually digesting my own responses to you about my situation leads me to think that my wife is slowly reaching the point of admitting she may be interested in swinging under the right circumstances. If that ever happens I don't know but I know that it will take me finally asking her directly about it rather than just strongly hinting, because I don't think whe would ever volunteer her interest in it if she has any. I guess that's where I am hung up now, should I straightforward ask her or not? For those that have been following this thread, what do you think I should do?

[Rabbyt 15]

Originally posted by Buck

I forgot one thing in my earlier post, we also have had some great phone sex sessions when one of us was out of town on business. One thing I have done several times is pop a video in and key it up to the right "spot" or scene, then call her and when she is comfortable ask her to turn on the VCR and then things really heat up. Its a great opportunity to share those fantasies and masturbate together over the phone.

 

Thanks some really great ideas here, I love that one and it would've come in handy recently when she was away for a few days. One I will definitely try once we get into watching some movies together.

 

I think she really appreciates the fact that when I'm out of town I'm not out running the bars and chasing women but would rather call her and have sex over the phone with her (such as it is).

 

I would never do that to her anyway, I never have done in any of my relationships in my life but I get your point about she realizing that by doing something with her and wanting to do so.

[Rabbyt 15]

Originally posted by SexhoundDog

I too am in the same boat your are, RabbyT. Windsor4fun2 hit one of my concerns on the head, and that's her insecurity. I'm without a doubt certain that if I'm ever to get my wife into ever trying it, that there is no way I'd even mention another female at first. It would absolutely have to be for her, and if it never went further than softswing stopping at oral for instance or an MMF encounter, I'm fine with that. If you are too, then maybe we'll both have some luck!

 

I would be absolutely fine with that, as if she didn't enjoy the esperience for herself with some other guy or us soft swinging with another couple, it wouldn't make any sense to keep pursuing it anyway. Even if she wanted to only soft swing forever, I'd be happy just seeing her please other guys orally and besides I love getting oral anyway.

 

If your sex life is already good, I doubt it would hurt to see what her reaction would be to watching porn. My wife enjoys watching the strange cocks in them and I believe she likes the TASTEFUL MMF scenes the best, where the men are pleasuring the woman, not degrading her. When our kids go back to college, I'm ordering one called Femme done by Candida Royalle. I heard she makes porn that is more for women; go into search and see what you can find.

 

After reading your msg I have already done a search and looked throught those to find some approriate ones. On this site in the shopping sextion I also found a set of 4 dvd's called "Sexuality Reports - 4 dvd box set". One of the 4 is "Swinging from fantasy to reality" and I hope to buy these soon as having a swinging dvd included in a set is not as blatant as buying it specifically on its own but could lead to some good open conversations on the subject. I'm not worried about her reaction to watching porn. In fact I'm 100% sure that she won't have a problem with watching them at all and will probably find them exciting.

[Rabbyt 15]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie

When you do get around to getting a paper copy of a book to read I would suggest Recreational Sex by Patti Thomas

 

It's a light read, great for those who don't typically read a lot and covers all the basics.

 

Thanks Julie, you're a star. I'll definitely get it.

[Rabbyt 15]

Originally posted by Buck

Rabbyt, the more you describe your wife, the more it makes me think she is open to spicing things up with you. Not the big leap to MMF or swapping but just spicing things up a bit.

 

Hi Buck, yes of that I'm sure as I think I've been the one who's been the one dragging the chain on us spicing things up due to my inability to discuss embarrassing topics and talk openly and freely about sexual topics. That's why I'm going to start by us sharing a couple of books to get us speaking about these.

 

As for swinging, If I thought that there was no way she would go for it, I'd be dropping it now. That's what I need to find out as I think there's at least a 50% chance she could be interested and excited about it. Though I have no doubt she'd have heaps of questions and would have some of society's conditions like worrying about labels like slut etc.. to get over too.

 

You know, the more I read what you and others have written on this thread and then me actually digesting my own responses to you about my situation leads me to think that my wife is slowly reaching the point of admitting she may be interested in swinging under the right circumstances. If that ever happens I don't know but I know that it will take me finally asking her directly about it rather than just strongly hinting, because I don't think we would ever volunteer her interest in it if she has any.

 

I'm glad that the questions and comments I've posed seem to be helping someone else too.

 

I guess that's where I am hung up now, should I straightforward ask her or not? For those that have been following this thread, what do you think I should do?

 

And boy, I feel so inadequately qualified to give you advice at this stage. All I can say is that I know at some stage in the future (I guess it would be in the next 6 months or so) I'm gonna have to let her know that I'm really interested and asking her for her thoughts. I also at that time will ask if she wants to go to a party where we won't have to do anything except watch what we're able to, talk to other people, take in the sexually charged atmosphere and maybe get a little naked in front of others or make love to one another with others able to see us.

[bear_n_bunny 43]

Rabbyt,

 

While I'm sure you are up to your armpits in different perspectives on how to broach this rather touchy subject to your wife by now, I'm a firm believer in not making things any more complicated than they need to be.

 

Insofar as swinging is concerned, you are obviously aware that caution is indicated in how you bring up the subject to Ms. Rabbyt, especially since you have indicated she's a bit insecure about herself (although from the way you describe her, she sounds like a major babe...

 

So, the first step is to find out how she is apt to respond to this subject in general terms, as this will go a long way towards determining if you want to pursue the matter with her.

 

Some evening, perhaps after the two of you have shared some nice, mind-blowing cums and are engaging in a bit of after-action pillow talk, casually bring up the subject to her. But do it something like this; "Say, sweetie, I ran across the damndest thing the other day while surfing the net. It was a web site for people (say "people", not "couples"; keep it as innocuous as possible initially) who are into something called swinging".

 

(Obviously you can phrase this statement any way you want, with variations determined by what you figure she already knows, what she thinks you already know about subjects like this, etc. The trick is to phrase it in such a way as to indicate it's something distant, remote, having little or no effect on her. Sort of like saying "Did you know that most marriages in Japan are still "arranged" by the families?" You get the idea.)

 

At this point, pause a second and give her a chance to say something. Her response may range from "Swinging? What's that?" to "Swinging?!?! Ohh, yuck. Wife swappers. How disgusting!"

 

Naturally, if her response is something like the latter, it's best to drop it right then and forget about it, at least in the short term.

 

But if her response is more like the former ("What's swinging?" or the like), give her a general description of the idea, based on what you "found" on the web site. And in a sense, this is true; you just found out about this lifestyle recently, and on the net...

 

Either way, it will be dicey at this point, as we don't know how she might react to such a concept, so be careful. You will have to temper your responses accordingly.

 

If she responds positively, or at least neutral, give her some of the info you've learned, and I would emphasize how much the women are in control of the whole thing (but then, the women are always in control; else you would not be jumping through all these hoops..., and how much pleasure they get from it, etc. But even then, do not make any direct suggestions that the two of you might want to do this. Lay some of the information on her, but then casually change the subject. Give her time to think on it.

 

On the other hand, if she responds in a negative fashion, especially something along the lines of "What? Do you want to have sex with other women!?!", etc, start backpedaling, lie if you have to, and drop the subject. The most you can hope for is that you've planted the seed with her, and perhaps some time in the future, maybe when you all are older and she's not so insecure, you might bring it up again.

 

(Along about now, some self-righteous dingdong is going to get up and start bitching about me telling this guy to lie to his wife if he has to. Well, you are not the one who has to live with this man's wife, especially if she gets her panties in a major wad over this. As I have stated before in this forum, a certain amount of lying is necessary in most any relationship at one time or another just to keep the peace; the trick is to differentiate between a harmless "white" lie and a malicious one.)

 

Believe me, rabbyt, there is a reason most couples do not swing. Women are anthropologically hard-wired to keep under strict control not only who gets access to their pussies, but the cocks of the males they are married to or otherwise seriously involved with. This goes back to our Stone Age origins. It takes a powerful mind for a woman to override that programming and learn to enjoy the purely recreational sex one has in swinging.

 

Of course, once she makes that leap, she quickly discovers she still has as much control over herself and you as she did before. The only difference is that she can now enjoy the different flavors and levels of sexual pleasure one can find with different sexual playmates. The trick here will be for you to help your honey make that transition. I hope it works out well for both of you.

 

Bear

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by bear_n_bunny

(Along about now, some self-righteous dingdong is going to get up and start bitching about me telling this guy to lie to his wife if he has to. Well, you are not the one who has to live with this man's wife, especially if she gets her panties in a major wad over this. As I have stated before in this forum, a certain amount of lying is necessary in most any relationship at one time or another just to keep the peace; the trick is to differentiate between a harmless "white" lie and a malicious one.)

Bear

Bear:

I think your suggestions, from the male perspective, are quite good. I have a bit of trouble sometimes with your "macho-male" attitudes (in this and other postings), but truthfully, when I step back and try to look at things from the male perspective (as best I can), I can usually understand where you are coming from or headed to.

 

I don't think your suggestions are necessarily a lie. I believe it was more along the line of the "manipulation" I was talking about earlier. And while most everyone will say they don't like a manipulator or being manipulated, we all do it in one way or the other although I believe it is generally without conscious intent.

 

Rabbyt:

From the female perspective (maybe the "macho-female;) ), I would merely like to reinforce the idea that along the way of attempting to introduce Ms. Rabbyt to the idea, you reinforce your feelings for her - your emotional and sexual desire for her, and particularly your love for her alone. As you work on that aspect, along with Bear's suggestions, you will be increasing her self-confidence and ego, as well as opening all of those doors of communication that are spoken of so frequently. -EBF

[Tarnished Halo 16]

Having been in the position where my "introduction" was less than charming, loving and presented in a way that my heart almost leapt out of my chest, I would STRONGLY agree that to proceed with caution. A GREAT deal of caution. Had we (or he) done things a whole lot differently, I wouldn't be going through some of the mind bending things that I had to.

The bottom line (not to be mean) is that you do want to have sex with another woman, but hopefully, you can do so in a way that doesn't demoralize and endanger your relationship. Having been married for 20+ years, it is very important to let her know (assuming that she is important to you and you don't want to lose her or your relationship over being anxious to start swinging) that this is something that you BOTH can do, and there are benefits to her (I am still trying to figure that one out, I am very well aware of the benefits to my husband). Perhaps you can avoid the pit that I fell into.

 

Yeah everyone....it's been a rough weekend so far. I just had to add my caution too.

[Rabbyt 15]

Originally posted by bear_n_bunny

Rabbyt,

 

Insofar as swinging is concerned, you are obviously aware that caution is indicated in how you bring up the subject to Ms. Rabbyt, especially since you have indicated she's a bit insecure about herself (although from the way you describe her, she sounds like a major babe...

 

After reading all the advice I've got so far, I'm not even thinking about swinging with her at the moment. I'm going to spend some time working on how open our communication is and getting us to the point where we can discuss ANYTHING as well as making sure she knows how beautiful she is and how I will always love her. And yes, she is a major babe, I think the biggest problem she (and I) would face at a party would be fighting off everyone trying to hit on her.

 

On the other hand, if she responds in a negative fashion, especially something along the lines of "What? Do you want to have sex with other women!?!", etc, start backpedaling, lie if you have to, and drop the subject. The most you can hope for is that you've planted the seed with her, and perhaps some time in the future, maybe when you all are older and she's not so insecure, you might bring it up again.

 

Before I get to the point of casually bringing it up, I want to get to the point of our communication and relationship being such that I wouldn't have to even think about lying to her. I want to be able to say that it turns me on and I'd love to try it but if you don't, that's fine with me too. I think that in this situation, (1) - if we are at that point, there is a greater likelihood that she'd be open to trying and experimenting with new things and (2) Even if she was vehemently against it, the very fact that I investigated all this will have had an enormously positive benefit to our relationship and sex life anyway. In fact, our sex in the past week has probably been the best sex we've ever had and I'm sure that's a result of the erotic thoughts I've had in the past week and it rubbing off on her as we've made love.

 

Of course, once she makes that leap, she quickly discovers she still has as much control over herself and you as she did before. The only difference is that she can now enjoy the different flavors and levels of sexual pleasure one can find with different sexual playmates. The trick here will be for you to help your honey make that transition. I hope it works out well for both of you.

 

We all only have one life and one chance to explore ourselves as freely as we can so I want to give both of us a chance to do this if it's possible. Thanks for your advice.

[Rabbyt 15]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem

Rabbyt:

From the female perspective (maybe the "macho-female;) ), I would merely like to reinforce the idea that along the way of attempting to introduce Ms. Rabbyt to the idea, you reinforce your feelings for her - your emotional and sexual desire for her, and particularly your love for her alone. As you work on that aspect, along with Bear's suggestions, you will be increasing her self-confidence and ego, as well as opening all of those doors of communication that are spoken of so frequently. -EBF

 

From your post and some of the others I have gained a greater appreciation of how important this is. When she tends to talk down about herself, her body, her looks etc... in the past I have been somewhat dismissive with comments like "Don't be silly", as she is so sexy and beautiful. I think my response should be to let her know what I'm thinking and what anyone else would and over time get her to believe that she really does look great and can be confident about herself.

[Rabbyt 15]

Originally posted by Tarnished Halo

Having been in the position where my "introduction" was less than charming, loving and presented in a way that my heart almost leapt out of my chest, I would STRONGLY agree that to proceed with caution. A GREAT deal of caution. Had we (or he) done things a whole lot differently, I wouldn't be going through some of the mind bending things that I had to.

 

That's why I'm so glad that I found this board as the advice has been great. I can't imagine how people years ago without these resources got the help they needed.

 

[b}The bottom line (not to be mean) is that you do want to have sex with another woman, but hopefully, you can do so in a way that doesn't demoralize and endanger your relationship.[/b]

 

I had to think about this long and hard as I didn't want to come across wrongly. However, my coming across the book was just an occurance. Up to that time, I was not looking for variety in sexual partners nor was I even thinking about having sex with any other women. Sure the very fact of swinging means that this would/may occur and yes that sounds like a lot of fun, but it's not the primary reason that I have started to explore this. My No.1 reason would be for the potential benefits to our relationship as we become able to be erotic together and discuss anything and everything. The other reasons are the sense of community and belonging to a group of people who I would respect for their liberal views as well as the desire to see my wife experience untold joys and experience some myself. It's certainly not just about me having sex with other women.

 

Having been married for 20+ years, it is very important to let her know (assuming that she is important to you and you don't want to lose her or your relationship over being anxious to start swinging) that this is something that you BOTH can do, and there are benefits to her (I am still trying to figure that one out, I am very well aware of the benefits to my husband). Perhaps you can avoid the pit that I fell into.

 

If we couldn't do it together, I wouldn't want to do it at all. I haven't looked for any other sexual fulfillment in my life except with my wife and if it wasn't for reading that book I still wouldn't be. I genuinely believe there are benefits to both of a couple of getting rid of the dirty, naughty, wrong embarassing feelings of sex that I was certainly brought up with.

 

Yeah everyone....it's been a rough weekend so far. I just had to add my caution too.

 

Sorry to hear that, and I really hope that things get a lot better for you.

[bear_n_bunny 43]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem

Bear:

I think your suggestions, from the male perspective, are quite good. I have a bit of trouble sometimes with your "macho-male" attitudes (in this and other postings), but truthfully, when I step back and try to look at things from the male perspective (as best I can), I can usually understand where you are coming from or headed to.

 

Thank you, although I'd like to know what you mean by "macho-male" attitudes.

 

I don't think your suggestions are necessarily a lie. I believe it was more along the line of the "manipulation" I was talking about earlier. And while most everyone will say they don't like a manipulator or being manipulated, we all do it in one way or the other although I believe it is generally without conscious intent.

 

Quite right, although I would maintain that most of us know when we are doing it, at least on some level. Call it a white lie, manipulation or what-have-you, we have all done it on occasion, if for no other reason than to smooth over those little bumps in the road of life couples run into from time to time, especially when dealing with your S.O.'s insecurities. It's not pleasant, but sometimes it's necessary.

 

Rabbyt:

From the female perspective (maybe the "macho-female;) ), I would merely like to reinforce the idea that along the way of attempting to introduce Ms. Rabbyt to the idea, you reinforce your feelings for her - your emotional and sexual desire for her, and particularly your love for her alone. As you work on that aspect, along with Bear's suggestions, you will be increasing her self-confidence and ego, as well as opening all of those doors of communication that are spoken of so frequently. -EBF

 

Very, very well put.

 

Bear

[bear_n_bunny 43]

Originally posted by Rabbyt

Originally posted by bear_n_bunny

Rabbyt,

 

Insofar as swinging is concerned, you are obviously aware that caution is indicated in how you bring up the subject to Ms. Rabbyt, especially since you have indicated she's a bit insecure about herself (although from the way you describe her, she sounds like a major babe...

 

After reading all the advice I've got so far, I'm not even thinking about swinging with her at the moment. I'm going to spend some time working on how open our communication is and getting us to the point where we can discuss ANYTHING as well as making sure she knows how beautiful she is and how I will always love her. And yes, she is a major babe, I think the biggest problem she (and I) would face at a party would be fighting off everyone trying to hit on her.

 

I think you are taking the right approach here. Swinging can be a lot of fun, but it is certainly not the end-all and be-all of our existence, something some swingers forget, IMNSHO. In the spirit of not putting the cart before the horse, these other issues need to be cleared up long before the two of you consider approaching a lifestyle such as this.

 

Putting the subject of swinging aside, having the sort of open communication you allude to is imperative for a successful marriage, regardless of what activities you might like to get into at some point. Take the word of someone who has had marriages and relationships crash and burn because of communication problems.

 

Something else that I would urge you to work on with her is why she seems to think she's not the gorgeous babe you say she is. That ain't normal. I have almost never met an attractive woman who did not know full well she was attractive and did not act accordingly. And those who did not had some personal issues they needed to work on; issues based on something that had happened to them in their pasts. So I would definitely check into this. A lot of things will fall into place after these issues are dealt with.

 

In any case, it sounds to me like Ms. Rabbyt is lucky to have you, and I wish you both all the best.

 

Bear

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by bear_n_bunny

Thank you, although I'd like to know what you mean by "macho-male" attitudes.

Bear

 

I'm not good enough on this Board to go back and quote more than one thing at a time, but earlier in the post you said:

 

Believe me, rabbyt, there is a reason most couples do not swing. Women are anthropologically hard-wired to keep under strict control not only who gets access to their pussies, but the cocks of the males they are married to or otherwise seriously involved with. This goes back to our Stone Age origins. It takes a powerful mind for a woman to override that programming and learn to enjoy the purely recreational sex one has in swinging. Believe me, rabbyt, there is a reason most couples do not swing. Women are anthropologically hard-wired to keep under strict control not only who gets access to their pussies, but the cocks of the males they are married to or otherwise seriously involved with. This goes back to our Stone Age origins. It takes a powerful mind for a woman to override that programming and learn to enjoy the purely recreational sex one has in swinging.

 

Came across to me as being a bit on the "macho-male" side. No offense intended, and I hope none taken and especially since I would probably be considered the female equivalent of the "macho-male." And I like it that way.

 

Anyway, in some of your other posts you've come across to me in somewhat the same manner. Maybe describing my impression of you as being direct, straight-talking, no BS, calling a spade a spade type of person would be a better description. Nonetheless, I enjoy reading what you have to say and it generally makes a whole lot of sense.

 

Questions/comments? -EBF

[bear_n_bunny 43]

Originally posted by Tarnished Halo

Having been in the position where my "introduction" was less than charming, loving and presented in a way that my heart almost leapt out of my chest, I would STRONGLY agree that to proceed with caution. A GREAT deal of caution. Had we (or he) done things a whole lot differently, I wouldn't be going through some of the mind bending things that I had to.

The bottom line (not to be mean) is that you do want to have sex with another woman, but hopefully, you can do so in a way that doesn't demoralize and endanger your relationship. Having been married for 20+ years, it is very important to let her know (assuming that she is important to you and you don't want to lose her or your relationship over being anxious to start swinging) that this is something that you BOTH can do, and there are benefits to her (I am still trying to figure that one out, I am very well aware of the benefits to my husband). Perhaps you can avoid the pit that I fell into.

 

Yeah everyone....it's been a rough weekend so far. I just had to add my caution too.

 

I'm sorry, but after reading this, I fervently hope that you and your hubby are NOT swinging. Because based on your comments here, you have about as much business swinging as a four-year-old has holding a loaded .45.

 

Bear

[bear_n_bunny 43]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem

I'm not good enough on this Board to go back and quote more than one thing at a time, but earlier in the post you said:

 

Believe me, rabbyt, there is a reason most couples do not swing. Women are anthropologically hard-wired to keep under strict control not only who gets access to their pussies, but the cocks of the males they are married to or otherwise seriously involved with. This goes back to our Stone Age origins. It takes a powerful mind for a woman to override that programming and learn to enjoy the purely recreational sex one has in swinging. Believe me, rabbyt, there is a reason most couples do not swing. Women are anthropologically hard-wired to keep under strict control not only who gets access to their pussies, but the cocks of the males they are married to or otherwise seriously involved with. This goes back to our Stone Age origins. It takes a powerful mind for a woman to override that programming and learn to enjoy the purely recreational sex one has in swinging.

 

Came across to me as being a bit on the "macho-male" side. No offense intended, and I hope none taken and especially since I would probably be considered the female equivalent of the "macho-male." And I like it that way.

 

Anyway, in some of your other posts you've come across to me in somewhat the same manner. Maybe describing my impression of you as being direct, straight-talking, no BS, calling a spade a spade type of person would be a better description. Nonetheless, I enjoy reading what you have to say and it generally makes a whole lot of sense.

 

Questions/comments? -EBF

 

OK, I can see your point. And you are quite correct in that I am indeed a direct, no-BS, tell-it-like-it-is sort of person. And I have to say that the idea of being circumspect about things like certain terms for genitalia and whatnot (I'm sure some people find this a bit jarring, but what the hell; it's not like we are discussing computer engineering or bird watching here), strikes me as faintly ridiculous on a swinger's forum of all places...

 

As for the specifics of my quote, in case you did not already know this, they are factually accurate, although I'm sure I was a bit blunt for those with, um, more delicate sensibilities.... Ask any anthropologist.

 

However, thank you for your comments and I'll keep them in mind.

 

Bear

[Buck 17]

Before I get to the point of casually bringing it up, I want to get to the point of our communication and relationship being such that I wouldn't have to even think about lying to her. I want to be able to say that it turns me on and I'd love to try it but if you don't, that's fine with me too. I think that in this situation, (1) - if we are at that point, there is a greater likelihood that she'd be open to trying and experimenting with new things and (2) Even if she was vehemently against it, the very fact that I investigated all this will have had an enormously positive benefit to our relationship and sex life anyway. In fact, our sex in the past week has probably been the best sex we've ever had and I'm sure that's a result of the erotic thoughts I've had in the past week and it rubbing off on her as we've made love.

 

 

Rabbyt, from your posts it seems to me that you're already there...I know it's scary but it sounds to me like your relationahip is such that you caould be open and honest with sharing your fantasies without neagative responses from your wife. If you do decide to open up more, let us know the reults!.

[Rabbyt 15]

Originally posted by Buck

Rabbyt, from your posts it seems to me that you're already there...I know it's scary but it sounds to me like your relationahip is such that you could be open and honest with sharing your fantasies without negative responses from your wife. If you do decide to open up more, let us know the reults!.

 

Thanks for your thoughts Buck and although I wouldn't have thought it a couple of weeks ago, I think you just may be right.

Look at the next message for an update on how things are going.

[Rabbyt 15]

JUST AN UPDATE

 

I just wanted to post an update on how things are going.

 

We have received our books and have been reading and talking in the evening to each other and having absolutely mindblowing sex compared to what we were doing before. We have shared a number of fantasies with each other and one of hers was to have 2 girls giving me oral at once. WOW! I felt braver and asked her if she would like to have another guy's cock in her as she was giving me oral and she responded positively. So as far as fantasies go we are definitely on the same wavelength.

 

We went online shopping together for sex toys the other day and bought a vibrator, cock ring, an anal starter kit, plenty of lube, some sexy underwear etc. We then looked over the DVD's available and in the instructional section I suggested that we each choose one. I chose 'Nina Hartley's guide to couples sexploration. What knocked me out was she chose 'Nina Hartley's guide to Swinging'.

They should arrive next week and I can't wait to watch them with her.

 

Finally, I have never felt closer to her and she has expressed the same to me. We are doing lots of little things for each other that can easily be taken for granted, kissing, hugging and groping each other throughout the day and talking so much more to each other. We go to sleep at night after fantastic sex so happy with each other and it still seems to be there in the morning. I really believe our relationship is better at the moment than even the exciting times when we first met.

 

A huge thanks to everyone on here for their advice as if it stopped right here and nothing went any further, we have already achieved so much in developing our relationship.

[Vjklander 138]

Dontcha love it when a plan comes together ....

J

[OhioCouple 40]

Awesome, Rabbyt!

[BradAndJanet 70]

:) Excellent! I'm very happy for you!

 

-B

[Buck 17]

Originally posted by Rabbyt

JUST AN UPDATE

Finally, I have never felt closer to her and she has expressed the same to me. We are doing lots of little things for each other that can easily be taken for granted, kissing, hugging and groping each other throughout the day and talking so much more to each other. We go to sleep at night after fantastic sex so happy with each other and it still seems to be there in the morning. I really believe our relationship is better at the moment than even the exciting times when we first met.

 

 

Hey Rabbyt, sounds like things have progressed pretty nicely for you and your wife. Based upon my experience, I felt strongly that you two were coming closer together with your fantasies, etc. You're passing me up time-frame wise. Its took years for us to get to the point you are now. Years ago, I wish I would have had the benefit of the advice and support that this board provides. I still haven't had the nerve to introduce my wife to it although I think she's ready. Have you?

[Rabbyt 15]

Originally posted by Buck

Hey Rabbyt, sounds like things have progressed pretty nicely for you and your wife. Based upon my experience, I felt strongly that you two were coming closer together with your fantasies, etc. You're passing me up time-frame wise. Its took years for us to get to the point you are now. Years ago, I wish I would have had the benefit of the advice and support that this board provides. I still haven't had the nerve to introduce my wife to it although I think she's ready. Have you?

 

Hi Buck,

 

We have been reading fantasies of threesomes and we naturally got round to talking about swinging. Before I could bring it up she told me it was a fantasy of hers. I guess I was a little blown away but wow are we having fun discussing it.

 

We've watched 2 dvd's on swinging, got some books on it and are discovering a lot in preparation for us going to visit a couples club. I also discovered that she was very bicurious and really looking forward to experimenting with another girl. It's been a wonderful discovery together and we have learnt so much about each other and feel more in love and compatible than ever. We are planning our first venture and are both very excited about it. There's been no pushing on either side, so I feel so comfortable taking this step pretty quickly. In fact she wants me to organise it soon.

 

I hope you are able to bring it up yourself soon and get the same surprise/reaction as I have.

[BradAndJanet 70]

Originally posted by Rabbyt

Hi Buck,

 

We have been reading fantasies of threesomes and we naturally got round to talking about swinging. Before I could bring it up she told me it was a fantasy of hers. I guess I was a little blown away but wow are we having fun discussing it.

 

We've watched 2 dvd's on swinging, got some books on it and are discovering a lot in preparation for us going to visit a couples club. I also discovered that she was very bicurious and really looking forward to experimenting with another girl. It's been a wonderful discovery together and we have learnt so much about each other and feel more in love and compatible than ever. We are planning our first venture and are both very excited about it. There's been no pushing on either side, so I feel so comfortable taking this step pretty quickly. In fact she wants me to organise it soon.

 

I hope you are able to bring it up yourself soon and get the same surprise/reaction as I have.

Rabbyt, I'm so happy for you! Things seem to be working out just fine...

 

-B

[windsor4fun2 130]

Good to hear things are going so well. Sometimes we agonize about mentioning things only to find out the other person has been thinking the same thing but didn't know how to bring it up either. Life can be funny that way.

 

Originally posted by Rabbyt

It's been a wonderful discovery together and we have learnt so much about each other and feel more in love and compatible than ever.

This is what supprised me the most when we first got involved with swinging and is what keeps us coming back. This feeling of closness is the most important aspect for us.

 

Jesse