Lying about her age

[pghsls 15]

Hello everyone,

 

I writing to get some advice on a situation. I've been messaging this woman for a couple weeks now and we seem to get along well and there is chemistry between us. The problem is that I found out that she is lying about her age on her profile. When I saw her face pics, I suspected as such. I decided to do a little more online research and discovered that she is ten years older than the age posted on her profile.

 

I do find her attractive but I'm a bit bothered by the fact that she lied about her age. We haven't met yet or anything. I'm not sure if I should just say nothing, ask her about it (subtly), or just consider it a red flag and move on.

 

Thanks

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

I suspect that better than half the women I know have bent the truth about ago at least once or in at least one context. If she seems desirable to you, no need to bother yourself over it. And for heaven's sake, don't bring it up with her (Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned).

[DigginIt 1,132]

Okay, are you looking to date her and enter a fulltime relationship or are you just looking to some fun nights? We find it pretty common for single women to lie about their age. We don't know why but absolutely more common in general (men and women) with singles than couples for some reason.

 

Anyways, if you are looking for a companion then truthfulness is important but if it's just for fun times, who cares about the age?

[pghsls 15]

Thanks for the feedback. I'm just looking for fun so I guess it's really a non-issue.

[km34 672]

Personally, it would be an issue to me. Age itself isn't a big deal, but honesty is. If she lied about her age, what else would she be willing to lie about? Makes her credibility and trustworthiness diminish from my point of view.

 

It was the same deal when I met a woman recently. She was presenting herself online at a certain weight and with a certain picture. An hour into our lunch and chat, she brings up the corset she is wearing and says that she is 30 lbs heavier than her weight listed and can't fit into that outfit anymore but it gets her a lot of attention so she leaves it up and doesn't post any pictures that are more current. I didn't notice the weight (honestly I didn't even pay attention on her profile) but the fact that she is purposefully misleading people - me included - put her on the "don't sleep with" list. The weight wasn't the problem, the lying was.

[VegasLee 1,486]

Comedians have made millions about women lying about their age. Pretty well an accepted thing in the world today.

 

Now if the pictures she is passing off as being her today are 10 years ago you might want to question that.

 

I am betting your "little head" does not ask ages.

[curiousagain 326]

"The art of diplomacy is never forgetting a woman's birthday while never remembering her age" I agree with VegasLee, you're probably not going to care. If it's on a swingers site I wouldn't worry about it. But, I agree if you show up for a meet and their pics are 10 years and 40 lbs ago, there might be some concern there.

[twistedpretzels 100]

I think the age thing is stupid. Everyone either looks their age, looks younger than their age, or looks older than their age. I put down my real age and my bf likes to fib. Go figure.

[twistedpretzels 100]

And plenty of men lie about their age too. It's not just a woman thing.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Provided her real age and her stated age both exceed the age of consent, go with the flow. It's a rendezvous, not a marriage.

[tallicafan 41]

We know some people who lie about there ages on their profiles to add a little extra anonymity. Might make it a little harder for somebody to recognize you if they know how old you are?

[DigginIt 1,132]

We know some people who lie about there ages on their profiles to add a little extra anonymity. Might make it a little harder for somebody to recognize you if they know how old you are?

 

Good point. I could see some people I know who are really in jobs that would be condemning and even career limiting if they got caught.

 

We really don't like people who don't update their profiles and the last time they updated their weight, age and pictures were when they created the profile 9 years earlier...but if your 49 and you look 40 and it makes you feel a little better. We aren't going to be too uptight unless your pictures make you look like a 10 and you show up and your a 5 Gotta draw the line somewhere.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Would you have contacted her if she had listed her correct age? Whatever your response, I can pretty much guess that she thought the answer would be "no."

 

Age can be fraught for women, who have a lot of contradictory messages coming at them about how desirable they are past the age of 40 or so. Lying about it is more a matter of saying they still feel attractive and sexual and want to be given a chance than an indicator of moral and ethical failings elsewhere.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

It's possible that she hasn't lied, she just has failed to update her profile. I posted a few months back about I found out (the hard way) that SLS does not automatically update your age on your profile. I imagine they aren't the only site that relies on the users to update their age (rather than using a basic algorithm to do it based off your birth date).

 

I'd say just ask her about it, but then since you've been "checking up her online" you'd come off as a tad bit of a stalker... especially since you just said you aren't really looking for a relationship. FWIW, is this a single lady or part of a couple?

[elizasnew 16]

I'm going the other way on this one guys... Don't you dare base your initial contact with me on a lie... It insults my intelligence. I never lie about my age on profiles and wish to be afforded the same courtesy. I'm 47, the product of excellent genes, in excellent shape and take care to present my very best appearance. I could easily lie about my age by 10 years due to my appearance and a fun loving nature. I'm proud of who I am and what I look like. I've been told people bypass my profile because I post my true age... Lol! How sad for the bypassers! I'd rather spend my time with people that respect the truth anyway.

[Guest screaminggood]

I'm a free member on a couple of the major websites...Either SDC or SLS won't allow me to update my profile! It may be that she is in my situation?

[Alura 2,774]

I'm going the other way on this one guys... Don't you dare base your initial contact with me on a lie... I'd rather spend my time with people that respect the truth anyway.

 

While I agree with Eliza on this point, I'd be a bit more accepting and treat the mistruth as an opportunity to work on mutual respect and understanding. I'd work hard to find out why she lied and assure her that she need not do so with me.

 

However, the importance fades if the meeting is solely for fun sex, rather than a hope for a serious relationship.

 

When the Europeans introduced the concept of lying to Native Americans, it turned out to be the cultural difference which built the greatest wall between us. However, no amount of "respect and understanding" could have bridged the gap.

 

Alura

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

. . . When the Europeans introduced the concept of lying to Native Americans . . .

[Cough, cough, ahem.]