moral connumdrum

[TheSwingerSet 205]

First a little back story then the question.

 

The child of one of our non swinger friends started coming to our events about 5 years ago when she turned 21, she and I have always been close, as a preteen and as a young lady she always came to L or I for advice from everything from boys, and sex to school and parental issues.

 

Due to the fact that she has been to so many of our events I have seen her naked many times and while I am physicaly attracted to her (I am male) I have never done anything with her. A few years ago she got married and quit her involvement in the active lifestyle, she and her hubby still have ffm 3somes but they have never swapped or been to a party as a couple.

 

so now for our issue.

Today tina and scott (needless to say not their real names) Came over and asked to talk to us. The 4 of us sat down, and over a few cups of coffee they came out and asked us to be their first mf mf swap. Both the Mrs and I were floored, we quickly turned them down for a few reasons, the most obvious one being the fact that we are so close as friends. I'm glad to say that the conversation never became awkward. Tonight Tina called me and asked us to reconsider, she went on to say that she has always been attracted to me and that It would mean a lot to her to have us be the ones to break their swinger cheries. Scott is much closer to our age than Tina and L finds him quite attractive.

 

So now L and I have been talking about it, we know that Tina and Scott can handle it from an sexual/emotional standpoint, we are sure that it will not cause any issues to our friendship with them, but right now we are both thinking with our naughty parts and would like some input from all of you on potential down sides.

 

We told them that we would sleep on it for a few days and let them know.

 

if you would like anymore info please ask.

 

K&L

[oc1234 435]

I guess my wife and I would consider it a compliment to be asked. While we would not bring the subject up and ask them to swing with us considering their past history with us, we would probably agree to do it if it were their idea. I guess the only possible problem I can see is with the non-swinging parents and how they would feel about it and how it would affect your relationship with them if that is important to you.

[km34 672]

oc nailed the thing that would worry me most - how the parents would react if for some reason they found out. You not only have to worry about whether the relationship with Tina and Scott would get weird, but your relationship with Tina's parents.

 

If it is a case where it would be disappointing but not life altering to lose them as friends, I'd say go for it. If losing either Tina and Scott or Tina's parents as friends would cause you to feel a major void, then it probably isn't worth the risk.

 

As long as the people involved are all mature, consenting adults, there aren't too many reasons (in my opinion) to completely ignore the chance for an experience that everyone involved would enjoy.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

.....as a preteen and as a young lady she always came to L or I for advice from everything from boys, and sex to school and parental issues.

 

This is where the problem comes in for me, and maybe it's just my issue and not yours. For me, it is hard to separate a current adult/adult relationship from the residuals of an adult/child relationship that previously existed. When a young person often seeks the advice of an adult, that puts the adult in a position of power that I don't necessarily think time and maturity completely take away.

 

In thinking about a couple of people now well into adulthood that we advised and mentored as young teens moving towards adulthood; if we were approached by any of them with the same proposition, we may be tempted, but we'd most likely decline. For us, it just wouldn't feel right. I'm not saying that's the right answer for you or anyone else, but it would be the right answer for us.

 

Good luck with your choice and outcome.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

...as a preteen and as a young lady she always came to L or I for advice...

 

...she went on to say that she has always been attracted to me and that It would mean a lot to her to have us be the ones to break their swinger cheries.

 

It's actually the second sentence of the above pair that causes a little red light to go off for me. What I'm hearing is you've played father figure, she has a crush and wants play out the fantasy. Now that could be fine or it could be a recipe for drama from the darkest pits of perdition. Before doing anything, I would suggest having a frank and honest conversation between both couples about what her feelings and expectations really are, what your concerns really are and about what you all expect that morning after to be like. If tina get's upset or try to laugh it off, don't play. If she can have a mature, intelligent conversation about it... see where the conversation takes you. Never deny that there are emotions tied up in this one. Can she handle that? Can you?

 

If you have doubts (and if you didn't you wouldn't have posted) don't play. Maybe, if you talk it out, you can lay those doubts to rest... but if you can't, don't. If she really is mature enough to handle swinging with you, she's also mature enough to accept no for an answer.

[JandKinBoise 858]

Since she married a guy closer to your age, we can assume there are some issues there anyway. My feelings are if she is mature enough to handle it and you say she is, then go for it. In my experience, having sex with a friend will usually cause some bumps along the way. Overall though, people work thru this stuff and in the long run the friendship will probably be stronger, even after the sex is no longer in play. Remember that on your death bed, your regrets will probably be what you didn't do rather than what you did (to quote a previous poster).

[TheSwingerSet 205]

Right now L and I are in the contimplative stage, we do this whenever we have to make what could be a life changing decission, talk it out take half a day or a day to each think it through and then came back together to reach a mutual decission.

 

We are not afraid of how this would effect our relationship with Tina's parents, they are quite oblivious to our sex life, We have been able to spend lots of vanilla time with them and Tina and Scott, doing family things, cookouts, family Bdays etc...

 

Originally Posted by TheSwingerSet

 

.....as a preteen and as a young lady she always came to L or I for advice from everything from boys, and sex to school and parental issues.

 

This is where the problem comes in for me, and maybe it's just my issue and not yours. For me, it is hard to separate a current adult/adult relationship from the residuals of an adult/child relationship that previously existed. When a young person often seeks the advice of an adult, that puts the adult in a position of power that I don't necessarily think time and maturity completely take away

 

This is exactly what is bothering me, Tina even introduced Scott to us and asked our thoughts on marrying him.

 

On the other hand I/we have seen her naked, having sex with many people. Which has never bothered me in any way, and from talking to her over the years since she joined the lifestyle, I know that this would not change our relationship for the worse.

 

It's not like she is a 18 year old that I/we are suducing, she is a 26 year old married woman, who has been in many multi-partner escapades. and been able to handle it in a mature mannor.

 

Ok now I'm starting to ramble, But stating my thoughts in print is helping me make sense of the issues.

 

K

[junglecouple 127]

"she is a 26 year old married woman, who has been in many multi-partner escapades. and been able to handle it in a mature mannor."

 

My question is : she asked you two to be the ones that "break their swinger cherries".. but you said the above about being in many escapades already.. how would this be breaking their "cherry"? Are you sure there's not something else behind her request? I'd tread softly unless I knew her rational about "YOU" being their first.. when obviously she's been grazing in open pastures for a while.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

The cherries comment was for them as a couple, Tina was active in the lifestyle as a single and since they have been married they have had several ffm dates. Now they are wanting to get into mfmf swinging as a couple.

 

 

K

[occ 148]

We would say just have fun with them. They asked you. It is their decision. So long as this won't cause any issues that you can't deal with regarding her parents who are your vanilla friends. Enjoy!

[LFM2 1,482]

This is where the problem comes in for me, and maybe it's just my issue and not yours. For me, it is hard to separate a current adult/adult relationship from the residuals of an adult/child relationship that previously existed. When a young person often seeks the advice of an adult, that puts the adult in a position of power that I don't necessarily think time and maturity completely take away.

 

In thinking about a couple of people now well into adulthood that we advised and mentored as young teens moving towards adulthood; if we were approached by any of them with the same proposition, we may be tempted, but we'd most likely decline. For us, it just wouldn't feel right. I'm not saying that's the right answer for you or anyone else, but it would be the right answer for us.

 

Good luck with your choice and outcome.

 

This would be our issue as well. It would hit way too close to home for us. We'd have to decline.

 

Good Luck though!

[TheSwingerSet 205]

Well we have spent many hours talking this back and forth over the last few days. We Have decided at this time to take a pass on being their first couple. There were just to many things that would have made us uncomfortable. When we told them of our decission they were both ok with it and understood our reasoning.

 

I do have to say that there will be a very lucky couple out there that is in for the time of their lives sometime very soon.

 

K

 

PS. This was the hardest decission that I have ever made on deciding weather or not to play with someone and I hope that I never have to think this hard again about something as easy and natural as sex.

[lizandtom 512]

Haven't been on lately so jumping in late, but if it comes up again, I think go for it. Just make sure that you tell them all about all your apprehensions and fears ahead of time, and mostly get a read on him whether he's comfortable with it all or not. She obviously is, but he is the wildcard, and if he were to clam up and say little aside from body language that's not going so well, stop it all there and get him to start talking about what's going on in his mind.

 

We have a number of lifestyle people we're still friends with years later even though the sex didn't go so well with all of us, because we're all honest and communicative and can joke about it all.

[M&S 266]

I like how you positioned this question as a "moral" conundrum. While I think there may be some practical risks, I, personally, do not see any moral hazards in swinging with them. They are both adults and have been in the lifestyle, so you are certainly not corrupting them in any way. I would probably feel differently if you were somehow playing on your "fatherly" history with her to manipulate her into wanting to do this, but this does not seem to be the case. As far as I read, you have in no way pressured them. I think your conscious can be clear no matter what choice you make.

[IEcouple 222]

I like how you positioned this question as a "moral" conundrum. While I think there may be some practical risks, I, personally, do not see any moral hazards in swinging with them. They are both adults and have been in the lifestyle, so you are certainly not corrupting them in any way. I would probably feel differently if you were somehow playing on your "fatherly" history with her to manipulate her into wanting to do this, but this does not seem to be the case. As far as I read, you have in no way pressured them. I think your conscious can be clear no matter what choice you make.

 

Agreed. It's not a moral issue at all. But it an emotional quandary, I think.

 

I, for one, don't think I could swing with someone that I basically watched grow up, but that's just me. The main thing I would have worried about is what her agenda is. If she's going to swing with a "father figure" type of guy, then the OP is right that it probably shouldn't be with him.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Agreed. It's not a moral issue at all. But it an emotional quandary, I think.

 

I, for one, don't think I could swing with someone that I basically watched grow up, but that's just me. The main thing I would have worried about is what her agenda is. If she's going to swing with a "father figure" type of guy, then the OP is right that it probably shouldn't be with him.

 

This pretty much sums up my thoughts. I would also decline but at the same time, I wouldn't think any better or worse of someone who didn't. I sense that you feel you are taking advantage of her but she is an adult. Twenty-six years old is old enough to let the past go besides who are we to judge?

[TheSwingerSet 205]

After a lot more reflection, we really don't have an issue playing with them, we have an issue with being their first swap.

 

That being said I'm sure that in the future if the oppertunity presents itself we will play with them.

 

I know it's not her age, we played with a women younger than her last night, she is more than capable of making a decission on who she wants to bed.

 

K

[IEcouple 222]

This pretty much sums up my thoughts. I would also decline but at the same time, I wouldn't think any better or worse of someone who didn't. I sense that you feel you are taking advantage of her but she is an adult. Twenty-six years old is old enough to let the past go besides who are we to judge?

 

I don't think it's a matter of her age or taking advantage of her either. It's more a matter of avoiding potential drama. And swinging with previously vanilla friends in general can be a risky thing for a friendship.

[tnt48-88 15]

As an outsider looking in I would say there is nothing wrong with that.

Putting myself in your shoes....It would be like one of my own children wanting to play if I understand the back story and I myself could not go there.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

I certainly do not envy your position in this case.

I think we would have made a similar call in this case as you have made. There just seem to be too many issues that could be uncomfortable at best or go very wrong at worst.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

Here's a little update.

 

They are still looking for their first full swap.