Attracted to a friend, how to bring it up to wife?

[wannasexplore 15]

A few years ago at a New Year's Eve party when it struck midnight the couple we were with share hugs and kisses with each others wives and his wife and I kind of lingered a little more than they did when we kissed.

 

Now I have been having sexual feelings towards his wife and I think she feels the same. Also I think he wants to have sex with my wife, which I have no problem with. I don't know how to broach the subject of swinging because we have never done anything like this before and I don't know how my wife will feel about it and I don't want to lose a friendship over it too.

 

Can anyone help! I can't stop thinking about her ! lol

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Introducing the topic of swinging into a marriage can be a scary, fraught event. Doing so because you would like to pursue an attraction to another person seems like a recipe for drama, at the very least. It's also unlikely to lead to a happy outcome, not least in that swinging is most successful when a couple is completely happy and satisfied with one another.

 

Does it help to know that being fixated on someone is usually less about them than it is about feelings you have about your own life?

[wannasexplore 15]

Thanks for your input ! I don't its worth a friendship pursuing it! LOL

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

It seems you liked the lingering kiss. Have you told your wife about the kiss? Having her reaction might give big hints about her feelings and start a conversation about other things.

 

Like the others who have commented, I'll add that risking a friendship is not good. But if your wife reacts positively to the idea of swing in general, maybe she will be receptive to the idea of getting in contact with others. One step at a time.

[wannasexplore 15]

I never really mentioned it but he may have taking an extra long kiss with my wife but I would have never noticed ! Would like to get a sign somehow ! I wish it was more straight forward !

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Well, you shouldn't not tear yourself up over this. And if you think there is any reason that you wife is going to go right over and scratch the woman's eyes out if you tell her about the kiss, please disregard my earlier advice.

 

If it swinging that is pulling at your mind, I think I'll be able to lend helpful hints. If it's the woman who gave you the New Years Eve kiss who is pulling at your mind, you might better find a way that it will not turn onto an obsession.

[wwjdcb 25]

Talk to your wife first about the possibility of swinging. It really begins there. Be careful, a sexually charged kiss could be just that-a kiss. Something that isn't supposed to grow into something more. If both you and your wife are on the same page, you need to discuss it with the other couple. A real, sober, discussion.

[Alura 2,773]

For sure, you need to talk to your wife. "Darling, remember those kisses we shared with David and Jenny on New Years Eve, about three years ago?" (It would have been smoother the next day but that's no longer possible.)

 

"Sure, why?"

 

"We never did it again."

 

"Yeah, that's too bad. It was fun."

 

"Let's fuck 'em!"

 

"Okay. When?"

 

Alura

[cplnuswing 4,712]

Wanting to get into swinging because you already have a target in mind is not the way to go. There is a big difference between "Honey, I think it might be fun for both of us if we had recreational sex with others as a couple, what do you think about that?" and "Honey, I think it would be fun if I had sex with your friend Jenny, what do you think?" The first might lead to a really good discussion (or really bad too depending), the second is just going to be really bad.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I disagree about the target issue. As far as how to approach the situation with this couple I agree with earlier posts, you need to talk to your wife first. See how she feels about it. If she's up for the idea, that may lead to more discussion with this other couple. Or it may lead to a larger discussion about swinging with other people. Do be careful when it comes to you considering swinging with these friends. You really have to measure whether you're willing to risk losing them over wanting to sleep with them. I would not suggest swinging with friends especially for first time on both parts, there's a lot of drama that happened and a lot of unknowns, with none of you 100 percent clear on where your boundaries are. All of that can lead to a really bad next day, and possibly the losd of a friendship.

[cplnuswing 4,712]

Question for the OP since maybe I misunderstood the situation. All parties involved are nonswingers and this was a vanilla NYE party, correct? If that is the case, then whatever term you want to use for it, the situation is the same - most agree there are big risks all the way around in trying to make swingers out of friends at any time, but especially when new. It gets even worse in my mind when what has suddenly brought up the idea of swinging is you are hot and bothered for one of those friends, and perhaps you judgement is a little bit clouded by that.

 

Also, you didn't really give any details about why you believe that "I think he wants to have sex with my wife". That may be absolutely true, or may be some wishful thinking on your part hoping for the reciprocal. Even if true, men mentally want to have sex with a lot of different women, so just because in their minds that is something they want to do doesn't mean it is ever going to be reality since there is still that little issue about what the your wife and the other wife would think about that. It comes down to you won't know until you ask, and the place to start that conversation is with your wife.

[Just Passing By 140]

If the four of you were latent swingers just waiting to spontaniously spring into action , it would have already happened.

 

By all means talk with the wife about the idea of including others for recreational or friendly sex in general.

 

As far as the woman/ couple specifically heed the usual list of cavets about aproaching friends.

[wannasexplore 15]

I think I will keep this to myself and if any of the other 3 want to broach the subject of swinging together great if not no problem. Friendship is more important than anything else . Thanks for all the input !