Should I ask her if she wants me to play with our female friend?

[eldiablo311 201]

A surprising thing happened this last weekend with my wife! We were talking over dinner, just the 2 of us, about hanging out with her friend sometime soon, a cute blonde girl she used to be roommates with when we first met. So this blonde girl has not had a boyfriend or any sexual encounter in the 5+ years I have known her, and my wife even suspects she may still be a virgin...this girl is 34. She is good looking, nice body, friendly and pretty face...we don't understand why she hasn't been getting laid or dating anyone. The last several times we have hung out with her she, and we, all kind of flirt with each other in a playful, fun way, and my wife is fine with this and has even said "it's fun!".

 

So over dinner this last weekend my wife was talking about how this girl needs to get laid and that I should eat her pussy like I eat my wife's! She said I am a really generous, great lover and that is what this girl needs, especially if it is her 1st time! She said, "I don't know if I could watch it, but I could have a couple of beers in the next room while you guys do it". I was shocked! I told her I would never want to do anything that would make her feel bad and if she had to leave the room I would take that to mean it was too hard to watch and would make her feel bad. She said she was shocked that these words came out of her mouth, but I could tell she was kind of getting turned on by talking about this! She also said, when I asked her, she thinks this girl would want to fuck me more than her and that she thinks I am attracted to this girl also, which honestly I am but would never do anything unless my wife wanted it to happen and she was turned on by it also.

 

I just kept stressing that I have a fantasy to see HER fuck someone else, and this fantasy is not a way for me to somehow get her to agree to let me fuck other people and would never want to hurt her or do anything to make her feel bad about us. We have talked many times now about my fantasy of watching her fuck another girl or maybe even hotter another guy. I did admit that the thought of fucking her friend was a turn on though. She said "well I think you should take the lead the next time we hang out". I asked her what she meant and she just said "you know buy us some drinks" and I think she meant I should flirt with this girl more overtly next time.

 

What should I do now? I don't think I should try to act on this by actually trying to get this girl in bed just yet, but how should I bring this subject up to my wife again without making her feel uncomfortable? I feel like if she is serious, I would like to talk about this more. We are meeting her friend for happy hour and dinner this Friday. Any advice from the experts is much appreciated!!!

[TattooNJ 15]

Im no expert by any means but if found if you want to know something just ask. She seems into it. Just ask her what she want you to do.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Sounds like a good many assumptions are being made by you and your wife, unless there is far more info than you posted here. Like, if and why she is a virgin. If she would be interested at all in having sex with a married man, not to mention a friends husband. Or if she would be attracted to you if the previous issues are resolved.

 

Throw in the fact, you have said previous post you two have not swung, and clearly you wife has some reservations about seeing you with another woman, and there is a friendship involved. Also your communication seems to far from clear toward each other, i.e. "I think she meant"

 

My advice, let this one pass until you both have more experience and understanding of the lifestyle and have become better at communicating with each other. You could be playing with fire on many levels.

[eldiablo311 201]

Sounds like a good many assumptions are being made by you and your wife, unless there is far more info than you posted here. Like, if and why she is a virgin. If she would be interested at all in having sex with a married man, not to mention a friends husband. Or if she would be attracted to you if the previous issues are resolved.

 

Throw in the fact, you have said previous post you two have not swung, and clearly you wife has some reservations about seeing you with another woman, and there is a friendship involved. Also your communication seems to far from clear toward each other, i.e. "I think she meant"

 

My advice, let this one pass until you both have more experience and understanding of the lifestyle and have become better at communicating with each other. You could be playing with fire on many levels.

 

 

I have no problem with letting this pass, I have always thought if we were to swing we shouldn't do it with friends or co-workers, so I agree that could be a problem. I feel as a couple we communicate great, speaking on her behalf, I think she would agree. I only said "I think she meant" because I can't remember word for word the exact way she said it to me that night, I just remember the gist of what she was telling me and she was telling me to flirt with her some more and more directly next time. We are very open about how we feel towards each other, and about sexual fantasies.

 

As far as the other girl, my wife and I speculate on if she is a virgin or not...we don't know, we haven't asked her. We both know for a fact she hasn't had a boyfriend for years, we have never seen her date a guy in over 5 years. My wife and I feel she is attracted to me based on comments she has made in the past, she would say how handsome I look or other comments to that affect when we would hang out. As far as would she be willing to have sex with a married man, especially her friends husband? Who knows, that is something we would only know if we asked her I guess or approached the subject in some more delicate way to feel her out on that topic. I guess that is where the "flirting" comes in, to see how comfortable this girl is with flirting back with me and/or my wife. You know, feel out the situation.

 

I just want to know if I should bring this topic up with my wife again? Honestly the thought turns me on, my wife was getting turned on talking about it. Maybe it was a couple of beers talking, but I feel that she was expressing something to me that she had never considered before.

 

Another thing you should understand is that my wife is not a very jealous person, we have been to strip clubs several times and she has bought me dances. The last time, in Vegas, we got a couples dance from this girl and I was feeling her breasts and even her pussy through her g-string and my wife was doing the same things! My wife saw me doing all of this and was not in the least bit jealous afterwards. I was also playing with my wife at the same time....fun!

[Just Passing By 140]

Wow, I am seeing so many different questions in one situation.

 

The good news is there seems already to be talking generally , and about this girl.

 

First is (it seems as if) you have talked about , and have an intrest in exploring fun with other people generally, and you are open to some form of it ?

 

The next is the idea of one of you playing in seperate room vs same room. The sterotypical sequence is to start out playing together , but nothing is set in stone. Discuss further in the general sense.

 

As to this particular young lady. Yes , she could be a Virgin. Or she could equally already be a swinger , kinkster ,closet lesbian , or a multitude of activities that she persues descretly . And you don't need to know in advance if do decide to bring it with her. Treat her like any single girl, if she feels any background details are relavant , she can discuss what she wants to share , or decline w/o needing to give backstory.

[Alura 2,774]

Since this lady is such a long-time friend, I see little risk in talking about her ideas. Mrs. Alura liked to start such discussions by asking, "How do you feel about swinging?" The question is not an invitation and cannot be answered with "yes" or "no." If she freaks out, change the subject by asking another question such as "How do you feel about chocolate sundaes?"

 

One of the first things I'd want to learn is if she really is a virgin or not. Once y'all know the reason for that (if she is) you'll have a better idea whether to proceed or not.

 

Is the best first-experience for a virgin a threesome? I doubt it.

 

Alura

[eldiablo311 201]

Wow, I am seeing so many different questions in one situation.

 

The good news is there seems already to be talking generally , and about this girl.

 

First is (it seems as if) you have talked about , and have an intrest in exploring fun with other people generally, and you are open to some form of it ?

 

The next is the idea of one of you playing in seperate room vs same room. The sterotypical sequence is to start out playing together , but nothing is set in stone. Discuss further in the general sense.

 

As to this particular young lady. Yes , she could be a Virgin. Or she could equally already be a swinger , kinkster ,closet lesbian , or a multitude of activities that she persues descretly . And you don't need to know in advance if do decide to bring it with her. Treat her like any single girl, if she feels any background details are relavant , she can discuss what she wants to share , or decline w/o needing to give backstory.

 

 

Yes, I agree it is a good thing my wife and I are discussing this kind of stuff more and more. It was just a shocker that she said she wanted to have ME fuck someone else! I am definitely not opposed to it, I just didn't expect her to say that! Our discussions have always been around MY fantasy of seeing HER fuck another girl or another guy...maybe almost more of a turn on to see her with another guy and I have told her this.

 

Yes I think my wife is open to exploring fun with other people, especially women, but more and more lately she is admitting it would be fun to fuck another guy. She recently had a dream of another guy fucking her missionary style with me watching in our bedroom, she woke up really turned on and wet she said.

 

I agree, starting out I wouldn't want to play in separate rooms, for me the turn on would be to see it happening! I wouldn't feel comfortable fucking another girl with my wife not there, I would feel like I am doing something that is hurting her and making her feel jealous. I would want her to enjoy it happening, if it happened.

 

As far as this girl, yeah who knows what her kink is or if she has one or if she is a virgin or not. I will treat her like normal, maybe if we are all loosened up, I can ask if she has ever had sex or when the last time she had sex was...as long as it wouldn't offend her.

 

Another interesting fact about this girl, when my wife used to live with her, there was at least a couple of times we were having sex and we could hear her friend walking outside our bedroom door and then her footsteps just stopped for several minutes while we were getting it on. My wife and I both suspect she was getting turned on by it, otherwise why would she just stop there? There was no reason for her to stop outside our door like that....not like she was getting something out of a closet or something.

[eldiablo311 201]

Since this lady is such a long-time friend, I see little risk in talking about her ideas. Mrs. Alura liked to start such discussions by asking, "How do you feel about swinging?" The question is not an invitation and cannot be answered with "yes" or "no." If she freaks out, change the subject by asking another question such as "How do you feel about chocolate sundaes?"

 

One of the first things I'd want to learn is if she really is a virgin or not. Once y'all know the reason for that (if she is) you'll have a better idea whether to proceed or not.

 

Is the best first-experience for a virgin a threesome? I doubt it.

 

Alura

 

Thanks, sounds like a good idea to ask her how she feels about swinging, or I was thinking to ask her also when the last time she had sex was...you know just to break the ice on the topic and get us all discussing that situation. Like you said if she is a virgin she may not want to start off with a threesome, then again, maybe she would who knows? It's not like she is a young 19 year old girl just out of high school...then again young girls these days start off doing some pretty crazy shit like anal before vaginal and they still consider themselves virgins because they haven't had vaginal sex!

 

I think, as long as it seems appropriate to the conversation at the time, I will try to find out when the last time she had sex was...that way, if she is honest, she would say if she is a virgin or not.

 

Back to my original post, do you think I should try to talk more with my wife about what she said? Or should I just leave it alone? I don't want my wife thinking I am now obsessed with fucking her friend, but I also would like to explore where those comments came from some more.

[hkdilbert 182]

Back to my original post, do you think I should try to talk more with my wife about what she said? Or should I just leave it alone? I don't want my wife thinking I am now obsessed with fucking her friend, but I also would like to explore where those comments came from some more.

 

I think talking and communicating with your wife can only be a good thing. Going behind her back and then out with her friend is something that will come up eventually regardless. Better deal with it upfront IMHO. I'm not sure there is such a thing as too much communication....

[eldiablo311 201]

I think talking and communicating with your wife can only be a good thing. Going behind her back and then out with her friend is something that will come up eventually regardless. Better deal with it upfront IMHO. I'm not sure there is such a thing as too much communication....

 

Thanks for the advice. I agree I was thinking of bringing up her comments again this weekend and talking about them some more. Like you say communicating is not a bad thing and this is something that is out in the air now since she said it. I guess as long as it is not a subject I keep bringing up time and time again then it is fine to talk about. I would never do anything behind her back, I would only do something if we are together and both want it to happen. I think it makes for a better marriage and sex life with each other when we are open and explore our sexual fantasies together.

[Alura 2,774]

I guess as long as it is not a subject I keep bringing up time and time again then it is fine to talk about.

 

Everything is "fine to talk about." Please make an agreement with your wife that neither of you will ever become angry because a subject is raised and that y'all'll both talk it out completely. "I don't wanna talk about it!" is never acceptable. The happiness of your marriage will soar one hundred fold and you will look forward to coming home so you can spend your favorite part of the day ... talking with your wife.

 

Alura

[eldiablo311 201]

Everything is "fine to talk about." Please make an agreement with your wife that neither of you will ever become angry because a subject is raised and that y'all'll both talk it out completely. "I don't wanna talk about it!" is never acceptable. The happiness of your marriage will soar one hundred fold and you will look forward to coming home so you can spend your favorite part of the day ... talking with your wife.

 

Alura

 

Sounds like great advice. I agree that we should make that agreement between each other. It's exciting and freeing when you feel like you can discuss anything, nothing is off limits, and you can discuss your deepest, craziest fantasies with each other and you know there is no anger or resentment because of it. I like the way our marriage is heading. It is a becoming more and more a very open relationship, we can pretty much discuss the possibility of doing anything together! I don't see how our sex life, or life in general will ever get boring together!

[eldiablo311 201]

I fantasize about swinging all of the time, and I watch porn online that is about swinging almost exclusively! The cool part about it, I think is my fantasies always include my wife, and I love fucking my wife...I never get tired of it and she turns me on so much! I love to think about bringing someone else into the bedroom with us though. I think she is coming around to the idea also.

[wifes_toy 53]

If you do move forward make sure it's not just the beer talking. Sure it may be a great way to get the conversation going but don't act on it while any of you are still drunk. No one says it has to go all the way to full sex the first time or 3. Some heavy flirting and light touching can be fun too.

[eldiablo311 201]

If you do move forward make sure it's not just the beer talking. Sure it may be a great way to get the conversation going but don't act on it while any of you are still drunk. No one says it has to go all the way to full sex the first time or 3. Some heavy flirting and light touching can be fun too.

 

Great point! Yeah I will talk to her about that if we decide to move forward as you said...it would be better to be clear minded when we do it for sure! I think you are absolutely right, some heavy flirting and light touching would be great...especially at our stage, just starting out! That sounds like a perfect way to ease into it. I also know that we both want to go back to the strip club in Vegas and get more private dances for her from the male strippers, that was an amazing experience for both of us! I am still amazed at how comfortable the situation felt and how I was not even a little bit jealous the whole time and afterwards, even to this day! She loved it, I loved being there watching and participating and the guy was super cool and respectful and he was way into my wife which turned my wife on even more, not to mention he had an accent which drives my wife nuts! We will be doing that every time we go back to Vegas I suspect!

 

I really do want to find more situations here in our hometown where like you said she can do some heavy flirting or light touching. I think all of this would be easier to do if she was open to me "playing" with another woman, that way we could meet another couple that is into the lifestyle. That would probably be easier to find, but if she is not into me doing anything, we will be stuck with trying to find the single male or female to play with. Though, I have to admit, I think if I were to play with another woman at the same time my wife was playing with another man, I would be very distracted and I would feel like I am missing out on the action that is taking place with my wife! That is why I would almost prefer to just have 1 other person in our bedroom playing with my wife and I could watch/participate and have all my attention on her! I have heard many times on this forum that the "unicorn" is hard to find and that it may be easier to find if you consider female friends, which brought to mind the situation I was talking about in the original post. Maybe, if my wife is into it, this friend of hers would be a good prospect for playing with another girl, either just my wife or both of us?

 

My wife and I have both said many times recently how we love how we can talk/consider pretty much any situation sexually with each other, pretty much nothing is off limits! It is sooo nice to be with someone who you don't have to be afraid to tell your fantasies to for fear of pissing them off! I think it draws us closer, just the talking about it! Even though we really haven't acted on anything yet!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Yes, you should bring it up with your wife again and continue to talk to her about it. She brought it up over dinner and why can't you. If she feels comfortable enough to engage in this conversation, why don't you?

[eldiablo311 201]

Yes, you should bring it up with your wife again and continue to talk to her about it. She brought it up over dinner and why can't you. If she feels comfortable enough to engage in this conversation, why don't you?

 

Yeah, true...I just worry sometimes about making her feel insecure and that all I want to do is discuss bringing other people into our sex life. I just need to be careful about how much I bring up these things I think, or I risk sounding like I am not into OUR sex life together, without other people involved.

[Just Passing By 140]

I can't quite get an understanding of where you are coming from in regards to your doubts about expressing to desires and fantasies with your wife.

 

Take #1 would be that in the absolute sense you feel you can't dicuss what you are thinking of , and are interested in persuing.

 

Take #2 is that indeed want to talk about all these things , but that you are concerned about how to best do so , that you want to do so at a pace that is within her comfort range , and in apropreate chunks to work thru and digest at one time. And absolutely maintain the bond with her as being the #1 concern with you.

 

As Julie mentioned above talk with her. As reported here , she seems open to further discussion , and seems interested in activities involving your friend. ( Usual disclaimers about playing w/ friends , but if you are open to it in general , she also seems open to steering talk to more directly sexual topics ) ( And directly asking her if she is Virgin has lots of ways to go sideways , without any particular upside. Lots of better ways to work around to about thoughts or curiosity about playing with others , or in different combinations w/o bringing up her vanilla sex history or lack .)

[eldiablo311 201]

I can't quite get an understanding of where you are coming from in regards to your doubts about expressing to desires and fantasies with your wife.

 

Take #1 would be that in the absolute sense you feel you can't dicuss what you are thinking of , and are interested in persuing.

 

Take #2 is that indeed want to talk about all these things , but that you are concerned about how to best do so , that you want to do so at a pace that is within her comfort range , and in apropreate chunks to work thru and digest at one time. And absolutely maintain the bond with her as being the #1 concern with you.

 

As Julie mentioned above talk with her. As reported here , she seems open to further discussion , and seems interested in activities involving your friend. ( Usual disclaimers about playing w/ friends , but if you are open to it in general , she also seems open to steering talk to more directly sexual topics ) ( And directly asking her if she is Virgin has lots of ways to go sideways , without any particular upside. Lots of better ways to work around to about thoughts or curiosity about playing with others , or in different combinations w/o bringing up her vanilla sex history or lack .)

 

Update...we have discussed the situation, and my wife made very clear that she absolutely does not want me to sleep with another girl. That is 100% fine with me. Also my wife has again stated that she DOES have the fantasy to sleep with another girl, so that is a possibility. As far as this girl friend of hers, I think it will just remain a flirtatious thing between us, and that is probably for the best. So we have discussed all of this over the weekend.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Glad to hear you were able to talk with her some more about this. If nothing else comes out of this, perhaps you will both learn some better communication skills to use with each other.

[eldiablo311 201]

Glad to hear you were able to talk with her some more about this. If nothing else comes out of this, perhaps you will both learn some better communication skills to use with each other.

 

Yeah, I'm glad we talked about it more also. You are right, I think at least we are learning how to talk about this kind of stuff with each other more and more. I was definitely flirting with her friend, complementing her looks etc. and my wife was fine with it, in fact my wife told her friend that I think she is hot. It was fun, we all had a good time hanging out and she will be coming down for the night in a few weeks to hang out. I will have champagne ready to get everyone feeling good...we will see what happens.