No Chemistry with other partner

[happyhappy1176 15]

We recently met a couple and become fast friends. So this last weekend we met for dinner and plans for play later. All went great until play time came. My husband and his wife hit it off and were getting it on without isssues.(They were hot to watch) I and my friends husband played and it was, well not good. I was polite and tried not to make him uncomfortable. We took a break watched our partners and had a drink. After we said our good byes and they went home my husband says, " so what happened I could tell things were a bit off". I explained that there was just no chemistry and I gave it my best shot however, I don' think I want to hook up with him again. My husband understands yet he is disappointed because he and the wife did hit it off so well.

Now here is my problem, i called the wife and explained. Told her I love hanging out with them and glad her and my husband had a great time, But there was just nothing between her husband and me. Now they arent speaking to us. She understood , her husband not so much. I wanted to be honest. I can not be fake and would never want anyone to be fake with us. I wish I knew how to handle this without peoples feelings getting hurt and all of us being able to remain friends. Really sucks! Any advice?

[angelkin 1,326]

I think the chemistry issue is fairly common, but honesty really is the best policy. I am sorry your friends are handling it badly, but tht is part of the lifestyle...being mature enough to handle rejection is part of it. Perhaps in a week or so or the next time your paths cross, his ego will have healed enough to be at least cordial.

 

IMHO, you handled it as best you could.

[happyhappy1176 15]

Thank you Angelkin! Thats how we feel too! We have been in the lifestyle 6 years and have had it happen to us as well. We just said no problem we understand and went on. I guess this is the first time we both feel sad about it.They are great people and we hated hurting their feelings.But It was the right thing to do.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Feelings get hurt sometimes but you did the right thing. You said you became fast friends, hopefully they will get over it quickly and understand that friendship is more important than sex. If not, take comfort in the fact that you were honest with them.

[Fundamental Law 2,882]

The LS takes us back to those awkward times when we were still single and dating. Even when it was one-on-one, you wondered if the chemistry was there until you tried it out. A lot of the time, the chemistry wasn't there. Fast forward a few decades, the question remains the same. We might be a little better at predicting chemistry. But now it has to be there in two pairs, not just one.

 

You did the right thing by being gracious and moving on. Hurt feelings do hurt because there is an inevitable sensation by someone that s/he's "not good enough", but a little time will take care of it. The good news is that as adults, we passed the "teen dating angst" course. As parents, we got a refresher. So we do better at this these days.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

There is a line between being honest and being "too honest". Just saying "we enjoy your company but just don't feel the sexual chemistry is there" is more than enough. Going the next step and saying "yeah my hubby really enjoyed you but I just wasn't feeling it with your hubby" is bound to hurt some feelings. It's too late to do anything regarding this couple (and chances are you weren't going to keep being "just friends" anyway) but it's something to remember going forward.

[happyhappy1176 15]

UPdate*** They called last night, we had a long talk with them. They have not been in lifesyle as long as we have. They explained that they had never had that happen before. Yet they had had multiple couples never speak again or return phone calls.They realize now that even though it sucks that we didin't all click ,they would rather have been told and avoided. Thank you all for your responses.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Good for you and your friends. Honesty is best as others have stated.

 

Who knows, maybe it is something he can learn from and improve his game.

[Alura 2,773]

A lack of chemistry is not something that can't be fixed.

 

We once did a "test fuck" with a couple. Mrs. Alura learned quickly that Mr. Playmate didn't twang her strings. The next day she told me of her disappointment. I suggested we not see them again.

 

"Not to worry," she told me. "I can teach him what he needs to know." She did. The result was that we played with that couple for years.

 

The one who was most pleased with her decision was Mrs. Playmate.

 

Alura

[TheSwingerSet 205]

The real question is How often are first encounters mind blowing? There are many reasons why this man could have been less than stellar. If they are newer to the lifestyle it may be that his nerves were affecting his performance, or it may be that he was tired or stressed.

 

If there is attraction there and it's just a performance issue we would give them another try. In fact we might suggest separate rooms, just to see if things heat up without the pressure/distraction of others.

[Just Passing By 140]

Thought#1 - Hoesty is Good. But it can be a slippery slope into TMI teritory. Words to the effect of " we're just not feeling the 4 way chemistry " would also be truthful , and sufficently get the message across.

 

Thought #2 is about expectations for first time encounters generally. We weren't there , so we can't have the play by play while similtanously reading your mind.

It's possable that somthing about him turns out to be a fundamental catagorical turn off for you , and that's that. OTOH , sometimes things are explosive the first time , sometimes start out middling , and can improve from there.

[latin2012 22]

A lack of chemistry is not something that can't be fixed.

 

We once did a "test fuck" with a couple. Mrs. Alura learned quickly that Mr. Playmate didn't twang her strings. The next day she told me of her disappointment. I suggested we not see them again.

 

"Not to worry," she told me. "I can teach him what he needs to know." She did. The result was that we played with that couple for years.

 

The one who was most pleased with her decision was Mrs. Playmate.

 

Alura

 

Exactly.. That's what I was going to ask. Is it something that you can pin point and fix, especially now that you are on speaking terms. I know that if I was the other male I would like to be told, Hey I like you guys, hanging out and having fun (sex) ... But. ... Then told what I could do to improve my self. Everyone is always looking to improve themselves especially if it makes it more enjoyable for your partner, that's an ego booster

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

A lack of chemistry is not something that can't be fixed.

 

Without at all questioning the OP's experience, I have to agree with this. If we like (and particularly if we're charmed by) a couple, we are willing to let chemistry build over time. Yes, it's wonderful if the sex is instantly amazing, but...we have that with each other. Recreational sex with others doesn't need to be mind-blowing, at least not for me.

[happyhappy1176 15]

I want thank all of you for the comments and very informative advice. Always good to get other couples insights on things. You guys have really made me think on this one! May consider another shot at it. It is defiantly worth considering.

[Alura 2,773]

If y'all try again, please have the attitude, "Here's what I need..." rather than "Here's why you failed..." In other words, take the blame and ask him to help you fix the challenge.

 

Alura

[TheSwingerSet 205]