Singles: What do couples do that make you uncomfortable?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

There is a lot of talk about what couples expect out of singles. I'd like to hear what singles expect (or need) out of couples? Male or Female, singles what things do couples do that make you feel less than comfortable? How do you want to be treated vs how you generally are treated?

[M1F2KTJ 473]

As a male single I felt uncomfortable when a couple tried to seduce me into activity with the other male. I also don't like to be outnumbered and restrained.

[CalendarGirl 148]

Well, obviously I hate being stood up or canceled on at the last minute which has happened with EVERY couple I've scheduled a meet with from SLS. I also don't like being asked out at the last minute as if I have no life. The worst is probably being allowed only oral (from male and female) but no intercourse. I LOVE giving and receiving oral to/from men and women but sex isn't satisfying without some cock! LOL! Sometimes I feel like the couple is fine with it because they got theirs and what I want is secondary. Of course, it is also my responsibility to express my needs and wants which I am not very good at yet.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

When I was single it always made me very uncomfortable when couples insisted on paying for things.

 

There was one couple that really weirded me out. I'd gone to their house and they started to describe a previous threesome relationship where the girl slept at the foot of their bed. It was a serious dom/sub thing that was way out of my interest category.

[angelkin 1,326]

*Bump* C'mon you single members, share your thoughts with us:)

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

haha, I guess those of us (couples) that play with singles make them comfortable!

[thb35242 15]

I am a single male and agree about paying for things (dinner mostly). My sls profile is not really that different from my old Yahoo personals ad, just on a different site. Not much of a sexual nature in my sls ad but I get responses that are overly sexual. I would rather exchange a few e-mails and get together for dinner, not just receive a "hey, can you come over" message from someone I do not know.

[kellimc 226]

When I was single it always made me very uncomfortable when couples insisted on paying for things.

 

There was one couple that really weirded me out. I'd gone to their house and they started to describe a previous three some relationship where the girl slept at the foot of their bed. It was a serious dom/sub thing that was way out of my interest category.

 

You just touched on one of my pet peeves and it is a major reason why I no longer meet couples outside of parties or clubs. I have had many offers from couples to "spoil" me and have even had offers to fly me across the country to meet them. They obviously think that by spending a lot of money on me, I'll feel obligated to do what they want, when they want it. It also tells me that they think I'm in the lifestyle for some material or monetary benefit. In other words, they think I'm a whore.

 

Another problem that I have as a single is meeting couples at parties and clubs when the female half is the one who is trying to seduce me and leading me to believe that she is bi when she isn't. She convinces me to play with her and her husband, then quietly slips away or sits on the sidelines at the last moment, leaving me with only her husband. It's a scam that far too many couples run on single females.

[navybluejeans 15]

Well, obviously I hate being stood up or canceled on at the last minute which has happened with EVERY couple I've scheduled a meet with from SLS. I also don't like being asked out at the last minute as if I have no life. The worst is probably being allowed only oral (from male and female) but no intercourse. I LOVE giving and receiving oral to/from men and women but sex isn't satisfying without some cock! LOL! Sometimes I feel like the couple is fine with it because they got theirs and what I want is secondary. Of course, it is also my responsibility to express my needs and wants which I am not very good at yet.

 

Wow, what awful couple experiences you've had! To me, it seems so strange that the third would be singled out by means of play that limited! I think the third should be welcomed to do anything with at lease one half of the couple that the couple does to each other (i.e. intercourse for the couple means you should get intercourse as well). Besides, that's just more fun!

 

Good insight from M1F2KTJ, too. I think in our profile we might add something saying a potential third could choose to meet with both of us or individually for the initial getting-to-know-yous.

[Playful1 434]

Treating me like a human sex toy (in the sense that it becomes very clear they don't care if I enjoy it, as far as they are concerned I'm there solely to please them)

 

Women who claim to be bi, are not, but do the "oh ok, i'll touch your breast" or something to make their guy happy

 

Approach me like prey or some prize to be won

[Isobel 56]

Going to stick around on this. As someone diving in to the singles side of things, it would appear a lot of these things I am nodding my head to!

 

On the other side, my partner and I were always interested in involving single females, and fortunately enough he was very good looking and...very, very well-endowed. But we had SO many single females in clubs who got a power trip out of teasing the guys then running back to their friends giggling like school children!

[Sunswept 161]

Good comments and observations by all. Having experiences as part of a committed couple, as part of casual couples, and as a single -the first thought that comes to my mind is that what I expect from a couple as a single is not too different than what I expect from a couple as part of a couple, if that makes any sense.

 

Respect for starters, I know that covers a lot of territory and don't ask me how I know when I am getting that, all I know is I know it when I feel it. Also, I expect any prospective couple to be 'comfortable in their own skin", congruently onboard with each other -and both onboard with including me in the play. I am not too keen on getting pulled into any drama, or any 'taking one for the team' sort of deal. I expect good communication skills and good boundary/limits "sense." I expect to meet both people in the couple and expect any decisions about playing be made as a group.

 

Add a sense of humor, a dash of authenticity and humanity, a sense of fun -and everything is good. I don't expect everyone to match in all ways, or everyone's turn-ons to be the same or shared, but that's where the ability to talk openly about things, and respect, comes in. I do appreciate a couple that makes me feel comfortable and I work to do that for any couple I play with. It is a dance, easy does it. I find if everyone stays aware that we are all real people, we can all have a real good time.

 

So that's a short list of things I look for and expect from a couple, and what works for me. Relax, be real, have fun.

[northindycpl 32]

Good thread! Man, I missed it around here

 

- Couples that treat me like a possession and get upset, even jealous, if I have a vanilla date or want to do something other than them or try and pry into my life or personal business.

- Couples that try to compete with each other at socials/events for my attention

- Couples that just send me gallery requests for my private pics and nothing more

- Couples that don't care if I get pleased...or wives that won't let husbands have sex with me.

- Couples that wife is not bi and not interested

- Couples that are wasteful of my time, breaking dates, calling/texting all hours, etc.

- Couples that share their drama with me or try to involve me in their lives more than the sex and fun

- Couples that get made because I swing sometimes with a male partner and I could swing with them couple to couple.

 

Now... Personally, I prefer a couple pay for the room, dinner, etc... because I think it's respectful because I am their date And the number one reason I am going out with them is to play so it is not obligation it's a pre-arranged, understood outcome. I've traveled with couples, too and they paid... And when I was married, Mr.Indy and I always paid for our singles without exception, male or female. It just seems like the right thing to do. Frankly, at this point in my life, I couldn't afford to travel or go and do the things I do with the couples I see if I had to pay for it all. Now... That being said, I also go out of my way to be thoughtful with the couples I truly enjoy. I am an excellent baker and baked up a storm for Christmas, I pick up nice little treats along the way, I have entertained at my house and pool with dinner for free for them when I could.

[beardedone 50]

They tell me "no."

 

[Wayne 15]

Lots of good information!!

[beardedone 50]

Actually, what is worse, and just like in the vanilla world, is when they start talking to each other like I or anyone else just aren't there. That is SO rude. Even if I'm in the middle of her pussy, if they start that I just get up and leave without a word.

[Hippiegirlie 276]

wow... good comments by all. I think as a single female the biggest problem I have is couples assuming that because they are in to me, I must be in to them... after all, I AM a single female openly playing so I must want to have sex with every couple I meet, right? (ok, enough venting). I guess lately I just feel a bit under-appreciated as a person and more looked at as a play toy. So, after saying more and erasing about 20 other comments, I think I'll let it go for now.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

wow... good comments by all. I think as a single female the biggest problem I have is couples assuming that because they are in to me, I must be in to them... after all, I AM a single female openly playing so I must want to have sex with every couple I meet, right? (ok, enough venting). I guess lately I just feel a bit under-appreciated as a person and more looked at as a play toy. So, after saying more and erasing about 20 other comments, I think I'll let it go for now.

 

I'm sorry you are feeling under appreciated and like a play toy. I wonder if part of it is the societal brainwash that women shouldn't enjoy sex and shouldn't want sex like men do. If they do, then they are "sluts" (in the negative connotation) and then it must mean that they want sex with everyone.

[beardedone 50]

I am still looking for that "playtoy" label as a guy. That may have to be in my next life, though.

HippieGirlie, maybe you're in an overstimulated zone and if so, just take a little break from sex for a few days (or minutes), get a breath, and recenter yourself. If is all for fun and personal growth.

[Hippiegirlie 276]

I'm sorry you are feeling under appreciated and like a play toy. I wonder if part of it is the societal brainwash that women shouldn't enjoy sex and shouldn't want sex like men do. If they do, then they are "sluts" (in the negative connotation) and then it must mean that they want sex with everyone.

 

That could be true.

[Hippiegirlie 276]

I am still looking for that "playtoy" label as a guy. That may have to be in my next life, though.

HippieGirlie, maybe you're in an overstimulated zone and if so, just take a little break from sex for a few days (or minutes), get a breath, and recenter yourself. If is all for fun and personal growth.

 

You can have mine! I was actually on a break for the last several weeks.... well until last night I'm just focusing on my regular, long-term FWB(s) for now.

[Guest Ready2dewit]

I can't resist chiming in on this one. I've met some great couples, have noticed a few patterns that the less-great share:

 

1. The wife has obviously been talked into the lifestyle, and just goes along "taking one for the team". Usually these situations are the ones where the husband is the gregarious, outgoing one, and she is not contributing to the conversation as much.

 

2. You'd think swingers would have outstanding social skills. But it amazes me how many couples just aren't that friendly, treating you like the "stunt cock" that they just need for that night. I wonder if some of these people would say hello to me if they saw me out in public.

 

3. That being said, I can't understand why people freak if your paths cross in public. We are just friends running into each other, right? It's not like we are wearing T-shirts that say we fucked each other! Just be friendly, I can actually hold a conversation about other things than sex!

[beardedone 50]

re #3: You mean there actually IS something besides sex???

[BiCaliGirl777 48]

* Couples that are pushy, grabby, and want to get right at it without even bothering to know my name.

* When it's obvious that the man is really into swinging and takes his wife who's not 100% on board.

* Couples who are not clear with what we can and can't do together.

* Insecurity issues. No thanks.

* Couples who talk too much about their sexual conquests and/or who can't hold a conversation without talking about sex.

* Couples who assume because I'm single, that I must be into EVERYONE and I am some submissive woman who will agree to everything and anything.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Ok, not a single...But...

 

My wife and I have read posts here before from single guys that say something along the lines of recognizing their 'role' of being a living sex toy for a couple. Our reaction is very much NOT that. When we get together with a single guy, he isn't a toy. He's a human being. He's not with us to be a toy. He's with us because he has sexual and companionship desires and needs that he feels he can fulfill with us. We're complimented that he would want to be with us, to share an MFM with us. It takes quite a bit of confidence to be willing to do that. If we treated him like chattel, then we can expect to be treated back the same. We don't want to be treated like that. We want to have a good time, to have some great sex within an erotic evening of adult playtime. The single man we invite to have sex with my wife is an equal partner in that. We feel he should be treated with respect, and we make sure that we try to meet his needs as well. It's not an all us thing; it's him too.