How to get started

[Mr&MrsValentine 15]

Mr. V and I are getting really close to where we want to stop talking about getting into this LS and want to actually do it! :-) And we've pretty much decided we want our first experience to be MMF. But now there's the question of exactly how to get there from here. As we see it there are several potential scenarios:

 

• Pick up a single guy at a vanilla bar and take him back to a hotel room we've rented
  
• Go to an on-premise club
  
• Find an off-premise spot or a meet & greet type thing and take someone back to a hotel room
  
• Find a single guy on SLS. If he's local we'd still have to get the room (going back to his place or ours is a deal breaker) but since we live in a high-tourism area there's a pretty good chance he'd already have a room rented.
  
• Some other option that we haven't even thought of
  

Just wanted to get advice from those that have been in the LS longer than us. Any pros/cons you feel would be advantageous to us as we try to decide how to get from Point A to Point B?

[O.C. 15]

Do you want your first experience to be a MMF or MFM threesome?

[MrBegone 15]

Looks like she said mmf was what they were looking for.

 

The wife and I are new too, so no advice here, but also curious as to how to get started.

[mrnmrsdiscrete 15]

Mrs and I talked and fantasized about swinging for a long time before we did anything too. The fantasies went everywhere from mild to REALLY wild. When it was time for us to move things to reality we found a hotel party and decided before we even left our house that we would keep to ourselves at this party. Go, talk, watch, be watched. We left the option open for light touching on others or on us by others. If soft swap draws the line at oral then we were feather swap. We eased into it with baby steps and it worked out great!

 

Since then we've gone farther, all the way to full swap over the course of a couple years and we think that slow steady pace really set a strong foundation for our play in the lifestyle.

[DaggersNRoses 271]

MrBegone said:

Looks like she said mmf was what they were looking for.

 

There are some of us who had no idea that there was a difference in how the letters lined up. Learn something new and all that.

 

It's better to be clear since that's not information everyone has crossed and they might not mean it the way it looks.

[hkdilbert 182]

There are some of us who had no idea that there was a difference in how the letters lined up. Learn something new and all that.

 

It's better to be clear since that's not information everyone has crossed and they might not mean it the way it looks.

 

Yikes - I had no idea! I guess I better be careful from now on - have been using MMF when I really meant MFM.

 

Is there some semi-official list of abbreviations somewhere out there that everyone agrees on?

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Yikes - I had no idea! I guess I better be careful from now on - have been using MMF when I really meant MFM.

 

Is there some semi-official list of abbreviations somewhere out there that everyone agrees on?

 

No need to panic. Not everyone subscribes to the belief that the order of the letters has significance. As always, it's best for all parties to communicate what their interests are in conversation.

[DaggersNRoses 271]

hkdilbert said:

Yikes - I had no idea! I guess I better be careful from now on - have been using MMF when I really meant MFM.

 

Is there some semi-official list of abbreviations somewhere out there that everyone agrees on?

 

I didn't know either until a few days ago in chat, lol. I think getting worked up over the letter arrangement is splitting hairs. If the communication hinges on putting those letters in the right order, there is bound to be some choppy water ahead.

 

The Rose

[MrBegone 15]

Yep, didn't realize that either. None of that for me, thanks!

[Mr&MrsValentine 15]

I appreciate it, y'all. We also didn't know there is a difference in the letters. If the difference is what I'm thinking it is (the bi-ness of the guy?) then we're definitely looking for an MFM as there is none of that in Mr. V. :-)

[losAmantes 318]

Back to the OP, if this is your first time out we would recommend using SLS to find a SM for a MFM. You will find a nice selection of good looking, respectful, experienced SM's to choose from. The trick is to make sure they have several good certs. Don't even consider a first time encounter with someone without at least two recent certs from attractive couples. Maybe with more experience you can give it a try but why take the chance? We never host so we also make it a requirement that they must host. This also weeds out most married men. When you make contact on SLS keep communications short and sweet, 2 or 3 emails should be all it takes to set up a meeting at a bar or restaurant. Don't chat or text with anyone until you've met in person. The formula for success is simple, don't overthink it. And, yes it is a big deal how the letters line up, it will make a big difference in the number and type of responses you get.

[DaggersNRoses 271]

Back to the OP, if this is your first time out we would recommend using SLS to find a SM for a MFM. You will find a nice selection of good looking, respectful, experienced SM's to choose from. The trick is to make sure they have several good certs. . And, yes it is a big deal how the letters line up, it will make a big difference in the number and type of responses you get.

 

I am of the firm camp of forgoing sites like SLS to actually meet people and go out to an on premise club instead.

 

Setting up a profile to attract others, sifting through profiles, chatting through mail or messenger then trying to match schedules has been very stressful. Going out to a club when it was convenient for us, interacting with people where we could see body language, dance to relax, flirt and enjoy the atmosphere was much more fun.

 

Obviously if a single man is desired then the club would have to allow them.

 

Just my thoughts on the comparisons of experiences.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

hkdilbert said:

Yikes - I had no idea! I guess I better be careful from now on - have been using MMF when I really meant MFM.

 

Is there some semi-official list of abbreviations somewhere out there that everyone agrees on?

 

Swingers Dictionary will help.

[slevin 1,374]

I am of the firm camp of forgoing sites like SLS to actually meet people and go out to an on premise club instead.

 

Setting up a profile to attract others, sifting through profiles, chatting through mail or messenger then trying to match schedules has been very stressful. Going out to a club when it was convenient for us, interacting with people where we could see body language, dance to relax, flirt and enjoy the atmosphere was much more fun.

 

Obviously if a single man is desired then the club would have to allow them.

 

Just my thoughts on the comparisons of experiences.

 

I think this is an excellent example of differing personality types. My wife and I find it far more stressful to go to a bar/club and try to meet someone to play with. We're generally sociable people, but the pressure of approaching and seducing someone is stressful to both of us. We find it far easier to narrow our focus online, meet for drinks and socialize/seduce someone we know that we're already somewhat interested in (and who is somewhat interested in us). It can be more work, but it's easier for us.

 

So I think the answer really depends on the couple and their personality type. Sometimes you need to try both methods before you can really know which one suits you best.

[eldiablo311 201]

hkdilbert said:

Yikes - I had no idea! I guess I better be careful from now on - have been using MMF when I really meant MFM.

 

Is there some semi-official list of abbreviations somewhere out there that everyone agrees on?

 

HA! Me too I've always said MMF, when I guess I should have been writing MFM...since I am straight!

[DaggersNRoses 271]

slevin said:

I think this is an excellent example of differing personality types. .

 

You have to do what works for you. For those of us still new to all the different approaches, we probably need to try different ones to know which is right.

 

I just know that I feel very pressured when trying to meet through a site. The need to connect is higher, the point is focused on seeing if the chemistry is right with one or two specific people, I feel like I have to jump through a lot of hoops. Once that e-mail is sent or responded to, I just feel a sense of obligation because I have engaged in "let's see if there is chemistry" with the intention of moving to the next step of that process.

 

I don't know how it is for everyone else but for us, we approached club attendance for ourselves. No commitments and we will have fun if we do nothing more than enjoy each other in a sexually charged atmosphere. I could talk to someone and feel ok with walking away. That is a lot less pressure to me.

 

The Rose

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Whatever works for a couple is right for them. Others can relate experiences, but it's your journey. Enjoy it with someone you love.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Back to the OP, if this is your first time out we would recommend using SLS to find a SM for a MFM. You will find a nice selection of good looking, respectful, experienced SM's to choose from. The trick is to make sure they have several good certs. Don't even consider a first time encounter with someone without at least two recent certs from attractive couples. Maybe with more experience you can give it a try but why take the chance? We never host so we also make it a requirement that they must host. This also weeds out most married men. When you make contact on SLS keep communications short and sweet, 2 or 3 emails should be all it takes to set up a meeting at a bar or restaurant. Don't chat or text with anyone until you've met in person. The formula for success is simple, don't overthink it. And, yes it is a big deal how the letters line up, it will make a big difference in the number and type of responses you get.

 

This is really good advice! It sums up many mistakes we've made trying to meet single guys and should save you a ton of time if you follow it.

 

Personally, we find it much, much harder to find good single guys than a four way couple match, or a nice unicorn (single bi female). I am not that picky, but single guys seem to cancel, not be able to make plans, be disrespectful, in general just not get it.

 

I think starting in threesomes also seems to result in more jealousy and emotional issues, than playing with couples so I think it's more advanced swinging. Once you know how you'll react when your partner is with someone else and you are too, then try something "just for her". It's a more balanced way to start in my opinion. Someone suggested going to a club and just easing into the scene, that's great advice too. Some clubs screen single males more carefully so you may be more likely to find a good one there. I think picking up a vanilla guy is really advanced swinging. You need to be able to fully articulate the ins and outs of swinging so he understands everyone's role and motivations. You need to make him comfortable enough to get it up in an unusual situation.

 

On the MMF issue, yes, many people don't care about the arrangement of the letters, but, many do feel that the arrangement indicates the focus of play. So an mmf threesome would be focused on the guys playing together. fmf, and ffm are used more interchangeably from what I've seen. But, you will get better response online if you say mfm and describe what you are looking for.

 

Depending on what you are looking to do in bed you may want to consider a bi guy even though you are straight. For example, if you want to try DP or want him or you to go down on her while the other is penetrating her, a bi guy is going to be more comfortable with that. Some straight guys will be fine with those activities some won't. You should ask ahead of time if you are set on specific activities in bed. If the guy is bi, just talk ahead of time and if he is a respectable guy he'll be happy to play straight, but be ok with the close physical contact needed for some positions in threesomes.

 

Good luck! Can't wait to hear how things progress.

[eldiablo311 201]

Do you guys think starting with "same room sex" with another couple might be good way to get started? We almost had this happen last weekend, totally out of the blue we were at a bar and bought another couple a bottle of champagne and shared it, then they came back to our hotel and soaked in the hot tubs with us and then came back to our room. We thought our girls were about to get it on and then the other girl mentioned to my wife that they had been talking about same room sex, my wife told her we had just been talking about that too! Nothing ended up happening though because the other girl was too messed up from drinking and wanted to leave. We came really close though and that would have been our 1st "swinger" type experience. Seems like that may be a good way to start, nobody is having sex with anybody but their partner.

[DaggersNRoses 271]

eldiablo311 said:

Do you guys think starting with "same room sex" with another couple might be good way to get started? .

 

For us, we are not interested in progressing past same room experiences. Starting in the lifestyle for us was putting up some naughty pictures and sharing them, going to a club and playing with each other out in the open then soft play with others and having sex with each other in the same room as others.

 

So take whatever steps feels good.

 

The Rose

[eldiablo311 201]

DaggersNRoses said:

For us, we are not interested in progressing past same room experiences. Starting in the lifestyle for us was putting up some naughty pictures and sharing them, going to a club and playing with each other out in the open then soft play with others and having sex with each other in the same room as others.

 

So take whatever steps feels good.

 

The Rose

 

Yes, that is true. We may not want to go past same room sex either, but after talking about that last weekend we both agreed that it could be a big turn on to try same room sex sometime. Just knowing that the other guy and or girl are checking out my wife and visa verse, would be such a turn on I think especially if you were doing that with another at least semi attractive couple! At one point my wife came out of the bathroom and had her hands on her bikini bottoms...I thought she was going to pull them off! My heart immediately started racing because me and the other guy were sitting there on the couch and he would have seen her pussy, of course, if she had taken them off...and that just turned me on so much!

[losAmantes 318]

I am of the firm camp of forgoing sites like SLS to actually meet people and go out to an on premise club instead.

We don't mind meeting couples at clubs, but we have a much tougher screening process for SM's. We want to see the type of people they've met with (certs), get a feel for if they're married (can they host?), and see their profile before we play (are they a pervert?). We're pretty wild, but I can't imagine hooking up with a strange SM at a club, too risky for our taste. A few SM's are just dogs and you don't know where they've been. We haven't had any problems (yet) with couples. The online screening process is actually very easy; look at pics, check certs, read profile, contact and ask if he can host, set date to meet for a drink. Usually takes us 2, maybe 3 short emails, and absolutely no chat or texting.

[eldiablo311 201]

Mr. V and I are getting really close to where we want to stop talking about getting into this LS and want to actually do it! :-) And we've pretty much decided we want our first experience to be MMF. But now there's the question of exactly how to get there from here. As we see it there are several potential scenarios:

 

• Pick up a single guy at a vanilla bar and take him back to a hotel room we've rented
  
• Go to an on-premise club
  
• Find an off-premise spot or a meet & greet type thing and take someone back to a hotel room
  
• Find a single guy on SLS. If he's local we'd still have to get the room (going back to his place or ours is a deal breaker) but since we live in a high-tourism area there's a pretty good chance he'd already have a room rented.
  
• Some other option that we haven't even thought of
  

Just wanted to get advice from those that have been in the LS longer than us. Any pros/cons you feel would be advantageous to us as we try to decide how to get from Point A to Point B?

 

 

Just from my thoughts and I am just in the "talking phase" with my wife also, but we went to the Olymipc Gardens in Las Vegas and I bought her a 1/2hr private dance with a male stripper. It was super hot, the guy was super respectful to both of us and always made sure everything was okay with me before he actually did it. By a few minutes into the dance he had his had down her pants feeling her pussy and she was stroking his dick and he was kissing her breasts!