Trying for a baby with my husband, and seeing other men...condoms etc

[sparkstar 128]

I had my implant removed 5 weeks ago as we decided we finally wanted to start a family together now. I'm 27, my husband is 32.

 

I originally intended to stop having sex with other men. Then after a couple of weeks my hormones were raging for more sex so... now I'm seeing 2 of the 3 "other" men who i was seeing regularly without condoms, which now obviously i get them to use condoms.

 

The thing is, our friend "Paul" struggles to stay hard during sex while using condoms, and when he takes the condom off for anal sex he then goes hard again. He has suggested if he can go bareback vaginal and use the pull out method, i said no straight away. He continued saying he does not leak any pre-cum for at least 10 minutes which would allow me enough time to have 1-2 orgasms, then we can do anal so he can finish there. I said no as i was too scared, it brought back memories of when i was a teen i got pregnant from using the pull out method after 3-4 months.

 

The sex with him is usually amazing, but now i really miss how hard he used to feel, the sex is kind of pointless with him now. Normally i orgasm most often when im playing with him he is that good.

 

I'm just wondering if it would be ok, using the pull out method with him. It is not like he would pull out "just in time" far from it, just so long as I can orgasm 1 or 2 times (which is easily done with him) then he can pull out to start anal sex. There "shouldn't" be any pre-cum from him. I'm thinking, if my husband is regularly cumming inside me then, you know...

 

I'm in two minds about it. I mean I trust Paul a lot, he is extremely good at controlling himself he certainly knows what he is doing sexually.

 

Does anyone here have any ideas?

[Playful1 434]

Find a new partner until you are pregnant. Sorry, but if you want 100% certainty, just let him be for a few months. That or he needs to get out of his head and learn to use condoms. Millions of men do, he can.

 

If you want 100% certainty on the kid....don't let your sex drive be the driving factor.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

I am not a physician, but the pull out method seems to work extremely well.........until it doesn't. And knowing for sure when it doesn't work is anybody's guess, at least until you have the proof.

 

You are an adult and can make your own decisions, but if you want to be reasonably sure your child has your husbands DNA then use protection. If you want to be positive, stop swinging for a while. Otherwise you two will need to make peace with the possibility your husband may not be the father of the child you conceive.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Does anyone here have any ideas?

 

OK, I'll be blunt and just say it:

 

Show some self control and don't fuck anyone but your husband until you get pregnant and have the baby.

 

That takes care of every issue.

[RyJ 21]

My wife and I are trying for our second child, and have decided to take a break from the lifestyle while trying. We would be mortified if we weren't sure who's baby it was, and for us it isn't worth the risk. You're only 27, there's lots of time to get back into it.

[Alura 2,774]

two4youinswva said:

OK, I'll be blunt and just say it:

 

Show some self control and don't fuck anyone but your husband until you get pregnant and have the baby.

 

That takes care of every issue.

 

That's what we did. It worked quite well.

 

After our first was born, Mrs. Alura chose to breast feed and didn't want any foreign chemicals (birth control pills) polluting her milk. So we practiced oral sex until we were ready for our second.

[SwingerGirl 132]

If you want to use the pull out method, you need to prepare yourself for the chance that you might conceive a baby by this man. You should only use that method if you are comfortable with the risk.

 

There are two reasons I say this-

1. Because there is a chance no matter how careful you think you are being

2. If you decide to go bareback, are you comfortable living 9 months and maybe longer with the thought of "I don't know who fathered my baby". That might not be you, but I know that I would constantly be worrying about it until I knew for sure.

 

Let's face it, this is not something that only affects you. Every man and woman in this LS that is still fertile has a -chance- of impregnating or being impregnated by someone they don't intend to. Condoms break, birth control fails, even tubal ligation is not 100% effective (yeah yeah I know 99% gives you a damn good shot, but shit still happens).

 

You might want to consider some alternative birth controls that you can use with this partner.

 

A diaphragm

Quote

Effectiveness is an important and common concern when choosing a birth control method. Like all birth control methods, the diaphragm is more effective when you use it correctly.

If women always use the diaphragm as directed, 6 out of 100 will become pregnant each year.

If women don't always use the diaphragm as directed, 12 out of 100 will become pregnant each year.

You can make the diaphragm more effective if you

Make sure it covers your cervix before each time you have intercourse.

Make sure spermicide is used as recommended.

Your partner can help you make the diaphragm more effective by using a latex condom or pulling out before ejaculation.

 

Spermicides

Quote

Vaginal spermicides are 71% to 85% effective. This means that with typical use, about 29 out of every 100 women who use contraceptive foam, cream, jelly, film, or suppositories will become pregnant during the first year. With perfect use, 15 will become pregnant.

 

The sponge

Quote

The sponge is more effective for women who have never given birth.

 

If women who have never given birth always use the sponge as directed, 9 out of 100 will become pregnant each year.

If women who have never given birth don't always use the sponge as directed, 12 out of 100 will become pregnant each year.

 

Here is a chart that shows the effectiveness of different birth controls. You can use some of them together to increase effectiveness. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control

 

I'd just like to add... I'm no birth control expert. Talk to your doctor to get better facts.

[sparkstar 128]

My thoughts exactly. I dont mind them using condoms as its very rare that they break. Bareback for 5 minutes with Paul should be ok but its a case of "what if".

 

I'm going to miss Paul for a while, I'd rate him in my top 5 best fucks of all time...I've been with easily over a thousand men, he is that good, I mean good.

 

So for now I'm just seeing one other man, with condoms. I thinkIi'll have to go buy a plastic rabbit toy as my hormones are going through the roof, sex with my husband every couple of nights is not enough. Wonder which I am - horny or broody, lol!

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

How about the female condom?

[O.C. 15]

sparkstar said:

I'm just wondering if it would be ok, using the pull out method with him.

 

Sure it's OK as long as you want him to be the sperm donor for your child.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

sparkstar said:

sex with my husband every couple of nights is not enough. Wonder which I am - horny or broody, lol!

 

Is there a reason you are only having sex with each other every couple of nights? I've not known too many guys would turn down the chance at daily sex when given to them.

[sparkstar 128]

JustAskJulie said:

Is there a reason you are only having sex with each other every couple of nights? I've not known too many guys would turn down the chance at daily sex when given to them.

He loves daily sex, I love it more than that.

 

It is just that from what I've read/heard, it is best if the male has a rest of at least a day, to allow him to save up more sperm for when he does have sex, and it allows the sperm to mature slightly as mature sperm are apparently stronger swimmers or something like that. Also, it makes us both more horny if we don't have sex every day.

 

Usually I only have 1-2 orgasms with my husband, he isn't bad anything, the sex is quite nice.

 

Paul, who I mentioned, I lose count of the amount of orgasms I have with him, he can stay hard for such a long time as well as get hard again easily within 20 minutes. I was seeing him 2-5 days per week? He can't use condoms so I'm not seeing him now.

 

Steve, I usually have a few orgasms with him, 1-2 days per week. He doesn't mind condoms so I'm seeing him.

 

Ron I was seeing once per month, an orgasm or 2. He hates condoms with a passion.

 

That was my sex life. Now I'm down to just husband and Steve. I'm used to more than just an orgasm a day. I have male friends who I could call to meet up for sex which I'm trying not to. I've tried playing with some sex toys but they just don't do much for me.

 

funcoupledayton said:

How about the female condom?

He said he has tried it, and doesn't like that either.

[4us2 65]

This is ridiculous. Your trying to have a child with your husband and are not willing to give up the other men to ensure the baby is your husbands. Do the world a favour and don't have a child. You seem too selfish. Your focus should be about the child not your orgasms with others in this case. Children take lots of focus and selflessness to raise.

[sparkstar 128]

4us2 said:

This is ridiculous. Your trying to have a child with your husband and are not willing to give up the other men to ensure the baby is your husbands. Do the world a favour and don't have a child. You seem too selfish. Your focus should be about the child not your orgasms with others in this case. Children take lots of focus and selflessness to raise.

Excuse me, I am trying to ensure my child will be my husband by using condoms with other men, I'm just wondering about other methods. And who the hell are you to tell me if I should or shouldn't have a child?! Get over yourself you moody person.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Let me ask some questions.

• What are your thoughts (and your husbands) if the "what if" actually happens?
  
• How will the both of you respond?
  
• How will a potential playmate respond?
  
• How much do you know about medical/genetic background of your playmates?
  
• How do you think it would impact your marriage?
  
• Besides what you think, what are the possibilities on how it would impact your marriage?
  
• What if you playmates are genetically predisposed to certain medical condition? Down the road your child could suffer if you are unaware of them.
  
• How do you think your child will react 20 years from now if they find out because of a genetic medical condition that threatens their life or health, and they were unaware because neither you or your husband is genetically predisposed to that condition?
  
• How will the baby daddy react, long and short term?
  
• How does he feel about being potentially legally responsible for your child financially?
  
• If something happens to you, are you prepared for your child to end up being part of a custody battle between your husband and the child's father?
  
• If something happens to both you and your husband, how will your parents react when they loose custody to the father?
  
• How will baby daddy react if next year something happens that prevents him from having children and desperately wants them, and your child is HIS only child?
  

 

I could go on and on.

 

The bottom line is NO contraceptive is 100% effective, so you will be taking some risk. If you cannot be comfortable (or your husband and playmates can't be) then maybe you should rethink continuing to play.

I would say it is your life and your risk, but it could impact the lives of at least 4 people, maybe more.

[SwingerGirl 132]

sparkstar said:

He loves daily sex, I love it more than that.

 

It is just that from what I've read/heard, it is best if the male has a rest of at least a day, to allow him to save up more sperm for when he does have sex, and it allows the sperm to mature slightly as mature sperm are apparently stronger swimmers or something like that. Also, it makes us both more horny if we don't have sex every day.

 

Found on https://www.babymed.com/how-to-get-pregnant-getting-pregnant-faster-and-have-a-healthy-baby

 

Quote

4. Have sex regularly two-three times a week PLUS once a day every day during the 5-6 fertile days and check your fertility signs for the best and fertile days to make love on.

 

Having regular sex is the best way to get pregnant. Couples often try to time everything perfectly for ovulation but do not have sex when they think they are not ovulating. It is true that sex that is not within the time of ovulation will not result in pregnancy. However, because women do not always ovulate when they think they will, having sex three times a week will help to a woman cover her bases, so to speak, and not miss an opportunity to get pregnant.

 

Doing a BBT temperature chart, checking your fertile signs and using an ovulation kit to predict when you are ovulating could improve your chances of getting pregnant. Ovulation prediction kits work by reading LH surges prior to ovulation. They are relatively easy to use and are generally accurate for predicting ovulation. Fertility monitors, such as the Clear Blue Easy monitor, are also a worthwhile investment if you would like to get pregnant faster.

 

4. Have sex before ovulation (not after).

Sometimes couples get confused about the best time to have sex in relationship to ovulation. You have a small window of time each month to get pregnant. After a woman ovulates the egg will survive approximately 24 hours. Sperm, on the other hand, will live for up to three to five days. This is why having sex two to three days before ovulation will increase your chances of getting pregnant. Don't wait until the day you ovulate to have sex. Your partner's sperm will last longer than your egg and you don't want to miss an opportunity by waiting.

 

Ok with that being said..... IMHO you are playing with fire. As I stated previously (and as others have stated), if you are having sex with other men you need to prepare yourself for the *possibility* that you can conceive a baby by the other men. There is no 100% sure way that you will not unless you are not having sex with them. If y'all are ok with that possibility, then you are all consenting adults and you should do whatever you want.Just know that there will be drama if that happens and you will be putting your baby in the middle of it.

 

Some other facts for you to consider though, is that when you are ovulating, studies show that is the second most likely time for women to be at their "horniest" (most people think it is the #1, but again studies show that is during menstruation not ovulation).

 

Also, I don't remember you saying whether this would be your first child? I'm assuming it's not since you had Implanon, and usually you can only get that if you have a child already....? If it's not your first child, how long did it take you to conceive your first? If it is your first, know that it could take years for you to successfully conceive.

 

After you get pregnant.... are you still planning to have unprotected sex with these men? What if one of them gets an STD and you don't know about it? Are you willing to risk exposing your baby to it? I know that you may think you can trust these men, but unless they are having sex with just you, they are exposed to STDs and they could pass it to you (and your baby) before they even know they have it.

[sparkstar 128]

Coupleerotic22 said:

Let me ask some questions.

• What are your thoughts (and your husbands) if the "what if" actually happens? How will the both of you respond?
  We've agreed it wouldn't be a deal breaker even in the slightest. As long as my child is white then we can get away with making family/friends believe my husband is the biological father.
• How will a potential playmate respond?
  He knows the risk, and Paul already has 3 children he has actually said he wouldn't mind if the child would be his.
• How much do you know about medical/genetic background of your playmates?
  All healthy as far as i know, no different to anyone else's family.
• How do you think it would impact your marriage?
  Obviously it could raise some tension between us.
• Besides what you think, what are the possibilities on how it would impact your marriage?
  We've had some in-depth heart to hearts about it, and basically said we would try not to let it worsen our feelings for each other.
• What if you playmates are genetically predisposed to certain medical condition? Down the road your child could suffer if you are unaware of them.
  Nothing detrimental as far as i know. For me, my moms mom died from breast cancer, my dad has had his eye removed due to cancer he has also had half his ear removed due to cancer, my moms sister died last year from stomach cancer, my dads dad died from some liver disease, my sister son has celiac disease probably passed on from his dads mom.
• How will the baby daddy react, long and short term?
  Like i said, he already has 3 children, and has said it wouldn't bother him in the slightest.
• How does he feel about being potentially legally responsible for your child financially?
  He would not be legally bound, my husbands name would go on the birth certificate.
• If something happens to you, are you prepared for your child to end up being part of a custody battle between your husband and the child's father?
  I dont think Paul is bothered about ever getting custody.
• If something happens to both you and your husband, how will your parents react when they loose custody to the father?
  Well that's up to us to try make sure nothing happens to both of us.

 

I could go on and on.

Some good points you've made! though already discussed between us.

A lot of your points we already talked about a long time ago when we decided to have bareback sex with other swingers so it is nothing new to us. The purpose of why I started this thread is to check other people's thoughts of using the pull out method considering what I explained that Paul has excellent sexual control and knows exactly what he is doing. Most men can't even though a lot of them do believe they have good control. But people are just reading "pull out method - just another stupid person who think they can use it as birth control", yes I was like that when I was a teen when I didn't know what I was doing and how men properly "worked" in regards to self control.

 

Thanks anyway people, I expected these exact responses. Was just wondering if anyone on this forum had much experience with it. I've known a few women have and are successful with using just the pull out method. Whenever you ask this on the internet it is always the exact same responses that it is far too risky, yet it does work for a lot of people, just not for people who frequent internet forums and such.

 

My sister was using only condoms with her husband and she still got pregnant with her 3rd child. A friend was on the pill yet she got pregnant.

If I want to ensure I'd never get pregnant other than by my husband I would never swing at all. I want to enjoy my life, not live a life full of umms and what if's, if that makes me selfish then so be it. I've known plenty of people who are far, very far more selfish than I am yet they are still seen as good people by people they know.

[SwingerGirl 132]

4us2 said:

This is ridiculous. Your trying to have a child with your husband and are not willing to give up the other men to ensure the baby is your husbands. Do the world a favour an don't have a child. You seem too selfish. Your focus should be about the child not your orgasms with others in this case. Children take lots of focus an selflessness to raise.

 

This is a *ridiculous* thing to say.

[4us2 65]

sparkstar said:

Excuse me, I am trying to ensure my child will be my husband by using condoms with other men, I'm just wondering about other methods. And who the hell are you to tell me if I should or shouldn't have a child?! Get over yourself you moody person.

 

You wanna ensure your baby is yours? Then stop screwing other men and put your family first instead of your orgasms. Seriously get over YOURSELF, where is the logic here?

[sparkstar 128]

SwingerGirl said:

Also, I don't remember you saying whether this would be your first child? I'm assuming it's not since you had Implanon, and usually you can only get that if you have a child already....? If it's not your first child, how long did it take you to conceive your first? If it is your first, know that it could take years for you to successfully conceive.

 

After you get pregnant.... are you still planning to have unprotected sex with these men? What if one of them gets an STD and you don't know about it? Are you willing to risk exposing your baby to it? I know that you may think you can trust these men, but unless they are having sex with just you, they are exposed to STDs and they could pass it to you (and your baby) before they even know they have it.

I've been pregnant once before but had a miscarriage. Other than that then no I havn't had a baby yet. A few of my friends have had the implanon who didn't have a baby prior to having it done, it was them telling me how much better it is than the pill that i decided to have it as well.

 

Yes I know it could take years to get pregnant, I've done some research around the internet when I was looking to get it removed as I wondered if it was like the pill where it can take ages to get pregnant after taking the pill for a long time.

 

I've had a lot of risky sex in my time, maybe 100 times more than most people. I've been a lap dancer at a top gentlemen's club as well as worked as an escort for a few years when I used to get tested every 3-5 weeks for all STD's. So making sure I'm clean is nothing to me, I know I'm clean.

 

I'm well aware of all my male friends current sexual relations, we're openly honest about things like this.

 

My baby will not have any exposure to an STD.

 

I'm beyond fully aware of all risks, I'm not here to learn about them as I've been there done that literally a "stupid" amount of times as well as researched it all when i was working in the adult entertainment business.

 

By the way, try not to see any wordings from me as if I'm angry or something, I know I come across like that sometimes after i re-read what I've put and then I'm like... ah crap I worded that wrong, and not sure how to make it sound more positive. English wasn't my strong point in school.

[sparkstar 128]

You wanna ensure your baby is yours ? Then stop screwing other men an put your family first instead of your orgasms. Seriously get over YOURSELF , were is the logic here.

Basically you're saying only women who have had their ovaries tied or removed should be swinging, or else there is always some risk no matter how safe you try to be unless you use a few forms of birth control at the same time.

Yeah, so open-minded of you.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

How much do you know about medical/genetic background of your playmates?

All healthy as far as i know, no different to anyone else's family.

 

Everyone else has chimed in about everything else but I wanted to comment on this specifically. Just because someone looks healthy doesn't mean that there are genetic issues at play. Myself, for example, I look healthy but I am the carrier of a translocation of two specific kinds of chromosomes. My mother is a carrier and most likely so was my mother's mom. My grandmother had several miscarriages. My mother has had miscarriages. And I have had more than my heart can take. Because of this carrier status, we appear healthy but there is 75% chance of miscarriage/having a child with translocated chromosomes which can result in a special needs child. My brother is one of them. As they say...don't judge a book by its cover. I would probably assume that the only genetic background you know extensively is your husband's. And I remember commenting in the past to one of your husband's posts about children. If you have the time, perhaps you can find it.

[SwingerGirl 132]

sparkstar- Forgive me if I am wrong about this, but this is just the impression that I get from your posts. You are getting frustrated because you are looking for specific opinions about "pulling out" and you feel like you are not getting that. I think if you go back and reread, you will realize that a lot of us -are- giving our opinions about it, but we are also trying to give other advice that is related to this topic. We don't think it is a good idea. You are more than welcome to ignore that advice and do what you want- it's your life. However, to me (again just my opinion) this seems like one of those threads that I run across sometimes on forums where the OP posts thinking they will find people to back them up, then when people don't they take it as a judgment instead of just the advice that it is. I won't say no one is judging you, because clearly some are, but most of us are just giving advice. We don't know the extent of you sexual knowledge, if you know some of this stuff great! if not then it could be something for you to consider. We are simply trying to make sure that you are considering the "what if". Yes, you posted that you don't want to live your life by the "what if", but like it or not, you are attempting to bring someone else in this world that will be affected by your lack of the what if. In this case, the what if is very important.

 

Best of Luck.

[sparkstar 128]

swingergirl, yeah I agree, and I am just going to stick with using condoms instead of use the pull out method with Paul. I'm pretty certain wouldn't get pregnant by him but there's still a tiny chance it could happen. I really want it to be my husband's.

 

sunbuckus, sound advice thanks.

[Baron-n-kitty 104]

4us2 said:

This is ridiculous. Your trying to have a child with your husband and are not willing to give up the other men to ensure the baby is your husband's. Your focus should be about the child not your orgasms with others in this case. Children take lots of focus an selflessness to raise.

 

Couldn't agree more. And hell, for that matter, if your worried so much about your daily orgasm intake then, think about having kids in the house. Me and my wife (we have 3 kids) are doing good to pull off quickies in the laundry room or shower much less have actual awesome sex where we get to take our time.

[DaggersNRoses 271]

Paul has a pretty exact timeframe down for when he begins to have pre-cum. How can be he so precise in that? I don't believe it's possible to know for certain that way.

[latin2012 22]

Im pretty certain wouldnt get pregnant by him

 

I would say, if your pretty sure, you should go with your first instincts, they are usually right ; )

[TheRedHalf 81]

sparkstar said:

He said he has tried it, and doesn't like that either.

 

This isn't about what he likes or doesn't like. This is a decision that you and your husband need to make together.

 

sparkstar said:

He continued saying he does not leak any pre-cum for at least 10 minutes which would allow me enough time to have 1-2 orgasms, then we can do anal so he can finish there.

 

Okay, I have to say this because no one else did.....

 

Really? Really!? Come on, has he timed this with a stopwatch, did you watch him and can you confirm that it's the same amount of time every time? I'm probably going to get myself into trouble with this one but some people will believe anything if they want it to be true.

 

Good luck...

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I would say, if your pretty sure, you should go with your first instincts, they are usually right ; )

 

Really? Really!? Come on, has he timed this with a stopwatch, did you watch him and can you confirm that it's the same amount of time every time? I'm probably going to get myself into trouble with this one but some people will believe anything if they want it to be true.

 

Welcome to the world of magical thinking, where you can imagine many impossible things before breakfast and at least one other person will agree that you're right.

 

Sparkstar, the only way to insure that your child is biologically related to your husband is to only have sex with other women, yoursef and/or your husband. All other options, including barrier contraception, contain the risk that you will get pregnant by another man.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

What are your thoughts (and your husbands) if the "what if" actually happens? How will the both of you respond?

 

We've agreed it wouldnt be a deal breaker even in the slightest. As long as my child is white then we can get away with making family/friends believe my husband is the biological father.

 

I believe sparkstar is okay with the risks and the chance that the child may not be the husband's as long as the child appears to be the same shared race of the husband.