The Hall Pass Poll - Do you and your partner do Hall Passes?

[NYFlirts 158]

We started out in this lifestyle very slowly. In fact we had a TON of rules in the very beginning:

 

• no full swap
  
• no oral
  
• no kissing
  
• only play together
  
• no hall passes
  

 

Well, it was only a matter of months until all those flew out the window... except the last one.

 

We still mostly play in the same room, which is our preference, but we occasionally play in different rooms if we really like and trust the other couple and it is their preference.

 

With that said, we never do "hall passes" and feel strongly that we never will and never should. NOT putting a judgement on others that do it, but we just don't think it is for us.

 

We have two close couple friends who both do hall passes and we've seen some pretty negative consequences (at least in our opinion) with how it has affected their relationship. We also have some non-close friends who do it who say it works fine for them.

 

So, in addition to the "YES / NO" poll on "Do you do hall passes", we're also curious:

 

• When did you start doing hall passes? Did you ever have a rule against them that you broke?
  
• were you both 100% on same page with them or was one partner more in favor?
  
• if you don't do the hall pass, why? Do you ever think you will?
  
• what good and bad hall pass stories have YOU had?
  

 

Can't wait to hear your thoughts!!!

[angelkin 1,326]

We do hall passes and have never broken any rules around them...so far, I have only used it once. When my business travel had me out of town a lot is when we started using them.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

We have in the past and probably will again. It's a case by case basis. Safety is a primary concern and we tell each other everything after.

[NYFlirts 158]

we tell each other everything after.

 

You brought up an interesting point! We hear from many couples who say, "I don't mind what they do with the other person, I just don't want to hear about it!!!"

 

IMO, that means, "I'm going to get jealous if I hear about how much you like what you did with them, so ignorance is bliss!"

 

So, a follow up question for y'all: If a couple feels like they don't want to hear about, or don't feel safe sharing details (to some extent) about a swap or a hall pass, should they be doing it?

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Mr. Doe has a theoretical hall pass (I do not), but circumstances would need to be quite unusual for him to use it. Not only are we a same room couple, I also have a kink that is satisfied only if I'm present.

 

So, a follow up question for y'all: If a couple feels like they don't want to hear about, or don't feel safe sharing details (to some extent) about a swap or a hall pass, should they be doing it?

 

Should? Who knows? However, I would say it could indicate some real issues and I would stay far, far away from anyone on a DADT pass.

[exploringRM 305]

I answered yes as we have gone out alone before to events, parties and wife has played at one of them. They are not the norm and have been used with friends. Not sure if we would do one as a "date" though.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

So, in addition to the "YES / NO" poll on "Do you do hall passes", we're also curious:

 

• When did you start doing hall passes? Did you ever have a rule against them that you broke?
  
• were you both 100% on same page with them or was one partner more in favor?
  
• if you don't do the hall pass, why? Do you ever think you will?
  
• what good and bad hall pass stories have YOU had?
  

 

Can't wait to hear your thoughts!!!

 

We did hall passes with our first couple but then ended that policy with them after awhile. Mr. Sun isn't comfortable with hall passes for the most part but I am more than willing to give one to him as long as he tells me with who and when.

 

I'm not sure I understand the "Did you ever have a rule against them that you broke?" question because we always made sure we let the other one know when we were using them. However, I probably used my hall pass too much at the beginning.

 

I was only comfortable using the hall pass with our first couple and we were both in favor of the hall pass. However, I had more opportunity to use my hall pass than Mr. Sun and that created a "not on the same page" so we stopped.

 

In my opinion, hall passes should only be done when the couple has moved beyond "doing swinging together" to "wanting the happiness for their spouse" and even then it depends on where the couple lies on the spectrum between swinging and poly. Playing separately, especially many times with the same person, can open up a lot of issues that deal with the heart. But this is only my opinion.

 

 

You brought up an interesting point! We hear from many couples who say, "I don't mind what they do with the other person, I just don't want to hear about it!!!"

 

IMO, that means, "I'm going to get jealous if I hear about how much you like what you did with them, so ignorance is bliss!"

 

So, a follow up question for y'all: If a couple feels like they don't want to hear about, or don't feel safe sharing details (to some extent) about a swap or a hall pass, should they be doing it?

 

I remember when we did hall passes, we were okay hearing about what happened but not specific details unless specific questions were asked. Maybe that's just the way I am or Mr. Sun is but I am more turned on by the situation. For example, just watching people have sex hasn't really been a turn on surprisingly (or not since I don't really like porn). But I love reading erotica because it's the story of how the sex developed that gets me going. There are couples that get excited about sharing details though, we just aren't one of them.

 

I don't know if that's what you were thinking about or not. Maybe if a spouse really doesn't want to hear anything about it or doesn't want to share, then there might be an issue there. Perhaps there is jealousy arising within the person who doesn't want to hear it. And perhaps the one that doesn't want to share is hiding something. In those cases, should they be doing it? Probably not but it's their decision, isn't? The issues should be dealt with if they want to keep their relationship. If they don't want to, then they aren't working hard enough to maintain it. It's really their call.

[PB&J 1,086]

You brought up an interesting point! We hear from many couples who say, "I don't mind what they do with the other person, I just don't want to hear about it!!!"

 

IMO, that means, "I'm going to get jealous if I hear about how much you like what you did with them, so ignorance is bliss!"

 

So, a follow up question for y'all: If a couple feels like they don't want to hear about, or don't feel safe sharing details (to some extent) about a swap or a hall pass, should they be doing it?

 

We both have used hall passes in the past and will continue to do so from time to time, probably more me as I have a friend I like to play with alone, and PB is cool with that.

PB has no objection to hearing details, being sent pictures, etc. I, on the other hand, don't get turned on by hearing a blow-by-blow account, so to speak. It may be your opinion that it is a jealousy thing, but you could not be more wrong. If I was jealous, we wouldn't be swinging. It just isn't something that gets me excited. I like to hear that he and she enjoyed themselves, and that's it. What happened is between the two of them.

So, we will continue to do it.

[shy_couple 459]

We treat this as a team sport. So no hall passes for either and on top of that we don't play with married with hall pass. If you have a significant other and are looking to play without them, we are not interested.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

So, in addition to the "YES / NO" poll on "Do you do hall passes", we're also curious:

 

• When did you start doing hall passes? Did you ever have a rule against them that you broke?
  
• were you both 100% on same page with them or was one partner more in favor?
  
• if you don't do the hall pass, why? Do you ever think you will?
  
• what good and bad hall pass stories have YOU had?
  

Yes, we have hall passes. She has used it and I have not.

 

We did not have specific rules on hall passes at first. When I had surgery and was going to be inactive for a while we decided it was a good idea. She only played with people we already knew. No rule has been broken. We still have a standing hall pass for each of is and may or may not use them, depending on the situation, as we prefer to play together.

 

The only negative we have experienced was that I was very apprehensive while she was out. Once she checked in and I knew she was safe, everything was good.

IMO, that means, "I'm going to get jealous if I hear about how much you like what you did with them, so ignorance is bliss!"

 

So, a follow up question for y'all: If a couple feels like they don't want to hear about, or don't feel safe sharing details (to some extent) about a swap or a hall pass, should they be doing it?

 

What people should do is stick to their rules, be honest, communicate and be safe. Beyond that, to each their own.

 

I disagree about wanting to hear about it means your jealous. I want to hear about how things went, what she did etc. (we also do separate rooms with some couples). I am always excited to hear she had a great time and very disappointed when she doesn't. I enjoy sharing in her joy.

[NYFlirts 158]

I'm not sure I understand the "Did you ever have a rule against them that you broke?" question

 

Sorry, I worded that terribly! I meant: Did you ever have "no hall passes ever" as a rule, and did you eventually decide to allow hall passes as you were in the lifestyle longer? If so, what made you decide that they would be ok?

[NYFlirts 158]

More details on our experiences so far (which change all the time):

 

We knew a couple where they both did hall passes and the girl developed strong feelings for the singe guy she was going out with. The husband told his wife it was making him uncomfortable and so she stopped... but it was kinda clear that she had resentment that she couldn't see this guy anymore. It was also clear she would jump into the guys arms the minute the husband decided it was ok again.

 

I don't think I'd be comfortable with the Mrs. going on a hall pass. I'd definitely be jealous... but that's based on me projecting my current feelings into a future situation. I used to think that if a guy ever kissed my wife I'd be jealous... but once I was making out with his hot wife while he was making out with my hot wife... everything was A - OK! With that said, I've seen enough cases where things went wrong to think it is something we'll ever do... again, to each their own and everyone manages different risk differently.

 

I know my wife would fully support me going out on a hall pass, but I never would unless we both decided we were doing it. I do know that she would NOT want to hear many (maybe none) of the details about what happened on a hall pass, but she admits she'd be jealous. ... but to clarify, she also said it depends on the mood she's in, which I totally understand.

 

Isn't all this lifestyle stuff so complex, varied, and interesting!?!?!

[D&D 362]

We both have hall passes and we both use them regularly. When we started, a whole year ago we frankly didn't know enough about what would be a good rule or not so we basically just dove in head first and then started to make up rules as we figured out what we liked and what we didn't like. (I cant say I recommend this method for starting out.) Mrs D had a hall pass very early on during a week I was a away on business.... the result was my being very insecure about the whole thing. So we made up a rule about no hall passes. I wrote a post or two about my feelings on hall passes; sometimes I go back and read those posts and get a smile on my face about my current feelings vs what I was feeling six months ago. I think, looking back, that I was in the same boat as the OP... although I wasn't really very honest with what I was feeling, which basically amounted to my being jealous. I'm not dismissing what I felt, the whole situation made me very uncomfortable. Jealousy is very real and it isn't necessarily juvenile. Facing it requires that one finds out what the cause is which isn't very easy as our egos tend to misidentify what it is we are really feeling jealous about. It was difficult to put my finger on what it was that I didn't like, but in the end what I was jealous of was the amount of attention she was getting vs I. It wasn't so much that she had more opportunity it was more that those who expressed a desire for her seemed to be more interested in her than were the women who expressed an interest in me. Maybe a better way of putting it is that her opportunities seemed more sincere in their interest than mine were. It got to the point where I wasn't all that interested in swinging at all and my anti-hall pass radar was lit up like a Christmas tree.

 

What changed my outlook was three really good swing experiences where the women were completely into me... overnight it seemed my whole attitude changed. It wasn't that I had an opportunity to use a hall pass with any of these three women, it was that suddenly I was feeling like I was playing a part in the lifestyle. It also became very clear to me that I had been misreading the other men's interest in Mrs D! It was as if I couldn't understand the nature of the chemistry between my wife and the other men until I had experienced similar chemistry. As Mrs D and I talked about it we decided it was time to try giving her a hall pass again to use with a single guy we had met at a party. The result was incredible! It didn't bother me at all and it turned out that her being chased was kind of a turn on for me! Another time she was able to play with a man whose wife I absolutely have no interest in. (she is very good looking, but just no sparks between us ) Problem of 4-way chemistry solved!

 

Over the last couple of months I have had the opportunity to use a hall pass with a close FWB. The whole experience has been very positive.

 

I don't want to sound like I am saying to everybody to go use a hall pass. I can certainly understand and identify with those who choose not to use them. Neither my wife or I like to talk much about what happened during the hall pass. It isn't that we are jealous its that seeing someone separately is very personal. We both have found that its a kind of alone time that is nice to keep for ourselves. Compare that to when we swing as a couple and we like to go over the whole evening in detail saying what we each liked and disliked and what we learned from our partners. There is a very different feeling to swinging together versus separately. Also we both have veto rights over who we each can see. That is, we both like to know the other party. Having a Hall Pass isn't the equivalent of it being a free for all. Obviously there are some safety concerns as well that I have to be comfortable with.

[ALilOEverything 901]

We have given them to each other in the past (handful of times each) but haven't bothered asking each other in months. It sounded like fun in the beginning but one on one just wasn't as much fun or what we were really looking for. We didn't have any significant problems arise from it, maybe just a little initial anxiety. What's helpful is that we are on the same page. Both of us felt the same way that isn't wasn't as much fun without having each other there. I'm glad to have experienced it though and know it really isn't anything to get excited about.

[NYFlirts 158]

D&D, you hit the nail on the head with us! We're in the exact same situation in many ways that you were in, so thanks for all that detail!!!

 

It was difficult to put my finger on what it was that I didn't like, but in the end what I was jealous of was the amount of attention she was getting vs I. It wasn't so much that she had more opportunity, it was more that those who expressed a desire for her seemed to be more interested in her than were the women who expressed an interest in me. Maybe a better way of putting it is that her opportunities seemed more sincere in their interest than mine were. It got to the point where I wasn't all that interested in swinging at all and my anti-hall pass radar was lit up like a Christmas tree.

 

Wow, well articulated! I know that's a HUGE part of it for me! In general my wife is definitely better looking than me (she's crazy hot), so this coupled with the fact that guys tend to generally be more of the pursuers, means she tends to get way more attention than me... from guys AND girls. One of our favorite couples we swap with, I can tell the girl likes me, but she LOVES my wife. Anyway, my point being: I wonder, if I had a girl that I was totally into and that was totally into me... would I be more interested in both of us doing hall passes?

 

I don't know, but my gut just tells me that this is one area where the potential risk doesn't outweigh the potential pros. Risk being not so much that one of us will leave for the other person, but that it could introduce way too many conscious or subconscious relationship issues that we're not ready for. We have a super great relationship, but it's not perfect... an IMO, not yet "perfect enough" for us to go out with other people individually. To us, at least right now, it feels too much like dating and building a separate relationship vs. a shared experience with two other people that is focused mostly on sex, but that has a bit of a friend / relationship benefit, but that is based on us as a couple and not individuals.

 

Again, I'm not saying what others should or shouldn't do (well, expect for one couple we know that we believe shouldn't be doing it based on what we see / hear)... there are plenty of people who I'm sure are in a position in their relationships that going out on an overnighter date with someone other than their spouse is no different from them going out shopping or to the movies with a good friend of the same sex. I just recognize we're not there... maybe never will be, but we're very interested to hear what others are doing and what they think!

[D&D 362]

" In general my wife is definitely better looking than me (she's crazy hot), so this coupled with the fact that guys tend to generally be more of the pursuers, means she tends to get way more attention than me... from guys AND girls. One of our favorite couples we swap with, I can tell the girl likes me, but she LOVES my wife."

 

LOL! That is a danger of swinging when your wife is hotter than you! I know well that problem!!! Seriously though, I think its generally going to be the case that our wives get more attention than us. there are relatively few single women, lots of single men, and it seems a lot of married men that have permission to play alone. Add in the number of couples looking for a FMF or MFF and you get the picture. For me it wasn't the unequal opportunity it was the unequal roles we were both playing and the hall pass really highlighted the differences.

 

To a degree I think you are right about hall passes feeling similar to dating. For me at least I have to be comfortable with my wife's partner. That means I have to know him and get a feel for what he is like. So far the men she has used a hall pass with have all been men we met swinging as a couples or at a party/dinner event. In many ways its actually more work to use a hall pass than it is to just go find a couple to swing with. In my case I have used a hall pass a number of times over the last couple of months but it has only been with one very close friend, who my wife knows very well. For both of us the hall pass has been something we use when one us cant participate for some reason, whether its work conflicts or that one of us just isn't feeling it with the other member of the couple.

 

Is there a danger that it becomes like dating and attachments form? I suppose, but I think those same attachments can and do occur even when swinging as a couple. There are lots of horror stories all over this board about this very thing. The fact that you do or do not use Hall Passes really has nothing to do with how secure your relationship is, no more than does an ability to swing as a couple show that your relationship is stronger than a couple who chooses not to swing.

 

So you ask, "Anyway, my point being: I wonder, if I had a girl that I was totally into and that was totally into me... would I be more interested in both of us doing hall passes?" Only way to answer that is to try it..... I say that because there is a member of this board who used to tell me that what I needed was just to try the hall pass so I could settle it for myself. We had some very good, long, deep, private messages about this very topic. The truth is that no matter how much I discussed it, argued about it, thought about, etc., until I experienced it, it was just talk. She helped me understand a lot of what I was misunderstanding. Am I recommending you go do it right now? no way! There may never be a right time for you to try out a hall pass, and frankly there is a "heap of sexy fun times" out there to be had even if you never do the hall pass.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Did you ever have "no hall passes ever" as a rule, and did you eventually decide to allow hall passes as you were in the lifestyle longer? If so, what made you decide that they would be ok?

 

There are definitely couples who only played together at first who have decided to allow hall passes and I think the majority of the time it's a logistical reason. A 4-way attraction can be difficult sometimes so a hall pass can be the solution to having more playtime without the pressure of always demanding a 4-way attraction. Couples swing for many different reasons and a hall pass can sometimes answer those reasons. Maybe one half of a couple wants to explore a kink that isn't interesting to their partner. Perhaps the couple works opposite shifts so they allow hall passes to each can have playtime when the other is working. Perhaps the couple wants to explore more one-on-one interaction instead of group play (perhaps they have stage fright in large groups). And sometimes there are relationships out of convenience so they prefer to swing separately as if they were singles.

 

But I think there are also different types of hall passes. There's the type where the couple delves complete details before and after their use. There are others were only generalities are given. Yet another is a free-for-all where they are free to do as they please with whom and whenever but with permission. And there's the kind that isn't really a hall pass but cheating in sheep's clothes where the spouse doesn't know that the other is going out.

 

It all depends on why the couple is swinging, what they want to get out of swinging, what they are willing/comfortable doing together/apart, and perhaps how much they want swinging to be part of their lives.

 

 

**I am so thankful this site has auto-save! I almost had a heart-attack when I tried to post and it said I wasn't logged in!!

[dr_pepper 25]

While this story is not really about Swinging, it does relate to "hall passes". When I was stationed in Japan in the early 60's, most of the Japanese wives would normally not tolerate their husbands 'straying' in any way. But, during the time the wives were having their period, some of them would tell their husband to 'go butterfly'. i.e. kind of a hall pass.

[Guest sandraandalex]

As things evolved my wife gets' 'hall passes' though I didn't realize there was a term for it until reading this post. Simply stated: I can be the one getting in the way of her having a great sexual experience, and if the best way for me to be helpful is not to be there, that's okay and she never abuses the privilege. In fact, in some cases I have suggested when I've noticed the guy and her have great sexual chemistry. And, she's occasionally had a threesome with a couple when I'm out of town. Then, when I get home, she tells me all about it while fucking me stupid.

[mattnmel 15]

We do hall passes with only one rule: Mel must come home with pics if she's out playing. It's fun, a great turn-on for me and we usually have incredible sex when she comes home.

[sparkstar 128]

Simply stated: I can be the one getting in the way of her having a great sexual experience, and if the best way for me to be helpful is not to be there, that's okay and she never abuses the privilege. In fact, in some cases I have suggested when I've noticed the guy and her have great sexual chemistry. And, she's occasionally had a threesome with a couple when I'm out of town. Then, when I get home, she tells me all about it while fucking me stupid.

This sort of sums up our relationship.

After he had seen me with a few men in MFM threesomes and we realized I had a higher sex drive than him and I told him I don't need to feel love/emotions to be able to enjoy sex like most women need to have, then he had no problem with me having sex with other men without him knowing.

 

The only difference between us is:

If he wants to know the details of my encounters with other men, he loves to hear what happened.

I never ask him if he has been with other women, I would prefer it if he didn't sleep with other women but because he lets me go with other men then I don't mind him being with other women because you know that's just fair.

[Dp4fun 15]

We started out in this lifestyle very slowly. In fact we had a TON of rules in the very beginning:

 

• no full swap
  
• no oral
  
• no kissing
  
• only play together
  
• no hall passes
  

 

Our only rules was playing together and no anal with the other guy. Both these rules broken later broken from her side.

 

 

 

So, in addition to the "YES / NO" poll on "Do you do hall passes", we're also curious:

 

• When did you start doing hall passes? Did you ever have a rule against them that you broke?
  
• were you both 100% on same page with them or was one partner more in favor?
  
• if you don't do the hall pass, why? Do you ever think you will?
  
• what good and bad hall pass stories have YOU had?
  

 

Can't wait to hear your thoughts!!!

 

1. She decided that she wanted to have hall passes, first we were only into this for threesomes and later foursomes. Then she almost got high by all the attention she was getting and decided that she wanted to date solo as well. Now almost all here dates are solo. I also have permission but as some has said, it is not that easy for a middle aged guy to get pussy if going out solo..

2. I have to say NO, I didn't like this in the beginning, but have become used to it. At the same time I have become more of a cuck than before that gets pleasure from my wifes adventures.

3. I have the hall pass, but don't know if I will get the chance to use it.

4. My wife has almost good experiences from hall passes, she gets to do whatever she likes so I don't think she has any bad experiences.

[NYFlirts 158]

Ok, my wife is hotter than my and I also understand that it's most guys nature to want to nail anything that is hot... but sheesh!

 

Our rule is that we don't play separately. We know it's not everyone's rules, but it is ours. We don't want people to judge us for not doing hall passes any more than we judge vanilla people for not swinging or vice-versa.

 

I love that 99% of the couples we meet in the lifestyle are respectful and don't try to push our boundaries. Unfortunately every once in a while we bump into people (99.9% of the time it is guys that want my wife) who say things like (and I quote):

 

"Hey, do you guys play separately?"

"Oh, you don't... well, have you considered changing that rule?"

"Oh, you aren't... well, just remember that rules change over time..."

 

or...

 

"Well, you guys are nice, but we're more progressive swingers. We've advanced to the point where we're comfortable with having deeper relationships with other people's partners." (it was obvious he wanted to play separate with my wife)

 

or...

 

"We don't like navigating your 'equal play' and 'play at the same speed' rules. It's too restrictive and not open like we want." (from the male part of a polyamorous couple).

 

Again, we respect that all people have different rules and are at different places in their relationships and their place in the lifestyle. With that said, I'm tired of:

 

1) Guys pushing to date my wife separately

2) People making us feel like since we don't do hall-passes and play separately that we're not secure, happy, or "progressive" enough and lacking in some areas.

[junglecouple 127]

we do EVERYTHING together. no hall pass for either of us, but we run into it a lot.. some are liars, some aren't, but it's not our problem. As my Mrs says "that's not our concern or care.. that's for them to handle and work out.. we're not hall pass monitors."

[allaboutthemrs 84]

I don't know if we are so unique in this but hall passes have only come into discussion in regard to the Mrs. g/g opportunities. We aren't strictly a g/g couple but the Mrs. interest in being with a girl one-on-one was one of the reasons we got into the lifestyle. Her comments to me are in the range of "I get beef regular and have it right there so when I get an opportunity for seafood (no pun intended) I would like to be free to take it."

[little firefly 64]

My SO, David, has had a permanent hall pass to play for I guess about 2 years now; the only stipulations being that he can only play at our local club, or at hotel events (no dates, no booty calls). It started when I was having trouble with my health and couldn't go out with him often. I had become comfortable enough, by that time, that I really had no problem allowing him to play without me being present. Even now that my health is improving, it's been nearly a year since I've even been out to the club with him. Since I'm monogamous anyway (I've just never had an interest in the LS), I found myself bored at the club quite often since I was never looking to play. It just made sense to allow him the freedom of going to the club or hotel event a couple of times a month or so with a hall pass, and for me to do things that I enjoy on the nights he's gone (girls night out, sitting home curled up on the couch with Netflix, having my niece and nephew over, etc.). For me, it feels no different than him going out for the evening to shoot pool with his friends. I trust him totally to stay within the parameters that we agreed upon, and that for him, no emotion ever comes into play. It's just a sexual release for him, and the way we have things set up works well for us.

[belgiumCouple 15]

We slowly got into swinging (almost 1 year between our first club visit and our first swap), but we had no list of rules. We felt what the other one wanted and what not.

After almost 1 year of visiting clubs and (mostly my wife) not feeling comfortable enough to actually have sex with someone else or seeing me having sex, our first experience was full swap, and our third was full swap, separate rooms (large playrooms to crowded, small play rooms in that club not big enough for 4), so we proceeded fairly quickly after that (and yet never really discussed on rules, just a feeling. I must say that we're over 20 years together).

 

We never thought about swinging separately or giving a hall pass until we met a great couple, where my wife and him had great sex, but the other wife and me didn't click sexually (we otherwise had a great click).

Since that wife already had a hall pass, she gave her hubby one as well to swing with my wife. At first my wife didn't want to, but I told her I was perfectly comfortable with that. She thought I would need compensation in the form of a hall pass for myself (to stray around in a club alone) and she wasn't comfortable with that. But when I assured her I didn't need one she accepted it. They date about every 2 months.

 

About 2 years later she gave one to me. Situation: a couple we swing regularly with had introduced a female friend into the swinging (actually into a threesome at their house, but they wanted to introduce her to more). She was comfortable with them but not with other couples,maybe an extra guy... That couple asked my wife (they know she has a hall pass for one guy) if I have one as well. She told them: not until now but I trust you and him enough, so go ahead.

 

My wife was quite nervous the first time I went. But was afterward very comfortable with it. She even told me I could date with the woman alone, without that couple. I've been seeing her for almost a year now (quite often sometimes 2x a month), and it's a great addition to the swinging my wife and I have.

 

It seems however that other swinger couples we know have more problems with this, than we ever had. One contacted my wife behind my back to tell her I was having an 'affair' but lied to them saying I had a hall pass. He didn't lie, he does, she told them. They still think it's not true but it's my wife way of 'saving' our marriage... which has never been bad, but is better than ever. Another couple stopped seeing us because giving each other a hall pass is 'not natural'.

 

I'm not sure if we both would ever give each other a 'wildcard card hall pass" : to go out and pick up a stranger, but we both say why not if we're comfortable with that. At this moment none of us feel the need for it (but we don't judge couple who do).

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Wildcard Hall Pass? This description is new to me but I love it.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Hall pass. Well, I voted yes...but the reality is something in between. My wife has a hall pass to have sex with one particular guy should it ever come up. I'd prefer to know in advance, but if that is a hindrance she has a hall pass to play. Otherwise, we both know about the other playing before we play.

[Fours Company 169]

At this point in the LS, we do not do "hall passes" and could not see that changing anytime soon (though I'll admit as with rules past, I've learned never to say never). To us, swinging is a shared activity and while we might do separate rooms on a follow-up with a couple we've come to trust, we are not comfortable going our separate ways at a club, let alone a "date" where one person stays home. We also do not play with other couples who have a hall pass especially since 99% of the time it will be the male half of the couple doing the propositioning.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

"Hall pass". It's such a perfect metaphor. I thought I would bring this conversational thread to the attention of any relatively new members who might yet have had an opportunity to throw in their two cents.

[adamgunn 1,460]

We would both prefer the other to be there, and usually in the same room.

 

However, if there is an opportunity and the other can't be there, (traveling, meeting, etc.) then we will gladly allow the other go solo.

[PeterJ 940]

My wife doesn’t play, but I have her permission to play with couples or in larger groups. No emotional entanglements and no playing without specifically letting her know before it happens. Does this count as a hall pass, or ought the term only apply to couples who regularly play as a couple, but sometimes give permission to the other to play singly?

[Fla-swing99 136]

we do EVERYTHING together. no hall pass for either of us, but we run into it a lot.. some are liars, some aren't, but it's not our problem. As my Mrs says "that's not our concern or care.. that's for them to handle and work out.. we're not hall pass monitors."

 

 

Like Junglecouple we also do everything together. Neither my wife nor myself has any interest in playing seperate. We do not judge others that do play seperate or take issue with them for it, its just not our thing. My wife and I have had extensive conversations about all the variations we have seen with other couples in swinging.

 

For us, we receive much of the pleasure we get from swinging by watching the other being pleasured or giving pleasured when playing with others. For us, that is something we both agree is necessary. If she did not enjoying and/or get turned on seeing me interact with another woman, honestly, I would not want to do it. We both feel, just our feeling, playing seperate would turn the aspect of swinging into something we are doing for ourselves and not together as a couple. If she is not there to enjoy seeing what I am doing as much as I enjoy knowing she is turned on by seeing it then I feel it takes away from the whole reason we do this.

 

We have also had occasions where another couple and/or person has stated things such as, "you should try it, you never know", or "would you consider it with me/us" and various other statements along those lines. We are not bothered by it and typically just kindly say thanks but no thanks and we move on.

 

Also, we have come across the ones that are listed as couples but claim to have a hall pass. Typically we find it is the male half making that statement with an interest in joining us for an MFM. If either of us were interested in playing with one half of a couple that has a hall pass then she simply tell them we need to speak to their SO to ensure everyone is on the same page with things. We also are not the hall pass monitors but we also don't want to be the cause of another couples drama or problems. To date, this has never happen, at least not with us.

[Napoleon 230]

Me and my girlfriends we always go separate. They very rarely see other men, "maybe" once a year( they're extremely picky). I'll see maybe 6 to 15 women per year, I'm extremely cautious about STD's or a woman filing false rape allegations on me for financial gain. At least 90% of the women I could have sex with I don't. Its takes only the simplest of reasons for me to not trust them enough to let them get close to me, let alone have sex with me. My only rules for my girlfriends are:

 

- If they have sex with a man, of course make him wear a condom and afterwards set a date to get tested for STDs. Condom don't guard against all STD's. I'll pay for the test.

 

- If they get pregnant by another man our relationship has to end. With the exception of my brother's children, I refuse to raise another man's child or be in a relationship with a woman that has kids that's not biologically mine. And at this stage of my life I don't even want kids of my own. I got a vasectomy a few years ago.

 

- If they meet a man they could see marrying and having kids with, our relationship has to end.

[Numex 2,409]

Yes and no. Both my wife and I can do anything with anybody in our group, including alone play, but nothing outside our closed group. We all play bareback, so it's for mutual safety. If my wife wanted to have sex with someone outside the group, I'd be open to it, but we'd have to withdraw from our group, at least temporarily.

[Napoleon 230]

Yes and no. Both my wife and I can do anything with anybody in our group, including alone play, but nothing outside our closed group. We all play bareback, so it's for mutual safety. If my wife wanted to have sex with someone outside the group, I'd be open to it, but we'd have to withdraw from our group, at least temporarily.

 

Hello.

 

 

Question: Does your group get tested for STD's?

[Numex 2,409]

... Question: Does your group get tested for STD's?

We all did, were good, and swore a solemn oath that no one would play outside the group (which is, if you do, you drop out no questions asked, or the others will kill you). I think that the risk is small given that we all have as much sex and variety as we want.

 

For that reason, I believe the risk is lower than a conventional "monogamous" couple where the desire/need to cheat is much higher.

[Napoleon 230]

We all did, were good, and swore a solemn oath that no one would play outside the group (which is, if you do, you drop out no questions asked, or the others will kill you). I think that the risk is small given that we all have as much sex and variety as we want.

 

For that reason, I believe the risk is lower than a conventional "monogamous" couple where the desire/need to cheat is much higher.

 

Got it. ?

[Guest]

We do them all the time. I take advantage of it when I am curious, turned on, or sometimes on business travel. IT's a lot easier for me than my husband. Our only requirement is that we share the story and experience and try to get "proof" of sex with a video or some photos. It's a very big turn on and the reconnect sex is fantastic.

[padoc 1,703]

We do but seldom use them. Mrs Doc has gone to swingers clubs while out of town at a conference with instructions to "have fun". I have a friend I get together with several times a year when the stars line up. Mrs Doc is going back home for a reunion next weekend. Her hs boyfriend will be there and she's "excited" to see him again.

 

When my dad died about 10 years ago, I went home for the funeral. My wife had just started a new job and had to stay in Fl. My g/f from hs came to the viewing. Later that evening there was a knock on my hotel room door and there she stood with a big smile and a bottle of vodka. She left about 1:00AM. I don't know what she told her husband but she was back the next 2 nights as well before I went home.

 

This hobby beats the shit out of playing golf or fishing!!!

[adamgunn 1,460]

Fishing, of course. Golf, I'm not so sure . . . Oh, yeah, now I'm sure. Give me sex over a sand wedge anytime.

[David Lovell 160]

Please give me your thoughts. Will this be an end to our conventional swinging?

My wife, Amy, and I swing with two couples but our schedules keep us at a low swapping frequency. 

With her permission I had sex with her single friend, Melissa,  who now wants to continue playing with me. Amy suggested Hall Passes which would also allow her to play more frequently with her favorite swap

partner, Ken. We agreed and Amy called his wife Lesley to talk it over, Lesley agreed on the idea, saying sex with the same person became boring and Ken would love it. Put me on Dave's  list she said. 

Effectively I will have two Hall Passes, with Lesley and with Melissa.

Are Hall Passes the same as swinging in separate rooms?

 

 

[cplnuswing 4,713]

No, they are totally different in my mind.  Separate room swinging is something that you are still doing together, you arrive together, you leave together.  Hall passes are only together in the sense that you both have agreed to it.  That's not to say that there is anything wrong at all with hall passes, but I do think people need to have some swinging together experience under their belts before they think about hall passes.  It sounds like you do, so maybe something you want to consider, but I think if you have done separate rooms before that's not automatically the same as a hall pass situation, so you just want to be aware of that and have thoroughly talked things through first.

[adamgunn 1,460]

David, as far as definitions go, I think 'Swinging' is when a married couple have relations with others at the same time and in the same place. Separate rooms fit into the definition, but not different times.

 

What you're going to do sounds like fun, and as long as you two keep on top of each other's activities and approve of them, I don't think you'll have any problems. (Seems to me you're already doing this.) And it doesn't mean you and your wife can't go back to swinging in addition to your open marriage.

[njbm 2,868]

We do not have hall passes. There are high risks to this hobby that we would like to keep an eye on, such as false sexual assault charges, someone being too physical or aggressive to my wife, etc. So we like to be in each other’s general vicinity. 
 

If we are at a  house party at which we know a fair number of attendees, we discuss where we are going but we generally let each other roam separately, but quietly check on each other. 

[Anon321 521]

We each have hall passes that are good in perpetuity.  And I can tell you my GF's gets used very frequently.

[Alura 2,774]

Our rules were:

Laura had permanent permission to fuck her high school sweetheart (which she tried but didn't score) and I could do my HS sweetheart (which happened, with Laura's help). I could do Elizabeth Taylor and she, Alan Ladd if the opportunity arose. We added more "highly unlikelies" to the list.

 

We each had a couple of "Hall Pass" experiences  in our marriage but they were always people we knew and talked about beforehand. 

[couplers 4,614]

Hall Pass or whatever you want to call it, separate room/separate building, has a great advantage: one-on-one alone sex with someone is a far different experience than MFM, FFM, MFMF couples swaps or whatever.  I started to explain what I mean, but I deleted it because you know what I mean.

[EastInWest 1,524]

We set some boundaries for an open-ended hall pass about two years ago. We have each played separately once now but we've always discussed it in advance, never relied on that arrangement. I think the conversation was good for establishing where we were at, though, so that the conversation about actually doing it already had some ground rules and didn't shake anything up.