Jump to content
36tncouple

Attraction/chemistry and its importance

Recommended Posts

Ok short story, this is my first post. Lol

 

Seeking any advice...I (female) had first MFM with my husband (18 years) and a respectful guy (a fun time, but not a top ten) who aided in breaking me into the territory of MFM lol so after this experience, I went on a search for another single guy for an even better experience. What advice can u give about the attraction piece? I found another great guy but the sexual attraction is not there and I'm trying to figure out if the guy meets all other criteria in my head do I just look past this? Ladies how important is attraction/chemistry in the experience?

Share this post


Link to post

I dont have advice for you but need advice from you. I want to have a FMF with my man. How did you find the other man for yours? I want to do the choosing of the girl and i want to be attracted to her so do i start to look for her.

Share this post


Link to post

Attraction is subjective, but if it's important to you, don't compromise your standards:)

Share this post


Link to post

The quick and dirty advice: look for another male that is respectful but also has sexual attraction for you. It is a lot easier to find another male for MFM. Chances are good that if you play with someone you're not sexually attracted to, it won't be much fun.

 

newtothisthing, it's a lot easier to find another male to join in sexy playtime than another female. And if you are specifically looking for a single female to join in your FMF or FFM, it will be harder due to their supply/availability. You could be waiting a long time or you could get lucky. Single males are plentiful in the LS, single females aren't...which is why they are called "unicorns".

Share this post


Link to post

Maui - honestly before my husband started talking about fantasies and having these experiences I really didn't allow myself to think that way (said better I was very conservative and grew up that way) so here we are years later and I don't think it is any one thing specifically but tall, broad shoulder, confident, are words I would use to describe attraction. It tends to be a magnetism. Does that even make sense?

Share this post


Link to post

New to this thing- first two experiences we found a guy on SLS then I ventured out and this second guy we found on Craigslist but I am considering going back to SLS as with Craigslist you will have to weed through a VAST amount of "crazy".

Share this post


Link to post

Sun bucks-thanks for the quick and dirty and I agree with you. The guy from my first experience was just that and not a whole lot of attraction and granted it was a fun experience but I was hoping to top it with a great one. Lol. Hence the attraction/chemistry piece.

Share this post


Link to post

Let me say that I am not looking at the guy's "looks" per say but more for the click that says I want to have sex with this guy.

Share this post


Link to post

Here is a question: is there a difference between what you find attractive in a man for a long term relationship and what you find attractive in someone you fantasize about fucking? In other words, are there physical and social aspects that make you want to fuck a guy that are different from social, personality, or interpersonal traits that make you love someone?

Share this post


Link to post

Slevin- yes there is a difference and I did figure this out along this journey. So now I'm just trying to find the guy to have sex with not a relationship. So in doing this I'm looking for that "click" the one that says I want to fuck him.

Share this post


Link to post
Maui- honestly before my husband started talking about fantasies and having these experiences I really didn't allow myself to think that way (said better I was very conservative and grew up that way) so here we are years later and I don't think it is any one thing specifically but tall, broad shoulder, confident, are words I would use to describe attraction. It tends to be a magnetism. Does that even make sense?

 

Of course it makes sense and there's no reason you shouldn't hold out for what attracts you.

Share this post


Link to post

Slevin - yes I'm just looking for that initial "click" that says I want to just fuck this guy. I'm not looking for relationship aspects which would be confidence, personality, looks all in one. Does that answer your question?

Share this post


Link to post

I agree with Maui. You are worth holding out for what you want, I'd suggest that you do that and although the wait may be longer you will enjoy it more when your needs are met.

Share this post


Link to post

I have two comments.

 

1. One of the reasons we prefer going to socials is the ability to talk face to face with people. There have been couples that our initial response from profiles and chats was luke warm and we decided to pass. Others we thought were very much yes we would like to have some fun with them. In some of those cases when we met in social environment and were able to spend some time and talk we reversed out position. Someones "sexiness" and the chemistry between everyone is difficult to gauge online, sometimes even in an initial meeting. Someone you are complacent about can turn out to be very sexy based on their personality (which can take some time to appreciate), attitude, voice etc. Some seemingly very sexy people can also turn out to be a real let down once you meet them in person. So try going to some socials and meeting some folks, see what happens.

 

2. You basically already addressed this but I thought I would say it anyway and maybe give you some food for thought. When we started swinging I was not looking for a relationship or anything near it, just someone I thought I could have some sexual fun with. It took me a while to realize it but subconsciously I was using the same yard stick I had when I was looking for a relationship and I would let little thing turn me off. It has been so long now I am not sure what made me realize it, probably my wife, she has a way of reading me. But it dawned on me that I was looking for someone with the same mindset I had when I was dating/looking for a relationship, even though that was the furthest thing from my mind. It was like I was looking for the perfect match, Mrs. Right. But I had already found Mrs. Right and NO ONE was going to live up to that measuring stick. Not to be crass but I was looking for Mrs. Right NOW. More like a having an acquaintance that you enjoyed being around but did not let some of their less than perfect traits turn me off. Let's face it, there are exceeding few people we mesh with on that level. I went back and reviewed what made me pass on some women, for some I realized it was very silly reason from a swinging perspective. That sounds like I was lowering my standards, but it is not the case. But it is a different standard by a very long shot. There are still thing I look for, but the little things that disqualify are much fewer.

 

Why I decided to write this is because I knew I was not looking for a mate, but somewhere in the back of my mind I was still making decisions as if I where. That realization made a huge difference and I have been much more able to find people I enjoy being with, much like making friends. It has made all the difference.

Share this post


Link to post

I'd second the idea of going to socials, clubs or meet and greets where you can meet a variety of people in person and determine attraction by interacting with them.

Share this post


Link to post

Someone mentioned what people are looking for in a relationship. I am certain that this plays a part in my struggle to feel a spark with someone else.

 

I wasn't actively looking for a relationship when I met my husband. I had a lack of zest for the whole dating concept. The first time I spoke to my husband, I knew he was the one. We became friends and progressed to admitting feelings.

 

For these other experiences, I find myself drawn to the energy of the atmosphere. The men that I am finding myself interested in experiencing are assertive men with personalities that create the mood.

 

I think we all have our own way of approaching all this. You have to find out what yours is.

Share this post


Link to post
I found another great guy but the sexual attraction is not there and I'm trying to figure out if the guy meets all other criteria in my head do I just look past this? Ladies how important is attraction/chemistry in the experience?

 

 

Nope. Keep looking and find another guy. This is about sex not about some sort of friendship, so sexual attraction is key.

Share this post


Link to post

Another thing that was important for me to distinguish was the difference between "attraction" and "arousal". For me things have changed over time, but I'd much rather have a guy who is friendly, respectful of my hubby and I, and can fuck like a champ -- than someone who's "picture perfect".

 

Hope this helps :)

Share this post


Link to post
... I'd much rather have a guy who is friendly, respectful of my hubby and I, and can fuck like a champ -- than someone who's "picture perfect".

 

Hope this helps :)

 

Respect goes a LONG way. We experienced a very kind and respectful guy recently, he was someone who I would have never imagined based on looks alone that my wife would be into but his vibe was great (he wasn't ugly or anything, just nowhere near her "type"). He didn't even make a move on my wife we just came to him, we could tell he was interested because he was definitely looking at her all night and in our interactions was very attentive but we were the aggressors (if you know what I mean, lol) on the same night we had a full swap go down I'm flames because the other husband wasn't showing respect. Instant buzz kill, game over.

Share this post


Link to post

The guy has to do the things that I enjoy and make me have a mind blowing orgasm one on one before I would want to add him as a third. Looks and techniques are very important to me.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By TeamCalgary
      Hello all. 
       
      We have been engaged in the LS since Sept 2019 and have noticed a pattern in our activity; curious whether this mirrors that of many of you. 
       
      When we first began, we meet folks usually online, and occasionally in a social setting.  Initially, our goal to gain a face to face meeting with the potential couple; a coffee, a drink, whatever. Looking back on it, we likely met with too many couples who were not good fits. 
       
      Now, our goal is to ascertain the "fit" earlier in the process, so that we meet fewer couples, but the ones that we do meet are, in theory at least, ideally better fits for us. 
       
      Peeling back the onion on this, it appears that we have gotten better at asking some of the dealbreaker questions upfront
      (condom use, drug use, PnP, same room, play together,  etc) that would help to stratify best fit earlier in the process, long before we ever potentially meet.
       
      Red flags are also coming into play as we are now more aware of what some of these things are and how they influence what works for us, and what doesn't. 
       
      For those of you who have extensive experience in the LS, we would welcome your comments in terms of how you ascertain "fit". Is it a process or a particular step; certain questions upfront, etc?
       
      Many thanks.
    • By AdamGunn2
      It was a fairly typical night at D.J.s Island, an early autumn evening. Mary and I hadn’t set anything up in advance, we’d decided to go almost at the last moment. From the second we entered the door our radar was beaming across the club, searching for a couple that might be searching for what we were also interested in - an enjoyable tryst.
       
      Mary took a few minutes to change into what she called a ‘trolling outfit.’ As I remember, that night it was a black babydoll with a loose bodice, thong, low heels. Many men admired her legs as I checked the forty or so women, many as scantily clad as my wife. None of our regular playmates seemed to be in attendance that evening, but we had our customs, we weren’t concerned. Perhaps an hour and a half later, I sat at a table next to the dance floor, Mary was on her feet, on the parquet, moving her body, seeing if anyone would move in. A slow sequence of men approached her, danced with her. Some would take liberties such as moving their hands under her garment, feeling the small of her back, perhaps place their palm on the roundness of her ass.
       
      I’d seen this many times before, I waited for one of two reactions.
       
      The first was that she’d spin away from the man; it signified she wasn’t interested in what he had to offer.
       
      The second was that she’d get closer, I’d watch her whisper in his ear. I knew the question, “Where’s your wife?” Some of them would shake their heads, they were attending as one of the few single men the club allowed, and when they received Mary’s response, they’d move away - that’s not what we were looking for at the moment.
       
      But the man might indicate where his wife was dancing a few feet away. When this kind of thing happened, Mary would glance to me and give our special signal - she’d put one hand on the back of her head, one on her stomach. When I got the cue, I’d come out, we’d dance as a foursome.
       
      As I approached, a man grasped the elbow of a tall attractive lady who was more modestly dressed, at least for the club. There was no conversation on the dance floor, the heavy volume of music and the thumping of the bass wouldn’t allow for speech. But I could tell the woman was interested in me, the four of us paired off and I often found myself facing this vixen. It was obvious they were as interested in us as I was in them, I could tell by the way Mary was rubbing against the man that she felt the same.
       
      After a couple of songs, Mary led the way off the floor, holding his hand, leading us off into a corner away from the speakers. As we sat, the man said, “I’m Ed, this is my wife, Marilyn.”
       
      Marilyn and I softly shook hands, I believe she raised the hem of her skirt to give me a view of her upper thighs. Ed had no problem seeing Mary’s legs, or where they met - she was sitting so that the babydoll was gathered to her side, leaning forward so her globes were exposed to his view.
       
      “Do you come here often?” Ed asked.
       
      “Every few weeks,” I responded, “you?”
       
      “This is our first time here.” Mary gave him a look that asked for further info. “We’re just starting this,” he admitted.
       
      Marilyn picked it up. “We’ve only had one time with a couple of friends. We liked it, heard about this place, decided to see if we could get into more trouble.”
       
      “Trouble’s our middle name,” I joked.
       
      Our conversation continued, where do you live, what movies have you seen lately, etc. It was a screen, of course, we were all calculating if the four of us would be pleasurable bedmates. I paid my attention to Marilyn, my wife had told me numerous times not to worry about her, she can take care of herself. My hand found Marilyn’s knee, she smiled at me, encouraged me to reach a tad higher. We bent towards each other, our mouths met.
       
      Marilyn opened her lips to me, the kiss was ardent, her mouth moist. She licked at my upper lip, her hand fondled the back of my neck. Our tongues clashed, promising cupidity, mimicking what I presumed our bodies might be doing in a few scant moments.
       
      We broke for a moment, Marilyn invited, “Would you guys want to go to one of the rooms?”
       
      I, of course, was all for it, but then I heard Mary. “Uh, not right now. But thanks.”
       
      We’ve always had the guideline that if one person doesn’t want to do something, she speaks for both of us. Regretfully, I pecked at Marilyn’s lips a last time, we stood, went separate ways.
       
      “You’re not upset, are you?” Mary asked me.
       
      “Of course not, not at all. You’re not in the mood?”
       
      “Oh, I’m in the mood all right, just not with Ed.”
       
      “Something wrong with him?” I asked.
       
      “I tried to get him interested,” Mary revealed, “but his kiss was a little cold, indifferent. I put my hand on his leg, he was too busy watching you and Marilyn, he never responded. My guess is that if we went into a room, he’d be watching you two, I’m not even sure he’d get hard for me.” It was a reasonable thought, it had happened to us a couple times before. “Hope you don’t mind, bet she’d have been a firecracker.”
       
      “Maybe. But you’re a firecracker too.”
       
      We headed back to the dance floor, in search of another couple.
    • By Miss Sunshine
      i may be considered a snob but I like to see and lick a pussy that doesn't have too much hanging labia (gets in the way). I like a bigger clit, one you can suck on, mmmmm. I had an experience with another lady once that when she was aroused, her clit swelled to the point it looked like a very small cock, we rubbed pussies together and I could actually feel some penetration, it was very nice to suck.
       
      Cocks, I need them circumsized, sorry. size doesn't matter but once in awhile I love to run into a huge one.
       
      Don't get me wrong, I have had different shapes and sizes, cut and uncut, I am just saying what my preference is.
       
      Cleanliness, there have been a few people who haven't been clean and it was not nice and I left them standing.
       
      What about you all?
    • By Spoomonkey
      This may be the most important thread for men in recent recorded history. In fact, it may be so important that I could be the first primate winner of the Noble Prize. Chances are, if you don’t find value in this thread you hate pie, cute babies and all the things that make our country great*
       
      Here’s my theory about haunted houses. They really aren’t that scary. But, if you buy into them, they can be creepy as hell. Mrs Spoo and I love haunted houses because we know how to buy in, to really let ourselves be scared. And we always get our money’s worth!
       
      You see, being scared is what the haunted house guys are trying to do, but I can spoil that simply by not letting myself get into it. Being scared, therefore, is not so much their job as it is mine. They are doing their part – and when I do mine, it is an amazing experience!
       
      So – let’s apply that to sex.
       
      Men – the good ones anyway – obsess about their equipment and/or ability to please a playmate. I know for me, I read as much stuff as I can, I work out, I try to make myself fun for the person I am lucky enough to be with (which is usually Mrs Spoo – and I consider that the greatest luck of all!) So – I will start with the assumption (which, admittedly, often doesn’t fit, but for most of the men around here, is probably workable) that the men are doing their part.
       
      Where the theory comes in is with the women buying into the experience. I am quite sure that it is not me who gives a woman an orgasm as much as it is her who allows herself to have one. Women can certainly block the best efforts.
       
      There are two keys to this (as I see it):
       

      Chemistry, which is unpredictable and impossible to manipulate. It is either there, sometimes in the form of visible sparks, or it is not.
       
      Comfort, which is just a positive rapport that two people have that makes each able to relax and enjoy a situation.

       
      Both can increase the other, I think. Where there is chemistry there will be more comfort. Where there is comfort, chemistry can be found.
       
      “Buying in” to the experience does not mean pretending you are enjoying lame sex. Not at all! There will always be lame experiences – mostly because I can’t make ever male read this, the most important thread in the history of the written word. But, for those of us who do read it, the questions are these:

      What can a man do to help increase your comfort level?
       
      What helps you relax in a situation and “buy in”?

       
      That’s it! The answers to those questions – from women who are familiar with themselves and with what works, what doesn’t – are the Holy Grail that we men seek! It is not the dozens of penis enlargement spam we receive in our email every week. It is right here, in this thread. Your answers will raise this from the best board for swinging information on the net to the single greatest resource for mankind – a monolith of wisdom and evolutionary potential, ala 2001 – A Space Odyssey. Help us evolve, ladies. Help us help you
    • By NotnewNotpros
      As a couple we are somewhere in between swinging and poly. I don’t need full on love but enjoy the playfulness of the “crush” and boyfriend/girlfriend crush feelings.
       
      We are slowly proceeding with this with a new couple. Who is also new to the LS. We’ve been there in the past and really enjoyed this type of thing.
       
      My “issue” is that the female is very playful and chatty. But her and my husband talk more sexy and more often than she and I do. It doesn’t make me jealous at all, I just would love it too!! The male half is great in person but the chatting and flirting has really slowed down since we’ve played a few times. He seems to be cautious when it comes to sexting. So much fun for my husband and I feel like a little blah...bland. I just want a little more fun and excitement (chat wise) considering we aren’t able to see each other often. She and I can hang out but they want to stick to the “rule of 3” for now.
       
      So it’s hard to get to know him more without having some alone time and minimal (slightly bland) chat.
       
      We really like them and it’s been a long time since we’ve found such good 4 way chemistry.
       
      Any advice? And how often do you chat and what is your expectations?
×
×
  • Create New...