Just Sex?

[user256 15]

Yes, my wife and I are a little new. But we've also had a few experiences with good fun. I'm having an issue at the moment with communication. How much texting/talking usually goes on between the man and woman? Seems like alot with this particular couple on my wife's end... does anybody have an opinion on this?

[Lionheart72 2,190]

My opinion is if it is making you uncomfortable (which obviously it is, otherwise you wouldn't be asking) than you need to talk with your wife about it in an open, honest and non-confrontational manner. Just say something on the order of "Gosh, I'm feeling a little uncomfortable with the amount of texting/talking going on between you and X. Let's talk about it."

 

It wouldn't hurt to also do a little soul searching of your own to figure out exactly why you feel uncomfortable about it ('cause that's bound to come up in the subsequent conversation). Remember, your feelings are valid. Be honest with yourself and with your wife. Honesty and open communication is the key success.

[DaggersNRoses 271]

It seems to vary by couple.

 

For my husband and I, there are no calls or texts between the opposite genders. My husband gives his number to the man.

 

Others feel comfortable with everyone being open.

 

You and your wife have to decide what works for you.

 

 

The rose

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

A lot of texting happens between my wife and her man friends. A lot of texting happens between me and my woman friends (if any woman friend is reading this and wonders what reason I have for not contacting you recently, have no concern. I will not allow you to feel neglected). The only reason we are both comfortable with all of this text activity is that we discussed the trust issues very early and very frankly. Another thing that helps is being well past the age of raging, unreasonable jealousy (life actually does become better with time).

[ViSexual 1,008]

You know, when you make new vanilla friends it's usually because the two husbands like each other and the two wives like each other. In swinging it's because the husbands and wives of each couple find the other husbands and wives appealing.

 

I don't think it'd be a problem for the vanilla husbands or wives to be texting often at all so why should it be a problem for swingers to text often with opposite genders?

[sparkstar 128]

Sounds like you have started swinging without having talked about these things?

Me and my husband are completely open with each other. Ive proved, assured, promised him i would always come back to him and id never allow myself to build emotions for anyone else, that when im with another man its purely for a bit of fun, friends with benefits and all that.

 

Since ive been with him i could have left him for quite a few men who have tried to get me to leave him for them. They just dont understand that im not a one man woman even to someone who might be beyond perfect of all aspects of a lover. My husband allows me to sleep with whoever i want with no real rules like other similar couples have such as no kissing, anal etc. Its nice to stay in contact with certain male friends, you cant talk about certain things over the phone while with family/friends so texting is the only way to have a bit of fun with them when not in bed with them.

 

If you want to have an open relationship / swing, you need to talk and prove to each other that it wont damage your relationship.

[tribbles 490]

So, you are a couple and this is with another couple. Both the man and woman of the couple are texting your wife but neither are talking to you...they picked her as the one to communicate with. This sounds like it is making you uncomfortable so your wife should fwd all the texts from them to you and you can respond to them too. Either they will be good with it or your spidey sense is right on and they were cutting you out.

 

For us, hubby has no interest in texting so I do it all but read him teh good stuff

[Baron-n-kitty 104]

Something else to think about is getting all of you the whatsapp app on yalls phones that way you can create a group and everyone can be involved. I think there's another called kik but Im not sure on that. Its basically like a chat room for phones. Sorry if that's already been touched on.

[angelkin 1,326]

Something else to think about is getting all of you the whatsapp app on yalls phones that way you can create a group and everyone can be involved. I think there's another called kik but Im not sure on that. Its basically like a chat room for phones. Sorry if that's already been touched on.

 

Wow, never knew such a thing existed! I think that could be a great solution to the OP's issue:)

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

How much texting/talking usually goes on between the man and woman? Seems like alot with this particular couple on my wife's end... does anybody have an opinion on this?

 

I've bolded the part of your post that struck me funny. What does your wife say about the content and volume of the texting?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

It definitely depends on the couple. It's up to you and your wife to talk about what you are each comfortable with in regards to limits on texting/talking without the other, and then it's up to you two to enforce your own limits. Unfortunately, since each couple is different what another couple is fine with might be way too much for you, so unless you let them know that you aren't comfortable they don't know to back off.

 

For us, neither of us are really into texting/talking with people we don't really know. We try to keep the "play" to the clubs or to the meetings. If things develop into a mutual friendship for all of us then we may expand into texting and talking (but that is typically on a friendly level not on a sexting level). We have friends, however, that are perfectly fine with sexting with potential playmates and do it regularly.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Something else to think about is getting all of you the whatsapp app on yalls phones that way you can create a group and everyone can be involved. I think there's another called kik but Im not sure on that. Its basically like a chat room for phones. Sorry if that's already been touched on.

 

There are quite a # of similar apps. Another one that I've used on occasion is GoChat.

[user256 15]

UPDATE:thanks for the response for sure. We have sense stopped talking to the couple I mentioned. Seems like the female wasn't interested. Wasn't much chemistry between her and I and the fact that she wouldn't communicate with either of us made that obvious. We have met a few couples that seem to be on the same page as the previous couples we've talk/played with about the guy-girl excessive sexting... I know it may seem like I had some issues but it wasn't a big deal until I started asking questions. Then the guy basically told me I didn't trust my wife and I needed to ease up... very disrespectful. I guess not everyone is as respectful as we'd hoped.

[DaggersNRoses 271]

Ease up? Perhaps he has missed that many coming to this aren't looking for relationships or connections. The amount of contact is between you and your wife to decide.

 

The Rose

[NYFlirts 158]

I'll be honest, I get uncomfortable with the amount of texts my wife gets from guys in the lifestyle. It doesn't help that a few of these guys have asked "Hey, does your wife do hall passes?"

 

So, I get a bit hot under the callar when the guys are texting her like crazy, especially when it's really flirty / sexual, and I'm not getting any love from the girl. Fortunately my wife is super supportive of me and how I feel, but I know she LOVES the attention and would love to flirt back and I worry that she may have a tiny bit of resentment that I'm holding her back, even though she reassures me a million times that she's fine not texting back if I'm uncomfortable with it.

 

So, am I a selfish jerk who totally needs to find a way to get over this and just let her have her fun, or do I just have some natural human emotions and as long as she's ok and isn't resentful, then I don't have to force myself to "just be ok with it"?

[cpleply 15]

I'll be honest, I get uncomfortable with the amount of texts my wife gets from guys in the lifestyle. It doesn't help that a few of these guys have asked "Hey, does your wife do hall passes?"

 

So, I get a bit hot under the callar when the guys are texting her like crazy, especially when it's really flirty / sexual, and I'm not getting any love from the girl. Fortunately my wife is super supportive of me and how I feel, but I know she LOVES the attention and would love to flirt back and I worry that she may have a tiny bit of resentment that I'm holding her back, even though she reassures me a million times that she's fine not texting back if I'm uncomfortable with it.

 

So, am I a selfish jerk who totally needs to find a way to get over this and just let her have her fun, or do I just have some natural human emotions and as long as she's ok and isn't resentful, then I don't have to force myself to "just be ok with it"?

 

She has reassured you a million times (I know you are exaggerating) more than once seems like the topic has been brought up one too many times. If something is happening that makes you uncomfortable, it needs to stop. You are not being a selfish jerk because you dont like something that is happening. A person that allows it to continue when it bothers someone else is. She should stop giving out her number, only yours.

[NYFlirts 158]

Thanks for those thoughts!

 

I guess the thing I struggle with is feeling like I need to meet some "ideal swinger husband" level in life where nothing bothers me and I'm secure and content enough to be fine with everything swinging related. I start to feel like if I've got any jealousy issues and can't be happy with whatever my wife is doing that I've got personal issues / character faults I need to work on.

 

With the above said, there were two times that her texting with another guy got a bit out of hand and caused some problems. Nothing intentional and nothing really scandalous, but just beyond what was ok for where we were with swinging. That being the case, for me to be comfortable we've had to setup a few rules and processes. For example:

 

In cases where most guys text her, especially when the wife isn't equally texting me, I want to see the texts and her reply before she sends it. I know that's probably too "big-brother" for some on here, but until I'm confident that she's learned to not get carried away with texting a guy who starts flirty hard with her, I'd like to be the voice of a little more bridled resplied, else she gets pulled into an escalating spiral of crazier and crazier sexting.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I'll put my two cents in...when we first started, we gave out both of our numbers and usually, the husbands would text me but rarely (if at all) did the other wives text Mr. Sun. At first, Mr. Sun was okay with it but then it started to make him uncomfortable. Since it made Mr. Sun uncomfortable, I've curtailed any texting I've done with the other husbands and no longer give out my number to new couples that we meet. We only give out Mr. Sun's and allow him to do the texting. Occasionally, I will text under his name to get the ball rolling for get-togethers but that's it.

 

However, you two should talk about why it makes you uncomfortable and what can be done to put you at ease. Maybe it's less or no texting. Maybe it's getting together with a couple that is into texting both of you. Maybe only the husband's number is given out. I don't know...it's something for the two of you to work out.

[NYFlirts 158]

My wife and I talked about this a bit more last night. I told her how glad I was to read in here that other people have the same situation (other guys texting my wive a lot, but not really the same reciprocation with his wife toward me) and that it's not the end of the swinging world if we simply have a policy that we don't text the opposite sex.

 

My wife simply LOVES the attention, especially via text. In fact, as we discussed her love of texting with other guys she even asked ME to text HER more often! This was an odd request since I work from home, she's a stay home mom, and we see each other literally all day long... but hey, if it makes her happy, I'll do it.

 

During our conversation my main worry was that she might be resentful that I'm not comfortable with tons of free texting with another guy. She said she might be "a little sad" that she can't, but it isn't a big deal and she isn't resentful.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Theres a big difference between not 100% into it and no chemistry. If there's still chemistry and you are just on the fence it might be worth testing things out. If there's absolutely no chemistry you owe them a call and an apology.

 

Sent from wherever I am.