Could you stop swinging and be happy?

[eldiablo311 201]

Just curious about people that have been swinging. If your significant other asked you to stop swinging, and said they didn't want to do it anymore, could you stop? Would you be happy just having "vanilla sex" with you partner for the rest of your life? Or do you think that this is something that once you have done it there is no turning back and it will ALWAYS be a part of your life...so if your partner were to ask that of you, it might cause a deal breaker type situation in your relationship?

[TheSwingerSet 205]

We have taken several "breaks", If either one of us wanted to stop we would. Swinging is just foreplay for us so there is no real "need" for it in our lives.

 

Now if L were to ask me to stop having sex or just have sex in the missionary postion that might be a deal breaker.

[pna42 67]

I stopped for close to 11 years because I was madly in love with my then girlfriend. We had a rich, great sex life and it didn't enter my mind at all.

[angelkin 1,326]

Because we are in this together, if he asked me to, I'd stop swinging. I am grateful for the opportunities this lifestyle has afforded me and I've fulfilled nearly ever fantasy I ever had. That being said, I think this is the way we live now, swinging is part of who we are...and I don't think this situation would ever present itself.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

your significant other asked you to stop swinging, and said they didn't want to do it anymore, could you stop?

Yes.

 

Would you be happy just having "vanilla sex" with you partner for the rest of your life?

Yes.

 

...so if your partner were to ask that of you, it might cause a deal breaker type situation in your relationship?

No.

[ViSexual 1,008]

My wife did ask to stop 35+ years ago. And then she joined me again, 15 years ago, in soft swining. But that too ended after a couple of years.

We're still married and always will be. Do I miss it? Sure! But what I miss most is seeing that sexy 'her' without her inhibitions! And, also, having friends who you don't have to think about what you say to. It's the open honesty with my wife and others that was the most enjoyable part of swinging for me. I guess that's why I love this website so much!

[DaggersNRoses 271]

Yes, I could walk away now and be happy. Its an experience and exploration that we share. If its not working for one of us then its not good for us.

 

I am of the belief that my husband would find monogamy difficult. He has tried over the years to be monogamous. He would rather struggle than damage our relationship.

 

 

The rose

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

In a New York minute.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Of course. For us, the LS is about sharing, fun and exploration, emphasis on the sharing.

[LFM2 1,482]

Absolutely! In a New York minute!

[Chicup 41]

Of course I could be happy without swinging. It is not the defining characteristic of our relationship. I am happier that we do.

 

There are very few single issues that are deal breakers in a relationship. I think if someone is at a point where stopping swinging is the deal breaker, odds are they have other issues already and that swinging was just the final straw. A perfectly happy couple, where everything was good, who would break up over not swinging was not really a perfectly happy couple.

[exploringRM 305]

If my wife wanted to stop, we would stop. But I think I would miss the excitement/fun that we have had. Vanilla parties, are just not the same anymore.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Stop swinging? Of course. That's a shared activity and if one of us didn't want to do it, we'd stop. That said, I'm not interested in long term monogamy, which is something Mr. Doe has known since shortly after we met, and I think it would erode our relationship if he asked for any sort of permanent commitment to it.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Yes, we would stop if he asked but I would miss the ego boost that swinging provides. We would definitely have to explore a different shared activity for us to engage in if we stopped.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

The themes of "sharing" and "together" seem to drive the responses to the OP's question. We continue to be impressed with the stability of relationships we see among long-term marrieds in the LS. There is always the which-came-first question--recognizing the stability or entering the LS. From our perspective, it doesn't matter. We like people who, like us, place their spouse's needs above their own wishes.

[ready4fun48 46]

We would definitely be happy without swinging. We have been married far longer than in the LS and have been fortunate to always be happy together. So far our LS activities have enhanced that relationship. But if that was to change for either of us, swinging would stop and we would still be happy. Regarding FL's which-comes-first question, a strong relationship with mutual trust and respect was required for us to get into this. That view seems pretty common here, but not as predominant among all the folks we have met through other LS related activities. That only confirms that there are a variety of motivations for people becoming swingers.

[km34 672]

We could quite happily live without swinging, but we most definitely would not be able to live monogamously for any significant amount of time at this point.

[eldiablo311 201]

My thought was, if my wife and I jump into this at some point...are you crossing a "moral line" that cannot be uncrossed in the sense that you will always need it from that point on in your lives in order to be happy? Sounds like most people so far are saying no, you can go back to "vanilla sex" and be perfectly happy in your marriage and sex lives. Good to know!

[sunbuckus 3,567]

My thought was, if my wife and I jump into this at some point...are you crossing a "moral line" that cannot be uncrossed in the sense that you will always need it from that point on in your lives in order to be happy? Sounds like most people so far are saying no, you can go back to "vanilla sex" and be perfectly happy in your marriage and sex lives. Good to know!

 

I think for some couples, it could be a moral line depending on what they believe(d) in concerning monogamy and marriage. However, I think for the majority of couples, they find that monogamy isn't something that is for them. For myself, I see non-monogamy as being more natural to the human species than monogamy. Going against the nature of our beings can cause stress and pressure on ourselves and relationship. "Vanilla sex" with each other is great as long as you can also continue to explore unknown sexual experiences within that contained realm.

[exploringRM 305]

One I wanted to add (another post mentioned shared activities)..we have merged l/s into more than just sex/swapping. We do alot of more vanilla things with our l/s friends, travel together, dinners, vanilla bars, wineries...so not sure how we would extract ourselves from swinging..partially..all the way (like no more contact to avoid the temptation or frustration)

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Certainly I (we) could stop if either of of decided we were done with the lifestyle. Would we miss it? Sure, but it is not really a tough call.

 

Our vanilla sex is not all that vanilla, so I would still be as happy as a lark having sex with my wife.

 

Deal breaker? Honestly, at this point in our relationship I am not sure there is such thing as a deal breaker, we have too much love and respect for each other to put ultimatums on each other.

[sweet_tna 680]

Just curious about people that have been swinging. If your significant other asked you to stop swinging, and said they didn't want to do it anymore, could you stop?

Yes.

 

Would you be happy just having "vanilla sex" with you partner for the rest of your life?

Well, we managed to be happily married having "vanilla sex" for eleven years before we started swinging, so yes.

 

Or do you think that this is something that once you have done it there is no turning back and it will ALWAYS be a part of your life...so if your partner were to ask that of you, it might cause a deal breaker type situation in your relationship?

No, it wouldn't. I can't say I wouldn't miss it to a degree (depending on the reason Mr. Sweet were to ask that we stop), but I love and respect him enough to do what it takes for him to be happy. Yes, to a degree, swinging would always be a part of our lives, but at that point, it would become fond memories for us to share.

 

=)

[willyoats 324]

In a word, "no." My wife stopped a few years ago because of hormonal decrease and a herpes scare. I couldn't give it up and since have had three more-or-less regular partners (all with my wife's full knowledge and blessing).

[Gordo 618]

No problem giving it up at all. We have had several longer terms breaks where it didn't matter.

 

I would give it up in an instant for her.

[njbm 2,871]

Will people give up swinging due to coronavirus? Making out with and having sex with other people happens within six feet. This pandemic has no known end date. 

[Gordo 618]

22 minutes ago, njbm said:

Will people give up swinging due to coronavirus? Making out with and having sex with other people happens within six feet. This pandemic has no known end date. 

 

My God, has it really been 7 years since I posted. Funny, but my wife was asking me just this morning if I missed swinging. I said no. Then I get an email from this long ago thread.

 

We gave up swinging years ago due to the difficulty in finding good people. It seemed to always be three were agreeable but the fourth...!

 

Anyway to Covid. I can't imagine swinging in this pandemic. Meeting strangers and getting intimate. Just a flat out NO! Even people we know. I have no idea where they've been and I'm not going to play twenty questions.

[PeterJ 948]

Swinging has enriched my life in ways I didn’t anticipate. But my agreement with my (non-swinger) wife has always been that if she ever became uncomfortable with my involvement in the lifestyle I would stop. But I did wonder how much I would miss the variety of playmates and activities and how much my life would feel diminished by giving all of that up.

 

My wife and I were friends for 16 years before we began dating and I’ve always believed that provided a strong foundation for our now three-plus-decade sexual and romantic relationship. Having spent the past couple of months together 24/7 — and having sex pretty much every day (because, well, there aren’t that many distractions and it’s still really fun) — while considering that it could easily be two years before public health considerations would permit a prudent person in his mid-70s to engage in casual sex with others, I’ve had to consider the possibility that this enjoyable part of my life may be over. And I’m fine with that possibility. At the very least I’ll have fabulous memories of that time in my life.

[Guest]

I think we could give swinging up with couples but, I know I would prefer to keep the option of stepping out to fuck a handsome guy. I wouldn't mind if my husband got some strange sex too.   I don't want to lose the twinkle in my eye for spontaneity and pleasure.

[Hoseman 26]

I wouldn’t mind being that guy

[couplers 4,641]

For us, giving up swinging would be giving up the family: one of the two guys who I love and each fathered one of my babies, and giving up the two women who I love even more, and their children (who were father by the same men) and I love as much as my own children.  The answer is "No," I couldn't see giving up what we have.

[Numex 2,416]

On 5/10/2020 at 2:58 PM, FullSwapCLT said:

 

Interesting camera angle.  Is there a story behind it? 

[njbm 2,871]

18 hours ago, couplers said:

For us, giving up swinging would be giving up the family: one of the two guys who I love and each fathered one of my babies, and giving up the two women who I love even more, and their children (who were father by the same men) and I love as much as my own children.  The answer is "No," I couldn't see giving up what we have.

I think that you guys are more polyamorous than you are swingers. Swinging is more of a series of one off events. Polyamory defines your relationships. Much more ingrained in your daily life, not a hobby that can be given up. Just an observation.

[Guest]

9 hours ago, Numex said:

Interesting camera angle.  Is there a story behind it? 

It's nothing clever. The photo is a snapshot from a video. We had brought home 3 guys from a wedding reception and my husband just sat the Ipad on the floor on its stand after I asked a guy if he wanted me to bend over the chair for him. I think he also did it because a couple of the guys were nervous and trying to avoid capturing any faces in case we did everything there. They watched and talked from the kitchen next to us and then we all went up to the bedroom. 

 

[couplers 4,641]

On 5/14/2020 at 5:50 AM, njbm said:

I think that you guys are more polyamorous than you are swingers. Swinging is more of a series of one off events. Polyamory defines your relationships. Much more ingrained in your daily life, not a hobby that can be given up.

I would agree. 

[kittyswinger 260]

Just like "couplers", I'm wired for polyamory so it is part of my nature and can't be "stopped". But I'm a swinger too and the 'play' part of it is dispensable. By this I mean the hobby part which is motivated by curiosity, especially when I was still starting out in the Ls.  Although most of the time, I swing with people who I'm really attracted to - sexy personality or wit - whom I want to bond  with in an intimate way. So I guess that won't go away ?

[couplers 4,641]

5 hours ago, kittyswinger said:

But I'm a swinger too and the 'play' part of it is dispensable.

We women share a boyfriend, a married man whose wife knows and encourages us (full story told elsewhere), just because two guys who used to be able to satisfy three women when we were all in our twenties cannot do so in our thirties.  I like it, but could give that up.

[kittyswinger 260]

In the context of the pandemic, swinging as an "event" where my partners and I will look for partners for play will definitely have to go for a while. What won't go is my option to bond with someone I trust whom Im really attracted to. My open relationship arrangement with my SO and bf still holds. SO is ok with after-the-fact info but bf prefers prior approval.

[enhancer 1,585]

We could absolutely be happy if swinging stopped for us and are completely content when it is not happening. It has never been more then something we can do if the right opportunity comes up with the right people and well finding the right people has never been an easy task.  
 

We are completely satisfied with the sex life we have together and have a hard time finding people that we are truly attracted to other then each other!  We only got into it to be able to try things we can’t do with just the two of us which we have had the pleasure of accomplishing over the years.  
 

It has been a while since we have found that connection and attraction with other people that makes us want to have naked fun with them and now with the covid thing it will be even longer.  We are 100 percent okay with that.  We will continue having sex with the person who always gets us going which is each other and if someone else comes along that actually excites us we will enjoy that as well.  If not no big deal.