Trying to swing for the first time, any MFM advice?
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By Stevnjack
I’m newly married, this isn’t my first marriage. My husband and I have been thinking about going into this lifestyle, but I’m worried that once I come home he may never be enough and vice versa? Is this a common feeling? Am I ready? Are we ready? Well I know he is, but am I?
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By Violet75
Hi, wife narrating here. I'm 35, hubby is 31. We have been together 3 years. I'm not sure if what we have been talking about and exploring would really be considered swinging. Hubby has slowly been opening up to me about fantasies about watching me with other women and men.
In my life before hubby, I was very sexually open. He knew this when we met, but acted as though none of that interested him. I had a sort of sexual awakening when I met my husband and lost interest in all the wilder things I had been doing.
After we had been together for about a year and a half, my husband confessed to me that he was a little envious that I had experienced so many different sexual things and he had only done the basic vanilla stuff with his first wife. He was envious of me, and of the people I had been with, that they had shared something with me that he hadn't.
Gradually he has expressed interest and desire in experimenting with role play, and with watching me with another woman. Then he finally told me that he has fantasized about seeing me with another man.
I stepped away from this life when I met him because he satisfies me completely. I don't need anything more than what he gives me. I'm cautious because when we first met he said that stuff didn't interest him at all.
So here we are, to learn more about what we may be getting ourselves into and if we can handle it.
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By Guest warrencouple
Today, the wife and I went out to lunch from work, rather than eating in (my idea.) Now, last weekend, we had gone to the "Everything to do with sex" show, and had a good time, as well as said hi (and were remembered by) the host / hostess of the club we had gone to many months back for a meet and greet.
Well, after our trip to the show, on the ride back, she had said that in part, because they remembered us, she was thinking about giving going to the club another try, and actually going for an event at the club. I did my best to simply "sit down, shut up, and hang on," and leave her be. For the most part, I succeeded. She did say, yesterday, she had been thinking more about going. But, she got into a "loop" about it. She was thinking it'd be fun and exciting to have sex where people could watch / hear, we'd enjoy it, go to more events, then for my b-day get another woman. And then at that point she'd get upset, as she doesn't feel she could handle seeing me with another woman. She'd then get worked up about how we are (or will be) a no-swap couple, how would others react, would we be "frowned upon?" She'd then just keep going around and around these same thoughts.
I told her, that, first, she is setting the pace, if she doesn't want to go, we don't. If she doesn't want to ever swap, we don't. If others "frown" on us for not swapping, f**k 'em. If it leads to us not having a good time, we don't go back.
So, that brings us to today. On lunch, she informed me that she does think she wants to go Saturday, but also wanted to let me know that we won't go, if she "has a panic attack." I gave her a line from the seminar from the show, about swinging, when a single female (divorced IIRC) asked about her getting back into swinging, namely, "she has the pussy, she makes the rules." I told her that while I might be disappointed if she changes her mind, I *WILL NOT* get angry / hurt / upset / annoyed.
I'm doing my best to try to keep my hopes down (I don't care if we swap, I think we'll have a grand old time just us, and I *WON'T* try to push her into doing anything,) this is kind of my "jumping up and down pumping my fist in the air screaming YEAH!" posting...
And now, I will shut up about the weekend, and perhaps, come Sunday (more likely Monday) there will be a new posting in the "Good Swinging Experiences."
Or, there will be a "we didn't go after all, such is the way it goes."
We shall see.
Jason
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By Kamcouple
About Us:
My wife & I met 6 years ago when we were 30. Right away we both connected, she was smart, gorgeous and shared many common interests. I thought to myself why is a woman like this single there has to be a catch. After a few days, weeks she opened up to me and told me she had an anxiety issue (which was noticeable but not OCD) and she was a virgin still. My now wife had many boyfriends but nothing serious and was waiting for that special someone. She has however had oral with another woman 2 years before we met.
I was very patient and helped my wife get over her anxiety issues (without meds), and respected her "no sex" wishes. My wife had no problem with nudity over the years but very basic hands-on foreplay during this time.
Fast forward 3 years and I was that special someone, my wife was now no longer a virgin! At first things were great she was curious and we had sex countless times a day, week, month. All positions, all places there was nothing stopping her.
The Problem:
During this time that we started having sex I noticed she wasn't into "foreplay". She was more of a hands on woman, and didn't like to use mouth. She is also extremely ticklish all over her body so me going down on her was also out the question, I was only allowed hands-on also. Then came rules, never ever under any circumstances will she ever do Anal, and she doesn't like "doggie style". She was more of a 3 position woman.
My wife (I think) has major anxiety over having an orgasm that she won't admit to me. She doesn't like the "pee feeling" and when she squirts (which is often when I am on top of her) she doesn't like getting the sheets all wet. When she is about to orgasm she locks up.
- When I am on top of her she closes her legs and/or locks her hips which hurts me
- When she is on top of me she has her bum so high in the air it feels like I am falling out of her 80% of the time, I don't enjoy it and go soft
- We can do scissors/sideways but after awhile her legs get tired
At this point I am not enjoying our "sex experiences" and tried to talk to her.
My wife informs me that she believes that she missed out on "experiencing and exploring" sex in her teen years when all her friends were doing it. So I take a few ideas off the top of my head to try and help her the best I can. I get her some couples porn, get her some books like Kama sutra. I even bring her to a adult store to buy some toys to explore with. I tell her to be open and honest with me, and will help her explore.
Swinging #1:
While out one day, my wife asks me if we want to go over to her friends place for a few minutes. While there it was quite apparent that my wife had talked to her close friend about our "sex issues". Her friend gently eases into a conversation that maybe if my wife explores with other people and not just me she could possibly "learn" or get the "sex experience" that she is striving for. My wife informs me at this point that her, and her friend were interested in "Swapping husbands" as they don't want to feel like they were cheating and asked my opinion. I originally said I had no opinion.
I think I was shocked at first to say the least. My wife wanted to have sex with another guy, and her friend wanted to have sex with me. My wife (who had been doing some research) later that week shows me a clip from "Playboys Swing" which got me interested in the lifestyle. As long as we are open, honest, and safe .... I tell my wife that I am interested but not setting this up, she had to do the work. Happily she agreed.
Later that week my wife goes over to her friends place, only to return an hour later. When her friend and my wife brought it up with her husband he was quick to say NO. He said there was no way he would be able to "perform" in front of another guy. Before my wife could suggest separate rooms, he asked my wife to leave so he could speak to his wife. Since that night my wife has only had Facebook contact with her friend and it seems to have put a strain on their friendship.
Swinging #2:
My wife suggests we put an Ad onto a local website to see if any random NSA couples were interested. Although we got lots of emails from males wanting to watch, video tape, join in, only 1 couple in (south eastern BC Canada) replied. We sent them our semi nude, faces blocked, pictures and never heard from that couple again.
Present Time:
About 6 months has passed since the whole Swinging topic has come up when we put ads on a website. My wife still has the same "sex issues" listed above, yet now recently my wife has once again started seriously talking about partner swapping. She has suggested in the past week we look for local couples, advertise, look for clubs, or even travel to meet our needs. She seems more knowledgeable then me in this swinging lifestyle (Good ole Google brought me here) I really don't know how I can even approach any of my friends with this topic.
I have a few concerns:
1) My wife missed out exploring with sex partners growing up as mentioned, and now that she is sexually active, and so mindset on this swapping that I am worried that if I don't agree that she will just do it anyway. She has said she wants to sleep with another man besides me once in this lifetime many times. I love my wife but when she went behind my back asking her friend to "swap husbands" I think a bit of me felt maybe I don't know my wife as well as I think I do.
2) I am worried that if she is not giving me a great sexual experience that it would be a disaster if she tried with another partner. I love my wife and have patience, where as a lot of people I know including close friends have zero to no patience. I wouldn't want to sleep with someones wife and get enjoyment while they got disappointment.
3) Am I going about this the wrong way? Should I accept this is the way my wife is and adapt?
4) Did I put too much pressure on my wife too soon, and she is doing this for me? Even though I have concerns she wants to go through with it?
A year ago I was all for it after thinking about it, now not so much as I have concerns.
Would like to hear from some experienced people, would you get together with us knowing some or all of this? What are your thoughts and any advice.
Summary TLDR:
My wife was a virgin when we met (besides an oral experience with another woman), and gave herself to me. Our sex life hasn't been the greatest to suit my needs, but seems to satisfy hers. No Foreplay, and lots of rules. After trying to help her and educate her more in sex, she talks with friend(s) who suggest she try getting more experience from another partner. My wife suggests she doesn't want to cheat on me so her friend suggests Swinging. After failing to convince a friends husband for a swap, and failed local ads the subject is dropped. Now my wife all of a sudden wants to swing again (swap partners) and she seems to have been doing a lot of research recently, but I now have issues. My wife also informed me she wants to have sex with at least 1 other person in her lifetime.
I feel silly posting this to strangers, so I appreciate the time to read this, if you have anymore questions I would be happy to answer.
Thank you,
Kam Couple.
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By DiscreetRayJay
Hi there community... First, I need to apologize, because I know you field the type of questions I'm about to ask routinely enough to be sick to death. I am hoping though that you will entertain the questions and help me out if you can.
My GF and I have been together long enough now to know that we're going to get married. We live together, we love together. We get along better than I've EVER gotten along with anyone. We've had our fights - all couples do, but we've never had a fight which didn't make us stronger. I believe that changed last night. Allow me to explain.
A few months ago, my GF was out with some girlfriends having a few drinks. As she always does, she was giving me text updates as the evening progressed. I know all of the girls she was with - including the one girl who apparently that night admitted to having a bi-curious side. According to my GF, her friend explained her "rules" for having a girl/girl encounter:
1. The other girl would have to be a total stranger.
2. She'd have to be a little drunk (otherwise she'd be to inhibited to do it).
3. Her husband could watch, but could not touch, period.
I was excited by this as this girl is fairly attractive and now I have thoughts of her living out her fantasies when I see her, although I'd never say anything... ever. Anyways... my GF added to this story by explaining that for her to do a girl/girl experience, the rules would have to be exactly the same. Of course this got my juices flowing. I had to know more.
The next day, I asked her about the conversation the girls had the night before. Asking her the obvious question about what she'd said. Her reply was a bit of a let down. she said that she was just talking and that she meant had she ever decided to do that and that she was past that in life now. (I'm 31, she's 32). I was disappointed, but I told her (and the other girl) there was a place she could go to satisfy her fantasy. (the local on-premise club) It was clear immediately that I opened a door for her that she didn't know existed. She sorta admitted it was more fantasy than something she was really looking to do... I'll digress on that one...
Now, give me a minute to explain who each of us are... It's sort of integral to the forthcoming question(s). I was married for a long time. The relationship was bad, and without too much detail, our sex life reflected how awful our marriage really was. Not satisfied with things, I stepped out on her. A huge mistake, but it's what happened. I registered with Swing Lifestyle, created a premium account, and sought the company of singles and couples while I was married. I did meet one couple in the year that I was involved with the lifestyle guy. I fooled around with the girl in the couple only once or twice, but it gave me experience into the lifestyle. I liked it. I even contemplated bringing this to the wife, but I thought better of it and kept it my secret. When I met my GF, I cancelled my Swing Lifestyle and gave up the lifestyle altogether, promising that I'd only come back if and when I could come back with my GF.
My GF has been around the block a lot, but all vanilla stuff with two exceptions. The first found her in bed with another couple, but not as a player. She was just there while the couple was having sex together. The second found her in bed with two men... She told me she had to leave the situation before anything happened. "I'm only built for one at a time." She said. She's had no other lifestyle experience whatsoever, but she's not dumb either; she knows what's out there.
We both like to watch porn together. We're both voyeurs. She is the most sexual woman I've ever met, and I'm lucky to have it as good with her as I do. I'm also extremely sexual. I think although I don't have the experience she does, I'm less inhibited than she....
...onto the story -
So having had the conversation about the local on-premise club, I asked my GF if she'd ever want to go. I was scared stiff to ask the question. If she said no, she'd wonder why I wanted to go. I thought it might destroy us. Much to my surprise though, she said we could absolutely go, but immediately followed it up with: "I'm not doing anything though." Still shocked, I explained that was fine and that we'd just be going to check the club out and be voyeurs for a night. Excited, I wanted to sit down, review the club's website and pick a date right then and there, but she was scheduled to have knee surgery in a few weeks and there would be no way we could have gone before that or before she recovered completely. We decided on going to our local club on March 13 (about 2 weeks from now).
We had a few more conversations about going since the first time we discussed it. In those discussions she made it very clear to me that:
1. She did not want to share me with anyone else.
2. She wanted me to not want to share her with anyone else too.
I completely understood her and reassured her that we were going strictly as voyeurs. She seemed ok with that and haven't talked much about going since then... until a few days ago.
I have been doing ALL the research I can do to find out things like how the night is going to go down for first timers, what we should wear, how to politely say no, club etiquette, etc... in doing so, I started contacting current members and those who have been there before. I made friends with a few couples in the area, but just as mentors. All of this was in the open, and I never hid anything from Rachael, except for one thing: I would be ok sharing each other, although it's not something I'm prepared to lose the love of my life over.
Last night, I was talking with someone about going to the club (as I've been doing almost every night for two weeks - yea, I'm excited!) and she asked me what my GF wanted to get out of the club visit. Having never considered that at all, I decided to ask her. Up the stairs I marched, laptop in hand and sat down with her and asked her. She said she didn't know and asked me the same question. As I was answering, she caught a line of text I typed about being curious about doing more in the lifestyle. This was a conversation I wanted to have, but not how it happened and when it happened. I was TERRIFIED that admitting to wanting to be open would do irreparable damage. I was seeking advice on how to do this when she found out. Now I'm not prepared.
It got very nasty, and although the fight ended with us embracing and making lifelong promises, I don't know this fight will ever go away. Her sadness revolves around my being ok with sharing her with someone else. She went as far as to say that if I am willing to let her be with someone else, I am with the wrong woman. I quickly tried to backtrack to save my relationship. I tried explain that "doing more" or going further doesn't necessarily imply full swap or even soft swap... It might me being watched together, or same room sex, etc... It didn't work at first... She kept honing in on my desire to share her and how much that hurt. I tried to explain that I would never pressure her into something that she didn't want to do, and if she didn't want to explore openly as swingers, then WE don't want to... She didn't quite believe me there, although I meant it. If one of us or the other isn't ok with something, then WE together aren't. I believe that completely. For her though, it was all about my being ok with her being with another... She reiterated that would NEVER happen, ever.
Given all that was said last night, I told her (and I meant it) that we might want to reconsider going to the club altogether. Despite the fight, she insisted that she wanted to go... to watch and take it all in visually. She also said that IF any action happened there, it would be in a private room with the blinds drawn. I've always believed this would be a victory for me at this point, as I did not want to have the conversation yet.
People, I need help because now I'm confused. It's clear to me that she knows I want more from this than just voyeuring. It's clear to me that she's uncomfortable with that. It's also clear that she still wants to walk through the club's door with me. I don't know what to make of all of this. Is there still a remote curiosity in there?? Given what she's said will she ever come around to the lifestyle? Will there ever be an appropriate time to express to her that I might want to do more than just watch other couples? How do I do that while assuring her that she's all the woman I need and that it is just something I thought might be fun to share together, although we don't have to?
I'm sorry, it sort of all just fell apart on me here at the end. My mind is racing again. This is a fragile situation for me, and I don't want to break my relationship, which until last night was impenetrable. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and answer (if you do)....
Sincerely,
The New Guy
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