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Reclaming Sex - Is that a part of your swinger routine?

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I was reading this older thread on "Reclaiming Sex: Why is it so hot?" and it got me wondering if that was something that was a part of most couples routine when swinging. I can't say it is for us. Sure, we probably do end up having sex after, sometimes the same night, sometimes the next day, depending on how tired we are. But, it's not something we make a point of. I'd so more likely we are just still turned on.

 

Do you and your partner make it a point to have "reclaiming" sex (or reconnecting sex or whatever you want to call it) right after swinging encounters? Is it something you "need" as part of your connection? Or does it just happen because you are still so turned on from swinging?

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Very interesting thread link. I don't think we have "reclaiming/reconnecting" sex after swinging--it's definitely more of the "I'm still gosh darn horny" so we have more sex when we get home. Like other's pointed out, we don't feel a disconnect when we swing so there's not really that need to "reconnect". After all, we're swinging together and that connects already!

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Oh that is so funny, I just found that thread! Here's what I posted there:

 

I was just talking with a friend about this today! I think it's so hot because you don't have that emotional connection with people you play with - we finish off most play nights together and our appetite for one another is increased for days afterwards. In addition to the emotional connection, nobody rocks my world like he does. We know each other so well and the sex is out of this world when we're together...meeting with others is recreational and fun, but does not usually result in those explosive full-body orgasms that fully satiate me.

 

In addition - I fuck friends, I make love with him...I often crave something softer, slower and more extended after meeting with friends.

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For us, it depends on how tired we are also. I do need to be with him sexually with in a day or two of swinging or I start to feel disconnected.

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It also kind of depends on the swing encounter. If it's a threesome or a foursome where we are all playing together on the same bed, I feel the need much less than if we've played separately.

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This is part of what swinging does for us. The thrill enhances our sex life so yes we like to at least be sexual if not have sex after.

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Such reconnection has emerged as a key--and nearly invariant--part of our experience. It is precisely that highly erotic "reconnection" that makes swinging worthwhile for us.

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I think as we have moved into the completely comfortable and experienced swinger set, its less of a thing for us than it was in the past. Its still very nice, but its ok if we just go to bed after a play session too. On our last swinger vacation, we started playing on Monday night and didn't have sex with each other until Thursday. All was great though.

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We don't "reclaim" sex. Who we did last has no impact on anything in our lives, so there's really no point. Our libidos, however, do increase when we have frequent sex (especially mine) so if we're swinging, we're probably going to have sex when we get home or the next morning because we're still horny.

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Ok, I am really new and really curious about this issue. As Julie and some other know, my GF is a former Swinger. I, myself , have not indulged but am interested. This thread is fairly alarming and confusing to me, so could somebody please explain? Is there a danger of a "disconnect', between my GF and I , if we swing? If not, then what is this "reclaiming" business about? If swinging would jeopardize our relationship , them I want no part of it. I'm really disappointed. I've gotten the idea that Swinging is done by mature, commited people. I had no idea that it can cause disintegration of otherwise stable relationships.

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Is there a danger of a "disconnect', between my GF and I , if we swing? If not, then what is this "reclaiming" business about? If swinging would jeopardize our relationship , them I want no part of it. I'm really disappointed. I've gotten the idea that Swinging is done by mature, commited people. I had no idea that it can cause disintegration of otherwise stable relationships.

 

OK, I'll explain the feelings as we experienced them back in the early days:

 

We would have sex with another couple, or in a group, etc. I'm usually a "one and done" kind of guy. When we would get back to our room, home, or wherever we were going to be for the night, I (and she) would have a strong urge to FUCK RIGHT NOW. It wasn't a negative at all. It was a very positive feeling, and hey, it's great sex, so how can that be bad?

 

So, maybe disconnect isn't the word for what we felt. It was like the swinging was a nice big piece of cake, and the sex together afterwords, was the icing on the cake, with a side of ice cream and a drizzle of chocolate as well.

 

That urge isn't as strong for either of us as it was a few years ago, but it does still hit maybe 50% of the time. It really does make for a great way to finish off the night, IMHO.

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We used to have reconnection every time we had a swing experience. The reconnection for me at least was invariably better than the swing experience was. I think that had a lot to do with my comfort level in what we were doing. Lately we have found that it isn't as important to us that we have our reconnect time soon after. Both of us now seem to be able to just sit back and enjoy what we just did with out the need to reconnect. When we play together the experience is already shared we usually now just talk about the evening. However when we play separately the result is always crazy reconnect sex, whether it was me that played alone or her it doesn't matter. The reconnecting/reclaiming/(whatever-you-want-call-it) is essential to us after we play alone. I would compare it to sex after I return from a business trip.

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OK, I get that maybe the terminology might be mis-leading. I would never want to do anything that would cause any kind of disconnect to occur between my GF and I. Either emotional or sexual. Perhaps I define Swinging differently than most other people? For me, it is a mutually satisfying way in which a married or LTR couple can explore their sexual appetites, within the bounds of a committed relationship. Is that anywhere close?

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Early on we had more of the post swinging sex, it was more of a really turned on thing than a reconnect thing though. We didn't even necessarily have to have played either, just the environment was enough. Now it mostly just depends on how tired we are, usually by the end of the night we are both partied out and just go to sleep although there may be some afterglow effect the next few days.

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OK, I get that maybe the terminology might be mis-leading. I would never want to do anything that would cause any kind of disconnect to occur between my GF and I. Either emotional or sexual. Perhaps I define Swinging differently than most other people? For me, it is a mutually satisfying way in which a married or LTR couple can explore their sexual appetites, within the bounds of a committed relationship. Is that anywhere close?

 

I think that is how most swingers might define swinging. To me, I thought the idea of "reclaiming" was more about the caveman biological response to "Ooh gah! Ooh gah! Me want to reclaim my woman as mine!" male response.

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I think that is how most swingers might define swinging. To me, I thought the idea of "reclaiming" was more about the caveman biological response to "Ooh gah! Ooh gah! Me want to reclaim my woman as mine!" male response.

 

Its actually been shown that a mans orgasm and arousal levels are more intense when he thinks his mate may have been with another male. Makes sense biologically. The penis doesn't have a mushroom head for looks.

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This is interesting, but I will have to think about it for a while. I've heard that swinging will make a relationship stronger but I've also heard the opposite, that it lessens the marriage bonds. I'm wondering if that isn't the disconnect factor? I really am learning more and more each visit, and thank you all for being so patient with the Newby.

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This is interesting, but I will have to think about it for a while. I've heard that swinging will make a relationship stronger but I've also heard the opposite, that it lessens the marriage bonds. I'm wondering if that isn't the disconnect factor? I really am learning more and more each visit, and thank you all for being so patient with the Newby.

 

I think the "lessening of the marriage bonds" depends on the couple itself and the swinging that they are engaging upon. A couple who has a strong relationship that can communicate about everything, comfortable with playing separately, and even goes out on dates...their swinging can make their relationship stronger. Take a different couple who doesn't have a strong relationship, doesn't communicate, not comfortable with playing separately...swinging can lessen that bond. I made that example very extreme and obvious. Couples can even be playing together and engage in soft swap and it might not be helpful to their relationship because the foundation that the relationship sits upon isn't strong enough to even handle that type of swinging.

 

Lots of situations and experiences can tear apart a relationship. It is within those hardships that a couple realizes the strength of their relationship. They can make that choice to fix the cracks or continue to let the relationship break further. It's very easy to blame a life experience as the reason for a relationship to disintegrate...but is that really the true reason or were their underlying issues that rotted the foundation?

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I think it boils down to this. For nonswinging couples, the sex act is an important part of their bond together. How thick that rope is and how many strands of it are from the monogamous sex will vary by couple. That is why some relations will break over purely sexual infidelity (one-night stand sort of thing, not an affair with emotional attachment), while others will survive.

 

For swinging couples, the rope that binds is made differently. Infidelity and all that it entails would still be a serious problem for all the same reasons, but limiting each other to sex only within the relationship in and of itself isn't the tie that binds in the same way it is with nonswinging couples.

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As a long time swinging couple I'd say sex is still binding.

 

What it isn't is the main bond.

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      After speaking to each other long distance over the internet, Fred in Iraq and Lorrie in the States, both were eager to get some time getting to know each other more intimately. So, finally, on a spring day in May, they finally got their chance.

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      Being the beginning of May, with the air starting to warm up, Lorrie decided to have a summer cocktail, Strawberry Daiquiri. Fred, well, you guys all know, beer. They sat at the bar and started downing their drinks.

      Of course, Fred hadn't been in town for quite a while, so any and all of his buddies whom he hadn't seen in a while were vying for his attention. So, Lorrie expecting this, allowed him to meander and visit with everyone. She also meandered and socialized herself; after all, being from this small town, some of his friends weren't all that unfamiliar to her. After a while, a few drinks, and a few more shots, they had lost all hopes of being inconspicuous. Lorrie was looking mighty hot and, of course, after alcohol, getting harder and harder to resist. Lorrie, too, was having a hard time keeping her attention away from Fred. They had waited so long for this, for each other. They had not even come close to satisfying their craving for each other. They slowly made their way back together, still talking with friends, but being so close to each other, they had to touch, at least. So, just a little bump here, a little rub up against there, a hand low on Lorrie's back, slipping lower….Well, you know what effect alcohol has. Why would you think anyone would notice? Play dumb.

      "Yeah, I think I left my purse in the car. I'll be back," Lorrie proclaims, hoping Fred gets the hint.

      "I need to get some air. It's gotten hot in here," as he follows closely behind Lorrie out the door.

      His friends just roll their eyes and make little gestures to each other. They're not buying it. Like they didn't notice Fred rubbing Lorrie's ass.

      Once outside, Lorrie turns around, "Real smooth. I'm sure that they didn't notice a thing."

      "I don't care. Let's go," Fred said.

      He was right; why bother staying? The touching and rubbing were just going to escalate into something that was better off done behind closed doors or at least away from prying eyes.

      "I still want more of my daiquiris. Strawberries are my favorite," Lorrie said.

      So, of course, they stopped at the store on the way, picked up daiquiri mix, rum, ice, and of course…beer.

      Heading for home now, with Fred's hands gliding further and further up Lorrie's skirt.

      "We are almost there. Stop! I am trying to drive. Do you want me to crash when we are right down the street?" Both were laughing.

      They pull into the driveway. Lorrie, of course, her torturing temptress self, "I've got to make a drink!"

      Fred rolls his eyes. Come on!

      Lorrie heads into the kitchen, pulls out the blender, and starts mixing. Fred puts his beer in the fridge. Cracks one open. "You have that hammock you told me about up yet?" he asked.

      Lorrie smiles, "Yes, of course, I have it up out there; it's nice out now." Like she doesn't know where this is going.

      "I want to see it," Fred said.

      "What, you don't believe me?" she asked, giggling. "Alright…. grab your drink, let's go."

      It's a clear night, with some moonlight, but still very dark in Lorrie's backyard. The only light is from the cars passing by the house, and they don't reach the part of the backyard where the hammock is. Very quiet, very private, very dark…how convenient.

      They make their way back, Lorrie holding onto Fred, walking in her heels on the lawn; she needs a little help. "Why do you want to see this hammock now?" Laughing.

      At this point, Fred does not even respond. "Take them off!" he ordered.

      "Everything?" she asked.

      "Yes, everything!" he exclaimed.

      Lorrie hands her drink to Fred, and obeys his orders, first the top, then the skirt, then the bra. "I am keeping my shoes on; we are outside, you know."

      "Sit."

      Lorrie again follows his command and props herself onto the hammock, still facing Fred. "Can I have my drink back now?"

      "No," he approaches Lorrie and stands between her legs.

      Fred pushes her onto her back. She just laughs; she knows what is going to happen. They talked about this hammock. She only thinks she knows.

      There she lay, naked and giggling, anticipating what he would do next.

      "You still want your drink?" Fred asks sarcastically.

      "Yes, I do!"

      "Alright." As Lorrie reaches for her glass, he pulls the drink away, "Put your hand down."

      "What?"

      "Put it down!" Fred ordered.

      She obeys, puzzled. What the hell is he doing?

      "Close your eyes," Fred said.

      "Why?" she asked.

      "Just DO it," said Fred.

      "Ok! They are closed!"

      He leans over her. Now she is just excited and a little nervous. Fred, still holding the drink, begins licking Lorrie, starting at her neck, trailing down to her breasts, and slowly teasing her nipples with his tongue. With the cool night air and his tongue on her, she gets goosebumps and shivers. Fred feels that.

      "Cold?"

      "No. I am not cold."

      "Are your eyes still closed?"

      "Yes." and they were; the anticipation of not knowing what he was going to do next was thrilling her.

      He continued teasing her nipples with his mouth, licking and nibbling, stopping briefly to drizzle a little bit of that daiquiri onto her nipples, one at a time, and eagerly licking it off. He continues from her nipples down to her belly button, where he licks another shot.

      "Keep going."

      Fred smiles; he knows where she wants him to go.

      "Hold this," he hands the drink to Lorrie, who, of course, has to take a sip.

      He just shakes his head. She leans down, grabs Lorrie's ankles, and positions her feet on the hammock, her legs completely spread. Now her pussy is totally exposed and presented in front of Fred. Unlike Lorrie, he doesn't care about getting dirty. He kneels before her.

      "Give me that drink back."

      Lorrie obliges. Why wouldn't she? She knows what is coming next and can't wait.

      "Don't use all of that," referring to her drink.

      "Didn't I tell you, no talking?"

      "No."

      "Well, NO talking."

      Lorrie laughs because she knows what buttons to push. She isn't really pissing him off. She is just frustrating him a bit, making him a little more aggressive.

      How can I reward her for this behavior? He thinks as he kneels before her, legs spread. She knows I can't stop now. The temptation is just too great.

      He takes the ice-cold drink and rubs it on her. She feels the cold moisture dripping down her and wiggles. He drizzles a little on her, which drips down her, mixing with her own liquor, which has begun to well up in anticipation. Fred leisurely begins to lap up the cocktail which he has created. His warm mouth and fervent tongue are breathtaking for Lorrie, she moans.

      "You want your drink back?"

      Lorrie can hardly speak, "No."

      He laughs and continues licking, sucking, and exploring her with his tongue. This daiquiri is good.

      Lorrie is thoroughly appreciating this; his hot mouth on her wet pussy is bringing her waves of ecstasy. Writhing and moaning, he slides his fingers into her. She has to have him now.

      Fingers still inside her, she sits up and puts her feet down. Forcing his fingers deeper. Still squirming, writhing on his hand.

      "Give me that drink. Stand up." She says with a moan.

      He rises.

      "Take them off." She says while unbuttoning then unzipping his shorts, tugging them down, along with his boxers. Exposing his swelling cock before her.

      She downs the rest of the drink and looks up at him. He meets her mouth, enjoying the sweet juices, kissing deeply while she kneads his balls and rod. She pulls away and looks down at his fully engorged shaft. Her mouth-watering, she draws him to her lips. Lightly she feathers him with her lips and tongue, up and down the entire length of him. He pulls her off of the hammock so she is standing bent over in front of him. His hands pull her hair back, and she begins devouring his cock. Swirling her tongue and jerking him with her hands and mouth. Eagerly she sucks, savoring his flavor. "Mmmmmm," she moans. She is zealously consuming him.

      He pulls her up and turns her around. She bends over, face down on the hammock. She feels him probing her tight pussy. Driving into her, stretching her narrow tunnel, which impatiently awaits his entry. She grinds back on him, forcing him into her. He grabs the hammock, grasping the ropes in his fingers, and begins plunging his cock into her, which sends Lorrie rocking onto his rod. She screams in pleasure, "Ooooh! Yeah! mmmm…” She is throbbing with delight, squeezing onto him. She can feel every inch of him pulsing inside of her; she is cumming, juices dripping.

      He pulls out and turns her around. She jumps up onto the hammock facing him. She pulls her feet up, legs bent apart, sitting up. He thrusts into her; she wraps her legs around him. He begins filling her pussy deeper and deeper, swinging her onto his cock, faster and faster. "ooh yeah, fuck me harder, Fred!" Watching him drive into her. She is gripping his cock hard now, pumping him with the tight walls of her engorged pussy. He can feel her cumming as he crams deep inside her. He can't contain his load any longer and bursts his shot into her.

      "I know we've been drinking, but I am definitely cocked now." she giggles.
    • By Very_vanilla
      Ok. So I'm pretty vanilla. My husband has brought up the LS. I've been reading this forum in hopes of gaining insight and understanding.
       
      My thought at the moment is how will our bedroom life be after the big step into the Lifestyle?
       
      I've read that many of you are with your "playmates" on a few occasions. I fear that once we step into the lifestyle that our personal bedroom life will feel like it's lacking and we may never be able to completely satisfy each other alone.
       
      I know we are not ready to begin the lifestyle. I know I need to work on being more sexually open. I don't masturbate, I don't watch porn. I was raised with no discussion of sex. Anything sexual or provocative was viewed as negative and dirty. Honestly I haven't allowed myself to enjoy oral sex (giving or receiving) until recently.
       
      My husband has been patient and wonderful in our nine years of marriage. I'd like to eventually be comfortable enough with sex in general to perhaps venture into his fantasy.
       
      I have a long way to go, but I'm working on it. That's the first step, right?
       
      He'd like to bring me to a strip club (he goes with some friends and I sometimes get insecure about him bring there).
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