Why do we swing? Explaining this lifestyle to someone who isn't in it!

[Cdnsexytech 33]

I'm hoping you all can share with me your best explanations as to why people swing. I have tried looking around but haven't had much luck. Links would be good too. THANKS!!!

[angelkin 1,327]

I think the reasons people swing are as varied as the kinds of people you will find in the lifestyle - so there's not one clear answer. For us, we're hedonists at heart and just want to milk every drop of life and fun there is to have in this world while we are still young enough to do so. We enjoy the lifestyle and feel it has brought us closer as a couple.

 

Short answer - life is too short for monogamy.

[Fundamental Law 2,940]

Concur with angel, with an amplification: "young enough to do so"--fun need not, should not and does not stop with age. Quite the contrary, sexual freedom is easier once child-rearing responsibilities end and becomes a mechanism for re-establishing why you chose your life-partner in the first place.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I don't know why people swing. We do it because we like more sexual variety than monogamy provides, but aren't particularly interested in the emotional complexities of poly.

[Chicup 43]

The long answer would involve a small thesis, and a plunge into evolutionary psychology.

 

The short answer is it is really fun.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,027]

Just to speak for myself, it's because I'm wired that way. Why fight it?

[JustAskJulie 2,597]

If you are explaining things to someone outside of the lifestyle, I think I'd stick with sharing why you swing. What is your reason for doing so. Also, take into account this person's attitude. As for links, I'm on tablet so all I can do is point you to the archives. There should be one titled Why We Swing or something similar, towards the top of the list of archived forums.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Just as everyone else has pointed out, there are tons of reasons why people swing...some are good and reasonable and others not as much. However, for us, we started swinging because there were sexual experiences that we wanted to explore that couldn't be done with just a man and a woman. We wanted to try threesomes, foursomes, moresomes. Gang bangs, double penetration, etc were also on our list. But I think we also unconsciously realized that monogamy wasn't what was natural for us.

[Fundamental Law 2,940]

But I think we also unconsciously realized that monogamy wasn't what was natural for us.

 

Monogamy is likely not the natural biological state but rather an expected behavioral norm that meets (or at least met) social and legal needs. Bear in mind that the link between eros/romance and marriage is a very new construct. For centuries, marriages were arranged to ensure property rights and to create political alliances. Marriages were sustained to ensure propagation of the species--infant mortality was very common through the nineteenth century and it was expected that couples would bear many more children than intended for family size.

 

It's pretty clear that sex outside of marriage was and remains common. Political leaders, media stars, sports figures and, yes, ordinary people seem to do this. The biological imperative for variety is hard-wired, and those who object most vocally to this statement always seem to end up apologizing for their "indiscretions", "bad choices" and so on. Suppressing that imperative might be a societal expectation, but that suppression seems rarely complete, rarely successful, and typically frustrating.

 

If we admit that suppression is not a winning strategy, there are really only a handful of ways to meet this biological imperative for sexual variety:

 

1. Stay/become single.

2. Serial monogamy (Liz Taylor's 7 husbands, etc.)

3. Pay for sex.

4. Cheat.

5. Come to a negotiated arrangement within the marriage that validates play with others.

 

Many of the older folks in the LS seem very committed to their spouses and their marriage. At least that has been our experience. They have arrived at choice 5 as their preferred choice. While it might not be for everyone, it seems a wise choice for some.

[DigginIt 1,132]

It's my opinion that very few people are willing to change their opinions about something unless they come about their conclusions on their own. You can plant seeds but ultimately, people will defend their values to the death with reasons around morality and religion being at the heart of their arguments.

 

I'm not one who believes that you shouldn't try simply on the basis of an expected outcome EXCEPT where it exposes your private life and puts you under scrutiny. I would ask what are you hoping to accomplish? Do you want to hopefully sleep with them...that's an epic fail waiting to happen. Do you want justification of what you are doing...because you are going to get your feelings hurt. If you are trying to convince your spouse then that's different because you are now talking about the topic with someone who hopefully isn't judgmental like our society generally tends to be.

 

There is a saying that goes..."for those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible" and I hold firmly to this belief.

[Cdnsexytech 33]

Do you want to hopefully sleep with them...that's an epic fail waiting to happen. Do you want justification of what you are doing...because you are going to get your feelings hurt. If you are trying to convince your spouse then that's different because you are now talking about the topic with someone who hopefully isn't judgmental like our society generally tends to be.

 

I DEFINITELY don't want to sleep with them... lol. And I don't need justification, nor is it my spouse. It's actually my best friend, and one who accepts me for me... but is constantly befuddled by our involvement in the lifestyle. She asked me yesterday - why do you swing? And while a million thoughts ran through my mind, I can't say hubby and I have ever sat down and put it into words before. So I figured I'd ask ya'll

[DigginIt 1,132]

I DEFINITELY don't want to sleep with them... lol. And I don't need justification, nor is it my spouse. It's actually my best friend, and one who accepts me for me... but is constantly befuddled by our involvement in the lifestyle. She asked me yesterday - why do you swing? And while a million thoughts ran through my mind, I can't say hubby and I have ever sat down and put it into words before. So I figured I'd ask ya'll

 

Okay, I get it. It's good that you have a friend like that. My wife's best friend of over 20 years would never speak to her again. It's amazing the things you can talk about, the time you have known each other, etc. sometimes can amount to nothing over religion.

[pna42 67]

Nothing is more exciting than being able to live out your fantasies and sharing in the purely physical joy of pleasure with others. I walk 2 paths. 1 path is the powerful emotional bond you share with someone you love and the other path is throwing off your clothes with a group of like minded people and getting down and dirty.

[Chicup 43]

I DEFINITELY don't want to sleep with them... lol. And I don't need justification, nor is it my spouse. It's actually my best friend, and one who accepts me for me... but is constantly befuddled by our involvement in the lifestyle. She asked me yesterday - why do you swing? And while a million thoughts ran through my mind, I can't say hubby and I have ever sat down and put it into words before. So I figured I'd ask ya'll

 

I think for most people out their the real question isn't "Why do you swing?" but "How did you get there?"

 

I think the why is pretty self evident, and a LOT of people see the appeal, but getting the spouse on board, how to go about finding couples, fears, etc is what they really want to know about.

 

I once had a brief debate about this with a divorce lawyer "expert" on the HuffPo. Her take is swinging leads to divorce. Her take is wrong because her sample is biased, shes a divorce lawyer, she sees only couples looking to get divorced. Vanillas read her take and assume its valid. They might be interested in swinging as a hypothetical, but then they get scared by such information.

 

So we happy swingers are an curiosity to those who never tried.

 

I think if the real question is "why" they have a different libido than most humans. As a rule having sex with other people has an appeal to even the most happily married couple. Being a huge % of couples indulge in some form of infidelity, this really doesn't need to be validated.

[DaggersNRoses 271]

I am still trying to answer this one to myself. I may tackle other people when I have answered myself sufficiently.

[Alura 2,778]

"Swinging is like riding a Harley. For those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don't, no explanation is possible."

 

Laura and I didn't believe man is meant to be monogamous. Besides, it's fun to fuck somebody different.