Questions I have - threesome with partner's ex?

[sweetiepieCO 15]

Hello, I just have a few questions I would like to ask and get opinion on. My BF now has asked if I want to have a threesome. Don't get me wrong I am open to it, but he said he has an EX that we should bring in!? Is that crazy to do? I am not a jealous person just an insecure person in myself. I can't seem to get past my issues with myself. I am scared that might open up past doors for him. Me, I don't have much past. He is only my second. I really want to try a FMF but do I dare open that door with his EX involved?

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

First, welcome. Second, I'm certain you both could find a woman somewhere with whom he doesn't have a past connection. A threesome with an ex just sounds like a recipe for mass drama.

[losAmantes 318]

Sounds like he has his own agenda. Playing with ex's is not what swinging is about. Kind of makes me wonder if he's not already playing with the ex and just wants to have his cake and eat it too. In any case it's a recipe for disaster. Start looking for a new boyfriend.

[Chicup 43]

Sounds like he has his own agenda. Playing with ex's is not what swinging is about. Kind of makes me wonder if he's not already playing with the ex and just wants to have his cake and eat it too. In any case it's a recipe for disaster. Start looking for a new boyfriend.

 

Someone wants a harem is my first thought.

[Lionheart72 2,192]

. I really want to try a FMF but do I dare open that door with EX?

 

I don't know, do you? Sounds like you don't.

 

First rule of swinging, be honest with yourself and with your partner.

 

That means if you aren't comfortable with something, anything, from a play partner to a particular sex act to just going to a certain club, you say so. I have literally walked out of swingers clubs for no better reason that I had a "bad feeling" about the night. You don't need to justify it. You just need to say "I'm not comfortable" and you partner should respect that.

 

It sounds like you have already examined why you aren't comfortable with it. Your reasons as valid, because they are meaningful to you. Your partner should respect that too. If he doesn't, then he isn't ready for swinging.

[Greg & Sheryl 369]

First rule of swinging, be honest with yourself and with your partner. That means if you aren't comfortable with something, anything, from a play partner to a particular sex act to just going to a certain club, you say so.

If you aren't comfortable with the idea of having a threesome with your boyfriend's ex, then just don't do it. The pretty much settles things right there. Tell your boyfriend that you're open to having a threesome, but not with an ex-girlfriend.

 

That said, we have actually engaged in a threesome with an ex-girlfriend of Greg's, so this sort of thing can be done. But the difference for us was that all three of us were experienced swingers and we were all quite comfortable with the idea of engaging in such an encounter.

 

Nice to see another Colorado member in this forum. Welcome aboard!

[JustAskJulie 2,597]

If you aren't comfortable with it, then it's not a good idea. Do you know this ex? Do you know much about their friendship since they were together? How long have they been apart? For that matter, how long have the two of you been together?

[junglecouple 128]

If I was presented the same option, I'd be skeptical at the least, angry possibly, and completely turned off completely.. an EX is exactly that.. EX!!! why would he be interested in revisiting that briar patch?

[Lionheart72 2,192]

If I was presented the same option, I'd be skeptical at the least, angry possibly, and completely turned off completely.. an EX is exactly that.. EX!!! why would he be interested in revisiting that briar patch?

 

Oh, I don't know. I get along with most of my ex's and I'd cheerfully share their beds if everyone was willing. Sadly most are horribly monogamous and the one who isn't... well, she's nuts.

[JustAskJulie 2,597]

Oh, I don't know. I get along with most of my ex's and I'd cheerfully share their beds if everyone was willing. Sadly most are horribly monogamous and the one who isn't... well, she's nuts.

 

Ditto. I've always done well with remaining friends with exes... I even ended up marrying one of them That's why I think it's important to look at the specifics of the situation. Is he the type of person that remains friends with most of his exes? or is this a situation where there's just this one hot ex that he wants another chance at?

[sweetiepieCO 15]

Thank you for your welcome I thank you for your honesty as well. That is my gut feeling. I am glad I am reaching out to everyone.

[sweetiepieCO 15]

I am learning how to post on here You all have great comments thank you! It is my gut feeling that wanted cake and to eat it to. What makes it harder is he said he couldn't tell her when and how long ago him and I have been fooling around. First thing that came to mind was he is still playing with her. I am fine with the EX thing just not understanding to the lying about me. ?? that was a read flag for me right there.

[JustAskJulie 2,597]

I am learning how to post on here You all have great comments thank you! It is my gut feeling that wanted cake and to eat it to. What makes it harder is he said he couldn't tell her when and how long ago him and I have been fooling around. First thing that came to mind was he is still playing with her. I am fine with the EX thing just not understanding to the lying about me. ?? that was a read flag for me right there.

That Sounds to me like they were still together when he started playing with you

[Alura 2,778]

I am learning how to post on here You all have great comments thank you! It is my gut feeling that wanted cake and to eat it to. What makes it harder is he said he couldn't tell her when and how long ago him and I have been fooling around. First thing that came to mind was he is still playing with her. I am fine with the EX thing just not understanding to the lying about me. ?? that was a read flag for me right there.

 

Yeah, I red that flag, too, Sweetiepie. It said, "CAUTION: This cowboy ain't to be trusted."

[sweetiepieCO 15]

yeah I was thinking that too.. Thanks everyone I am thankful for everyone's input on this. I feel he might be trying to just play we me because I am so open and willing to try new things. I am younger then him but a little bit and I kinda feel it is just for new stuff he didn't do. we are only on 6 months together and have always tried to go with my gut instinct on this since it is all new. Do get me wrong I am happy to try all these new things but I almost feel like he is just being a player..

[joaninla 163]

The very first MFM we had was with an ex BF. I was no longer 'connected' to him, and wanted someone with whom I could relax and enjoy. My husband was secure enough (and wanted badly enough to have an MFM) he said sure. I've lost count of how many threesomes we've had since (and only had one more with him). In the right situation, I think it is the way to go.

[T&STucson 16]

Strange this should come up. My situation is just the opposite. S. is interested in some bi activity with my Ex. She says she is very attracted to her and thinks the feeling could be mutual. Break up was amicable and we see each other often so there would not be a problem in that regard. When married to the Ex we did have MFM a couple of times but never did a FFM.

[Sensualbicouple 122]

If the idea was out to me to have a FMF or. MFF with my husbands ex, I would give a stern decline. This is unsafe territory for most (but not all) people and I would not want a bar of it. If he then suggested a MMF or MFM with one of my exes, I would say there is a reason an ex is an ex....that's where they are and that's where they stay...:-).

 

I just think you could both find someone else, with no past connection to either one of you, somewhere else OP. That's if you are still looking to stay or play with your man. But err on the side of caution...don't be burned if you can avoid it.