Swinging rules for single females

[JustAskJulie 2,596]

It's funny that this has never come up before. I think for too long single females were so rare that it almost seemed like they could do whatever they wanted and they'd be ok. However, I think as we are seeing more and more of them showing up at parties and clubs, that's not the case. The social we went to last night had about 45 couples and at least 3 single females. One of them was there by herself for the first time and ran into a little trouble by making some wives feel uncomfortable, I ended up having a chat with her that went something like this...

 

 

As a single female you need to approach the wife first and make sure she is comfortable with you. Despite the way it seems not every couple is seeking a single female.

 

Be careful not to drink too much. You don't have anyone watching your back when you are out alone like couples do.

 

Yes, we are at a swinger party but that doesn't mean that you have free reign with everyone there. Everyone has limits, so find out what they are.

 

Talking to her got me thinking about how we've never had a thread here sharing your rules for single women. So, couples who play with single ladies (or want to), what are your rules for them?

[CalendarGirl 148]

I can't wait to hear what you ladies say! I always want to be respectful!

 

One "rule" I have, I've routinely seen violated by single females and no one seems to have a problem with it. That rule is no touching without permission. It doesn't matter which sex is being touched or which sex is doing the touching. You need permission. However it seems to be OK if a single woman touches anyone, anytime, anywhere. I've seen it and been the one touched. Not cool. Yes, guys like to be touched and probably wouldn't balk but still, permission is required.

[slevin 1,374]

Do there need to be rules specific to single females? I would have thought the typical 'rules' would apply to them equally as everyone else.

[tribbles 490]

Mostly I've seen single females get away with doing nearly anything they want cuz the club owners want them to come back.

 

One owner even drove a single bi-fem home cuz she was too drunk to drive.

 

Try that as a single guy and see what happens!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[junglecouple 128]

When we had our club, if there was anyone too intoxicated to drive, they were encouraged to stay the night. We certainly would NOT drive anyone home. the sex of the person made no difference...

[SW_PA_Couple 4,027]

When we had our club, if there was anyone too intoxicated to drive, they were encouraged to stay the night. We certainly would NOT drive anyone home. the sex of the person made no difference...

 

With this I would agree. I don't know what reason jungle couple had in mind. But it occurs to me that if a club employee drove somebody home who was drunk, he might wake up the next morning with an attorney handing him a letter which when he opened it would have the word "rape" used within several sentences.

[angelkin 1,326]

We certainly would NOT drive anyone home.

 

We have been driven to our nearby hotel by our club hosts when we were unable to get a cab...but they don't have overnight accommodations.

 

Back to the topic at hand - I think this is a great subject. While I do think that the rules of the lifestyle do and should apply to everyone, certain groups have guidelines specific to them.

 

One item I wish to place on the list - single ladies, somehow let us couples know you are available maybe by mingling at the club. If you stand around talking to your friends and we don't know them, we'll assume your husband is somewhere.

 

If someone asks "How are you guys doing tonight?" they are fishing to learn if you are there alone or married. I don't know how to tell you to advertise it, but couples need to know you're a single lady seeking fun at the club.

[M&S 266]

Great topic. In practice, there certainly seem to be fewer rules for single females. My limited experience with single women in the LS is that they are more bold, less likely to ask permission when it comes to touching and "light" participation in play, but I have never experienced a single women going further than flirting and light touch.

 

I wonder if the typical behaviour of single women in the LS is an extension of how they behave in the "normal" vanilla world. Women have much more latitude to extend flirting to touching in their day to day relationships. I suspect that when they are in a LS situation, they are just extending this latitude

[VegasLee 1,486]

I have noticed over the years that most "swingers" will over look most of the rules when it comes to single women or cheating wives.

Yep, big double standards when it comes to females that might give couples what they want in life. Always have been and chances are always will be.

 

We have BANNED more single women over the years than we have single men because of problems. The drama level seems to be very high with most of them. Not all, but many. They also don't feel they have to follow the rules because too many have allowed them to get away with most anything because they are single women.

 

As far as drunks go, we pile them in a cab. We don't knowingly let drunks drive away from the party no matter who they are. We have also been know to take their keys away, put them in their car and let them sleep it off.

 

Anyone, single or not will do what they can get away with and as long as those hunting them let them get away with it they will continue to do it.

[JustAskJulie 2,596]

Unfortunately, I think the SF I mentioned in the first post got herself banned from our local club. I know she'd had too much to drink because she was already "comfortable" when I met her at 6:45. By 9 p.m. she was waiting for her friends to pick up her crying that our hostess had kicked her out (which she had not). Turns out that she was going up to husbands (while the wives were away), planting herself in their laps and giving them all sorts of attention, then when the wife would return she would jump up all defensive saying something like "oh! I guess now you are going to get jealous too!". Not sure if some wife during the night had actually gotten jealous and pissed... but most of the reports of this were actually from couples who didn't give a shit that she was paying the husband attention, but were rather annoyed at her reaction when the wife returned.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Unfortunately, I think the SF I mentioned in the first post got herself banned from our local club.

 

I highly approve of natural selection and like it when stupidity gets its own version of the Darwin Award. Just saying.

 

I rarely have women talking to my tits, so that takes care of a big rule, but I don't like being touched without permission by anyone and that has only ever happened to me when it's another woman. Other than that, if you want to play with us, then you need to interact with both of us. I'm not overly fond of FMF threesomes, so I am anything but a sure thing and need to be charmed or seduced in some way.

[Desdemona1980 297]

I assume all club, social and etiquette swinging rules apply to me as they do everyone else. I stay mainly to on-site clubs and for my safety I don't drink when I swing. I either approach the wife or the couple, but rarely approach a married/committed man unless we've talked previously.

 

Also to stave off drama I rarely (if ever) play with a couple if one partner has five rules to follow and the other partner has 15 to follow. I prefer their boundaries and rules be as equal as possible, and really, if there are a ton of them, it gets to be too confusing. Keep it simple and avoid the drama. Also if I get any vibe that one is into it and one is only mildly into it, I find someone else.

[angelkin 1,326]

Des - I totally agree with your assessment of equal rules for couples and few, if any. I can't imagine one of us being under a different set; how unfair would that be to us and the person we were playing with who would have to remember!?

[Desdemona1980 297]

Angelkin - Yes, I think if I need a cheat sheet to remember the do's and do not's I'm going to be too stressed to enjoy myself. It's hard to remember who can tough whom and where in the heat of play...

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I'm curious if this trend has continued to evolve. Anyone else have any experiences they would like to share, either as a single female themselves or regarding single females as a group?

[Sweetheartinaz 22]

This was helpful, thank You! I am newly single and just getting back into the lifestyle. Don't really know how to approach it as a single, but I'm learning

[BiCaliGirl777 48]

Normally I'm so nervous that the couple would need to approach me 99% of the time. But in any situation, consent is a must. Always ask permission. The last thing I want to do is put myself in a bad situation. Read their body language. Don't be pushy.