Swinging not working for both of us - please help.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Hi everyone,

I would like opinions on a topic. We have struggled last 2 years with meeting people. We used to use sls but decided to go to parties as advised by folks on here. A situation has came about and I would like advice. I've always had great success getting men. My husband struggles with women. The other night, we went to a house party. It was small. About 4-5 couples. Their was tons of flirting, etc. My husband made every attempt to flirt, tease, play around but none of the ladies would respond back. But they did respond to the other men. In the end we left. Unfortunately this has happened many times before. He's not bad looking and is always well dressed. This one struck a nerve with him. He left extremely upset and frustrated. Our previous posts here show we have had concerns with meeting people in the past. While I have currently 3 guys I play with, he hasn't had a lady in many years. I feel guilty and don't feel it's fair for him. It seems couples no longer swap together in this lifestyle. I need some advice and this was the only place I could come and ask this. I would love to one day be able to come post a good experience on here. Thanks,

Mrs. Sexyhornycouple

[Guest sandraandalex]

Okay, this is from the male part of this couple. If the other men were getting attention and your husband was not, let's be scientific. What was different about your husband when compared to the other men in the group ? There lies your answer. If he's different in attractiveness, familiarity, age, weight etc from the norm of the group, it may cause him to be a pariah in that environment.

 

Also, could you have had sex with any of the men that night ? I understand you have other lovers, but what about that night ?

 

Alex

[two4youinswva 3,068]

sandraandalex hit on a good idea. What I'd add to it is to have him tell you how he flirted with the ladies. What did he say? What was his body language? Really dig into the exchanges and get to the root of the issue. If his looks are comparable to the other gentlemen present, then there is something in his actions that is most likely causing the issue.

 

I am sure it's frustrating, but by looking to solve the problem, you'll both feel better about taking action. If you are able to pinpoint some issues, then you'll be proud of your success.

 

Best of luck to you both!

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Thanks for the replies. Alex, I didn't even try to get a man the other night. I just laid back as I wanted him to find someone. But the time before, I did get a man. I easily get men usually. My husband is nice looking. Clean and nicely dressed. He is a big guy, but I see others at clubs that are big too. I do think he struggles with the flirting. But I have noticed that the other women seem to just not show even an ounce of interest, including eye contact or a smile. I see women approaching the other men and even flirting with the men but they don't my husband. Familiarity could be a problem, but, in a big city, we don't always see the same people at clubs. He is frustrated and sad. I tell him to not give up. Maybe things will change.

[Chicup 41]

My wife could have three "boyfriends" in about 4 hours at a bar, I don't know how long it would take me to find one, thats how all this works.

 

Its also why I never recommend asymmetric swinging with most couples, because this always happens.

 

As for your issue with the wives, its obviously something about him. Weight, breath, approach, something isn't working. Think of it as a scientific problem.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Seems asymmetric swinging is all everyone wants now. I agree it makes it challenging. Hygiene is not my husbands problem. He's very clean.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I completely agree with the other posters about looking at it scientifically. Do any of your man friends have significant others? Maybe you could have a heart to heart with them and ask for suggestions.

 

I also think maybe he could benefit from reading some books about flirting or interacting with women. Perhaps someone can suggest some that have worked for them?

[Lionheart72 2,189]

My wife and I make it clear we play as a pair or not at all. Now, it's easier for us as I enjoy watching her and participating in threesomes or more-somes with her, but I'm always involved. When we play with couples it's both of us or neither.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Funcoupledayton, I agree he may need to try learning some flirting techniques. He does struggle some getting a conversation started with a stranger lady. Any suggestions for him for getting started? I'm not one to advice him. I'm good at getting men and usually do the pursuing. I have eyes that work wonders. The same tricks I use don't work for him. As for the swinging separately, every party we go to is that way. No one seems to party together any longer. Their are several Facebook groups we are in as we'll and this is the standard they follow now. We have discussed this with them and they most have said its too hard to find a 4 way match and this helps them. The parties we used to go to many years ago was never like this. It was couple to couple. Times have changed.

[Chicup 41]

Find new groups then. We only play as a couple.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Let me ask another question from the guys or ladies you can answer for them. While first looks are always important, I would like to know how do you guys dress? Is their certain clothing items that help more to give the first impressions? We live in Texas and jeans do rule here. Just some things I'm trying to rule out.

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here: Well, I am a scientist and and experienced Swinger. I'm just viewing this as someone with Club and House Party experience. First, a couple needs to have both people engaged. Second, it's generally understood that women tend to drive the Swinging dynamic in a party environment. If you were not making an effort sexually, you sort of as they say,"hung your husband out to dry." What is often defined as sexual compatibility, between couples, does have a smidge of quid pro quo. So, let's view this from a neutral point of view: You're not trying and your husband is. Well, that's not going to work. It makes your husband appear as if he's out to score and your unavailable to the other husbands. You will be assessed and rejected. All it takes is one wife to perceive that is going on and it will spread through the group. I may not be completely right about this, but considering the history, this has to be going on, if only in part. I could not imagine being at a House Party, having sex with a husband or three and none of the wives being available to my spouse. The only way would be because of some pre-Play understanding. I'm starting to think you have found the enemy and they is you. I mean that in the nice way.

 

When you ,"got a man," last time, was he married or single ? If married, was his wife there ? Club or Party ?

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Hi Susan, I do appreciate the reply. The guy I had before was a single guy at a house party. The couples we are witnessing tend to split up at the parties and clubs too, and each go their separate ways. This is where the challenge starts. Because we don't have both together. We've been to several clubs and house parties and this seems to be the way things transpire now. This makes the men go after the ladies, that are their, with aggression. Plus we have ran into the problem of lesbians going to these parties also and their after the ladies as well. That's why we was so big on using SLS cause it was couple on couple.

[angelkin 1,326]

Let me ask another question from the guys or ladies you can answer for them. While first looks are always important, I would like to know how do you guys dress?.

 

Either nice jeans and a button down shirt with nice shoes, or chinos and a nicer shirt with dress shoes.

 

From the sound of things, you two are not working together...you say you have no problem getting a man, but you need to make it clear that you are a package deal and you are looking for a package deal. If the people in your circle do not play as couples, then you should find another circle. I suspect that times are changing in the way that people swing and maybe back when you first started it was couples with couples and fewer of them split up.

 

I took the liberty of glancing at your profile on sls - on the bars up top, you indicate that you are seeking anyone. If you are only looking for couples right now, you might want to switch things up. You might also want to mention that you are seeking a full swap 4 way connection.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Angelkin, thanks for the ideas. I will change them on our ad. We try to keep it updated. Our pic is about 4 mos old. He dresses typical of the picture.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I think this is a great question and I've been keeping on eye on it since you posted because this was a problem we had when we first started to swing. On our 2nd experience, we were invited to a small house party. Mr. Sun and I stayed together but everyone else split up after the general socializing time. Some wives went outside to talk and that left a few husbands out and wanting to play. I was adamant that I didn't play until Mr. Sun was also playing with me. Eventually, the husband of the couple that invited us to the party convinced his wife to come in to swap. I felt bad about it but being newbies, I wasn't sure what to do or if this was normal. Anyway, their circle of swinger friends play separately at parties and at subsequent parties, we played separately with disastrous results. Mr. Sun felt left out because no one wanted to play with him and I felt guilty. We stopped playing within that circle and stuck together at other parties. Now, when we meet new couples, we state that we play together and it has worked out.

 

So, my post is just an example of what everyone else is telling you to do...

 

1. Get new friends/find a new group.

2. Change your profile to state that you are only interested in couples, not singles.

3. Work as a team to attract the other couple.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Thanks sunbuckus and everyone else. We will give these changes a full try and hopefully we can get to that success post here soon.

[Lionheart72 2,189]

As for the swinging separately, every party we go to is that way. No one seems to party together any longer. Their are several Facebook groups we are in as we'll and this is the standard they follow now. We have discussed this with them and they most have said its too hard to find a 4 way match and this helps them.

 

Why should you let other people set your rules?!? OK, it works for them but obviously it doesn't work for the two of you.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

In the situation where all 4 don't agree, then we understand. And he understands he not every ladies preference. He also wouldn't want her to take 1 for the team or for me to either. I think this is why couples have gone to this other form of swinging so each can go for what attracts them. I would have to say in the last couple of years, every party or club we have been to, we have witnessed this happening. Plus we have also seen more and more lesbian women going to parties. They only want the wives, not the men. That takes that many more out of the choice. I do agree we are gonna have to hold ground and be a package. My husband has been extra good to me in letting me play. Some men were way more than I even ask for. We always start out looking for a couple, but, at some point give up. He usually tells me to go have some fun. I just feel guilty that he doesn't ever get to play.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

We always start out looking for a couple, but, at some point give up. He usually tells me to go have some fun. I just feel guilty that he doesn't ever get to play.

 

I also felt guilty during those times when we had played separately. If the both of you are going to parties with the intent that both of you have fun together, then stop playing separately. In the end, even if you just play with each other, you both will at least have fun together and you won't feel guilty. If you both see swinging as a hobby where it is something to do as a couple, stop playing separately and don't let others influence what your rules should be, as Lionheart stated.

[Alura 2,773]

Laura and I rarely went to parties or clubs. (We went to one club, but didn't play.) All (with a couple of very rare instances) our experiences were full swap with couples.

 

I'm surprised that single men (or women) are allowed at house parties. Is the party organizer charging entrance fees? If so, they can get more money from single men than from couples. It is a pity that so many people are more interested in profit than the lifestyle itself.

 

Suggestions:

 

1. Concentrate on meeting couples. Editing your SLS profile will help here.

 

2. Let them know y'all are a package deal. No exceptions.

 

3. Don't make the problem worse by playing with a single man.

 

4. Heed Angelkin well.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Let me ask y'all what dressing style works better for y'all. Jeans and a nice button shirt, or really nice slacks and dress shirt. He's got both. I have made the changes to our ad. I do need to reword still for the package deal.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Let me ask y'all what dressing style works better for y'all. Jeans and a nice button shirt, or really nice slacks and dress shirt. He's got both. I have made the changes to our ad. I do need to reword still for the package deal.

 

I think dressing to impress is always a good rule of thumb...however, location is also a good variable to factor in. If most people wear jeans and a nice shirt, then just go with that. Take a look at what others wear when you go out and match them the next time. Unless it's a themed event (like costumes or such) then dress accordingly. I like to go out in nice dresses because it makes me feel sexy and that's what I'm comfortable in. It doesn't necessarily match what others are wearing but I wear what I want to and it attracts some attention. As long as he looks comfortable, confident, not dressed down, and smells good then he should be good to go.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

He definitely is all those you mentioned. I think he's quite handsome. That's why I'm perplexed by this.

[Alura 2,773]

Let me ask y'all what dressing style works better for y'all. Jeans and a nice button shirt, or really nice slacks and dress shirt. He's got both...

 

Both should work fine to attract the ladies... but y'all need to attract couples.

 

In Fort Worth, I'd suggest jeans, a nice (not too loud) cowboy shirt and boots, if other couples dress this way.

 

Whatever look y'all choose, approach couples who are similarly clad. Together.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

He definitely is all those you mentioned. I think he's quite handsome. That's why I'm perplexed by this.

 

I'll just echo everyone who says to find a new group and only play as a couple. If you eliminate the imbalance that inevitably occurs in play opportunities for women vs. men, your husband has a better chance of starting from a place of confidence. We've never found it difficult to find a four way match, but if it just wasn't working we would happily play together, since we're the other's favorite partner anyway.

[M&S 266]

I think the advice given around supporting one another as a couple, either by playing as a couple or you helping him find someone, is great. But it leaves a big White Elephant: why are other guys able to attract women and he is not? No matter how you adapt your style, it is a big disadvantage in the LS not to be able to flirt.

 

I think flirting is far harder for guys than it is for women. The line between outgoing and creepy is very blurry, as is the line between confident and overbearing. I can totally sympathize with your husband. I used to be a TERRIBLE flirt (I have now graduate to quite bad, but its a process). I think you have to teach him to flirt and how to move from flirt to something more:

- how do guys open a conversation with you

- what body language are you attracted to

- when you see a guy across the room, what do you consider nice eye contact (flirty but not leering)

- how do men transition from light banter to a real conversation

- how do men show they are interested in you in a way that makes you feel desirable and not threatened

- what level of touch, if any, do you like when you are just getting to know someone

 

If you can help him with this, I am sure he can start to connect with women more easily (and if you have good answers to these questions, let me know -- I am still trying to figure it out)

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Hi everyone, I agree he does need some help on the flirting. He says he has trouble getting a conversation started. As for jeans, every party we go to people wear jeans. Most ladies dress in sexy outfits, but, men almost always wear jeans. I agree the dress code is poor. Now their may be some nice swing clubs in Dallas that require pants, but, their cost is above what we can do. All the hotel parties and house parties, we've been to, the clothing worn by most men are jeans.

[Chicup 41]

One thing we are not talking about, though you have mentioned before is weight. Hes 280, which is pretty big. You say other people are big too, but are they in the same ballpark? Using myself as an example, there is a direct correlation between the number women who want to play with me, and my weight going down.

 

The line between outgoing and creepy is very blurry, as is the line between confident and overbearing.

 

Very true. Though I think a lot of it is how attracted to the guy the woman is. We were recently at a party with a couple and a guy tried to put the moves on the wife of the other couple pretty hard. He was henceforth known as the 'creepy guy' but had she been attracted to him I don't think that would have been the case.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Some are in the same ball park weight wise. He knows that's a problem. He has been working on it. But it takes time. And like I've said before, he used to get some women. Just in the last few years has he gotten to where he's lost the ability to attract. His weight was the same then as well. As for the jeans, were not talking about a rodeo. We're talking about swinging and Fort Worth, Texas. Jeans are the way people dress. They are everywhere. All men we have met at parties and clubs all wear them. Some come dressed in slacks. Most don't. We're talking nice shirt, new jeans and shoes. No boots unless their is a meet and greet at country club.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

It may be different in the north, but here in Ohio nice jeans on men are perfectly appropriate.

 

I agree with Chicup he may be limited by his size.

 

I think one of the best things about swinging is the way couples can work together to get what they want. I find that the ladies usually are the ones working to set up the swap. If you stay together as a couple and flirt and chat as a couple you might have better luck. Even if other people are bouncing around separate, when a guy comes up to you, if you like him, say, "Hey, we'd really like to get to know your wife," When he brings her over, help your husband by starting the conversation and leading it somewhere he is comfortable. Help him show interest, "Honey aren't her shoes cute? Doesn't she have the best smile?" Talk to them about their experiences in the lifestyle and let them know early on you are only playing as a couple.

 

Julie has suggested the book, How to Work a Room It does a good job talking about meeting and making connections with people. Have you read it?

[sexyhornycouple 122]

No, we haven't read that book. I will write it down and look into it. Thank you for the recommendation. I can see Austin, Texas being more formal. It's the Capitol. Fort Worth is a more casual town. Definitely some hot guys in jeans here. Lol. Oops. Back to my husband. I agree his weight is a draw back and maybe his #1 concern. He's 6'2 so it's spread out over him. He's not really blown out like some guys can be in the belly area.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

The more you say, the more strongly I'm thinking that this:

 

And like I've said before, he used to get some women. Just in the last few years has he gotten to where he's lost the ability to attract. His weight was the same then as well.

 

and this:

 

I have currently 3 guys I play with, he hasn't had a lady in many years.

 

are connected. That the imbalance in your sex lives, as well as the success you find with others vs. what happens (or, more accurately, doesn't happen) for him has eroded his confidence and harmed his ability to attract women. I wonder if you would be willing to give up all your extra-curricular sex in favor of 4-way swaps or just playing with each other for some period of time? If he works on his body at the same time, because increased energy and health is sexy, and deals with any sadness that he might have about being less desired, swinging might work better for both of you.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Goodness...I take a little nap and look at where this thread has gone! Lol

 

Maui has a good point...if you play as a couple I would stop playing with your 3 guys on the side. Just because they are there and willing to play at a moments notice doesn't mean you should or that it helps the situation. I can definitely see how someone's confidence goes south because they don't feel attractive and their spouse is too busy to see how down in the dumps they feel. I am not saying this is exactly what is happening but it could be.

 

As for the weight, that is something he needs to address if he is bothered by it. If he is not then more power to him. But he needs to be able to find the right motivation and dedication to work on it if he so desires. Doing it to becoming attractive to others usually backfires...trust me, I know.

[Alura 2,773]

I'd recommend your husband read the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, It contains a primer on how to carry on a conversation in a way that people will like you, and that's what is needed in a lifestyle siutation. I also think it's his major problem, surpassing his weight. Call it "flirting" if you will.

 

Basically, he should avoid talking about himself, but ask questions of the people (not just the wife) about their life. People love to talk about themselves and are attracted to people who ask questions, without prying, of course. After being the subject of such a conversation, most people will remark, "He was certainly an interesting person!" when, in fact, they did most of the talking... about themselves ... and learned very little about "him."

 

Y'all might practice role-playing such a situation, with him learning how to ask questions. He should learn to ask questions that cannot be answered with "yes" or "no." The goal is to start a conversation, not to interrogate! Mrs. Alura had great success with "How do y'all feel about ...?"

 

Alura

[sexyhornycouple 122]

I hate to admit this, but, I have three current. Theirs been many others he's let me have over the years. All he knew about or was present for. And this has come to a head now. We have a good marriage and he's not been jealous at all. But, he's wanting some fun as well and I understand his feelings.

[Alura 2,773]

Thank you! Keep us ppsted!

[angelkin 1,326]

Please do keep us posted SHC, it's a process and sometimes it's easier to stay with the status quo than change things up - clearly changing things is necessary here for you both to get what you want out of swinging:)

[Learning 160]

As an observer, I have noticed that your husband has posted on this topic several times. It must be very frustrating to keep on encountering the same situation throughout the last two years. That's hard. I still wonder though if there is too much "trying to swing" instead of encountering more organic situations? People can pick up on things like couples trying too hard, couples not connecting with each other trying to swing, and other little things that may send off a red flag. I wonder if just going as a couple, connecting, having fun with each other with no other agenda except to enjoy each other's company will attract others. People love to pick up on fun loving individuals who are high energy. People like that are magnets for fun.

 

The other is the weight. DH is about 6'1 and 245. He carries it well but he is still 245. I am also chunky...no matter how "curvy" I look, I still am 210...it is what it is.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Learning, does your husband have problems finding ladies? I could see my husbands weight being an issue if he was grossly obese, but I don't consider him that big. Plus, a good majority of women are big here. A bunch of men too. i cant say that they get ladies either. Dallas Fort Worth isn't on the top of the list for hwp. He has lost about 20lbs so far this year but many more are needed. On the connecting part, I agree we should step back and reorganize. Some of the clubs we used to go to closed due to the law and he had several good experiences at them. the atmosphere was different. Their was one in particular that we used to go to every weekend about 5 years ago. One weekend a couple we knew brought a single lady with them. My husband took a liking immediately to her. The wife of the couple whispered to him that she don't play around, she was just here to check it out. Well, I can tell you he ended in full swing with her by the end of the evening. So, from past experience, I've seen him flirt his way into a woman's pants. Their are other clubs, but we haven't fitted into them well.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Just skipped over to your SLS profile because I wanted to see just what we are talking about when we discuss your hubby's weight. 6'2" and 280 is what he's listed at on your profile. Is that before or after the 20lb weight loss? Or for that matter, how long ago was that # correct?

 

Whether 280 or 260 he's a BIG guy. 260 at 6'2" isn't too bad but he's still a pretty big guy. 280 and we are honestly talking about him being in a size where he really has to "wear it well" and by that I mean his personality (his confidence) has to really be up there. I've seen guys who were 350lbs have such great confidence and charisma and a great smile that I wanted to jump their bones within minutes of meeting them. BUT, most large guys (and ladies) don't have that. Most are distracted by their own weight. They aren't happy with it and it shows through.

 

When you combine his lack of confidence and unhappiness with his looks, with seeing you get whomever you want it is likely to make him feel second best and crush that confidence even more. I'd suggest that while the weight may not be the key issue, his confidence is and as his wife it's YOUR JOB to do everything in your power to build that, to stroke his ego to tell him how sexy he is to you, to tell him what a great job he's doing with losing weight, etc. Focus your time and energy on giving to him rather than spending it with others. Once he is built back up to where he can have a few "wins" with other ladies then you can start focusing on other guys again with the knowledge and comfort that he's going to be just fine. Unfortunately, right now he has no one else building his confidence so he is relying solely on you to do it.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

The weight listed is his new weight.he was bigger. We try to update and stay on top of our profile. Our picture is pretty current. I do agree his confidence is low. Our swinging is one sided and been that way quite awhile. I do appreciate everyone's help and honesty. It has really helped me understand what direction we need to go. I have no problem stopping my guy friends. Their just for fun. My husbands well being and feelings are most important.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The weight listed is his new weight.he was bigger. We try to update and stay on top of our profile. Our picture is pretty current. I do agree his confidence is low. Our swinging is one sided and been that way quite awhile. I do appreciate everyone's help and honesty. It has really helped me understand what direction we need to go. I have no problem stopping my guy friends. Their just for fun. My husbands well being and feelings are most important.

 

Ok, the first time I just looked at your external profile, didn't perv your picks. Looking at your pics it definitely looks like he wears his weight well. He doesn't look like a "big guy" in the pictures. So, assuming he looks the same IRL, I'd say it's primarily a self-esteem / confidence.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

He wears it fair. He's definitely not widespread in the waste like alot of men are. He has a big frame too. Big hands. Big feet. His complaint after I have talked some with him is he can't get the eye contact and attention of a lady. He looks at the way i am with guys and says the women dont react the same to him. They don't show interest. even by way of eye contact. As a result, he basically i guess is lost on how to get their attention. I do think that weight will be a factor still. We have looked into the books also. One was available online free.

[ownerspet 506]

Hi everyone, I agree he does need some help on the flirting. He says he has trouble getting a conversation started.

Ok, as for confidence, I think everyone else has covered that topic, and so you already know both of you have to work on his confidence. And I know that will take time.

 

One thing I have seen in a few different places, is the acceptable dress, and you keep saying jeans are just what people wear in your area. There's nothing wrong with blending, if it's working for you. Dressing to gain interest is not always dressing like everyone else. It's about standing out from the rest to enhance the projection of yourself image so that others are more interested. Sometimes when people dress like everyone else, they don't get noticed. It happens to me at work, as well as parties. If I don't dress a step above the people I supervise as a business professional, some people view me as a college kid even though I'm knocking on the door of 40 yrs old with 15 years quality experience and credentials that can stand against anyone (but if I don't step it up, I know I'm just perceived as a college kid). Sometimes when a person is struggling with some aspects of a negative self image, he/she may find himself/herself not obtaining positive interest of others. Then it's time for change so that you project a more appealing self image, you can't stand behind "that's what everyone wears." I find often that some of the people that stand out to us at theme parties, are often the ones that don't go with theme. With alot of those people not following the theme, I can't help but think, yeah they are sexy as hell, but also ask myself, If they were dressed like everyone else, would I notice them? or would they blend in? If it was me struggling with obtaining interest I wouldn't wear a suit, but I might try some dark colored casual dockers or kakis with a flashy bright colored shirt (or something different). I checked out the profile on SLS, and I hope he smiles more than I saw in the profile. If he starts getting noticed this will also help his confidence.

 

As for jeans, every party we go to people wear jeans. Most ladies dress in sexy outfits, but, men almost always wear jeans. I agree the dress code is poor. Now there may be some nice swing clubs in Dallas that require pants, but, their cost is above what we can do. All the hotel parties and house parties, we've been to, the clothing , worn by most men are jeans.

 

If normal in your area doesn't make him draw interest when he approaches women at the parties or people at any setting. Why would you be normal? I don't know about you as a woman, but as a guy, I don't want people thinking "he's ok", "he's a guy", or worse, "I'll put up with him, to get to his wife." Normal works for some people, but when it doesn't work for you or him or both of you as a couple, don't be normal. Get him to be different and get him noticed. Cause right now, normal sounds like it sucks for him. The other things will help as well (i.e. confidence, weight control, basically other things covered by other people). You actually mentioned somewhere that other guys his size didn't get much attention either. So if he's being like or dressing like them this just adds to my point. There is no one answer for anyone, for him it might not be dockers and a different shirt, but don't cling to jeans, just because that's what people wear. I could get away with wearing an SEC College Football Golf Shirt at socials here, but I'm probably just going to be another guy in Alabama. I can't stand out trying to dress like everyone else.

 

So, Step it Up! and Don't stand behind being Normal, when Normal doesn't work for you! Stand out or be weird in a positive way, that works! Cause it sounds like normal sucks right now. It's time for a few changes.

 

That's my 2 cents for what it's worth.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Could y'all give me a couple of links to shirts that would be good? I'm trying to get an idea. People here come every way. Tank tops, t shirts, button downs, pull overs, etc. we always try to dress above. I could really use some pictures to help me out. Thanks. Another problem we both have is sometimes we feel like we're second choice. We had a couple that we've met at some meet and greets write us yesterday and ask if where they lived would be too far to drive. We wrote back and said no. It was a long way but, we like them so it would be worth it. Then, we didn't hear back and so we wrote again and the reply was that they had other plans come up to go to a friends house. As we then learned, the friend was in the group and had a house party which we wasn't included on the invite list for. The group is small and for some reason they didn't want us here. This was greatly disappointing to us. We really are studying your recommendations everyone has given and hope we can one day not be second choice. We would gladly get a different group, but, finding them is difficult. Plus, most of the same people are in the other ones as well. Thanks everyone. I appreciate having somewhere to talk.

[slevin 1,374]

There is a thread in the General board on play night outfits. Some of us guys posted outfits we wear in there. That is probably a good place to start

[tribbles 490]

Have you gone to a club/party and flirted and played with your hubby where others watch? Sometimes that seems to get other couples to come over to flirt and play and leads to more interaction than going separate ways.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Yes a long time ago we used to have a club we could do that at. We used to go into the playroom and start out. It varied on the outcome. Sometimes we got just guys. Sometimes a couple. Sometimes no one came in. That club closed down. We haven't been back to one that had a playroom.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

A couple more things I thought of:

 

Dancing - My husband does pretty well with the girls. One thing they tell him they like a lot about him is that he dances. He dances the line dances when there are hardly any guys out on the floor. He dances with me and our friends. He is not Fred Astaire by any stretch of the imagination, but he's having fun (or pretending to) and it generates a lot of positive attention. Line dances are easy to learn you should be able to find them on youtube. If they are popular here in the north I would think they'd be very popular in your area.

 

Showing each other lots of positive attention. We are a very PDA couple. We are the first people making out almost anywhere. If he's sitting I will go over and straddle him and start dirty talking, kissing etc. When we dance we kiss. Now, you have to break this up with interacting with other people as well. But I know when people see me climb onto someone's lap or start kissing someone, they think, "That guy has got it going on..." I think starting in the playroom is too late. Start at the bar or on the dance floor to get others' attention then interact with others for a bit.

 

Also, someone mentioned smiling. Smiling is super important in my opinion. I tend to shy away from people who are not smiley and not make eye contact with them. If they smile and make eye contact I will nearly always return the gesture. A lot of interacting is mirroring body language. You have to put out what you want to get back.