Prospecting younger single male for MFM: any suggestions for older couple?

[onewayward 72]

It was far easier even five years ago. But now at 48 (me) and 55 (hubby), it’s getting tougher.

 

Being clinical, but this still remains our modus operandi. Either we prospect together, in which case the guy knows right away what he’s getting into. Or I do the prospecting as kind of ‘married but looking’ and thereafter, when things move well and I’ve had a few sessions with the guy I subtly bring him around to getting hubby join us as well.

 

Neither option is working as smoothly any more. To be honest, it’s hubby’s age. In the first instance, I know for sure the ‘MILF factor’ still works with the young ‘uns, but hubby’s age doesn’t aid progress any more beyond a few mail/skype exchanges with us. The second route is still working as the ‘starter’ (again, bcoz of the ‘MILF factor’), but doesn’t progress beyond very often. Recent examples: two guys I had a blast with just turned down my ‘further’ hints, so I opted out; one guy who agreed, met hubby and me together over drinks and then disappeared; one guy who agreed, also met us together and agreed further – but, when it came to the ‘crunch’ (in a hotel), politely took me away to his room.

 

Any serious advice?

[BeStylnIT 114]

It sucks but there are more useless single male swingers than normal ones. It hurts both the couples looking and the men trying to find couples.

[JandKinBoise 858]

I don't know if it's "serious" advise but maybe it's time to advance the age of prospects. We are your age, we hunt together and are very specific in what we are looking for. Guys our age are more patient, passionate and make better long term friends although I understand if that's not your goal. A few years ago, I was brought in to a 3way situation although I was seeing the guy alone for awhile before he introduced me to his wife. I wish I would have had the balls to bail on that but didn't. I felt like I was manipulated. Best to be honest up front.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I think this happens a lot with single guys in general. I'd say 1) make sure you are seeking out single guys that have experience with MFM to start with. Look on swinger sites instead of singles sites. I ran into this a lot back when I played with single guys, that so many were all talk and ready to go till the action actually started. I doubt it has as much to do with your hubby's age as you think, and probably more to do with dealing with immature guys. As JandK suggested, perhaps increasing the age you are looking at a bit might help, or like I said changing where you look for them.

[junglecouple 127]

We are a May/December couple and I do ALL of the prospecting for us, both mfm, and mfmf. I ALWAYS meet the males prior to them ever seeing my wife. I'm the choosy one and if they don't get along with me, there is zero chance they'll ever even see her at all. It's my toy, and I share willingly with "gentlemen", but I pull no punches if I don't get the right vibe when meeting the prospects (usually over lunch or drinks). I find NO reason to be pliable or polite with troglodytes. It's my lady, she trusts me to make the choices (no complaints over the years). Occasionally, she doesn't even see them (gotta love blindfolds). It's about sex and fun.. we're not auditioning a new "mate". If they expect more, they're in the wrong market. We meet couples together, but rarely does my lady meet the single male play partner in person prior to "game night".. We love it, and I am a tough judge as to who gets invited to play.. Works very well for us.

[BeStylnIT 114]

JustAskJulie

I doubt it has as much to do with your hubby's age as you think,

exactly! Its the guys, I really believe that 9/10 dudes looking to meet someone or some people are complete jack asses. You have to dig & dig....I am curious if you two have tried looking off line?

[onewayward 72]

I've sent several replies. Guess the moderator holds them back. We are 'veterans' of online & offline.

[wifes_toy 53]

When at a club or bar, make it known fairly soon it is with both of you. If they squirm at all move on. On line, make sure you use a couples profile and make it obvious you both want to participate.

 

If I were your hubby it would suck to get as close as almost playing in the same room and then have the two of you leave.

[Chicup 41]

but, when it came to the ‘crunch’ (in a hotel), politely took me away to his room.

 

Any serious advice?

 

 

Learn to say "No, not without my husband."

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I've sent several replies. Guess the moderator holds them back. We are 'veterans' of online & offline.

 

Your posts haven't been held back. It appears that you are hitting the "Quote to Blog" button on the left rather than either the Reply or Reply With Quote options on the right.

 

Also, I doubt that your husband's age has anything to do with your current experiences. If he was 20 or 30 years older than you, maybe, but late 40s to mid-50s isn't really an age gap.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I've sent several replies. Guess the moderator holds them back. We are 'veterans' of online & offline.

 

It looks like you accidentally hit "Quote to blog" instead of reply on the replies you intended to post. So they are all over in the blogs section. I would suggest that you repost your replies here.

[Chicup 41]

It looks like you accidentally hit "Quote to blog" instead of reply on the replies you intended to post. So they are all over in the blogs section. I would suggest that you repost your replies here.

 

I didn't even know we had that feature

[onewayward 72]

Your posts haven't been held back. It appears that you are hitting the "Quote to Blog" button on the left rather than either the Reply or Reply With Quote options on the right.

 

Also, I doubt that your husband's age has anything to do with your current experiences. If he was 20 or 30 years older than you, maybe, but late 40s to mid-50s isn't really an age gap.

 

 

Takes a while for tech-challenged dumbo like me. Apologies!!! Was hitting the wrong button!

 

Given the current 'strain' in prospecting, I just keep getting this feeling the guys between 19-28/30/35 are fine with a nearing-50 woman (that MILF fantasy, I guess). But not with her 50 plus hubby.

 

Guess both hubby & I are realizing this. Kind of 'denial' mode. We haven't yet discussed it. Thereby, this post. Don't want to upset him. He knows my preference for the younger lot.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Where and how are you finding your single males? I think that makes a difference in their ability to do a threesome.

[onewayward 72]

Where and how are you finding your single males? I think that makes a difference in their ability to do a threesome.

 

Net. Club. Thru people we've played with before. Plus (EMBARRASING!), thru my younger office colleagues.

[Gordo 618]

Age isn't the factor unless you are aiming for the 19-30 crowd or your husband is bi which is a whole different thing.

 

The biggest factor as mentioned is that the vast majority of single (especially older) guys are single for a good reason (usually). They're idiots about relationships. Their responses over the years have shown me they don't get swinging or threesomes. They just want some place to park their dick preferably with as little effort or commitment as possible. To them there is something wrong with Hubby and feel they can just walk in and take over. Of course if you just go off with them & leave hubby you just confirm it. Or playing alone as married but looking for fun you also confirm it. After all you're saying to them I'm cheating and I'm ok with that. Why should they consider hubby? "Politely took me to his room???" Really?

 

BTW I'm considerably older than your hubby.

[BeStylnIT 114]

The biggest factor as mentioned is that the vast majority of single (especially older) guys are single for a good reason (usually). They're idiots about relationships. Their responses over the years have shown me they don't get swinging or threesomes.

Yup, lots of fakes! It's a factor for both sides involved in swinging. It sucks and makes it impossible for single men like me to meet couples online. That's why club is best place to look. You two should try!

[BeStylnIT 114]

vast majority of single (especially older) guys are single for a good reason (usually). They're idiots about relationships.[\quote]

 

This is resonanating with me....I fall into this category when it comes to normal relationships

[onewayward 72]

Age isn't the factor unless you are aiming for the 19-30 crowd or your husband is bi which is a whole different thing.

 

The biggest factor as mentioned is that the vast majority of single (especially older) guys are single for a good reason (usually). They're idiots about relationships. Their responses over the years have shown me they don't get swinging or threesomes. They just want some place to park their dick preferably with as little effort or commitment as possible. To them there is something wrong with Hubby and feel they can just walk in and take over. Of course if you just go off with them & leave hubby you just confirm it. Or playing alone as married but looking for fun you also confirm it. After all you're saying to them I'm cheating and I'm ok with that. Why should they consider hubby? "Politely took me to his room???" Really?

 

BTW I'm considerably older than your hubby.

 

 

 

Thanks for replying, Gordo. You've REALLY got me thinking about the "cheating" bit. Shall discuss that with hubby too (he's in the wrong place right now - Boston, on work!).

 

Just to explain, that 'cheating' act has almost always (except on 3 occasions - when it wasn't working towards what was intended from my/our end) ended in confession/admission of 'fraud'. All concerned, thereafter, had a good laugh over it. (BTW, hubby isn't bi.)

 

It was REALLY politely, Gordo. Because we are polite/gracious too. And he was xtra polite. I did feel awkward. But hubby rose to the occasion, his nod helped.

 

I confess I have on those 3 occasions, in the past, just gone off with those "idiots." Growing older, I've learned to judge.

 

Yes, guys with partners who we've been with have been, by far, much more 'committed.' The issue here is two-fold. Hubby tends to get overly mushy with the girls after even the first 1-2 meetings. That, invariably, heralds curtain-call. On two occasions, I've had a close call. One, just about a year ago (at my age!). Started flipping. Both the guys had partners who we were friends with. It became near-ugly. Thankfully, I managed to (and so did the guys) wake up to reality, and put an end to it.