when is the right time to say the relationship is over??

[azwildcat 15]

well, it seems that there is a few of us in the board that are

having family problem's now a day's.

but for those who's relationship is far to gone to repair.

when is the right time to say it's over?? if there is one.

is it when the lie's and untrusting is to much to deal with

anymore or when all else is lost? can it be worked out at all,

when you've been pushed to the edge?

[alabamafuntonig 20]

az

i did not know this are you ok , im not sure i know what to say but you said a lot of things that made me feel better. i dont want mine over i want to work it out what about you do you want to work it out

[azwildcat 15]

yeah, bama, i'm ok and sure i'd love to i've been with him for 7yrs, but it just seems it just all keeps happening over and over again with him , he'll be ok for a few week's then it's the same old bullshit over again.

i love him very much yes, but i can't take it anymore. i've cried so, much that i can't anymore. i know that we need to get away from eachother for a while that's for sure, i've tried just going for a drive by myself, but he'll get all bent out of shape and give me the 5th degree on where i'm going and who am i going to go see.

i seriously don't know anymore.

 

i'm also thinking of our kids and how it would affect them as well this morning i was just out of here and didn't give any thought to anything or anyone but i've somewhat calmed down so, i can think clearly now. still not an easy decision to make:(

[alabamafuntonig 20]

gee are you sure your not my wife! wait shes been gone for 4 days now! well us men are hard to understand and change is a slow thing for some of us. we all love our wifes deep down(i know i do) sometimes we need direction of sorts. a firm line drawn in the sand and be told not to cross it. we men have a hard time reading minds but we do a good job at sreawing them up. my point i guess is that maybe you could write a note of rules for your hubby .like you said for me to write a note to my wife! it works both ways i think! maybe if my wife were to write those things down everweek that botherd her maybe just a paragragh or 2 we could have resolved those issues at hand then insted of going threw this now.

 

my advice take out your typing program and stress 2 things for hubby to work on this week. and when he does work on them make sure you let him know you care he did . then next week at the same time write him another 2 etc etc etc. untill all your troubles get solved!

[azwildcat 15]

oh, bama, i wish it was that easy for me . you see what i suggested to you i have already tried plus all this isn't something that just happened over the last few month's, but over the last few yrs. hell, i'm still here yeah, but it just seems that thing's haven't changed but just got worse. oh, believe me i tell him how i feel, but all the talking in the world does no good if no one is listening

he seems to justify whatever he does with something else that happen's to be going on at the same time. it doesn't make sence to me. heck, at one point he said that he did what he did cuz i needed to change. hell, he's the envy of all his friend's cuz i'm bi and i've heard them say how lucky he is, but it still isn't enough i guess. i hope that when he comes home from work that maybe it'll be different, i hope:(

[alabamafuntonig 20]

true but dont give up maybe just let it be for a bit then try it out of the blue. I know im atalker and i get excited when i talk i know i say things to inflame a small situation and make it worse. thats why i tried the letters. maybe if tthe requests were written they may just get threw. what do you have to lose at this point!

[azwildcat 15]

true, at this point not much other then my mind or my voice if we yell or my hand if i punch him and he bite's me or well, i could go on and on. so, i'll stop with that.

ok, my shoe if he tighten's up, when i kick his ass, ok that was the last one:lol:

[alabamafuntonig 20]

az

 

you see im on the recieving end of the same thing you know that. we have veiws from both ends . dont lose your cool. it will work out trust me. ( tie a big string on your shoe so you can pull it out)

[azwildcat 15]

bama, thank's i needed to laugh and your right i should just try to keep my cool, but that's if i can

yeah, seems we are, aren't we. hell, we should write a book together giving both side's of it.

i just keep telling myself that this is just a bad dream and i'll wake soon.

i guess that it's all up to how much he is willing to make it work now, cuz i never give up without a fight.

(well, when i calm down,anyhow)

[wrnakedru 38]

All of us who have chosen to pursue lifestyle activities have recognized that love/marriage vs. sex are separate issues, and can be broken apart and viewed as such.

 

The thing that only those who have gone down the road, and gone through a divorce recognize is that love and marriage are also two separate issues and can be broken apart and viewed as such.

 

First recognize that both are "decisions", not vehicles that carry us through our lives without us being in control.

 

And realize that we can "love", and choose always to continue loving someone - but we can recognize that the "marriage" part of that love is no longer an option.

 

We can love someone without it requiring a 100% commitment to that love on a 24 hr basis. Our love for our parents is a good example of this; once we are no longer under the same roof we do continue to feel the love for them, but it is not where our energies are focused.

 

A marriage deserves and must have a 100% commitment from both parties to be viable, and to be successful. If and when one is not, and can no longer remain commited to it, it is time to recognize that marriage has failed, and is over. That can happen for multiple reasons; a breach of trust resulting in a loss of faith is the most non-recoverable cause.

 

Certainly both parties contribute to the ultimate failure of a marriage. Many times both become so mentally and emotionally programmed in response to each other, that neither can even envision or allow for changes to occur. It is only necessary to discern the root problems, and attempt to solve them, if both parties are 100% commited to the continuance of the marriage.

 

Otherwise, bickering over the details only clutters the road that leads to the future. Hopefully and rightfully, that future should mean a happier existence for each - but separately. It is non-productive to allow the bickering to continue until each become completely indifferent to the other.

 

The hardest part is to go ahead and go through with the divorce, even while rationally recognizing it is the best, and only logical solution. Allow yourself the new knowledge, (hard to wrap your brain around), that the love can be allowed (you have shared so much of yourselves, it should not be denied) but the marriage is done.

 

To allow it to be dragged out, and drag it on, going through the same non-reconcilable problems over and over, for years on end is akin to beating a dead horse.

 

Marriage is like school, because you learn daily from it. And like school, marriage cannot be sustained simply by your physical attendance. If your brain, your emotions, and your commitment are not behind it 100% - your physical attendance means nothing.

 

Just some random thoughts from someone who has "been there, done that". With the additional admonition: no one else can or has to live your life, only you. So you must make the decisions for yourself based on your standards, and in a manner you can live with for the rest of your life.

 

Friends, relatives and acquaintances can lend an ear, offer a shoulder, and give advice that can help or harm. But make your choice, your decision, for yourself.

[alabamafuntonig 20]

we could write a book as long as you spell check it for me! anger issues are not always easy to control like some people say they are! but for our sake we need to try even harder. we need to be in control and not do ny thing we will regret

[M&B 21]

Az, Bama, you both have kids. They are the most important consideration. Not your feelings- not your spouse's.

 

Keep this in mind at all times!!!!!!! They did not cause the problems within your marriages. But, they very well could come to the conclusion, on their very own, that they are at fault. Don't ask how. It simply happens.

 

Please remember them while you are making very serious decisions. Kids have enough problems these days. Problems at home, where they are supposed to feel safe, secure, surrounded by a stable environment, can snowball on them.

 

It shouldn't hurt to be a kid.

[OhioCouple 41]

I agree with "EVERYTHING" that Wrakedru and M&B had to advise.

 

The one thing I can say about 'all' failed relationships in my past, I just 'knew' it in my heart. There comes a certain point where you just can't get up and feel good about yourself or your surroundings anymore and you walk. Everyone's walking point is different.

 

While I do hope you all can work out your problems, as M&B stated, you have children and they should come first and not be put in the middle of ANYTHING. As much as I despised my first husband, I never once did, or talked anything bad about their father. It was hell at times and took a lot of self control, but it worked out well. They grew up, got over the wanting to gain his respect and saw him for what he really is. None of my children have regular contact with him and that is by their choice, I had nothing to do with it.

 

Ya'll sound as though you care for your kids, so make sure you take them into consideration when you are tiffing or if you do split up for good.

It shouldn't hurt to be a kid.

That couldn't have been said better.

[alabamafuntonig 20]

i also aggree very much with the statements posted. my children know me and when my duaghter asked me last night if i was coming home( ill remind the board i was at home they left) and mom said no we looked at eachother and she was sad..i cried for hours after that. i hope i never go threw this and i hope the children will never remember these last few days

[wrnakedru 38]

The kids are the number one heartbreaking element in a divorce.

And yes, somehow or another, they for a time may think they are the cause of it. Most usually if they are still very young and in no way understand all the interwoven intricacies of a marriage relationship.

And no, they in no way are equipped to deal with the pain of Mommy and Daddy not being together. (Mommy and Daddy have a hard enough time dealing with that, and they're the grownups.)

 

Children learn what male-female relationships and marriages are by the example in front of them.

 

If one of the most important factors we attempt to instill in our children is a positive self-esteem then one would have to acknowledge Mrs. O was able to teach that to her children. Had she stayed in the marriage she describes, would that lesson have ever had credence?

 

If the marriage environment is insupportable and negative, the better and more positive atmosphere for all - especially the children, is elsewhere.

 

Our words to our children are meaningless if our lives do nothing to exemplify them.

 

And of course if the marriage can be repaired, and strengthened, and good - that is the best solution of all. And from it they can learn not to tuck tail and run just because things get tough.

 

One must take care not to combine the worst of all possible worlds and try to exist in it.

 

Again ...

Our words to our children are meaningless if our lives do nothing to exemplify them.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Originally posted by OhioCouple

I agree with "EVERYTHING" that Wrakedru and M&B had to advise.

 

The one thing I can say about 'all' failed relationships in my past, I just 'knew' it in my heart. There comes a certain point where you just can't get up and feel good about yourself or your surroundings anymore and you walk. Everyone's walking point is different.

 

 

Yea Mrs O. Thats the point. Kids are important enough to exhaust all recourses over though.

 

My failed relationship after 4 years alleviated me of daily aggravation and constant defending of my positions. It stopped the increasing intolerance we were developing for each other. It was a long drawn out ending. I left three times within the last year. I would just rent a place for a week and see if we could work it out over the phone. The seperations seemed to be helping, but suddenly everything changed. We both had bad habits. We didn't have a big trust issue problem I guess, maybe we did though. I don't think she thinks I cheated on her, but I kinda think she did on me....so maybe she feels the same way.

 

The issue that sent me packing for good had to do with lack of common respect. SOmetimes when you have a relationship you can slip into feeling like somehow you "own" the other one. My financial decisions were never final. SHe bought animals into the house against my wishes. She spend money like mad. I on the other hand was perfect. I gambled too much and I was unersponsive to some of her basic needs. It was a period of extreme stress with my back bearing the load of way too many people. I was nuts to get into that relationship in the first place, but thought I could handle it.

 

The result is that I am alone now. It took her a few weeks to replace me, but I somehow believe she may have moved to fast. I have had the tendency to get rather aggresive at times looking to replace that love, but it just don't happen.

 

Here I am talking about me. The only advice I can give is to find a neutral person that you can trust and both of you will listen to and try to talk out your problems. Usually there are indeed two sides and both think they are more right or less wrong than the other. This causes major eruptions. You may be discussing the fact that he came home late last night, but really be pissed because he bought that boat three months ago when you wanted a college fund for the kids.

 

Most relationship problems involve trust, addictions or abuse. I feel most unqualified to give advice due to my failed relationship, but on the other hand I did recognize that it was indeed failed. Even though I have not necessarily gained happiness or security and have lost companionship and a life partner, I know I am not backpedalling anymore.

 

Like Mrs O said, there comes a time when you get "that feeling". You really need to listen to it and decide that if you have it it is going to take drastic measures to change your life.

 

If you don't change things they certainly won't change themselves.

 

Just keep posting though because talking bout it is good therapy. I never talked about it to anyone until the writing was on the wall. Now I cant seem to shut up lol.

 

John

[OhioCouple 41]

Originally posted by wrnakedru

Our words to our children are meaningless if our lives do nothing to exemplify them.

Perfect...with the exception of I wish I had said it.

 

Children need to be kids for as long as possible. IMO, they grow up too quick these days anyhow. I see so many realtionships in which the kids are in the middle. It is heartbreaking. I never wanted my kids to have that and I refused to battle in front of them or anywhere in their hearing presence. (After I got smart enough to leave the ex.)

 

My kids to this day are still my babies and the youngest is 20. They know where home is and they know where to seek comfort if they need it. They know I'll be objective if they are tiffing with their spouses and they know that I won't talk one against the other. It's just not a game I'll play. Sadly too many people do that.

 

I really feel for you both, AZ and Bama. I truly hope you can work it out, but look into your hearts and see if it is workable or not. Don't put the babies in the middle, cause I know ya both love 'em and you'll wanna keep on loving them and having their respect, twenty years from now.

 

Momma O, ~ The award winning champion of failed relationships, until my Mr. O came along....

 

PS: Hugs to both of you.

[wrnakedru 38]

Originally posted by Floridaman

If you don't change things they certainly won't change themselves.

John

 

You are dead on about that!

 

Sometimes we fail to realize that "No Decision" IS a decision -

with results!

[alabamafuntonig 20]

how can one teach when they are in so much pain i wonder! I ask myself this now. why must good things come to such a bitter end. when do you relize that given up hurts to much and hanging in hurts as bad. when does the pain go away and the body start to function. how can i look my kids in the eye and say to them mommy and daddy dont love eachother anymore and not cry? Why must people do this to eachother. can a parent ever know when there is to much pain to deal with. I sit alone again and ask this . my kids are gone and will they ever recover from this i wonder. did life throw me a curve ball i cant be strong enough to handle. can i take the pain for my childrens sake. would i be better off letting go and let my children never learn of me again.

 

the pain is almost to deep to handle. to deep to forget for more than 10 minutes. i cant cope with the loss alone but yet i dont want to be here or anywear at the moment.

 

I think back to last night when i had tears in my eyes and my duaghter said to me " dont cry daddy" ill never know her pain she has. ill never get to comfort her like that again and i wonder is it worth even trying.

 

maybe time away is best but i only have so many years with my children young. can i handle not seeing them grow up. did i work and go threw all this to be left alone.

 

i used to have large shoulders and carry everyone elses pain on them,but never did i have to bear such a heavy load like this . i feel like my streanth has gave out and its better to crash rewal hard then to dull the pain any more.

[OhioCouple 41]

Bama, you aren't thinking clearly right now. And the only consulation I can give you, is that it is not uncommon to feel the way you are feeling.

 

Try this.

 

Turn on your most favorite upbeat music, lay on the couch and just listen...crank it up. Feel the music. If or when the mood strikes ya, get up and dance. Who cares if you look silly, just do it. Expel some of that energy that your body is holding inside. Take a hot shower or bath if you prefer and keep that music cranked up.

 

I guarantee you'll feel a little better.

[alabamafuntonig 20]

i wish i could. as i am at home now i am sitting in my work shop on the net with you all. i enter my house now only to shower,shit,shave and pass out in the bed that brought us so much joy in our marrige! at best i sleep very little due to the fact i concieved my young on that very same mattress. only to wake up the next day and find it empty and the house quite ewxcept for the ticking of the clock reminding me of a day that will not stop.

 

my workshop is my haven for my thoughts and dreams but i seemed to hav e lost those now.

 

the music does not help either i have tried . it only reminds me of the countless hours we listned to the same songs. im in dispair over this i want to talk too her pick up the phone and cry for her but i cant , so i sit and type

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I think it's when you've done all you can to fix things and there just isn't anything left to fix.

 

I've been putting off posting this but this seems like a good time/place to go ahead and do so. A few of you already know that my hubby and I have split up. It wasn't the original intent when I moved across the country but the way things went after the move pretty much pushed an already shaky relationship over the edge.

 

Our biggest problem was a lack of communication and a lack of common interests... seemed like a merry go round. We had nothing in common to talk about. Before I moved we had attempted marriage counseling which helped some but not enough. Then moving 800 miles apart what little communication we had dwindled to nothing. So we decided that we are both best off to stay where we are. Me in AL and him in MI. We reached a point where if we had tried to push any harder to make it work we would have both just ended up resenting each other rather than being able to part on friendly terms and both be happy on our own.

 

I think you have to look at what's best for both partners in the long-term. Will ending things now allow for less heartbreak down the road? Or is there still a chance to fix things.

 

I think too often one partner is in relationship bliss while another is completely unhappy. In bliss partners state of happiness they don't even realize that the other partner is unhappy until it's too late.

 

Julie

[jen 16]

Originally posted by wrnakedru

Again ...

Our words to our children are meaningless if our lives do nothing to exemplify them. [/b]

 

Thank you wrnakedru,

 

This is so true in my heart. A house parented by two strangers who go through the daily motions of life, together - but separate, for the sake of the children -- can't teach a child how to love as an adult.

 

Julie said about having nothing left to fix;

 

Well if it has come to that for either of you or for anyone, it hurts, it is hard, and better things are ahead - I am sure.

 

M&B is also right;

 

It shouldn't hurt to be a kid.

 

 

There are so many right and true bits of advice within this thread, within this board. It comes down to your heart and the heart of your spouse.

 

My heart hopes for the best for each of you.

 

[alabamafuntonig 20]

when the wife and i talked she said i could spend saturday with the kids when i get home from work. i have been home for 4 hours and still no kids. why did we talk just to lie to me again and get my hopes up so they could be bashed to the floor like i never even matterd to her in the first place. these are my kids too. i want to see them. if i cant see them i guess i dont have a purpose any more. she sits over there and enjoys the company of the kids and friends while i suffer i cant suffer any more. i wont

[OhioCouple 41]

Julie, I am really sorry to hear about your situation. And you are right when you said:

I think you have to look at what's best for both partners in the long-term. Will ending things now allow for less heartbreak down the road?

Hugs.

 

Bama, you have a private mail on the way.

 

Lori

[NotsoNew 17]

I read all of the posts and would like to give you my thoughts, both personally and from my best friend.

 

Leaving my first husband was the hardest thing I ever did. I loved him and he will always have a place in my life, but I could just not live with him anymore. Ohio is right - I jsut knew when it was time and when whatever day/week/month deadline I set for whatever I thought would help just would not matter anymore. Marriage is 50/50 and in my mind, so are the reasons for divorce. Blame is not just one sided in most cases. However, I did not have children to worry about. But I know I made the right decision because I am much happier now than I have ever been.

 

My best friend and I were talking tonight. Her sister finally got a divorce. My friend told me that her sister and her child are just so much better now - this child was very aggressive and angry the last time I saw him. Children can sense when something is wrong and they act on it. Now that his mom is happy and his life is much more stable without such hostility in his house, he has grown to be a happier child - hostility issues are now gone, but both parents play an active part in his life.

 

I don't have any children and I know that I don't have all the answers. But perhaps instead of staying together for the children, the children would be better off in a happier environment with both parents still in their lives.

 

It just confuses me that people can live together and share so much for so many years just to become so unreasonable and bitter in a breakup and use the children as a weapon. It just is not right.

 

Although I am divorced, my ex and I do see each other occasionally with our new spouses - I spent almost 8 years married to this man and he was a big part of my life. Just because I can't live with him does not mean that his new wife can't...

 

It is very hard to make a decision like this. As has been said, talk it out with a third party you trust and good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[LadyCleo 16]

Disagree.

While I do agree with many of the points so eloquently made, I do have to say that MY answer to the question, "When is the right time to say it's over?" is: NEVER.

I think that you do teach people how to treat you. I do think that when you come to what seems to be an unmanagable situation, it's a situation that YOU have created. You can NEVER change a person. Don't try...it doesn't ever work.

But, how can you stop trying? The person you are married to, the person that you made vows to be with for better or worse, needs to know that you are in it for the long haul. Be honest, fight like hell to save your marriage, open yourself up to be completely hurt, because you will never know if you can get past this rough patch if you don't. You cannot have a marriage in a boxing ring with you and your spouse in opposing corners.

 

With that being said, after you have pulled every last one of your hairs out and your spouse does not respond favorably to your own changes...maybe it is time.

 

My heart breaks for all of you!

LC

[alabamafuntonig 20]

when is it time ?

 

i got some new light from a friend and i must agree.

 

its time when you tried and nothing is aknowleadged

 

its time when kids are used as weapons

 

its time when you think of killing yourself

 

its time when one is not thinking claerly

 

its time when you want to work it out but the other wont

 

its time when all you do is be sad and worry and feel bad

 

watch out board im here to stay but its going to be mr bama only...im happy for the first time in 4 days and i cant wait to raize some shit on this board!

[jen 16]

Hi Bama bam bam,

 

Ready set goooooo....

[OhioCouple 41]

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig

watch out board im here to stay but its going to be mr bama only...im happy for the first time in 4 days and i cant wait to raize some shit on this board!

Oh, geesh.... I can feel the wrath coming in the political threads....

 

Ducking for cover....But I'm ready for ya, ya can't whip me, I'm old enough to be your momma, I'll turn ya over my knee....

[alabamafuntonig 20]

oh mrs O save that for another thread " mommas who take bamas over ther knee"

 

hum sounds like a monday morning poll to me?

 

ya ive been a little off this week on the political threads but guess what,,my appitite is back any one have a snack ? jen are ya game(lol)30 lbs of my cheast and i still need a boob job! go figure!

 

back too the kids! they will be ok daddy bama got a ot of freind now and ideas are a flowing...i see my dreams tonight are going to be wonderfull! ill sleep for once in 4 days and i cant wait!

 

i just relized something! i can finaly sleep side ways on my bed and still have all the covers!

 

i can watch tv at 3 am if i want

 

i can take a shit and not light a match

 

yup those are my hairs in the shower

 

yes i can drink the milk from the jug

 

i finaly get my favorite sweater to myself

 

no more channel surfing its espn all day aevery day

 

i can eat chilly and have a good nights sleep

 

no more tampons

 

of course i match i said so

 

yes my boxers have holes in them i like them that way

 

yup i just ate cereal for supper

 

make the bed!why? its only me

 

oh what a future and yes im smilling right now

[OhioCouple 41]

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig

oh mrs O save that for another thread " mommas who take bamas over ther knee"

Oops, maybe I should have posted that in the fetish forum?

[alabamafuntonig 20]

Oops, maybe I should have posted that in the fetish forum?

 

maybe but is bama spanking a real fetish! its just down right fun!

[OhioCouple 41]

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig

maybe but is bama spanking a real fetish! its just down right fun!

Damn. Now that I know you like this, I'll have to change my method of 'behavior modification'.

 

[alabamafuntonig 20]

facelick facelick facelick

[M&B 21]

Get a room!!!!

[alabamafuntonig 20]

hey M+B i have 2 empty rooms any suggestions..maybe ceiling swing a leather wipping post maybe a gyno chair!!!!!!

[M&B 21]

Barbados, remember?

[yawanna 17]

Hello everyone I've been reading the posts here for a few weeks now, and most especially this particular thread. I'm glad to read that Bama is feeling more positive about things...I was worried for a bit there

 

I've had 2 major break ups in my life, and I'm 45 From my experience..it's still difficult but easier to process when you are the dumpER as opposed to being the dumpEE. The dumpEE has MUCH more confusion, self doubt, fear, sadness than when you are the one making the decisions and having some control over a very emotional situation and time.

 

Bama, if I may offer an opinion? I've ended one marriage and was dumped by another. It was many years for me of dating, work, raising a child alone, and both my men were nasty ex-es. I spent many many lonely unhappy unfulfilled years and I came to wonder if I would always be alone.

 

Today, I am ecstatically happily remarried to the most wonderful man. I believe now that everything I went through in my life was to prepare me to be with him now. Sounds sappy, and generally I'm not that way, and hindsight is 20/20 naturally.

 

Please..if you can't work this out with her to stay married, you can find a way to keep your children in your life and personally move on.

 

What doesn't kill us - makes us stronger. I've seen it in my friends, and I know firsthand it's true.

 

 

Take VERY good care of yourself during this time. As you say, watch ESPN ALL the time, do all the things you can while she is away ( I finally smoked INSIDE the house after I got dumped)

[alabamafuntonig 20]

thanks yawanna. your statement is true what dont kill mr bama only gives him more super humen powers............like the power to control the weather or the power to levetate and the power of water! right now i turned myself into a puddle of water and im wating for my boss to step in it so i can electricute him with my super humen electric bolts.......( mr bama is so far gone he belives he can fly....wait i can)

[wrnakedru 38]

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig

thanks yawanna. your statement is true what dont kill mr bama only gives him more super humen powers............like the power to control the weather or the power to levetate and the power of water! right now i turned myself into a puddle of water and im wating for my boss to step in it so i can electricute him with my super humen electric bolts.......( mr bama is so far gone he belives he can fly....wait i can)

 

I am not totally sure if I am more awed, or more scared by the prospect of all this power.

 

But while you are flying around, if you happen to pick up on the winning numbers for Wednesday night's Texas Lotto - Please do me a favor and pass those numbers this way!

 

We could use some of the power that kind of break would give us:rofl:

[alabamafuntonig 20]

13-25-45-47-53-60

 

and the other ball is 6

 

good luck i want my cut

[Alura 2,775]

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig

 

back too the kids! they will be ok daddy bama got a ot of freind now and ideas are a flowing...i see my dreams tonight are going to be wonderfull! ill sleep for once in 4 days and i cant wait!

 

What the hell you talkin' about, Bama? I'm not sure I have a real understanding of your situation. I know you are at home and your wife and kids have gone elsewhere.

 

Are your kids with your wife and her new lover? Would they be better off with you? (financial means, stability, environment, nutrician, etc.) Do you think you could be a better parent?

 

You can win custody. There is a support group in Tulsa called, "Dads." They help deserving fathers to gain custody, and are often successful. There may be one in your area.

 

Do you remember that country song, may have been by Hank Williams, Jr., something like "I like my women a little bit on the trashy side." My brother could have written than song. He's going through his second custody battle with a girlfriend. He went through the same thing about ten years ago with his first wife, and won. In both cases, the battle has taken all his resources, but the reward of raising his children is worth it. My brother is a very involved dad and can easily prove it. That helps.

 

...oh what a future and yes im smilling right now

 

I'm glad you're feeling better, Alabama. I thought for awhile you were being drawn into a black hole and weren't going to do a damned thing to escape. Now, get your wierd ass back there and fix those friggin' phasers. We'll need 'em to make warp speed!

 

Mr. Alura

[alabamafuntonig 20]

mr alura the wife is still gone with the kids and there at a friends house (swingeers) but i have to cheer up and wake up! of course the kids are better off with the 2 of us but she chooses to see it her way .. im not going to put myself down while she plays her childish game. i did try to but it only made me sad and depreased. i cant be that way any more . se le vi..if she comes back fine if she dont well ill survive.and i might as well have a good time . i only live once and ill leave the door open and the lights on for her but im not going to beg for my wife back. i put the ball in her court if she wants to play than she plays by the rules if she dont then i wont play with her .

[saranmark 15]

"i only live once and ill leave the door open and the lights on for her but im not going to beg for my wife back. i put the ball in her court if she wants to play than she plays by the rules if she dont then i wont play with her ."

 

Well said, Bama. Hang in there!

 

SARA

[azwildcat 15]

sorry everybody i've been gone for a couple of day's.

to up date ya'll on how thing's are here with my hubby and myself we are talking now which is better then yelling and we both are going to take a week off from eachother in hope's that maybe the time off will clear up thing's for us.

as everyone has posted about thinking of the kids, we are. but we also can't stay together for them as later that might cause problem's as well and we don't want any resentment of any kind besides it's never a good idea to stay together because you have kids yes, consider them, but don't make a decision that will hurt them in the long run.

i know this cuz my parent's did this, they stayed together for us kids and to tell you the truth we all wish they hadn't we had to go through all the fight's and all the bullshit of them doing this for us yeah, we had both parent's but we had everything as well.

 

anyhow we are talking everything out and hope that this break will help to clear are head's and help to give us the strentgh to get through this no matter what the out come is.

 

to all who have given their advice i thank you all:kissface:

[saranmark 15]

It's a noble thought to stay together for your children's sake, but not realistic, nor even responsible. I too, had parents who attempted to do so, and I attempted to do so in my first marriage. It very seldom works out, and even when the couple does manage to hold it together for the kids, it is a bad situation-- not fun for anyone!

 

Even though my first husband and I tried to only fight "behind closed doors", our son knew that we were fighting. What it finally boiled down to for me, was that I didn't want him to grow up and think that such a troubled, unhappy marriage was normal. I didn't want him to accept such a thing willingly for himself someday simply because he grew up with it.

 

There are many different ways to go about doing what is best for your children!

 

SARA

[azwildcat 15]

i know that is true, thats why we are not trying to work things out because of the kids, but because of us.

i've been married three times and i know that staying together for the kids, is never a good idea, plus i aslo know when to say good bye and move on.{sometimes}

it's just always hard to do no matter if it's your first time doing it or your tenth, never easy either way.

[alabamafuntonig 20]

i too want to work things out for us, the kids yes but its true were will the kids be happiest! sometimes our minds are clouded and sometimes only pain is what we see . its good to step back and look from someone elses eyes ,preferable your childrens and wonder what if!

[azwildcat 15]

yes, but you also have to think that children are very aware of everything that goes on especially those of a teenage age.

my oldest daughter knows when her dad and i are fighting, even if we don't yell in front of them, sometimes it's the silence from both of us that clues her of it.

we are thinking of our kids, we already discussed all of it this past weekend.

we are also thinking about what will be best for all of us, not just me or him or even the kids, but all of us as a family.

 

we don't want to make any choices that will hurt anyone in the long run, whether it's being together or not.