Any other couples only seeking singles for play?

[angelkin 1,326]

We've recently decided to take a break from actively seeking couples for play. While we have made a lot of good friends, we really just enjoy meeting in threesomes because it's getting to be way too much work to find a couple we are equally into. My husband is kinda picky IMHO and only likes a certain body type and fairly forward women. I am less choosey, but the man has to be intelligent and attractive to me - and attractiveness is much more than just physical appeal. Sometimes I am willing to do a 'test fuck' (to steal someone's phrase, was it Alura's?) if my husband has found a wife he likes, and my husband would just prefer I don't do that...and sometimes the idea of me with the husband is not at all appealing to him.

 

We have the most fun at house parties where people are able to play separately or join us for a threesome. We have agreed that for us, anything goes at a house party so long as we check in beforehand. That range includes separate play or joining other couples for threesomes or group play. We are at times with close couples friends also ok with one of us joining them for a more private meeting.

 

Does anyone find this to be odd? Do others play this way or are we just weird?

 

Should we close off our profiles to couples altogether even though we are still open to the possibility of finding a couple for a four-way connection? We have recently altered it to be more clear...angelkin on sls and szc if you want to let us know if we succeeded in the wording.

 

Does this put us in the category of "non-swingers"? I know we hate labels around here, but the truth is there are people in the lifestyle that feel that it should be quid-pro-quo, i.e. I am fucking your wife, you should fuck mine.

 

I feel sort of at odds and could use some input and discussion around this. Feel free to ask for clarification

[AR1547 131]

I would say don't cut off the possibility. I was feeling the same way for a long time, then THEY appeared one night out of nowhere, and everything fell into place. Now we're in a semi-poly hybrid type relationship with that one couple. It's a little complicated, but it works.

[exploringRM 305]

Why not just keep options for both couples and singles open? Just change what you are actively seeking for awhile. We are pretty selective as well and don't meet too many couples but we do have a good number of lifestyle friends that we play with, sometimes as a couple and at house parties more one on one. I have worried in the past about playing one on one at a party, especially where there is not a 4-way match, but so far it has not been an issue.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

We don't play with singles so I don't have anything to help you out. But I wanted to say that it's great that you two are willing and able to find a solution to not finding that 4-way attraction. I've been wondering if I'm selective but willing to give men "test fucks" because I haven't really been feeling that attraction lately whenever we go out.

 

As for the label swinger, I think you guys are still swingers. You're a couple and both want to explore the different sexual experiences that the LS can afford. I think it also makes a difference that you two like to play together in threesomes versus just playing one-on-one with others without each other. I think for couples that don't play together and just have the do-whoever-whatever-you-want approach is less swinging and more of a free-for-all open relationship.

[CalendarGirl 148]

I don't find this odd at all. I know many couples that play separately for the very same reason, it's almost impossible to find the 4-way connection. They all would be open to couples but just haven't found that one yet. Also, I enjoy two men that are married but play separately with the full permission of the wife for different reason, one wife is ill and unable to participate, the other lives here during the week and wants play time just like his wife has with others while he is gone. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to find the 4-way connection and have often said I was glad I'm single for this reason. I think you're still swingers but as a single, many don't think I'm a swinger either so oh well. If I'm not a swinger I guess they can't play with me, their loss! That's what I think about labels!

 

To me the variety is best thing about the Lifestyle. You can choose whatever it is you want from the Lifestyle and what you call yourselves is irrelevant! Hopefully I can qualify as one of the good friends you'd be interested in having a threesome with, I know just the guy! LOL!

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I think you are still swingers. Do not worry about that in the least!

 

You are doing what is best for you and that's the best way to go.

 

I would keep your profile open to couples and singles. You never know when a four way match might come along. There are couples who play the same way you do; we do when it fits the situation and I know there are others out there.

[angelkin 1,326]

To me the variety is best thing about the Lifestyle. You can choose whatever it is you want from the Lifestyle and what you call yourselves is irrelevant! Hopefully I can qualify as one of the good friends you'd be interested in having a threesome with, I know just the guy! LOL!

 

Well, we need to get to meeting this guy

 

We have decided to leave our profile open to couples, but be fairly direct in our profile that we are not actively seeking couples for play and explain why. On sls, there's an interest level indicator on the top, we set that to the lowest for couples just above "no".

 

I appreciate the comments and it's good to hear the nobody finds it too odd that we're moving in this direction right now. Our tastes evolve and change, I am sure after a break, we'll get back into looking for couples.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

How do y'all feel about a married man or a married woman who is operating on a hall pass? Would you be able to consider this the same as "single" in the right context,

[angelkin 1,326]

How do y'all feel about a married man or a married woman who is operating on a hall pass? Would you be able to consider this the same as "single" in the right context,

 

Yes, and we often do meet with hall pass couples after we are assured it is ok with the spouse.

[junglecouple 128]

Same here, ironically, I would rule out any married guys with a hall pass, since, no matter what, I considered it cheating, but my wife didn't feel the same at all... so our MFM and FMF are limited to "singles only". It turns out the wife was right... for more reasons than I thought. We find couples to be much more difficult to "just have fun"... and like many, too hard to make a 4-way match.

[Guest screaminggood]

I'm with you! Just seems so much easier and fun to play as a threesome. Couples seem complicated sometimes, but I leave the couples up because I would play if we like them, and they often invite us to great parties....

[angelkin 1,326]

... and they often invite us to great parties....

 

There's the rub - we really love parties and single people don't throw those. We enjoy the social aspect of parties and the thrill of the chase with those in attendance, even if we end up just us, the dynamic and atmosphere is great.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

There's the rub - we really love parties and single people don't throw those. We enjoy the social aspect of parties and the thrill of the chase with those in attendance, even if we end up just us, the dynamic and atmosphere is great.

 

Singles do throw parties from time to time. I know two single girls and I've heard about a few single guys who do.

[angelkin 1,326]

Singles do throw parties from time to time. I know two single girls and I've heard about a few single guys who do.

 

I guess you are right about that now that I think about it! We truly do enjoy the aspect of meeting other couples and having someone to talk to about the lifestyle though. We will keep our eyes open for compatible couples, it's just harder than I ever imagined finding a four-way connection.

[junglecouple 128]

I agree completely with Angelkin; a 4-way match up is tough for us as well. Some folks say "We don't take one for the team"... but sometimes WE DO! If my wife is having a good time with one of our "couple-guests" members, GOOD for her! I have no problem with that, and I can entertain, the other lady to her satisfaction. Often, one of us will check with the other, only to find out that after the dinner, flirting, and petting have started, one of us is "ho-hum" about the match up, but not so much as to call off the evening. We'll do the evening (not always, but usually), and chalk it up to just that, a ho-hum evening. No harm , no foul.

 

Once in a while, my wife will be having a GREAT time, and I find the guest wife is either : 1: distracted by her husband and my wife, 2: I"M distracted by her husband and my wife 3: the guest wife (or hubby) isn't as into it and is only there to fill out the "couple" role.

 

That's ok, I don't mind if that happens, but it's a mark on the calendar to move on and find someone else... Occasionally we have talked and one of us will suggest a couple to meet again that we thought were fun, only to find out that one of us didn't REALLY enjoy the evening that much, but enjoyed the other having a good time... I know this is a 2-way street (the other couple may have felt the same), but we occasionally surprise each other with a confession that "I didn't really care for XYZ, but I know you enjoyed WXY, so sure, let's have them over. In one way, that is "taking one for the team", but in another, it's allowing a re-meet with a couple that was enjoyed greatly by our mate, so why deny them. That's never a problem for us, due to a great, frank, talk about "how the evening went". So like many here, we enjoy meeting singles of either sex because it's so much easier to make sure that it's someone that is enjoyed as a guest. It would be great to find couples that we enjoy both members, and to be fair, we've found a few, but it's just less stress, and less strategy involved when we look for a playmate that only has one thing in mind... FUN.

[angelkin 1,326]

It's a funny thing - we find more often than not in our area, people will split off from their spouse and seek their own fun. The times we have played with couples, one of us isn't as interested as we should be. That sort of experience has turned us off couples for the time being.

[barefootjason 16]

My wife is "out of the scene" for now. She just wants to take a break. But she is fine with me having a threesome with a M/F couple.

 

I have not been able to go through with it thus far. But now a couple has been teasing me a bit about joining them.

 

They will only play with married people and want to try out a couple threesomes. One with me. One with a woman.

 

They have hinted that they would also like to have a foursome with me and a bi-woman joining them in bed.

 

Sounds very tempting.

[carebear 90]

A good friend of ours, who has been swinging for 13+ years, told us when we started that in all that time he and his wife had met very few couples they both clicked with. Consider your vanilla friends: how often do you like both halves of the couple?

 

Dh and I have the most fun with singles or couples who play separately. We've only ever done house parties and club events. Last weekend we did meet a trio for dinner and are meeting them again next weekend. Dh was pretty in to the ladies, and I am more ho hum about the guy. (I like the test fuck term, as I plan on doing that, although I do have ultimate veto and I have no intention of playing with him if I continue to feel ambiguous about him)

[Tia Vampire 167]

I don't find it to be weird at all. I am that same way. IMO playing separately is the only way to be a successful swinger couple. Trying to find a couple that you both agree with is a pain in the butt. Your husband knows what he likes and you know what you want. How often does that couple that you are both wanting to be with and find attractive around? It is so much better when you play separately. That way you both get what you want out of the lifestyle.

[stonemtncouple 45]

We have found that we enjoy the MFM experience a lot! Last night she experienced her first double vaginal penetration. The single guy joining us came in with me inside her at same time. She said it was one of the most intense orgasms of her life! It is what the Lifestyle is all about for us. New intense pleasurable experiences!!

[hubbyofabomb 16]

Too bad this thread is old. I hope angelkin you are still following!

 

We feel the exact same way. First, as the male of the couple I couldn't understand why we had such an amazing threesome with another guy but our couple/couple didn't go well at all... We met a single girl and had also a threesome and it was amazing as well!

 

It's possible that is was the couple that we didn't like, but the more we talked with my wife the more we find super hot the one person in the middle surrounded by the opposite sex. And we were asking the same question, are we swingers? Or maybe more sharers? hahaha

[angelkin 1,326]

I am still following Like you, we found the dynamic of threesomes to be the most exciting for us. We still felt like swingers - I did then, and I still do now, believing that being a swinger is more to do with a state of mind than with the activities one participates in or their style of play.

[hubbyofabomb 16]

I think this is very true what you say. Would you agree with probably the idea of not letting only yourself going into experimenting your fantasies but the concept that also your lover could and should. Non swingers will just cheat and be dishonest, or not cheat and be frustrated

[junglecouple 128]

Over the years we too have found that threesomes are the most fun and least trouble.

[Gordo 618]

I think it's a natural evolution in swinging. It's just so much simpler to find a compatible single male than a compatible couple. The lack of single women make it a bit unfair. Unfortunately not a lot of women in swinging have hall passes.

[junglecouple 128]

I think it's a natural evolution in swinging. It's just so much simpler to find a compatible single male than a compatible couple. The lack of single women make it a bit unfair. Unfortunately not a lot of women in swinging have hall passes.

 

And when we want a single woman to play, we call a pro... no strings, no hassle, no dating, just play and go away. Usually cheaper in the long run too.

[Gordo 618]

And when we want a single woman to play, we call a pro... no strings, no hassle, no dating, just play and go away. Usually cheaper in the long run too.

 

We do this for fun I couldn't imagine calling in a professional. (no offense intended)

[junglecouple 128]

We do this for fun I couldn't imagine calling in a professional. (no offense intended)

 

We do it for fun too, no offense taken. A pro can make it more fun than you can imagine. (no offense intended)

[Wayne 15]

We are only into adding another female, no desire for another male, we are looking more for a triad relationship.

[Guest]

The couple thing is difficult. First trying to find a man I like with a woman that strikes his fancy. He is actually more picky than I. Then there is the distraction thing. For me, worse was when I could hear her getting off, thanks to my hubby, and I am there wondering, will this guy ever find the right spot. We have never met another couple just on the fly; it's always been at a club or through one of the swinger social media sites. By contrast, MFM's are so easy to find. Most of our have been guys we met at a restaurant or hotel bar or at a resort. I have to admit, most have been married. When I dated, I would never have considered dating a married man. But, for swinging, married or not married just isn't an issue for us.

[Guest Ready2dewit]

I've noticed that those people that ONLY play as a 4-way, even-steven match don't get a chance to play often. If couples are free enough to do their own thing it makes it a LOT easier to actually play and not spend your time looking for that perfect 4-way blind date.

[eldiablo311 201]

My wife is the only one that "plays" in our relationship...if we do anything at all. She will sleep with men or women, though she is more reluctant about fucking other men at this point. I very much enjoy it! I love watching her fuck...it gets me so turned on! I don't mind that my wife doesn't feel comfortable, at this point in time, with me fucking other women. Like you say I think it is easier to find other people to fuck when you are looking for a single person.

[magnum 78]

I would say, if you play with other couples or single "M/F", you are still swingers.

 

We've recently decided to take a break from actively seeking couples for play. While we have made a lot of good friends, we really just enjoy meeting in threesomes because it's getting to be way too much work to find a couple we are equally into. My husband is kinda picky IMHO and only likes a certain body type and fairly forward women. I am less choosey, but the man has to be intelligent and attractive to me - and attractiveness is much more than just physical appeal. Sometimes I am willing to do a 'test fuck' (to steal someone's phrase, was it Alura's?) if my husband has found a wife he likes, and my husband would just prefer I don't do that...and sometimes the idea of me with the husband is not at all appealing to him.

 

We have the most fun at house parties where people are able to play separately or join us for a threesome. We have agreed that for us, anything goes at a house party so long as we check in beforehand. That range includes separate play or joining other couples for threesomes or group play. We are at times with close couples friends also ok with one of us joining them for a more private meeting.

 

Does anyone find this to be odd? Do others play this way or are we just weird?

 

Should we close off our profiles to couples altogether even though we are still open to the possibility of finding a couple for a four-way connection? We have recently altered it to be more clear...angelkin on sls and szc if you want to let us know if we succeeded in the wording.

 

Does this put us in the category of "non-swingers"? I know we hate labels around here, but the truth is there are people in the lifestyle that feel that it should be quid-pro-quo, i.e. I am fucking your wife, you should fuck mine.

 

I feel sort of at odds and could use some input and discussion around this. Feel free to ask for clarification:)

[angelkin 1,326]

I think being a swinger is a mindset, but that has been discussed around here too.