May Meet A Couple--a couple's journey into having their first swing experience!

[MrMarvin 268]

Rather exciting news for us as a first. We have found on a lifestyle site a couple that intrigued us. We exchanged initial e-mails and there is some possible interest. Of course, they have yet to open the e-mail with our photos attached so that could be the "deal breaker." (Ha)

 

In any event, I have discussed with my wife that we don't have to do "anything" and that either one of us can pull the plug at any time. I have also done much to assure her that this is not so much about "getting strange" but having fun as a couple and growing together. I really would have no interest if she were not involved.

 

We shall see how this goes. This is a huge step for us as we have never met a couple for possible lifestyle fun. Personally I am a bit nervous and wanting to move slowly myself. If we do meet, I hope they are not pushy nor expecting we physically engage on a first meeting (the latter I just cannot see us being comfortable with). Of course, they could always find us to be "Shrek and Fiona" and that would end it before anything possibly started. Still I remain excited just to see what happens.

 

MrMarvin

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Good luck. I would like to point out that you can very easily have that discussion about wanting to move slowly even before you meet prospective couples. Would that relieve your nerves a bit?

[JandKinBoise 858]

Reminds you that you are ALIVE, doesn't it! The anticipation building toward a first meeting and the freakishly amazing sex afterward are as important to us as the sex. I'll admit though that when the picture is sent out, the wait for a reply can be rough. good luck!

[MrMarvin 268]

Well things fizzled with that one particular couple. We have a few more "irons in the fire" so we shall see what happens. I am noticing we are quite picky. It does seem we are finding reasons to reject couples rather than embracing couples. We are not overly anxious to get our sea legs. I'd like to have a great first experience as that will set the stage. A bad initial experience I fear could sour us completely on the lifestyle.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Stick to your plan; that's best. Any mistakes my wife and I have made can be traced to being over eager.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Well things fizzled with that one particular couple.

 

What happened to make things turn in that direction?

[MrMarvin 268]

We sent our picture and then got silence. I can only assume we were not their type. No big deal really.

 

We have two other couples who have seen our pictures and are anxious to meet. While those couples are not "hideous," we seem to have more reasons not to meet them than to meet them.

 

All in all, this is a lot harder than I imagined. But that is ok. I'd rather we remain picky.

 

MrMarvin

[LFM2 1,482]

Stick to your guns. I have to agree with SW_PA_Couple that things generally go south when you get too anxious and do something without really thinking things through.

 

Good Luck!

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

We find picture don't always do someone justice. Often they are much more appealing in person. There is no harm in meeting someone for dinner or drinks, it is no commitment at all. Just tell them you don't play on the first date. It's nice to just meet other people in the lifestyle and hear about their experiences. Then there is very little pressure. You can go home and talk about it and set up another date if you like them.

 

I would encourage you to just go and meet people. Perhaps go to a meet and greet or an off-premise club where there are no expectations of play.

 

Being picky can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You are picky so you don't go out. You eliminate many couples in your area. Then you meet at a club or party and it is awkward. You have to be more picky because you've already turned down a lot of people who may have been good matches in real life.

 

I don't think you should play with someone you are not attracted to, but there's no harm in meeting unless they are completely repulsive.

[LFM2 1,482]

We find picture don't always do someone justice. Often they are much more appealing in person. There is no harm in meeting someone for dinner or drinks, it is no commitment at all. Just tell them you don't play on the first date. It's nice to just meet other people in the lifestyle and hear about their experiences. Then there is very little pressure. You can go home and talk about it and set up another date if you like them.

 

I would encourage you to just go and meet people. Perhaps go to a meet and greet or an off-premise club where there are no expectations of play.

 

Being picky can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You are picky so you don't go out. You eliminate many couples in your area. Then you meet at a club or party and it is awkward. You have to be more picky because you've already turned down a lot of people who may have been good matches in real life.

 

I don't think you should play with someone you are not attracted to, but there's no harm in meeting unless they are completely repulsive.

 

This is also very true. I've often found people often more attractive than their photos represent. Some people just don't photograph well.

 

We do go to M&Gs, but more often, we just go out to dinner or drinks to get to know each other. We've never gone wrong with doing that. Some people we're just not attracted to (mostly for their attitude/personality). We always stick to our convictions though. We never play if one doesn't want to, and we don't take one for the team. I wish there were clubs or other swinging avenues for us here, but unfortunately, we rely on the internet. Sometimes, I think it would be so much easier to just go to a club and go from there.

[MrMarvin 268]

This is also very true. I've often found people often more attractive than their photos represent. Some people just don't photograph well.

 

We do go to M&Gs, but more often, we just go out to dinner or drinks to get to know each other. We've never gone wrong with doing that. Some people we're just not attracted to (mostly for their attitude/personality). We always stick to our convictions though. We never play if one doesn't want to, and we don't take one for the team. I wish there were clubs or other swinging avenues for us here, but unfortunately, we rely on the internet. Sometimes, I think it would be so much easier to just go to a club and go from there.

 

My concern here would be leading someone on. I would not want the other couple to think meeting us means we will play. I do not want to waste anyone's time. On the other hand I guess if you make it clear you will not play on the first meeting and meeting in the first instance is not a guarantee to play in the future, that may be the approach. Thoughts?

[MrMarvin 268]

As another update, we just cut loose two couples. I think both would have really wanted to meet us but we just could not pull the trigger. Both seemed to be quite experienced and, candidly, that is intimidating to us. We are not sure of our boundaries yet and may go no further than some level of soft swap. With that being the case, we do have a fear of instituting expectations that may never be reached by those more experienced.

 

We have started to chat up a couple we are interested in that is new like us. They seem to share similar interests and simply seem nice. They seem like people we could become friends with which would be important to us. Though with both couples being somewhat shy and reserved, who knows if any sort of trigger will be pulled. That is very ironic.

 

In the meantime, we are continuing to review other profiles. I would say the large majority just do not interest us for one reason or another. Some you simply do not know given the dearth of information. Others are just not appealing for a variety of other reasons.

 

The search continues!

 

MrMarvin

[LFM2 1,482]

My concern here would be leading someone on. I would not want the other couple to think meeting us means we will play. I do not want to waste anyone's time. On the other hand I guess if you make it clear you will not play on the first meeting and meeting in the first instance is not a guarantee to play in the future, that may be the approach. Thoughts?

 

You bet! As a swinger, never go to a meeting with a potential couple or single with expectations. If you all mesh, that's icing on the cake. Make plans for the next meetup and have fun the next night. If you do go to dinner or have drinks with another couple and they have expectations, that's kinda their problem. Walk away. Nobody's a sure thing. Lay out your rules; most people have boundaries. Tell them up front you don't play on your first meeting. (We used to have this rule as well) Go from there. Mostly all swingers respect others swingers boundaries. It's up to all of you to respect and follow them.

 

Also, be honest. It can be a little uncomfortable to say, "We had a great time tonight, but we don't think we're a match". You don't owe anyone an explanation either. You don't have to tell them they're homely, or their one tooth is a little bothersome. People are turned down for a myriad of reasons: they're overweight, they're underweight, they don't have the right color of hair, they don't have any hair, their eyes are too close together, their ears are set too low, their eyes are brown, not blue, you live on the wrong side of town.... You get the idea. If you're not sure of boundaries, that's OK too. It takes a lot of communication, honesty and respect of everyone to swing.

 

Let those with some experience help guide you. Don't be afraid of them. They kinda know the ropes, but don't let those with more experience talk you into something you're not ready for.

 

We were invited to dinner one night by a newbie couple. All they wanted was some insight into swinging. An interview, if you will. They wanted to know if swinging was something they wanted to pursue or just let sleeping dogs lie. I hope I gave them a voice of reason. I don't know if they ever pursued swinging or not. I've never talked to them again. There is nothing wrong with feeling the water and seeing how you're going to respond to things.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Our first experience was with a very experienced couple. We are happy we did it that way. They weren't the best match, but it was a good way to start. It was very comfortable and safe. It made things much easier when we met couples that were a great match. I wouldn't stress over making the first time perfect, just like the first time you had sex, it probably won't be.

[MrMarvin 268]

Sometimes you need a little "nudge" and I appreciate that nudge from you all. With that said, we are now moving forward with a different couple. We are in the process of scheduling a "date" (I guess you call it that?). Given our respective schedules, it may not happen until three weeks out but it is in the planning phases. We have discussed via e-mail that there will be no pressure or pushiness and this will strictly be dinner and drinks (though most likely non-alcoholic in our case as we do not drink, lol).

 

So I am now both excited and nervous. I hope this goes well!

 

MrMarvin

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

My concern here would be leading someone on. I would not want the other couple to think meeting us means we will play. I do not want to waste anyone's time. On the other hand I guess if you make it clear you will not play on the first meeting and meeting in the first instance is not a guarantee to play in the future, that may be the approach. Thoughts?

 

It's important to make sure that you are being clear upfront about what your boundaries are. If you aren't sure you are ready for full-swap don't put that out there as an option. Start with soft and if and when you reach a point that you are ready to take things further you can change your profile to express that. Same goes with first date play, make it clear upfront that you do not intend to do so. If you are clear with what you intend then you should have no worries about leading people on. And on the flip side, don't assume that just because someone is more experienced or does full-swap that they will push you to go beyond your boundaries. That's what first meets are for, to feel people out. It never hurts to meet new people, if there's no interest you just move on. If there is interest, just be clear about your boundaries and expectations and see what happens... you just might have the time of your life.

[MrMarvin 268]

It's important to make sure that you are being clear upfront about what your boundaries are. If you aren't sure you are ready for full-swap don't put that out there as an option. Start with soft and if and when you reach a point that you are ready to take things further you can change your profile to express that. Same goes with first date play, make it clear upfront that you do not intend to do so. If you are clear with what you intend then you should have no worries about leading people on. And on the flip side, don't assume that just because someone is more experienced or does full-swap that they will push you to go beyond your boundaries. That's what first meets are for, to feel people out. It never hurts to meet new people, if there's no interest you just move on. If there is interest, just be clear about your boundaries and expectations and see what happens... you just might have the time of your life.

 

Thank you. Good advice!

 

As of right now, we have a date and time set to meet in a few weeks. My wife and I are very excited. Following the above advice, we did spell out pretty clearly what we are expecting. All told, we hope to come away with just a nice first meeting. No play is necessary and I don't think we would personally be comfortable moving that fast anyways (which we have told them). Having not gone on a "date" in over 20 years, I don't even know what to wear. LOL.

 

Thanks again all for the words of encouragement.

 

MrMarvin

[IndulgentCpl 15]

From our experience... we don't mix well with couples who are 'in a rush', or want to meet based on a 2 minute online conversation. The slow approach has served us well and avoided any unwanted situations. And if a couple you're talking with aren't happy with a sensibly paced approach then they're probably not for you!

 

You may find that after some experience you become less cautious and go with your instincts easier, and possibly quicker.

 

Good luck and enjoy!

[MrMarvin 268]

So a further update.

 

Since I last wrote, we have explored our chosen website, SLS, a bit more. We seem to have pretty much "exhaustively" reviewed most of the profiles within our area. All told, there seemed to be quite a few to review though sadly, many seemed to present little of substance. As far as substance, we were not specifically looking for "naughty" details but any information that might show the uniqueness of the couple and allow them to stand out. To that end, our review consisted of profile reading followed by pictures.

 

When the dust settled, we received initial e-mails from, or sent initial e-mails to, a grand total of 33 couples. The last handful, however, seemed to be for the most part "scraping the bottom of the barrel." From that initial vetting, we've found three that interest us. We have a date in about a week or so with one of the couples and a date generally planned for sometime early next month with a second. We have not progressed to setting a date with the third couple. There still too remains a handful that still have the jury out.

 

While it would be great if all three click with us, we have no expectations. We just plan to have fun. Our mentality remains go in looking for friends and see what thereafter happens. Anything else would be a pleasant bonus.

 

All in all, SLS generally seems to have served its purpose. I do not know if it will be worth upping the paid subscription when it expires in a few months as we'd like to see a bit more "turn over" before investing again.

 

Please cross your fingers, chew bubble gum and rub your belly. We will take all the good luck we can get.

 

MrMarvin

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

I wonder if it would help if a say that more than a year of searching, sending messages, and receiving messages passed before my wife and I found a couple whom we enjoyed. I will also say that we consider ourselves successful in the swing lifestyle.

 

Here's how it works. You find just that one right couple or person. They, he, or she introduce you to another, and another, and another. Pretty soon you are receiving invitations to parties. Then you know so many people that you are declining invitation because you are already "booked".

 

Don't give up on SLS so easily.

[MrMarvin 268]

I wonder if it would help if a say that more than a year of searching, sending messages, and receiving messages passed before my wife and I found a couple whom we enjoyed. I will also say that we consider ourselves successful in the swing lifestyle.

 

Here's how it works. You find just that one right couple or person. They, he, or she introduce you to another, and another, and another. Pretty soon you are receiving invitations to parties. Then you know so many people that you are declining invitation because you are already "booked".

 

Don't give up on SLS so easily.

 

That is some persistency! I completely understand. The old fashioned "snow ball."

 

I wouldn't go so far to say we have given up on SLS. We have identified a few promising couples. I just don't see the purpose of keeping the membership paid after this first volley. We will still keep our profile up-- just unlikely we will do any sort of active search until there is more turnover in members.

 

Thanks again for the note!

 

MrMarvin

[DaggersNRoses 271]

That is some persistency! I completely understand. The old fashioned "snow ball."

 

I wouldn't go so far to say we have given up on SLS. We have identified a few promising couples. I just don't see the purpose of keeping the membership paid after this first volley. We will still keep our profile up-- just unlikely we will do any sort of active search until there is more turnover in members.

 

Thanks again for the note!

 

MrMarvin

 

From what I have read and heard, months to a year or more searching and wading through many less than positive communications is not uncommon.

 

A freebie account tends to be viewed as if you may be questionable as a couple so interest in you will drop off.

 

It's also worth mentioning that some couples don't put much into their profiles but could be much more face to face. It's one of the reasons I don't care for the mail and meet method. Don't write people off too quickly.

 

The Rose

[MrMarvin 268]

From what I have read and heard, months to a year or more searching and wading through many less than positive communications is not uncommon.

 

A freebie account tends to be viewed as if you may be questionable as a couple so interest in you will drop off.

 

It's also worth mentioning that some couples don't put much into their profiles but could be much more face to face. It's one of the reasons I don't care for the mail and meet method. Don't write people off too quickly.

 

The Rose

 

Good points. I am sure we have missed some potential matches; there are just so many profiles. I don't have the time or energy to do a more detailed sort. Really too it seems you have to come to some sort of initial judgment within a few emails. We too would not have the time to meet a constant parade of coupled.

 

MrMarvin

[MrMarvin 268]

Well we can now change this to "we met a couple." This was a very big step for us. We were both extremely nervous. However when the dust settled, the meeting went well and we had a good time. It was simply conversation and pretty vanilla conversation at that (which was fine). No one was pushy or rude.

 

We hope to meet them again but again without any pressure or expectations. Hopefully we can do that in three or four weeks or so.

 

In the end, not sure this classifies us as "in the lifestyle" as it was all vanilla and benign but it was still a very brave and gut twisting step for us to have taken. Now that we took that step, we did enjoy it!

 

MrMarvin

[DaggersNRoses 271]

Are you planning to meet with a couple several times before you consider play. I am just curious about your approach.

 

I hope it continues to go well.

 

 

The Rose

[MrMarvin 268]

Are you planning to meet with a couple several times before you consider play. I am just curious about your approach.

 

I hope it continues to go well.

 

 

The Rose

 

Thanks.

 

Simple question yet complex answer. Having never played with another couple we really don't have some set approach. We are also unsure whether we would be some form of "soft" or "full" soft (we have discussed).

 

Against that background, we do plan to meet with a couple a few times before possibly progressing. While I personally could see myself maybe moving a bit faster with the right couple, my wife is not comfortable with that. I obviously respect that (and we have discussed already no one does anything they are not comfortable with). If we decide to make the leap with a particular couple that too is a whole new issue as we are totally clueless on how to even progress that (neither of us are aggressive; I'd say we are very polite with general notions of always being respectful).

 

MrMarvin

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Thanks.

 

Simple question yet complex answer. Having never played with another couple we really don't have some set approach. We are also unsure whether we would be some form of "soft" or "full" soft (we have discussed).

 

Against that background, we do plan to meet with a couple a few times before possibly progressing. While I personally could see myself maybe moving a bit faster with the right couple, my wife is not comfortable with that. I obviously respect that (and we have discussed already no one does anything they are not comfortable with). If we decide to make the leap with a particular couple that too is a whole new issue as we are totally clueless on how to even progress that (neither of us are aggressive; I'd say we are very polite with general notions of always being respectful).

 

If you get to that stage, with this couple or another, same room without a swap might be a good starting point. It's unlikely to cause your relationship any distress and you might find it quite hot. As far as how you progress, there are multiple threads in Getting Started that offer advice, but it's never a bad tack to just voice your interest. It's pretty tough to sound disrespectful when you are honest, express your interest and then give the other couple time and space to discuss things.

[MrMarvin 268]

If you get to that stage, with this couple or another, same room without a swap might be a good starting point. It's unlikely to cause your relationship any distress and you might find it quite hot. As far as how you progress, there are multiple threads in Getting Started that offer advice, but it's never a bad tack to just voice your interest. It's pretty tough to sound disrespectful when you are honest, express your interest and then give the other couple time and space to discuss things.

 

Thanks. Good advice. I have some more homework to review.

 

It is a good idea in theory to lay it all out there but also very intimidating. It is even more difficult when we are still ascertaining our boundaries as well. Fortunately we are not playing with agendas or deadlines.

 

MrMarvin

[Wifeypoo 42]

If you have the option of a meet and greet or a club I really recommend this. No expectations of play. People in real life (no photo shop required)! Opportunities to get numbers and meet up again. A chance to talk with people of ALL experience levels in real time...and an almost guarantee that you and your loved one will have some mind blowing sex of your own later talking about what's to come. If that's NOT an option....I am totally with these guys! Don't settle just because the internet is frustrating...the internet is just that, time consuming and frustrating. Initially, when we wouldn't hear back from a couple, we would take it a little personally! It felt like dating all over again!! But, we realized we were doing the same to others and got over it pretty fast. Your picky, I'm picky...we can do that because we already found the perfect person for us forever....I wish you both the best of luck!!

[MrMarvin 268]

If you have the option of a meet and greet or a club I really recommend this. No expectations of play. People in real life (no photo shop required)! Opportunities to get numbers and meet up again. A chance to talk with people of ALL experience levels in real time...and an almost guarantee that you and your loved one will have some mind blowing sex of your own later talking about what's to come. If that's NOT an option....I am totally with these guys! Don't settle just because the internet is frustrating...the internet is just that, time consuming and frustrating. Initially, when we wouldn't hear back from a couple, we would take it a little personally! It felt like dating all over again!! But, we realized we were doing the same to others and got over it pretty fast. Your picky, I'm picky...we can do that because we already found the perfect person for us forever....I wish you both the best of luck!!

 

We contemplated checking out a house party. But the fact they had "playrooms" was a little too much for my wife so we passed. We also kicked around going to a meet and greet at a hotel but I nixed that one as the couples seems a bit too "old" for us. (Now "old" is relative; we simply choose to search for couples within five years of our age).

 

But that is a good point in not taking things personally. We don't. If the communication stops no big deal. There are "more fish in the sea" and we don't settle (as we hope others don't as well). So we have no "butt hurt" feelings here over those things which is quite helpful and I think another positive mindset to have. I'm glad you pointed that out.

 

MrMarvin

[DaggersNRoses 271]

I wouldn't say we settle but we are not expecting nor looking for perfection. We are open to exploring avenues even if they don't appear to be what we want. You have experiences to help you learn about yourself and to open doors to connections and other opportunities.

 

I am more physically picky than my husband. He enjoys women in many shapes and sizes. It leaves us with more choice.

 

The Rose

[MrMarvin 268]

I wouldn't say we settle but we are not expecting nor looking for perfection. We are open to exploring avenues even if they don't appear to be what we want. You have experiences to help you learn about yourself and to open doors to connections and other opportunities.

 

I am more physically picky than my husband. He enjoys women in many shapes and sizes. It leaves us with more choice.

 

The Rose

 

Good points. I agree. We are not looking for "perfect 10s" physically but physical attraction is obviously a need. While we are pretty much brand spanking new, we simply want just some fun people that share our sense of humor. It is pretty easy in theory yet hard in execution.

 

We do have in the works setting up another dinner meeting with a different couple; probably a couple based on looks alone we would normally just pass on. However, we had so much fun with our last meeting on this journey that we have been encouraged to step out of our comfort zone a bit more. Baby steps!

 

Speaking of the couple we met on our first meeting, we have heard nothing further from them. We have crossed them off our list and seriously, we don't have any hard feelings. It was just a big step for us going out and meeting a new couple pretty much on the blind.

 

Onward and upward!

 

MrMarvin

[DaggersNRoses 271]

Dagger isn't picky about personality either. He can enjoy shy demure women, professional, , forward, youthfully energetic. He does seem to draw the line at too aggressive,too assertive or catty. W

 

Did you respond last to the couple we went out with, did you contact them since at all?

 

The Rose

[MrMarvin 268]

Dagger isn't picky about personality either. He can enjoy shy demure women, professional, , forward, youthfully energetic. He does seem to draw the line at too aggressive,too assertive or catty. W

 

Did you respond last to the couple we went out with, did you contact them since at all?

 

The Rose

 

We sent a polite follow up email note the next day after we met that couple. Basically "we had a nice time, let's do it again." No response to that note. The way I look at it, the ball is in their court but I assume by now they are no longer interested. Not a big deal. We will just look to meet more couples.

 

MrMarvin

[DaggersNRoses 271]

That one I understand. We have issued a couple of invitations to people for dinner, or no pressure meeting us at the club or a meet and greet. None of these have worked out. It took one weeks to get back to us and the others stopped mailing when we threw the OK, let's meet out there.

 

I like to be polite and leaving people wondering isn't.

 

The Rose

[MrMarvin 268]

That one I understand. We have issued a couple of invitations to people for dinner, or no pressure meeting us at the club or a meet and greet. None of these have worked out. It took one weeks to get back to us and the others stopped mailing when we threw the OK, let's meet out there.

 

I like to be polite and leaving people wondering isn't.

 

The Rose

 

I agree 100 percent about politeness. We've already told a few couples online that "hey we don't think we are compatible, best of luck." To me it is at least common decency to do that. But alas, just like in "real life," you have some that don't return the common courtesies. But still, it's not a big deal and we don't dwell on it. It's not like we "need" one particular couple. We don't; we already have each other. We've already won!

 

MrMarvin

[MrMarvin 268]

We sent out a few more notes on SLS. Our batting average is close to zero on these recent notes. I must say this recent lack of response has me a bit soured on the site (though tomorrow my tune could change). I am finished for a while sending out any further notes. I will just plan to run with the two or three "leads" that we have.

 

MrMarvin

[DaggersNRoses 271]

It gets frustrating. I gave up on SLS a couple of weeks after we decided to really swing. We took our explorations to a club.

 

My husband took over the profile reading and mailing. He quickly came to the conclusion that it's a lot to wade through. He has moved to doing the same as I when I do mail, be laid back and invite them to say hello if they see us at the club or a meet and greet. It's no commitment, no pressure and perfectly OK if they never answer or show.

 

The Rose

[MrMarvin 268]

It gets frustrating. I gave up on SLS a couple of weeks after we decided to really swing. We took our explorations to a club.

 

My husband took over the profile reading and mailing. He quickly came to the conclusion that it's a lot to wade through. He has moved to doing the same as I when I do mail, be laid back and invite them to say hello if they see us at the club or a meet and greet. It's no commitment, no pressure and perfectly OK if they never answer or show.

 

The Rose

 

It does. We are to the point now where it seems we have read a few profiles more than once and they blend together. I think we will back off the proactive search for a bit.

 

That seems to be a good approach you have. An effective way it seems to meld multiple means to meat people.

 

MrMarvin

[MrMarvin 268]

As a further update we have not planned to meet any other couples. The emails on the site have pretty much stopped (granted too we are not sending out any further at the moment). We do however still have a planned meeting on calendar in a few weeks. So we continue to move slower than a crawl but that is ok. We are looking for fun and great experiences not simply a plethora of experiences.

 

MrMarvin

[MrMarvin 268]

As an update--

 

We met a second couple last week for dinner. It went extremely well. We all got along and nothing seemed forced. I was extremely impressed by how respectful and fun they were. We have general plans to meet again but nothing scheduled in stone. It may be a while as summer is creating busy family obligations.

 

While we have yet to play, we have both really enjoyed our two meetings. It is stepping outside our comfort zones and is just plain fun and exciting. Just meeting new people is a great time for us. That mindset, we find, helps with expectations (which we do not come to a meeting with any).

 

It seems now though there is not enough time on the calendar. We have two or three other couples on our radar that we would like to meet. However, we just don't have the time it seems to get to them in a diligent fashion. Oh well. We will schedule when we can. All told, it really does seem like things are snowballing!

 

MrMarvin

[JB 140]

Is just going to clubs and meeting people out of the question? For all of its door opening possibilities, this is one of the limitations of the internet, leading to frustration and wasted time. Trust me, you could meet and weed out (no matter how picky you are) 10 times as many couples in 2 hours at a club than you can do in 2 months online.

[MrMarvin 268]

Is just going to clubs and meeting people out of the question? For all of its door opening possibilities, this is one of the limitations of the internet, leading to frustration and wasted time. Trust me, you could meet and weed out (no matter how picky you are) 10 times as many couples in 2 hours at a club than you can do in 2 months online.

 

Thanks for the note.

 

We've only been "serious" about this since March of this year (that is when we decided to take the plunge). When we made that decision, I proposed going to a club or some other type of swinger social. My wife expressed being uncomfortable doing that with a preference to meet couples individually. Having read the importance of moving as fast as the slowest "member of the team," I honored her wishes (and I, of course, want her to be comfortable).

 

With the above said, and the fact we have a couple meetings under our belt, I may propose again attending some group function. I think now she might be more receptive to that idea. If not, I am perfectly fine with the current approach.

 

MrMarvin

[AR1547 131]

Thanks for the note.

 

We've only been "serious" about this since March of this year (that is when we decided to take the plunge). When we made that decision, I proposed going to a club or some other type of swinger social. My wife expressed being uncomfortable doing that with a preference to meet couples individually. Having read the importance of moving as fast as the slowest "member of the team," I honored her wishes (and I, of course, want her to be comfortable).

 

With the above said, and the fact we have a couple meetings under our belt, I may propose again attending some group function. I think now she might be more receptive to that idea. If not, I am perfectly fine with the current approach.

 

MrMarvin

 

MrMarvin,

 

I'm going to try to help you out, in my own particular style.

 

Did you ask your wife WHY she is uncomfortable with a group setting? What does she think will happen? A massive gang rape, rampant groping, or a huge Roman orgy? Lifestyle gatherings are the safest places for women, far safer than a regular bar or dance club. You occasionally get a brand new man, single or part of a couple, who doesn't understand the rules and might do something inappropriate, but those guys never last long and are generally removed quickly.

 

If I may be so blunt, people like you are the reason we don't do one-on-one meets with couples we meet online. Here are the practical economics of it, there are exactly 52 Saturday nights in a year, after removing some for family events, holidays, and other vanilla things we do, there are 20 or so Saturday nights available for swinging. If we devote one of those to a meeting with a couple then there had better be some playtime. Oh yes, there's pressure. Our funtime is valuable to us, and we don't like to waste it. We're not alone in that opinion, far from it, and this is something you should take into account when you try to meet couples. There will be sanctimonius negative replies to this from other people, but I'm giving you the straight deal about it. If you're setting up these meets with experienced swingers, it's something you should be aware of.

 

You've met with two couples, and not recieved any follow up positive response from them. I know that because you would have told us if you had. Here's something else you won't get from the swinger evangelists here, swingers are the most gossipy crowd you've ever met since you were in high school. You must be aware of this when you meet others, and be comfortable with whatever they will say about you after meeting them. Think about that when you're socializing. Whatever you present will be repeated. Those people you met are talking about their meeting with you to the other people they know in the lifestyle. Again, there will be replies to this telling you I'm full of it, but it's the truth. It's the truth that we've learned the hard way.

 

Don't misconstrue that as any threat to your public anonymity. Swingers are very respectful of that, but the lifestyle aspects of you will be discussed. (i.e. your appearance, personality, willingness to play, if they think you're full of crap or not)

 

You say you're serious. I don't think you are. Just my impression from what you've posted here, but isn't that what everyone does? You know, get some kind of impression of people by what they put in their online profile? I could be 100% wrong. If I am wrong, then maybe you should think of the face you present when you meet others so that they don't get the same impression I have.

 

It might not seem so, but I really mean all of the above in the best possible way, and in the spirit of helping you.

 

Andrew

[MrMarvin 268]

MrMarvin,

 

I'm going to try to help you out, in my own particular style.

 

Did you ask your wife WHY she is uncomfortable with a group setting? What does she think will happen? A massive gang rape, rampant groping, or a huge Roman orgy? Lifestyle gatherings are the safest places for women, far safer than a regular bar or dance club. You occasionally get a brand new man, single or part of a couple, who doesn't understand the rules and might do something inappropriate, but those guys never last long and are generally removed quickly.

 

If I may be so blunt, people like you are the reason we don't do one-on-one meets with couples we meet online. Here are the practical economics of it, there are exactly 52 Saturday nights in a year, after removing some for family events, holidays, and other vanilla things we do, there are 20 or so Saturday nights available for swinging. If we devote one of those to a meeting with a couple then there had better be some playtime. Oh yes, there's pressure. Our funtime is valuable to us, and we don't like to waste it. We're not alone in that opinion, far from it, and this is something you should take into account when you try to meet couples. There will be sanctimonius negative replies to this from other people, but I'm giving you the straight deal about it. If you're setting up these meets with experienced swingers, it's something you should be aware of.

 

You've met with two couples, and not recieved any follow up positive response from them. I know that because you would have told us if you had. Here's something else you won't get from the swinger evangelists here, swingers are the most gossipy crowd you've ever met since you were in high school. You must be aware of this when you meet others, and be comfortable with whatever they will say about you after meeting them. Think about that when you're socializing. Whatever you present will be repeated. Those people you met are talking about their meeting with you to the other people they know in the lifestyle. Again, there will be replies to this telling you I'm full of it, but it's the truth. It's the truth that we've learned the hard way.

 

Don't misconstrue that as any threat to your public anonymity. Swingers are very respectful of that, but the lifestyle aspects of you will be discussed. (i.e. your appearance, personality, willingness to play, if they think you're full of crap or not)

 

You say you're serious. I don't think you are. Just my impression from what you've posted here, but isn't that what everyone does? You know, get some kind of impression of people by what they put in their online profile? I could be 100% wrong. If I am wrong, then maybe you should think of the face you present when you meet others so that they don't get the same impression I have.

 

It might not seem so, but I really mean all of the above in the best possible way, and in the spirit of helping you.

 

Andrew

 

Andrew--

 

With all due respect, I am rather offended by this. The phrase "people like you" does nothing but raise negative connotations.

 

With that said, I am not going to debate the issues. What I will say is that I have learned from this site that there are many different paths and it is never safe to generalize.

 

In any event, I am soured now on continuing this thread. My path is apparently not a valid one or the "right path." Thank you for that, Andrew. I on the other hand, wish you the best of luck in your pursuits however you may elect to pursue them and make that wish without judgment or generalization.

 

MrMarvin

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Andrew--

 

With all due respect, I am rather offended by this. The phrase "people like you" does nothing but raise negative connotations.

 

With that said, I am not going to debate the issues. What I will say is that I have learned from this site that there are many different paths and it is never safe to generalize.

 

In any event, I am soured now on continuing this thread. My path is apparently not a valid one or the "right path." Thank you for that, Andrew. I on the other hand, wish you the best of luck in your pursuits however you may elect to pursue them and make that wish without judgment or generalization.

 

MrMarvin

 

I think you should feel free to continue to update this thread. One person's opinion shouldn't sour the discussion for you.

 

Everyone does do things at their own pace and if you are happy that is great.

 

I do think AR made valid points. I think he was just giving you advice and trying to save you time. Many of us tend to speak bluntly.

 

Most experienced swingers don't bother meeting the way you do. It's very inefficient. We started online and it was a very big waste of time, energy and money. What made swinging fun for us was going to events and clubs. That said, online-only works for some, and if you like the results, keep it up and do keep updating us.

[MrMarvin 268]

I think you should feel free to continue to update this thread. One person's opinion shouldn't sour the discussion for you.

 

Everyone does do things at their own pace and if you are happy that is great.

 

I do think AR made valid points. I think he was just giving you advice and trying to save you time. Many of us tend to speak bluntly.

 

Most experienced swingers don't bother meeting the way you do. It's very inefficient. We started online and it was a very big waste of time, energy and money. What made swinging fun for us was going to events and clubs. That said, online-only works for some, and if you like the results, keep it up and do keep updating us.

 

Thanks. I have not posted anything in almost three weeks. I may have been a little "ticky" when I made my last post to this thread.

 

We do hope to make an event in the next month or two. The longer we have been on SLS, the more we are beginning to see the benefits of trying some event (I have been ready to attend one; just waiting for my wife to feel comfortable). So I do agree with all of you above that attending an event is an excellent idea.

 

While we will continue to use SLS, it seems like a tapped well at this point. Too many flakes. We have started conversations with many who disappear without warning. While I can understand people not be interested (it happens), starting a dialogue and disappearing seems strange. Even the couple we met a month back has disappeared after telling us they wanted to see us again.

 

So while we are not disillusioned, we are reassessing. So again I thank you all for the suggestions especially about the event attendance. And if I came off as a whiny 12 year old in my last post, well all I can say is that I am actually much older than that. Lol.

 

Carry on as will we.

 

MrMarvin

[JB 140]

Well, I for one am happy you are continuing to post to this thread. I will do what most people do here and offer our own experiences in hopes of you gleaning something useful out of them.

 

If anyone has followed my posts, its easy to see that I am the “meet people in person” advocate. I do not hate the internet, I do not hate SLS. It really boils down to something similar to what AR was trying to say. Its about economics, or more accurately, time management.

 

We were never soured by SLS, we just seemed to do the club thing within a month or so of establishing the SLS account.

 

We were not new to swinging, but we had never been to a club. On Our first visit to the club, we were the typical scared to death couple, that was afraid to move. We were approached by another couple that was not anything like what we would look for to play with as far as looks go. They were older, not very good looking, but they were very open, warm and friendly.

 

They saw us doing our best statue imitation in the corner and asked us if we wanted to join them at their table. We somehow got our feet unstuck from the floor and swallowed hard and joined them. Not having any idea what to expect.

 

We spent the next 3 hours chatting about work, kids, the LS in general, pretty much everything. Other couples would walk by and this couple would introduce us as their “new friends”. We met probably 12 couples that night (and if you are counting, we would have played with about 3 of them).

 

Also, as we sat there chatting, we got more and more comfortable with the atmosphere and environment of the place. Pretty soon, I felt like I owned the place. I was that comfortable. My wife sensed that in me and it was contagious, so she was there too.

 

At the end of the night, they told us that they were going to go play, and told us that if we wanted to watch, we were welcome.

 

There was something about the careful wording of that statement that made it completely harmless, they didn’t even ask us to watch, they just told us that we were welcome to.

 

So what did we do? Well, we went and watched!

 

 

We added their emails and phone numbers to the ones we had collected throughout the night, and realized when we got home that we had an instant network established. Everyone we later talked to on the phone, texted, or emailed, had already met us and knew us. There is certainly something way more solid in that kind of communication.

 

We never have played with this first couple, but they remain on our contact list of “great swinger friends” . Since meeting those first few couples, that list quickly grew to hundreds of great couples we have met. Would we play with all of them? Of course not, but within that group (and new ones met along the way) there are way more that we would play with than we could possibly have time for, and not one of them was any kind of a hookup via the internet.

 

The next time we went to that club, we played, and that is a whole crazy fun story in itself. I’ll save that one for later.

 

Hope some of this story might be of use to you or anyone reading it. I realize not every first visit to a club is a bed of roses, but for the sake of time, I do strongly advocate meeting in person over trying to hook something up over the internet. Not because I hate it or have been soured, but because we have found that it works, at least for us.

[MrMarvin 268]

Well, I for one am happy you are continuing to post to this thread. I will do what most people do here and offer our own experiences in hopes of you gleaning something useful out of them.

 

If anyone has followed my posts, its easy to see that I am the “meet people in person” advocate. I do not hate the internet, I do not hate SLS. It really boils down to something similar to what AR was trying to say. Its about economics, or more accurately, time management.

 

We were never soured by SLS, we just seemed to do the club thing within a month or so of establishing the SLS account.

 

We were not new to swinging, but we had never been to a club. On Our first visit to the club, we were the typical scared to death couple, that was afraid to move. We were approached by another couple that was not anything like what we would look for to play with as far as looks go. They were older, not very good looking, but they were very open, warm and friendly.

 

They saw us doing our best statue imitation in the corner and asked us if we wanted to join them at their table. We somehow got our feet unstuck from the floor and swallowed hard and joined them. Not having any idea what to expect.

 

We spent the next 3 hours chatting about work, kids, the LS in general, pretty much everything. Other couples would walk by and this couple would introduce us as their “new friends”. We met probably 12 couples that night (and if you are counting, we would have played with about 3 of them).

 

Also, as we sat there chatting, we got more and more comfortable with the atmosphere and environment of the place. Pretty soon, I felt like I owned the place. I was that comfortable. My wife sensed that in me and it was contagious, so she was there too.

 

At the end of the night, they told us that they were going to go play, and told us that if we wanted to watch, we were welcome.

 

There was something about the careful wording of that statement that made it completely harmless, they didn’t even ask us to watch, they just told us that we were welcome to.

 

So what did we do? Well, we went and watched!

 

 

We added their emails and phone numbers to the ones we had collected throughout the night, and realized when we got home that we had an instant network established. Everyone we later talked to on the phone, texted, or emailed, had already met us and knew us. There is certainly something way more solid in that kind of communication.

 

We never have played with this first couple, but they remain on our contact list of “great swinger friends” . Since meeting those first few couples, that list quickly grew to hundreds of great couples we have met. Would we play with all of them? Of course not, but within that group (and new ones met along the way) there are way more that we would play with than we could possibly have time for, and not one of them was any kind of a hookup via the internet.

 

The next time we went to that club, we played, and that is a whole crazy fun story in itself. I’ll save that one for later.

 

Hope some of this story might be of use to you or anyone reading it. I realize not every first visit to a club is a bed of roses, but for the sake of time, I do strongly advocate meeting in person over trying to hook something up over the internet. Not because I hate it or have been soured, but because we have found that it works, at least for us.

 

Very helpful. Thanks for your input. I really appreciate it. Like I said, we are more intrigued by a group in person meeting.

 

With that said, we've met another couple on SLS whom we really seem to click with. We have not yet met in person (and who knows how that will go) but the email connection is there (though I don't let that be the final decision maker). We shall see how it goes. Hopefully we can meet them in the next few weeks.

 

MrMarvin

[MrMarvin 268]

Just another update.

 

We have met a great couple on line. We have not met them in person yet but have come to know them better through some chatting. An in person meeting is in the planning stages.

 

Candidly we are pretty nervous as we find the couple very attractive and they are younger than us. We immediately have thoughts of "why would they even care to see us 'ugly' old farts." It is very flattering but there is the fear we will not meet expectations (we have posted recent pictures on the site; none are the 10 year old variety but still). The other couples we have met have been within our age range.

 

I guess really with this couple there is nothing to loose. If we hit it off in person we both receive an added benefit of an ego boost. If not, no harm no foul. There are tons of people out there. Even with that mind set we will remain pretty nervous.

 

MrMarvin