May Meet A Couple--a couple's journey into having their first swing experience!

[MrMarvin 268]

Another update--

 

We are now "officially" about four months in to this adventure. We have met three couples and had a lot of fun each time BUT no play. We are not, however, necessarily keen on playing on the first date so that part is fine. What has been difficult is the lack of follow up by other couples and many "disappearing acts" after initial contact.

 

The issue. I think, is that we have focused on meeting couples who, like us, are "new" to the lifestyle. While I am confident we are willing to take the next step apparently most of the ones we meet are not. We are rethinking this.

 

Also, as has been mentioned by numerous of you above, we are now more seriously thinking of attending an event of some sort in the next few months. Again while I have been willing to do that for a while, I've waited for my wife to catch up.

 

Hopefully we will have our first experience before our one year mark passes! Lol.

 

MrMarvin

[exploringRM 305]

When we started we tried the let's meet for drinks, get to know each other first. After a few months we found that took to much time especially considering we did not have much success. We found it easier to arrange a meet with couple (online) at swing club. After some time chatting we usually played. We also narrowed our strike zone do that we were very sure we were into the couple prior to meeting. YMMV

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

[MrMarvin 268]

A further update-- nothing!!!

 

I believe we have about tapped SLS in our area. So we hope to move on to in person events. Hopefully we can hit one within the next few months.

 

At this rate, it may take us a year to have our first experience. Oh well. It's been a fun journey to say the least and that is part of the fun it seems!

 

MrMarvin

[MrMarvin 268]

Another month and candidly, interest is fading. It's a lot of work to try and meet people! I do clearly see now the benefits of a "social"; we just need to find the time to attend one in our town or surrounding areas.

 

One thing we have done differently recently though is to reach out to experienced couples. The three couples we have met have all been new. In hindsight, all three seemed to like the idea in theory but had no interest in making it possibly real. That is frustrating considering not one of the three ever mentioned or said at any point "sorry not interested now." We even tried to be a bit more assertive with the third couple but that probably "scared" them off.

 

So given all that, our next meeting will most likely be with an experienced couple. I've read on here that such a route is suggested and I can now see, first hand, the benefits of that.

 

The journey continues albeit at a much slower place.

 

MrMarvin

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Good luck in your search. Just as a thought, the newbies you meet via an on line ad are probably less committed than newbies you would meet at a social or a club. It probably takes the least amount of commitment to post a profile and perv the site, so the filtering process hasn't gone very deep yet.

[Methos 17]

Mr. Marvin, we hope that you will continue to keep this updated. We have been looking around at some sites over the last few days, and to be honest, the online arrangements all seem less than thrilling. Especially (now) considering the amount of time you have put in with meeting couples one at a time. My wife and I already (sort of) have our first experience behind us (though, I'm not sure if it "counts" since it happened before we happened upon this lifestyle.)

 

However, while everyone's experiences may vary, reading about your adventures has us leaning a little more toward a social event rather than trying the web first. We don't really have any question about our willingness, rather, for us it has become an issue of understanding just what we are jumping in to. And the generous sharing of your experiences thus far has somewhat helped us with that. Thank you (and please keep posting.)

[MrMarvin 268]

Mr. Marvin, we hope that you will continue to keep this updated. We have been looking around at some sites over the last few days, and to be honest, the online arrangements all seem less than thrilling. Especially (now) considering the amount of time you have put in with meeting couples one at a time. My wife and I already (sort of) have our first experience behind us (though, I'm not sure if it "counts" since it happened before we happened upon this lifestyle.)

 

However, while everyone's experiences may vary, reading about your adventures has us leaning a little more toward a social event rather than trying the web first. We don't really have any question about our willingness, rather, for us it has become an issue of understanding just what we are jumping in to. And the generous sharing of your experiences thus far has somewhat helped us with that. Thank you (and please keep posting.)

 

Thanks Methos! I am glad my ramblings have had some usefulness. I hope things work out for you two as well.

 

Getting back to the topic at hand, my wife and I just signed up for a swinger Halloween party. It's a good fit I think for us since it's at a hotel and there is no "on site" playing. While I personally would not mind the latter, the thought of that adds unnecessary internal pressure to my wife. Given that, and following the "proceed at the slowest partner's pace," I'm fine with it. We just now need to get costumes but plenty of time to do that.

 

MrMarvin

[MrMarvin 268]

It's been a few weeks so time to update!

 

Sadly, the Halloween party is now out as we have a calendaring conflict. Inasmuch as all Halloween parties seem to be on October 26, we will miss out on all. We are disappointed but that is how the ball bounces.

 

In other news, we recently had a meet and greet with a more experienced couple. While we have ruled them out as possible play partners, it was a great experience. We learned a lot from them as they were willing to share many things and offered very candid thoughts and advice. At a minimum, we both agree that we have picked up some new friends which is not bad.

 

Interestingly, my wife was very disappointed after this meeting. I obviously don't like to see her disappointed but her discussion with the couple helped her fine tune as well as to what she is looking for (to that end, she loved their approach but was disappointed they were not a match).

 

Moving forward, and continuing to learn here are a few things:

 

1. I've told my wife that I am now of the mindset that I'll have dinner and/or drinks with just about anyone. Yes, I personally remain choosy but I am finding you just can't make a decision based on email exchange and a few photos. As I have assured my wife, meeting does not necessarily equate play. Approaching with the mind set of meeting new friends isn't a bad thing I think.

 

2. Speaking of email, I've decided lengthy email exchanges are not ideal. I've tried that approach and it has, in my experience, led nowhere. It is just not a substitute for meeting. This is perhaps biased but I am beginning to think people who want to exchange in extensive email exchange or texting are simply unsure about diving in. Of course, there are I am sure exceptions to that but it's simply not productive for us. Getting out and actually meeting people seems better.

 

3. The "success" rate on our chosen site, SLS, is hideous (or perhaps we are just hideous LOL). I define success simply as securing an in person meeting. We've had for in person meetings and that is out of about 80 "initial contacts" (defined as either sending or receiving an initial email). While we rejected a few earlier on that would now violate my "I'll have a meet and greet with just about anyone" mindset, accounting for that would have put the meetings up to about eight. So, all told, we are looking at roughly a 10 percent success rate.

 

4. I am continually annoyed by flakes and cowards. Man or woman up and just say "not interested" instead of disappearing. We actually had one couple write us back with a "not interested" email. I was so impressed by that that I actually wrote them back thanking them. It was refreshingly nice. Carrying our end of the bargain, we respond to all emails AND will tell the other couple if we are not interested. There are people on the other end and they are owed the same courtesy. By the same token, we won't leave an initial meeting with a couple, tell them we want to see them again/had a great time, and then disappear. Sure, I understand there are other priorities but such is maddening. It seems a simple one line email of "no longer interested" would not be too much to ask.

 

5. Given the fairly poor success rate with one on one meetings, we are both even more clearly seeing the benefits of group meet and greets (especially my wife). When we started this journey, my wife was not ready to try group meet and greets. She felt more comfortable setting up one on one couple meetings. Now that we have four of those under our belt, and both have become more comfortable in those settings (and gained confidence along the way), she now feels comfortable trying the group approach. I know many in this thread have preached previously how such is the way to go BUT I think we had to take our lumps, so to speak, to mentally get to that point.

 

That is all of my ramblings for now. Thanks again for this site. While I don't post a lot in other threads as I am not an expert and therefore don't feel I have any input of advice or suggestions of merit, I read the board rather frequently and learn from them. Carry on!

 

MrMarvin

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

While I don't post a lot in other threads as I am not an expert and therefore don't feel I have any input of advice or suggestions of merit, I read the board rather frequently and learn from them. Carry on!

 

Thanks so much for the update. Also, don't let your lack of experience keep you from posting in any thread that interests you. Not only is common sense invaluable, lack of experience is sometimes exactly the ingredient that is missing in some of the discussions.

[MrMarvin 268]

Well we had a nice meeting with a couple recently. We learned a lot from them. However, we politely declined taking things further (just no four way attraction). They did appreciate the fact we affirmatively made that decision know. Again, it is the right thing to do.

 

Looking forward, we have about four or five potential meetings in the works. All of those couples have "found us attractive" from the pictures which is always good on the ego boost. While we seriously doubt we will play with all of those couples, we will have fun meeting them all. Hopefully at least one of them will be a "hit."

 

The above approach is a bit different for us as in the past we seemed to spend too much time honing in on one couple, seeing how that meeting goes, and after seeing it not succeed, moving on to a new couple. Repeat. This new approach seems better (though more difficult to keep a scorecard; seriously we are going to need a scorecard). It's simply all about increasing our chances.

 

Also, we are tentatively scheduled to attend our first meet and greet next month. Another first for us.

 

So all told, we are moving more out of our comfort zone. While I think I was initially a few steps ahead of her, she seems to have just about caught up to me. In fact, she expressed frustration over the last couple as it "never seems we will meet anyone and I had high hopes for that one." We are both there but I told her it just takes time and it's not a race since our chosen form of play is quality not quantity.

 

Carry on!

 

MrMarvin

[MrMarvin 268]

Another month down and another update.

 

We recently met a couple we really like. We plan to see them again. It will be a first for us-- an actual second "date." If anything, it goes to show how difficult it is (at least for us) to meet a compatible couple through one on one meets. It took us seven months, give or take, to get a second date with a single couple through this route.

 

We have however learned not to simply focus on one couple; we are continuing to search and mingle. To that end, we will be attending our first meet and greet this month. We are a little nervous but ready. It should be fun once we settle in. Like two on two meetings, we won't approach it with any expectations.

 

On top of all of that, we've been conversing online with another couple we really like. We plan to meet them soon as well. While you never exactly know until you meet, we feel pretty good about this couple.

 

So we have a pretty full "plate" for us. This next month or two should hopefully be very interesting!

 

MrMarvin

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

This pace seems like it suits you. Thanks so much for the update.

[MrMarvin 268]

This pace seems like it suits you. Thanks so much for the update.

 

Personally, I would have liked to move a bit faster but my wife needs/wants the slower pace. That is fine. Also, time constraints with work and family limit time as well. Priorities obviously are important.

 

As I said in another thread, it is a journey, not a destination. I've enjoyed the journey thus far.

 

MrMarvin

[MrMarvin 268]

So another update.

 

We attended our first meet and greet. It was a bust. We didn't meet any couples and left really early. We were rather disappointed that the host didn't at least introduce us to a "few regulars" as an ice breaker. On the other hand, we didn't affirmatively approach anyone (as the couples there seemed clickish). We hope to try another meet and greet but with a different group.

 

We've also "kicked some tires" with a few more couples. Nothing however concrete has materialized. We also didn't click with another couple we recently met.

 

Feeling somewhat discouraged about the whole lifestyle thing at the moment. We've "been in it" for some time now but no results. We don't have a lot of time and are rather shy (two strikes right there I know). I guess we just need to get back on the horse and keep riding.

 

Carry on.

 

MrMarvin

[MrMarvin 268]

My goodness. Over a month since I wrote on this thread!

 

We have not met any couples for going on about two months. The holidays required we focus elsewhere. Things seem to be looking up for the new year.

 

We are meeting a couple this Saturday and have tentative plans to meet another couple next month. We are also still trying to set up a second "date" with a really nice couple we met a few months back but they have been rather non-responsive. That is ok; we can focus elsewhere.

 

We also would like to try another meet and greet or party. We hope to attend another in the next three months or so.

 

Well all told I guess you can say we have been in the lifestyle almost a year but still no play. (Are you deemed to be in the lifestyle if you have yet to play? Is that a chicken or the egg situation?) We must be the most hideous couple known to man or extremely unlucky. We don't however make it a weekly or full time commitment so we have limited options to begin with. It appears we will meander on with the turtle pace and see what happens.

 

MrMarvin

[MrMarvin 268]

Not too long ago we attended what was our second meet and greet. This was much better organized and had dancing. We had a great time even though we did not meet any potential play partners. We did notice there were a number of couples who, like us, sat back a little without approaching. It does seem being a bit proactive with those couples could pay off.

 

In any event we still had a great time and can't wait to attend another.

 

MrMarvin

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I'm so glad you had fun. And, yes, being proactive - whether it pays off or not - is a great way to exercise your social muscles.

[MrMarvin 268]

It's been over a month since I updated and I am wide awake with insomnia. Might as well write.

 

We continue to move along at a snail's pace. It's still a comfortable speed for us. We continue to enjoy meeting new people.

 

Fortunately, we finally met a couple we really clicked with and seemed to have that mystical "four way connection." We are actually planning a second "date." Candidly unless and until that second "date" comes to pass, I am half expecting the other couple to fall off the face of the earth (it already happened to us). Fingers will be kept cross.

 

In the meantime I have been reading threads on "getting things started" and the like. Frankly I still feel gun shy about making any kind of move-- not from want of playing but rather from the perspective of being too aggressive or offensive. I try to live by the simple credo of showing respect and I have already discovered that in the lifestyle, my respect meter is on overdrive. Sure it's the lifestyle and we all know what is at the core but still it's not an open invitation to grope.

 

In any event, I digress. I am not sure what the second date plans will be exactly but I am really looking forward to it. Still again not sure how and when to make any kind of move so I am hoping the other couple will be the aggressors as they have actual experience.

 

MrMarvin

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

I hear you...I'm the same way. I always try to error on the side of caution (much to my own detriment). One way to start the ball rolling is to ask before hand what the other couple would be comfortable with. Also let them know that you are both new and a little shy. Maybe they will be willing to help get things started. It's that whole communication thing times 4. Stick with what is comfortable, however, and enjoy the ride. BTW, we know all about the 'falling off the face of the earth' thing too. Continued good luck.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I'm so glad you found a couple where there is a 4-way connection. Now you know what's possible, so that's a win. In terms being unsure about how and when to advance the activity, I'm a big fan of airing any concerns ("Um, we don't want to violate your boundaries, so even though we're interested in getting naked with you, we want to wait until there's a clear signal from you that you're also interested."). It takes the guesswork out of things, something that I'm a big fan of.

[MrMarvin 268]

Great advice. Thanks to you both.

 

I am actually pretty nervous as I don't want to overstep any bounds; waiting for a clear signal seems like the way to go. I also of course want to assure my wife is comfortable because if she is not, it is time to pull the rip cord.

 

In any event, there are some encouraging signs with our scheduling so we shall see what happens. Fortunately we really clicked with them so that is a big plus.

 

MrMarvin

[sunbuckus 3,567]

MrMarvin, there are two points that I wanted to bring up for you. One, I have learned that it's less creepy/aggressive if the lady half of a couple suggests playtime. And in your case, this would also ensure that your wife is interested in swinging if she does the asking. Second, I think the couple who is able to host would do the initiating/asking of playtime (considering that you two are meeting one-on-one instead of a club or party). There have been a few times we met couples at non-premise locations. Some of those times we were able to host and other times they were able to. I think it would be odd to ask to play if you aren't in the position to host unless you both go to an on-premise site.

[MrMarvin 268]

Thanks Sunbuckus. That is excellent advice. We actually plan to do just that-- let the other couple lead/initiate. That seems the best thing to do under the circumstances and that is great advice waiting for the lead from the wife of the other couple. Thanks so much!

 

MrMarvin

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Thanks Sunbuckus. That is excellent advice. We actually plan to do just that-- let the other couple lead/initiate. That seems the best thing to do under the circumstances and that is great advice waiting for the lead from the wife of the other couple. Thanks so much!

 

MrMarvin

 

While our first experience was with an experienced couple who partially initiated play (I say partly because even though they expressed great interest, looking back I told her that Mr. Sun was very interested in seeing a woman go down on me) please don't misunderstand me...I didn't mean to insinuate that you should let the other couple(s) initiate possible playtime or interest. I deeply understand the how's and why's of such an approach but you also have to consider their position as well. With another newbie couple, they may be in the same boat as you and are too afraid of being too aggressive or they just aren't sure how to proceed. With an experienced couple, they don't want to pressure you so they might be waiting for you two to make the move or verbal confirmation that you are ready. In my earlier response, I was advising that it would be your wife's job to allude to playtime to the other wife. Even through I still struggle with this myself and prefer the other male to be the pursuer, when playing as a couple, this type of situation is ideal so that neither husband appears "creepy" or "too aggressive".

[MrMarvin 268]

Well we recently had our second meeting. We had a great time but, for a variety of reasons, no play. At this point I am pretty frustrated on many levels; it seems we are spinning our wheels. It could be we set standards and expectations too high but we are both loathe to settle or lower them.

 

Not sure what any next move will be other than scratching our heads. Lol

 

MrMarvin

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Well we recently had our second meeting. We had a great time but, for a variety of reasons, no play. At this point I am pretty frustrated on many levels; it seems we are spinning our wheels. It could be we set standards and expectations too high but we are both loathe to settle or lower them.

 

Not sure what any next move will be other than scratching our heads. Lol

 

MrMarvin

 

MrMarvin,

 

Please forgive me, I can't go through the past 7 pages of your thread at the moment. Are you both satisfied with the pace you two have right now or do you both wish to go a little faster? What would you two like to experience or have as your first experience? Are you two willing to try out a swingers club or a house party?

[MrMarvin 268]

No worries Sunbuckus.

 

The pace has been fine. It has been the results. Multiple flakes and people that just don't fit. Maybe our expectations are too high but again we don't want to settle.

 

As far as a first experience, we would be game to try anything up to a full swap with another couple.

 

We've been to a few meet and greets and dances. We would try those again but actually enjoy the one on one meetings with couples.

 

Overall, it's just very difficult to find compatible couples. My tolerance levels are probably lower than my wife's but if she is not comfortable, I am not comfortable. It's a gift we are even pursuing this-- I want us both to have fun. Finding the fun remains a challenge.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Finding the fun and keeping it...perhaps you can take a break from the one-on-one meetings and mix it up with clubs or parties? For example, our usual thing is going to big house parties but we are going to try setting up smaller gatherings to shake it up a bit.

 

Or maybe if you just do dinner when meeting other couples perhaps meet at other venues like miniature golf or karaoke.

 

As for the flakes and fakes, we didn't really have the time or patience to go the route you are taking. The weeding and shifting through profiles is a pretty daunting task, so I am in awe of anyone who has the patience for it. . As long as you realize that going that route might make your first experience into the LS an unpredictable and probably very long journey then continue doing what you're doing and keep your chins up!

[MrMarvin 268]

Great advice Sunbuckus! I really like the miniature golf/karaoke idea. Hadn't thought of that. Very good!

 

We will try to keep our chins up. Hopefully someone eventually will take pity on us. Lol.

 

MrMarvin

[sunbuckus 3,567]

We will try to keep our chins up. Hopefully someone eventually will take pity on us. Lol.

 

MrMarvin

 

I'm pretty sure no couple is going to take pity on you two...they'll probably want to give you two a ride as much as you want to ride them.

[MrMarvin 268]

I'm pretty sure no couple is going to take pity on you two...they'll probably want to give you two a ride as much as you want to ride them.

 

Haha. We shall see!

[MrMarvin 268]

Well despite sending out more "feelers" on our chosen website, we have no hard confirmed bites. Things are getting busy in the real world so probably not much time to focus on this until late summer.

 

We remain the most ugly and off putting couple on the planet!

 

MrMarvin

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Well despite sending out more "feelers" on our chosen website, we have no hard confirmed bites. Things are getting busy in the real world so probably not much time to focus on this until late summer.

 

We remain the most ugly and off putting couple on the planet!

 

MrMarvin

 

Have you two considered going to more meet and greets, meeting couples there and setting up one-on-one dates for the future with those couples that are compatible?

[MrMarvin 268]

Have you two considered going to more meet and greets, meeting couples there and setting up one-on-one dates for the future with those couples that are compatible?

 

In theory I can see the benefits of that. We have tried such events and candidly feel like fish out of water. We much prefer one on one couple meetings but admittedly that approach has resulted in tires spinning in mud.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I know what you mean by feeling uncomfortable with that type of situation/venue but keep in mind that you two are doing this together. You both have an automatic support system. Trying out something new together will be uncomfortable at first but if you try out and exercise your social (muscles) skills if might become less uncomfortable in time.

 

And I know I'm only going by our own experience but it really is easier to find more compatible couples when going out to meet and greets/clubs/parties because of the sheer number of couples in attendance and the more likelihood of them being more serious about swinging than those who you might meet online.

[MrMarvin 268]

I know what you mean by feeling uncomfortable with that type of situation/venue but keep in mind that you two are doing this together. You both have an automatic support system. Trying out something new together will be uncomfortable at first but if you try out and exercise your social (muscles) skills if might become less uncomfortable in time.

 

And I know I'm only going by our own experience but it really is easier to find more compatible couples when going out to meet and greets/clubs/parties because of the sheer number of couples in attendance and the more likelihood of them being more serious about swinging than those who you might meet online.

 

Excellent points as always, Sunbuckus.

 

At our last event we attended, we met one couple (not a match) and didn't mingle. It seemed many couples came with friends and/or were in clicks. That intimidates us.

 

Of course, the nothing ventured nothing gain motto makes sense but it is difficult for us to make that reach out.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

A good way to work out those social skills is to approach any couple (even if you aren't attracted to them) standing in the corner or not engaged with anyone. Just say hi and introduce yourselves and chat with them a bit. Then excuse yourselves to mingle some more and repeat with another couple. Maybe if you do it enough being out at M&Gs/clubs/parties it will be second nature or at least won't be uncomfortable for you two. Then if there is an attractive couple that you're interested in it won't be so intimidating.

[MrMarvin 268]

Well it appears we will be going on a self imposed "break" for at least a month, maybe two. I'll call it a "loose break" as I will be stopping any proactive initiation of contact with other couples (response rate is low). However if someone actually responds back we might set something up in the future.

 

I get the sense there are a lot of kicking tires on the swing sites. There also seem to be a ton of husbands jumping in without getting the wife on board (we discussed and eased into the pond after many, many years). That might explain why a good number of people don't respond though there are also thought who come out gung ho and disappear.

 

I'll still read the forums as they are fun and entertaining. I just doubt having anything to report as progress. Eh, it is what it is as they say!

 

MrMarvin

[MrMarvin 268]

Another month gone by and really nothing substantive to report other than a few interesting tidbits.

 

We were contacted by one couple whose email note led with "we play with everyone." Now I don't fault them for their choices but having some standards (or at least likes/dislikes) to me makes a couple more appealing. With that said, and I really hate to judge anyone, the couple from their pictures had to be the most unattractive couple we have ever seen. They literally hurt the eyes. That is, of course, highly vain but attraction is a necessary component. There was a silver lining in that the couple did have a lot of certs-- it at least gives us hope that if they can do it, so can we. Regardless of all of that, we wish them no ill will and graciously provided them a polite no thank you.

 

We also came across another profile that requested no "druggies" but noted to be "420 friendly." Now that was an interesting juxtaposition that solicited a chuckle. (And don't worry-- I am not traveling the path on views of drug use, what is exactly the "whacky tobacky").

 

So we remain non-swingers. Will that change this year? I continue to doubt that it will. It remains very difficult for us to find that right couple or couples.

[Guest]

I would try some place like Desires. Lots of people there, most of them wanting to play and, even if you don't, it's a great adult vacation. If you go, be sure to hit the hot tub in the late afternoon and again late at night; a lot of action starts there.

[MrMarvin 268]

We've read up on Desire. Have not gone but would not rule it out. It certainly sounds like a lot of fun no doubt!

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

We've read up on Desire. Have not gone but would not rule it out. It certainly sounds like a lot of fun no doubt!

 

The nice thing about Desire is that it can be whatever you want it to be. The opportunity to swing is there, but many people are not swingers. It is the most romantic place I've ever been. But, also some of the best swinging!

[MrMarvin 268]

So it's been a few months. An update!

 

Met a very nice couple a few weeks back and we both thought that we hit it off big time with this couple. Apparently they didn't feel the same way (could have fooled us from the dinner) as we have received crickets. Radio silence is more frustrating than "no thanks" or "we are not a match." Ugh. Well, not waiting time or waiting around on this one couple. Next.

 

We have been in contact with another couple that might be promising. Still up in the air but the initial meeting went good.

 

A third couple just reached out to us on a site; we hope to set a dinner up with them sometime in the future. We tend to reserve judgment until after a dinner.

 

So again nothing illuminating. In many respects it seems we have been stuck in the mud forever. It is what it is they say!

 

MrMarvin

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

MrMarvin-

 

Mr. CoupleInMD79 here.

 

I just read your thread start to finish! We are fairly new as well, and some of your experiences really rang true to us. But some things have played out differently in our case.

 

We started out wanting to meet couples one-on-one only, like you. But we were invited to join a couple of groups that held regular meet-and-greets, and we ended up going to meet-and-greets pretty quickly. At our very first M&G, we talked with many nice couples, most of them very experienced compared to us. We actually got an invite from one couple to come home with them, but we were too naive and intimidated to even respond! They were very cool, though, and quickly down-shifted to an invitation to dinner with them instead, which we happily accepted. We ended up having a great discussion (vanilla and lifestyle topics) with them, as well as making a plan for a real live play date (for next month- we'll tell you how it goes!). We have also met another couple at a different group's meet-and-greet, played with them just this week, and had a great time! The above playing notwithstanding, we have not found the meet-and-greet scene to be an especially high-pressure environment, given that they have been at vanilla locales with no pressure to play that night.

 

We were also lucky enough to meet some experienced couple based on SLS profiles. We actually had our very first play date with a couple we met in this way. They were really great, not pushy at all, and we played with them on our second get-together. We had the same awkwardness on that night as you referred to. After an hour of friendly-yet-awkward conversation in their home, I spoke privately with the other woman, telling her that we were feeling pretty awkward about moving things in a sexy direction. She said that she understood, and would let her husband know that we weren't ready to play. I quickly interjected, "No, no, we really do want to play with you guys! We just don't know how to make the transition." She said that she understood, and would take care of things. After we rejoined the other two, she kinda dropped a nonchalant suggestion: "Would you two like to join us upstairs in the bedroom?" And we were off to the races!

 

What is your SLS handle? Maybe it would help to have some of the experienced folks here take a look at your profile, just to help you to put your best foot forward, or confirm that your profile is getting you the kind of interested couples that you want to meet.

 

We have also tried out the club scene, just to see what it's like. We understood that we were not going to get to know the couples we met there as well if we decided to play with them. We tried talking to some couples in the noisy bar area at the club, but honestly we did not think we were making any friends there, and we were really reluctant to just walk up and engage with total strangers that we knew nothing about. Eventually we decided that we would just go to one of the playrooms and enjoy each other. While we were waiting for a room to free up, we met another couple hanging around by the playrooms. When a room became available, we mentioned to that other couple, on our way to the room, that they were welcome to share the room with us if they didn't want to wait. A couple of minutes later, they knocked on our room door and joined us! We ended up mostly keeping to ourselves, though we did have a little fun cross-couple fondling! But the fact of fucking in the same room with the other couple was a huge turn-on, and the Mrs. and I both came big-time with the other couple watching!

 

I've gone on long here, sorry! My main point is that we have tried several different approaches to enjoying the lifestyle, and we seem to be finding something to like about each different way of playing!

 

Anyway, I wish you luck in your lifestyle adventure. I hope you're able to find a couple to play with, and that you two enjoy the experience, enhance your communication with each other, and share an enhanced sex life together!

 

CoupleInMD79

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

As always, thanks for the update.

 

We've already looked at their SLS profile and (as we have already told them) if only they were closer we would have already had that first dinner with them. They really seem like good people who (we at least) would love to learn more about. They are just swimming in a rather shallow pond where they live.

 

We've had that first dinner with other couples where it really seems that everything is going great and everyone is 'clicking'...only to have them abducted by aliens or disappearing into the Bermuda triangle afterwards. Don't take it personally, sometimes they are just not ready to take that next step, sometimes they are taken to another planet far, far away. Trust us, it can take a lot of work, but even when you meet another couple who you are not interested in, the two of you have still gotten out and met people and (at least for us) usually had a good time. Keep going, especially when your only other option is to quit and give up. Enjoy the moments, sometimes the trip can be almost as enjoyable as the destination (that sounds good, but in this case the destination can really be good). Good luck...

[MrMarvin 268]

Thank you both. Insightful comments as always.

 

We don't treat this as a "lifestyle" or priority so our pool of applicants, so to speak, is even narrower.

 

Of course, the fact that we are hideously ugly could be a problem as well!

 

Happy trails all, MrMarvin

[MrMarvin 268]

Well it's been three months since a report and.. it's the same. We've seem to have hit a wall and lost interest. We last met a couple we hit it off with at dinner. Well it turns out our sense of things was way off as we later got a "not interested" email. While we also know you can't take it personally, the dynamic of it all just left a sour taste in our mouth.

 

It's really too hard for us to meet people. Parties and meet and greets are not are style or speed so we do realize that limits our options. Still we are about to the point to just throw in the towel.

 

In the meantime I will personally continue to marvel at those who can navigate this with success. It doesn't seem to be in our cards. At this point, "eh."

 

MrMarvin

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I'm sorry, it can be hard to read people sometimes. Also, I notice that sometimes things are firing in the moment, but then when you go back to regular life and the harsh light of day you reconsider.

 

I can't remember if this has been suggested before, but you would probably enjoy a trip to Desire or Sea Mountain. It's very romantic and sexy. You have time to get to know people and relax. Even if you don't play it would be a wonderful experience for the two of you.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

All I can say is what I've been saying...be patient and keep trying. There was one couple that we met for dinner and had a great time with...open easy conversation and a wonderful vibe. We really enjoyed the evening and looked forward to seeing them again. Then we got the 'not interested' email. It was very had for us to take at the time since we were in the same boat you are currently are in (still looking for a good match). Everyone seemed to really enjoy the evening...no awkward silences, lots of common likes and plenty of jokes and laughing...what went wrong? Still, better to find out at the start then later on.

 

Dang, we would really like to meet you just to meet you. You really seem (at least on the computer screen) like really nice people...

[MrMarvin 268]

Thanks to you both. Appreciate it.

 

Good ideas and comments. Still not sure what are next move is. We've pretty much pumped the brakes pretty hard (and we were not traveling that "fast" to begin with).

 

Upon further reflection, we are most likely overly picky. We've easily could have had a few experiences had we simply dived in and lowered our standards (not saying we are 10s ourselves, however). We just remain very cautious and don't want to do something we would regret or not be comfortable with. Maybe it will happen this decade, maybe not. Who knows.

 

Thanks again for the kind words and advice!