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MrMarvin

May Meet A Couple--a couple's journey into having their first swing experience!

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So its been awhile. After our last "fiasco" it appears we will have a couple of "dates" lined up in the next couple of weeks. We sure hope one hits; we've yet still to get our sea legs. We remain the swinging non-swingers apparently. Ha!

 

MrMarvin

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Yes, good luck! And remember to have fun while meeting, do not only focus on the goal of a possible date. If it doesn't turn out to be as you hope for, at least you had a great dinner/drink/laugh etc.

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So we finally ventured out to a rather low key house party not too long ago. We met a number of very nice people but sadly none we would like to see "naked," if you will. Regardless, we both had a fun night out so it was not a loss by any means. We may try to venture out again in another month or so but the process continues to move slower than molasses.

 

It remains extremely difficult for us to meet people we are interested in. That goes for both of us including myself who is leading the charge. As I believe I have mentioned previously, we don't pretend to be 10s or the most interesting people alive. We are just sadly finding people weed themselves out for one reason or another. So we remain the swinging non-swingers! I guess yet again it is debatable if we are really in this lifestyle, ha!

 

MrMarvin

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It's starting to sound more and more like this is the case for you.

 

Remember, you are not looking for somebody to build a lifelong sexual relationship with- it's just friends with benefits! If you both like the other couple, and you feel a spark of desire, and the other couple feels the same way, then go for it!

 

If you both are just plain uninterested in any of the other couples you meet, then maybe the time has come to acknowledge that "the lifestyle" (a term that I know you don't agree with for you... OK, swinging) is not for you. Perhaps you two simply do not have the appetite for playing with others. As long as you are being totally honest with yourselves and each other about this, and not using non-attraction as an excuse to hide from some fear of moving forward, then maybe you've learned something to take from this experience, and can move forward as a monogamous couple from here on.

 

To talk about "lowering standards" seems a bit crass, so I will speak in terms of "broadening one's horizons". It's a fact that people of all shapes, sizes, ages, and colors are swingers. The lifestyle community (and I will just continue to use that commen term, with the understanding that most lifestyle people do not actually build their lives around swinging!) probably represents a decent cross-section of the adult demographic, perhaps skewed a little older than average since lifestyler couples are typically more experienced and secure in their marriages. Just as very few ideal model bodies are found in the general population, there are not many in the lifestyle! We have found that there are levels of hotness beyond simple physical appearance, and have had some really arousing and exciting play times with people that I might not have considered sexually appealing before.

 

Assuming that there is not a deeper issue at work here, I do hope that you decide to broaden your horizons. If you elect not to do that, then I wish you fair skies and following winds!

 

This is a well thought out and astute observation. Thank you. We are both still interested and have shared that interest in our discussions. We've also shared the frustration in finding a couple. Really we don't need 10s; just average and funny people close in age to us.

 

So it really is a matter of just not finding the right fit rather than it not being right for us. If there is any obstacle it is most likely that of time. We are not highly active due to work and family commitments. As I have shared with my wife, in attempting to allay her frustration is just that-- our "talent pool" is not large because we don't go out or mingle aggressively. The more people you meet the more likely you will find a hit. I think that is the biggest obstacle.

 

Thanks again for the thought provoking response.

 

MrMarvin

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I believe we've said it before but just to make sure we did: This is a matter of numbers. At the current estimated average there are 2-5% of the population who consider themselves 'swingers'. If you live in a big city, that can be a swingers 'pool' of several thousand other people that you get to search through. If you are not in a big city, that can be a couple of hundred people of all ages, race, and backgrounds. Limit that by trying to find a couple that you feel a connection with makes the number in the 10's or less. Not an easy task...If you ever make it up to Sacramento, we all need to go out for dinner and just talk. Yes, that's an invitation.

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I believe we've said it before but just to make sure we did: This is a matter of numbers. At the current estimated average there are 2-5% of the population who consider themselves 'swingers'. If you live in a big city, that can be a swingers 'pool' of several thousand other people that you get to search through. If you are not in a big city, that can be a couple of hundred people of all ages, race, and backgrounds. Limit that by trying to find a couple that you feel a connection with makes the number in the 10's or less. Not an easy task...If you ever make it up to Sacramento, we all need to go out for dinner and just talk. Yes, that's an invitation.

 

Thank you. Appreciate the invitation and advice!

 

Spot on statement and we have seen that in our very limited experience. We've got to increase the numbers (numbers as in meeting contacts); that should help immensely. Of course, there remains that little thing of time. Ha! In any event, the journey continues!

 

MrMarvin

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I wonder, when you and your wife are out and about, with vanilla friends, or watching movies or tv, do you ever say to yourselves. "I'd like to fuck that person!"

 

If not, maybe you like the idea of non-monogamy, but the execution of it (fucking other people) is just not a desire for you.

 

Many people do use lifestyle events just to spark their desire for each other. Maybe that's where you are at?

 

Thanks for continuing to update us.

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I'm actually impressed you can go this long in the lifestyle and not find a couple. I assume after the timeout you will be back in the swing of things?

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I'm actually impressed you can go this long in the lifestyle and not find a couple. I assume after the timeout you will be back in the swing of things?

 

We hope to be! I guess you could say in a way we are not in the lifestyle as we have yet to "join" so to speak. Also, even without the time out we are not overly active. We don't go to many events (inherent shyness but realize the benefits of mingling) and our individual couple "dates" occur maybe once every couple of months. For a more aggressive couple, the entirety of our activity would probably only equate to a few months in time.

 

Back to the time out corner!

 

MrMarvin

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Finding the right person(s) is the key to any good swinging experience, so when you do find that, it will have been worth the wait.

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