Do hard-swing couples ever soft-swing?

[Guest Len & Ding]

Another question from a (sometimes over-enthusiastic) newbie.

 

Do experienced couples ever soft-swing with new couples who they happen to have an affinity for? When I first considered asking this question the answer seemed obvious, “Of course not! That would be like a married couple enjoying making out without actually “doing it” like they did when they were teenagers.” Then it occurred to me: My wife and I very much like to hug and kiss and hold hands and sometimes even “make out” in the car.

[PA_RACERS 17]

You ask good questions. We are what you would call hard swingers. And yes we would soft swing/swap with a new couple. We just look at it this way.... we can always have intercourse with our partners to end the evening. We also enjoy a good "make out" session on the couch or in the car. I think it keeps things fresh and exciting. Not to mention makes for better sex later...lol

[frisson 16]

Speaking for ourselves--sure.

 

When we play, we don't have any specific objectives. We just hope to create a warm erotic experience that leaves everyone feeling happy and satisfied. On a given night, if that means a little foolin' around and finishing with each other, then that's what it means.

 

There is more to sex than penetration, and pleasure is where you find it.

 

We have found that really experienced couples are less likely to have a lot of rigid and arbitrary rules about what they will or will not do. They do not measure their fun on a scorecard of who does what to whom.

[MagicEnigma 16]

Can somebody clearify on what the meaning of hard and soft swingers are? I'm not sure I have the right idea in my mind.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Hard really isn't hte correct term. Full-swap is the correct term which pretty much defines itself.

 

Soft-swinging involves anything but full-swap (for sexual intercourse), and can even include simply same room sex while being watched by another couple.

[Brian and Jo 344]

From time to time when we have been with a new couple we have done some soft swinging - touching each other, group masturbation, same room sex with our own partners, things like that. If that is what makes the new couple comfortable we are happy to go along with it. We have found that once they have experienced and become comfortable with sharing a sexual experience with us they have been more than happy to progress to the next stage of swapping partners for oral sex and intercourse.

[BedroomAccess 15]

If you are in the lifestyle - that means that you are horny enough to try it. Once you are horny enough to try it - I don't see how you can stop in the middle of a heated moment.

 

Also, we don't see any fun in setting any limits - if it feels right you should go for it all the way. It most of the time it feels right :-))))

[Dukedoll 16]

I will put my two cents in here on two topics. One, yes, EXPERIENCED couples will do whatever is necessary to make the other couple feel comfortable IF the experienced couple is concerned with the other couples feelings and not out for themselves. And you will run across Both types, those who care and those who dont. As for how could one stop in the heat of a passionate moment? That's what separates People from Dogs. We have ,or should have enough will power and self control to handle the situation. If not , we dont need to be there. If I decide to slow down or stop at any point in a situation and my partner doesn't or tries to force me to continue, He is in for one Hell of a surprise. Not to mention that he has just blown ANY chance of ever being with me again. All limits should be respected, NO MATTER WHAT.

[HARLEY &LEXI 15]

Listen...it doesn't matter if you are a hard or a soft swinger because on encounter could change everything. My husband and I are hard swingers, but met an "oral only" couple that we really liked. It was just fine with us to do what was comfortable for them. Never say never!

[sportync 20]

I think the thing to remember here is the "rule" that says you should progress at the level of comfort of the slowest one in the room. It is, after all, a group experience and one which should be pleasurable to all parties envolved. If only ONE person there is comfortable with just touching or even looking, then that's where it should go. If that person seems ready to go further, then they should make a move in that direction and the others may follow. I know in the real world, things don't always operate like they do in fantasies(where you can control everything), but if you care enough to get naked with these people in the first place, why take a chance on blowing(no pun intended) a good time and perhaps ruining any future opportunities to get together whith these people for some more fun? I think it's really all about respect. If that isn't there, then you shouldn't be there. Sportync

[Handyman69 15]

We are new to this lifestyle and have been in both situations...full and soft swap. Think everything depends on the people involved and whether comfortable with each other. As stated by another, respect is needed. You don't want to blow off a potential friendship because of moving too fast. We are currently rebuilding one due to moving too fast. Take your time and make sure everyone is comfortable with were you are going to head. May mean the friendship only stays on a platonic level but as least everyone will be on the same wavelength and happy.

[playmatesinpgh 18]

We have never been with a couple that has only wanted to soft swap but would certainly soft swap if that is all they wanted to do.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

We'd play with a soft swap only couple...in fact, our favorite playmates were soft swap only when we first met. As they became more comfortable, it eventually went full. But, I think if it stayed soft swap only, we'd eventually end up wanting more.

 

Pepper

[HotMoCpl 20]

Hey, we like the necking and fondling and I often manage to pat her butt in public when nobodys sees us. But....it will eventually lead to sex.

[SoulmatesNky 15]

I agree with Pepper.

 

Eventually, Ms. Soul and I would want to progress farther because it is part of the enjoyment for us. For the most part, we have always been a full swap couple, so only have limited experience in this situation. We have had soft-swap encounters and really enjoyed them and would gladly repeat if we found a couple that we clicked with. But I know that as the fun progressed and the attraction grew... the encounters would become more and more about what we did not do. This is not saying that we would disrespect the boundaries and control ourselves, but we both would probably find it frustrating over the long haul since full swap is what we typically do.

 

We had a swinging couple that we hung out with which would be case in point. The lady of the couple was totally kewl, but the guy wasn't our cup of tea. They were local so we would hang out a lot. But they kept wanting more even though I quite clearly verbalized that we were not interested in anything more than just hanging out... they eventually got frustrated and withdrew. It wasn't easy for us either... we constantly felt their 'pull' towards coupling.

 

Now we will use soft-swap activities with couples we do not know very well, but the chemistry is right. We do so mostly because we like to stroke the fire, check them out sexually for a good fit, and delay until we are more comfortable around them.

[willyoats 324]

We are full swap folks with other couples or singles who are also full swap. However, some of our best times have been with one particular couple who NEVER allow penetration. The four of us go through all of the preliminaries with the other spouse and end up having intercourse with our own mates. It is fabulous.

 

Then at times when sex is not involved, we are just like good neighbors who go on picnics together and share news about our children.

 

We would welcome any other soft swap couples who are good company.

[good times 991]

We have, and probably will again if the circumstances are right. What that usually means for us is we meet a new couple at the club who is only into soft-swap, and it is a slow night otherwise with no better prospects. While we generally look at soft-swap as going to the amusement park but not being able to go on any rides, a little round of soft-swap with a hot new couple can get our libido pumped up for hot fun with each other latter. So, while we don't seek it out, we don't automatically never do it either.

[sweet_tna 680]

We are primarily a full swap couple, but have agreed to go just soft swap with a new couple. In one case, it worked out great and they decided they were ready for full. In another case, they weren't. But everyone's got to start somewhere.

[BCinIN 52]

Another question from a (sometimes over-enthusiastic) newbie.

 

Do experienced couples ever soft-swing with new couples who they happen to have an affinity for? When I first considered asking this question the answer seemed obvious, “Of course not! That would be like a married couple enjoying making out without actually “doing it” like they did when they were teenagers.” Then it occurred to me: My wife and I very much like to hug and kiss and hold hands and sometimes even “make out” in the car.

 

Hmm. Well, this made me think a bit. Oh, not about the answer! The answer is: sure, many "hardcore" swingers will do soft swaps occasionally, or in particular with new couples, like PA-RACERS mentions. It made me think about me. My wife and I never make out anymore without doing more. I had always thought all couples were that way--with me, it's a "why have a shot when you can have the whole bottle?" mentality.

[SCcpl40 74]

If we're helping a couple move into the lifestyle sure, a long time soft swinger, no way, too frustrating!

[des1re06 200]

Yes, and we did just last weekend.

 

We enjoy both.

[VegasLee 1,486]

We don't mind talking to Newbies that come to the club. Give them all the info they might want and answer their questions but if they let us know they are soft-swap we will introduce them to others that we know go the same way they do.

 

Just not our thing to do soft-swap and we are there to do what works for us.

[Ellyanne77 81]

We are very new to this all. I must say when we first got going we thought soft is how we would start. That lasted about 5 minutes into our first encounter and it was kinda of like..hmmmm what now, then I looked over at my wife and she had her ankles pinned behind her ears getting pounded. That was a pretty good sign that we were full swap at that point..lol. Would we do soft swap; yes, but man we would really have to restrain ourself from trying to go the distance.

[LFM2 1,482]

Have to agree with VegasLee -- Again. We talked about it, but both of us came to the same conclusion -- it just wouldn't work for us. It's just not our thing.

[ncmd_couple 597]

I would pass on a soft swap couple. The main reason for this is that I would be afraid of crossing some boundary without thinking about it causing problems for the other couple.

 

S

[redgirlwithfrec 33]

We are a full swap couple as well but have soft swapped on numerous occasions as it fit the situation. As long as we are having fun who cares if we have penetratin but if it is known that we will be with a soft swap couple then we will definately be having a longer discussion about what and will not be allowed. The only thing that is a real dealbreaker for us is kissing. We love to kiss.

[socolais 696]

My guess is that there are at least two categories of soft swingers - beginners that want to play it safe and experienced swingers that really enjoy the foreplay.

 

While we're still beginners ourselves, we would be open to helping others explore new opportunities within their boundaries. A big part of our enjoyment would be experiencing their thrill with them.

 

As for experienced swingers that have tried multiple options and consciously selected soft swinging as their preference, I'm beginning to think they may be having more fun than the bedpost notching full swappers. But I still want to keep my options open......

[Swingercast 91]

If we're helping a couple move into the lifestyle sure, a long time soft swinger, no way, too frustrating!

 

 

I'm really curious, what do you find so frustrating with long time soft swingers?

 

Do you actually mean "full swap" when you say "helping a couple move into the lifestyle"? If the newer couple you were helping to move into the lifestyle had no interest in exploring full swap would that bring about the same frustrations you have with long time soft swingers? Are soft swap couples not really "in the Lifestyle" unless they full swap?

 

I'm rambling with questions because your post has really got me thinking. I'm just trying to understand your comment. I guess I should just shut up and let you answer why it would be too frustrating to soft swap play with a long time couple and not at all with a new soft swap couple.

 

Cheers,

Allie

[VegasLee 1,486]

I'm beginning to think they may be having more fun than the bedpost notching full swappers. But I still want to keep my options open......

 

Full swappers are bedpost notchers? (is that a word?)

 

Because we have sex with people instead of just making out with them I don't believe makes us bedpost notchers.

[socolais 696]

Full swappers are bedpost notchers? (is that a word?)

 

Because we have sex with people instead of just making out with them I don't believe makes us bedpost notchers.

 

I didn't intend to imply that all full swappers are bedpost notchers or make any quality judgments about notchers. I think my brand of fun tends to be less goal oriented.

[Texasfuncouple 69]

We enjoy being with a soft-swap couple just as much as being with full swap couples. So much about Swinging exists in the eroticism of the moment, the intimacy, and the interaction. To think all of this suddenly goes away if "full swap" is not on the menu is something we have never understood.

 

Some of our best experiences have been with Soft-swap couples.

 

just our thoughts

~Texasfun

[WesternSwing 504]

It would depend on the circumstances and the couple, but as a general rule, no. We prefer full swap. All in all it would be a case-by-case situation. It would really depend on chemistry between all of us. If the chemistry was strong with the soft-swap newbie couple we would consider it, but it would have to be strong to pass-up a full-swap with equally strong prospects.

 

Here is why. We've swung with two professed soft swap-only couples and both ended-up really being "full swap for hubby, soft-swap for wifey" and poor me has been left out at the end of the evening, while the other hubby is well satisfied after having sex with two women and Mrs. WS feeling guilty because I didn't have much fun since I was cock-blocked by the other hubby.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

I think my brand of fun tends to be less goal oriented.

 

Why? And what's the difference?

[VegasLee 1,486]

I think my brand of fun tends to be less goal oriented.

 

I don't think so at all.

 

You just have a different goal.

[socolais 696]

I don't think so at all.

 

You just have a different goal.

 

I haven't thought about it like that before, but you're right. As long as the folks involved in the activities are happy, I don't need to judge them. I guess no one actually thinks about themselves as being a "notcher". I've based my opinion on limited and incomplete observation.

 

Back to the original thought of this thread, there's plenty of fun to be had on either side of the soft/full boundary and my decision to play or not in any circumstance would be based more on my assessment of the "fun factor" and less on any particular activity restriction. And I have to agree with redgirlwithfrec, a good time needs lots of good kissing.

[SCcpl40 74]

I'm really curious, what do you find so frustrating with long time soft swingers?

 

Do you actually mean "full swap" when you say "helping a couple move into the lifestyle"? If the newer couple you were helping to move into the lifestyle had no interest in exploring full swap would that bring about the same frustrations you have with long time soft swingers? Are soft swap couples not really "in the Lifestyle" unless they full swap?

 

I'm rambling with questions because your post has really got me thinking. I'm just trying to understand your comment. I guess I should just shut up and let you answer why it would be too frustrating to soft swap play with a long time couple and not at all with a new soft swap couple.

 

Cheers,

Allie

We've been in the lifestyle for over 11 years and we've met several new couples possible soft swingers that are just getting into the lifestyle, we sit and talk and let them know our preferences and what we've learned along the way. We'll stay within their comfort zone on that initial meeting and never pressure. If they decide they want to be more adventurous, we're accommodating.

 

As far as those couples who remain as soft swingers in the lifestyle, we totally understand their preference, but prefer not pursue them. I guess our frustration has come from those that don't state their preference until we're back in our room. To be fair, we must restate it's not soft swingers, it's those who aren't honest. Sorry.

[The Fuse 1,012]

I'm with SCcpl40. Luckily we've never found out someone was soft swing while playing with them, though... I wouldn't like that at all.

 

We have become friends with couples new to the lifestyle as long as they haven't ruled out full swap, and we love their company and never pressure them. But our preference for full swap comes down to my preference: when I am playing with someone, I want him inside me eventually. I find that the most satisfying part of the night, even if we've had delicious hours of foreplay, which is also great. If I know I'll never get to fuck the guy, that they have ruled it out, it is simply frustrating for me.

 

When we first started swinging, we played several times with a soft-swap couple and it just didn't work for me. It was part of our process of figuring out what we like and don't like.

[safireblues 106]

I doubt I would ever be much of a full-swap girl, as I have little to no interest in intercourse with other men, and it's one of the reasons I've been reluctant to see myself as a "swinger."

[safireblues 106]

It would depend on the circumstances and the couple, but as a general rule, no. We prefer full swap. All in all it would be a case-by-case situation. It would really depend on chemistry between all of us. If the chemistry was strong with the soft-swap newbie couple we would consider it, but it would have to be strong to pass-up a full-swap with equally strong prospects.

 

Here is why. We've swung with two professed soft swap-only couples and both ended-up really being "full swap for hubby, soft-swap for wifey" and poor me has been left out at the end of the evening, while the other hubby is well satisfied after having sex with two women and Mrs. WS feeling guilty because I didn't have much fun since I was cock-blocked by the other hubby.

 

see, that would be me...I'd be fine with my husband with the other girl, but 99% of the time, I have no interest in intercourse with another man.

 

I see that act as so separate, I'm not sure why. To let someone inside of me that I didn't have feelings for at this point is not of interest to me...

 

But I love to make out and suck dick!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

It's funny. It's posted in our profile that we start with soft swap but are willing to do a full swap if everything works out right (meaning everyone's equipment is working and we feel like everyone is comfortable) but evidently enough people in our local area know us as "soft swingers" (either because they haven't played with us or because the last time they looked at our profile or really talked to us about it was over a year ago when soft was our primary choice) that it has come up lately... actually it came up twice in one night.

 

The last social we went to, I was dancing with the male half of a couple that we enjoy hanging out with and he actually made the comment along the lines of "I'd soft swap with you". I took it to mean that he'd be willing to take a night off from full swap if that's what it took to get with us.

 

The other thing that occured we didn't find out about until a week or so later. We had met a new couple that night and then met them a week or so later for drinks. While we were talking with them they told us that on their way out the door (after initially talking to us) some other couple stopped them and said "you know they are just soft swingers right?". We don't know who they were talking to but we both had a couple of ideas. The first thought that came to my mind was the guy who had made the comment earlier in the night... but they really just don't seem like the type to make a comment like that. Pet's thought on who it was was another couple whom we hadn't seen in about a year that showed up to this party. We originally met them about a year ago and had talked about getting together with them right up until we had to cancel a plan we'd made with them because Pet was sick and they asked me to come without him. They had made a snide comment at the party about that cancellation and initially neither of us remembered what had followed the cancellation (or why we'd gotten out of contact with them), but once we made that connection we thought they might have made that snide comment to the other couple out of spite (because we were talking to that couple instead of them).

[ktimephoenix 156]

Another question from a (sometimes over-enthusiastic) newbie.

 

Do experienced couples ever soft-swing with new couples who they happen to have an affinity for? When I first considered asking this question the answer seemed obvious, “Of course not! That would be like a married couple enjoying making out without actually “doing it” like they did when they were teenagers.” Then it occurred to me: My wife and I very much like to hug and kiss and hold hands and sometimes even “make out” in the car.

 

We are a full swap couple, but wouldn't hesitate to soft swap with a couple, provided they were upfront about being a soft swap couple before the fun started.. it can be a bit of a mood kill to be halted with "hey we don't do that" when turning things up a notch,

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

We find out early on if they're soft or full, but we're happy to play either way. We just want to make sure we know the base rules.

[N&G 207]

We don't like surprises when it comes to playing. Before we meet we talk on the phone with both people and ask exactly what they do or don't do. We also are clear as to what we are looking for so hopefully everyone is on the same page. We sometimes play with soft swappers but that is not our first choice and want full swap with anyone that we are going to play with on a regular basis.

[Pensacolapair 394]

Sometimes soft is fine..truth be told, there are often times (both between ourselves or with others) when G just wants to give head! But what is or isn't fair game should be established upfront.

 

...We've swung with two professed soft swap-only couples and both ended-up really being "full swap for hubby, soft-swap for wifey"...

 

Unfortunatly, the majority of 'soft-swappers' we've met have been of this variety... and it didn't come out until things were underway. Sorry, but we see that as simply being dishonest. We've had no problem telling them that we are the original 'equal opportunity' couple and it just ain't gonna happen.

M

[N&G 207]

We've swung with two professed soft swap-only couples and both ended-up really being "full swap for hubby, soft-swap for wifey" and poor me has been left out at the end of the evening, while the other hubby is well satisfied after having sex with two women and Mrs. WS feeling guilty because I didn't have much fun since I was cock-blocked by the other hubby.

 

This may sound like a dumb question but why did you allow that to happen not once but twice? Why didn't Mrs. WS say anything? If the other guy tried to penetrate my partner she would have made sure that it was full swap all around and as the male half I make sure that I am not getting taken advantage of. Even with full swappers we are wary on the first encounter. There is always someone who will try to take advantage.