swinging in China

[asncpl 730]

We were away from this board for a while after moving to China temporarily for 2 years because of my husband's job. After settling back, we think it'd be interesting to share our swinging experience in China. It's not a how-to guide, definitely not a political discussion, and not a generalization of the lifestyle in China. Rather it's limited to what we experienced and from talking to other Chinese that we've met. Ok, mostly from my conversations and my perspective since I am the talkative one in our relationship. I should also say hubby and I are both chinese-americans and bilingual.

 

First, a few general observations that surprised me. Most women in China do not shave or trim,at least where we were at. Armpit hair and a full-grown black forest below is the norm. I saw shaved armpits and baldies only among the younger couples usually in their late 20's. I sport brazilian or trimmed as were our swinging partners in the U.S. so that took some getting used to. The second big shocker is that condoms are not commonly used among couples swapping. From my not exactly scientific research, it seems there is a superstitution that condoms decrease the virility of men, and also a belief that because the swinging is between middle class married couples, there are low chances of STDs. A false belief in my book. Condoms are used in threesomes like with a single male. Much more on this later.

 

A word on culture and belief. China is still a very male-dominated society and most successful businesspeople are men. The wives do not work. It's very common for these businessmen to keep a mistress or two and use prostitutes with knowledge of the wives. Most of the women I encountered in the lifestyle said they only got into it because of their husbands. The men like it because they don't use condoms (as opposed to condoms with prostitutes) and the erotic thought of having sex with another man's wife given what a big deal a marriage is, and the women go along because they rather swing with their husbands than have them go off to see mistresses and prostitutes. I don't know if this all makes sense to me. Oh well.

 

On to the fun stuff! Swinging is alive and well and more popular than ever in China, especially the rich and middle class and the younger generation. We met mostly couples in their late 20's to early 40s, and all doing quite well financially by China standard. Although a university professor was jailed for organizing swing parties a few years ago (the news article was posted on this board), most of the Chinese we met believe that the police now has better things to do and they are fine as long as it's kept discreet. It's still not legal though. There are many websites and discussion boards dedicated to meeting other swingers, almost all use this one anonymous private messaging system which assigns each user a number as id and also allows webcam chats. By the way, everything is in Chinese, so for anyone who can't read, write or speak, they are out of luck. We ventured onto one of these websites and after some long discussion between hubby and me, we decided to give it a go carefully. Generally, these sites work the same way: you upload a profile and a photo of both of you holding a paper with the name of the website and your id, contact other folks, webcam for introduction, and set up a place to meet which is usually a hotel or someone's apartment. So apparently, the unspoken rule is that condoms are not used unless it is brought up at the pre-meet. Well we didn't know this and needless to say, the first meeting didn't go so well. We brought up condoms after that and had a lot of rejections as a result. We played some bareback here and I am on birth control, and we decided to try it with the right couple. Other "defaults" (my hubby's term, not mine) are same room full swap and creampies. Other activities are asked and brought up like anal sex and bisexual play. Once we got the cultural kinks out of the way, our experiences were mostly positive. We did this for about 4 months before joining a group, but I'll share that experience in my next post since this is getting a bit long.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Wow! What a fantastic summary of how things happen in a place with which very few of us are familiar. The cultural differences are intriguing and I know I am going to have some more questions for you about these. Many thanks for tells us all about swing in China.

 

I don't know exactly the reason that this should strike me as so very Chinese (my exposure to the culture has been only brief business trips, dealings with the people of my own company and some clients) but I love the idea that you post a picture of yourselves holding a sign with your ID number and the Web site name.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Excellent post! I really enjoyed hearing about your experience. Look forward to learning more!

 

My husband travels to China for business and we've wondered what swinging is like there.

[spvcouple 123]

I'd have to agree with the others. It was a great post and an interesting read. Thank you for taking the time to let us know about your experiences.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

I also have to say thanks for posting this! It's very interesting reading the different cultural differences within the swing community.

[Casurina 28]

Great post, I live in Hong Kong and have been swinging here for some years.women here if with a western partner almost all shave, in the case with local couples its more often unshaven. In all cases condoms have been used and insisted on. Very large groups of middle aged women who don't like the idea of hubby with a girlfriend or using prostitutes take the western view and divorce their husbands. Which means that once excepted into their group they like to enjoy themselves

[asncpl 730]

thanks everyone for the positive feedback! Glad to share something new in the lifestyle. Feel free to post your questions here or PM me.

[curiousbear 20]

I always thought Asian bushes are hot

Only seen in pic or videos lol

 

Couldn't imagine swinging could be illegal in a country...

 

Thanks for the post - good to learn cultures

[MandyandBill 15]

Very interesting, enjoyed reading your experience and look forward to read more. Cheers

[sunbuckus 3,569]

I just finished reading The Bathing Women by Tie Ning and there was a lot of extramarital affairs going on in that novel. There was a slight hint of the fantasy of one of the husbands getting turned on by the wife having sex with other men but other than that, it was pretty straight forward on marriage being on a pedestal. From the novel, it sounds like it is commonplace for those in the middle-class/rich to participate in affairs outside of the marriage and the unknowing spouse to be kept in the dark or to turn a blind eye. And it wasn't just the husbands having affairs but the wives as well.

 

I was wondering if this is something you find to be true or highly exaggerated in the novel?

[asncpl 730]

I was wondering if this is something you find to be true or highly exaggerated in the novel?

 

I think it is true that extra-marital affairs for middle-class and rich folks are very common. Among the vanilla girlfriends I've made over there, they have no illusion that their husbands are not visiting mistresses or prostitutes. They know but turn a blind eye and accept it because of the husband's wealth, which translates into materialism, better connections people-wise, and no need to work. I don't know about wives having affairs personally but I do not doubt it happens. Unfortunately there is a huge double standard so affairs by the wives are not as accepted. My circle of vanilla girlfriends were rather small and they might not trust me enough to tell me about it.

[BeStylnIT 114]

Cool post!

[kikonkrome 844]

Am I the only one that picked up that it was illegal to do in China, and they generally don't use condoms?

 

I have traveled the world and realy try very hard to obey all the laws in a foreign country. Especially when it comes to drugs and sex (careful drinking in Muslim countries). Seems like a lot of risk to give this a go with your husband while there?? Have you heard some of the stories of westerners being made an example of in mainland China? They have some pretty law abiding, high level western executives in either jail or house arrest with their passports conviscated.

 

Just an FYI.

[eurotrash 15]

I am currently living in China. Due to the fact that I can't read Chinese, I haven't been able to penetrate, for lack of a better word, the Chinese swinger scene. I've been primarily using CL to meet couples, and have only met one local couple; who were great, by the way. I was disappointed when they moved. Can you suggest some Chinese swinger websites? I'm sure I'll learn to navigate it like I've learned to navigate Taobao. Haha!

[eurotrash 15]

In China, nothing is allowed but everything is possible. It's like in the US, do you drive the speed limit all the time? If not, and you are making waves in society, the authorities will use your speeding violation as a pretext to stop you.