My wife wants me to get a girlfriend

[Winter Tyrant 15]

Hi guys,

 

It's been about a year since really visiting. Last summer while my wife was in a theatre production we flirted with the idea of getting a girlfriend for me that would be my sexual outlet, she was also training for work and was too tired to have sex. We thought about it and talked and talked and had some very passionate sex after long conversations about being with others.

 

Fast forward about a year and the same situation arose. This time I'm actually considering it, I have done a lot of self discovery in the last year and we have grown as a couple and now she's really eager for me to find someone. She truly believes that this is what's right because she is so absent, I also think it would help me deal with my high libido. Ideally the girl would become a certain buddy of mine who would also have sex with my wife when she wants. I know of two couples who have done this with success because of an absent or libido-less partner.

 

What I would like to know if this is too much too fast and if we are potentially overlooking something? I'm going to do some more research on approaching potential girls and also ask that anyone who is familiar with this post their experiences as well.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

I'm confused. You're wife has low libido but you had some very passionate sex after a long conversation? Perhaps you should elaborate. I feel like essential information exists that you have not revealed.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

Post Script: I see that you joined us many months ago. I welcome you to the world of active participation in the forum. I hope we can help.

[Winter Tyrant 15]

Sorry for the confusion, her libido is still there but she's so tired that sex really isn't an option for her otherwise she'll be a zombie. Sex is great when it happens but I'm usually good to go multiple times a day where as she doesn't feel like she can keep up and needs some assistance.

[wifes_toy 53]

When the wife is too tired I masturbate more. Often laying next to her. Not saying a GF is not an option but it is not the only option.

[Trophy1802 132]

Yes, we have considered a single female as a play partner for myself' especially on the odd time when my wife enjoys a solo with another male. She knows that it would be awesome for me to play solo with a female when she is going solo as she is aware how sexually charged I get with the thought of her solo. Sort of a sexual outlet for me while she plays. Really never jumped into the idea just yet.

 

As for the masturbation outlet, yes this works well if I am raring to go and my wife is just not up for it after a long stressful day. She really enjoys just laying next to me with her head on my chest and giving me sensual touch while she watches me masturbate for her.

[Winter Tyrant 15]

So it sounds as though this is not as common or as "normal" (I hate to use that word) in the swing scene as I had thought. I'm going to try and work up the courage to talk to a particular girl soon. I'll let you guys know how it pans out. Thanks again.

[losAmantes 318]

I'm going to try and work up the courage to talk to a particular girl soon.

I don't know what you have planned, or how well you know the girl, but you might have a better chance if you and your wife meet with her together, especially if she already knows you're married. Explaining that you're married with a hall pass would probably have her rolling her eyes and stomping out. If she's a vanilla friend, having your wife there will let her know you're all on the same page.

[Winter Tyrant 15]

Thanks Amantes, I actually went in today to see her. I showered, fixed up my hair and my wife ok'd the apparel before I ran her to rehearsal. I was nervous as ever and sure enough she's wasn't there! Oh well next time, my wife was super excited to hear about it too. Also the place where this girl works is actually the restaurant that a friend owns so we are not totally strangers. In this day and age here in a very open-minded and liberal town I don't know whether the same social norms exist with as much influence as other cities either (I'm not assuming this mystery girl knows) and our friend knows that we are open to the idea so hopefully she'll put in a good word for me.

[DownunderFun 19]

We are in a similar position to you, but I (Mrs) work away for weeks at a time, interstate and overseas. He has permission to do what he needs to while I'm away as do I. We don't have boyfriends/girlfriends as such, it's purely for sex, although if either of us wanted to do social things as well, this is not a problem. We have a really strong relationship, don't ever experience jealous or issues at all. We are just so in love, that each others needs are paramount, and understand that we cannot be each others 'everything' all the time. I guess boundaries can get blurred if you take on a real 'girlfriend' as she may be after something different to you (i.e. marriage, babies) but I'm sure you've covered all of that in your discussions with your wife. All the best to you, I truly hope you find what you both need.

[Winter Tyrant 15]

Thanks downunder for the kind words of encouragement.

[bbarnsworth 2,636]

Is it possible? Sure. But, be aware that what you are now looking for is not the easiest thing to achieve. What you are looking for is the proverbial unicorn as they are called here; a single, bisexual female who is interested in and willing to be part of a triad of one sort or another.

 

Probably a simple majority of people have never heard of swinging, or something close to a majority. Of the people who have, the vast majority of them have never seriously considered it as an option for themselves. It's just that 'weird thing that those strange people do'. This presents obstacles to finding a woman among 'vanilla' (non-swingers) people (such as this worker at the restaurant you have mentioned). Not only does she need to be interested in the idea of dating you, but she needs to be comfortable with the idea of you being married and with your wife being ok with you seeing other women. Some vanilla people..in fact probably most if the threads I've read here are any measure..are far more offended by the idea of a spouse playing with permission than they are of a spouse cheating. Toss in that you'd like her to be bisexual too. Now toss in that such women among swingers are in VERY high demand, which means that any such women have many, many opportunities available to them...and the potential pool of women who'd be interested is vanishingly small.

 

I'm not saying all this to bring you down. Rather, keep yourself realistic. It is highly unlikely you can go from 0-60 with this woman with your proposal. You're going to have to be patient, get to know her, let her meet your wife, do some light flirting, see if there's any spark between the two. This may take multiple times of visiting with her. Try to spend some time with her outside of her at work; casual like, not heavy. Perhaps include your wife. In my opinion, if you rush this your chances of success are worse than zero.

 

Now; to bring you up a bit. There are plenty of couples who have a girlfriend who is an active part of their sex lives. It's not at all unusual. Society doesn't speak of it because it's taboo, but it's real and while the % prevalence is not high, there are many thousands if not tens of thousands of couples who have a girlfriend. It may take time for you to find such a woman. This woman you speak of at the restaurant is just one person. It may take 10, 20, 30 tries before you find the right fit. It can be done though, and the only way to make it happen is to try.

 

Now, you've spoken much of what your needs are, and a slight bit about that of your wife (this notional girlfriend occasionally having sex with your wife). Far, far, far more important in this scenario is the needs of the girlfriend. Those must be paramount. Otherwise, this notional girlfriend is just a masturbatory tool you use. What's in it for her? What are her needs? Why would this be a good scenario for her? Why would an attractive, single, bisexual woman want to be in such a scenario when she can find other singles to fulfill her sexual (and emotional to boot!) needs?

 

There are women for whom this scenario can work very well. If they are truly bisexual, then being a girlfriend to two people who are married can be great; they get to have sex with both genders and not worry about problems of cheating, or being restrained to sex with one gender and always thinking about what they are missing with the other. That's one aspect. Another possibility is the single mom type. They have one or more kids. Finding a man to fulfill their sexual needs can be difficult. They don't have time, energy, etc. or the type of men interested seem limited. Having a married guy they can have sex with from time to time could be very useful; no relationship entanglements, not as much time and energy investment, and her sexual needs get fulfilled. Anyway, you get the idea. You need to strongly consider the needs and wants of the notional girlfriend.

[Winter Tyrant 15]

bbarnsworth,

 

Thank you for the extensive post describing all that can happen, I suppose I had never thought of this, I'm going to speak with my wife and let her know what's been said, she learns by doing I learn by reading so this will help tremendously with any issues.

[bbarnsworth 2,636]

I ran this past my wife and she thought of something as well. You've noted you are friends with the owners of the restaurant where this person works. If you proposition this woman, she may feel exceedingly uncomfortable with the scenario, given she may feel pressured to accept your offer being friends of her boss. There's a very high chance she really needs this job. The restaurant business isn't easy and few people work it for fun. Something to consider.

 

You might also consider a different route; sign up for swinglifestyle.com or some other site that serves similar purpose and search for single women in the lifestyle already. There are other sites linked above under "Please Visit These Sponsors ..." at the top of the page. Might be a good way to cut your teeth and figure out how best to approach a single lady for something like this.