Hard time finishing to orgasm

[iIANVARIVS 17]

I’m curious as to how to handle an issue of not being able to cum. With my wife I am able cum somewhere between five and ten minutes. When I play with others it seems impossible to achieve orgasm. A condom is definitively part of the problem. When we play with couples we don’t know very well we always use condoms. I don’t think the condom is the real issue though. We have a close play couple that have been our friends for over fifteen years. We full swap with this couple without protection. Even without wearing a condom it takes me upwards of a half hour to cum. Even then, to cum in a half hour I have to fuck hard and I’m not sure she’s enjoying twenty plus minutes of pounding.

 

I don’t know why but I start to feel pressure to wrap things up and that seems to make things worse. My wife and the other guy are done and it seems like everyone is waiting for me to pop.

 

How do I tell our play friends I’d rather not always cum? At first I was thinking yeah, I'm Superman. Now it's stressing me out. Nobody wants to feel stressed when they're playing. I'd prefer to fuck long enough to know we’ve all had fun and then just quit. I’ll finish later with my wife. I don’t want to offend anyone. It’s not her, it’s me…

 

And… why does this not happen with my wife. She can climb on top of me and slowly ride me to orgasm in five minutes???

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Have you trying having sex with your wife with a condom? We were often given this advice when we were new.

 

Also, there isn't a rule that you have to cum with your play partner. You can stop whenever you want.

[a_d_xxx 663]

I think your problem is actually pretty common. I rarely come with new play partners, and even when playing with just my wife it took a few times at our club before I could ignore my surroundings and let myself go.

 

I think you can diffuse the situation by being honest and upfront with your play partner. Something like: "You are really hot, and I am really looking forward to playing with you, but just a heads up, I'm not likely to come. It's just a 'thing' with me and doesn't reflect on you or reflect how much fun I'm having. On the upside though, I can fuck you until you ask me to stop. "

 

You might find, when you take your focus off your orgasm and just focus on the experience and your partner, it just happens.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

This is very common. It's happened with people I've played with quite often and happens to my husband in play situations a lot. I think it's just fine to tell your partner you might not be able to come and stop when you want.

 

You could try touching yourself until you come and come on her chest (I know a lot of girls who like that, this is what my husband does if they are into it) or ask her to finish you orally if that works for you. That's what I often do for guys who don't come and I'm done with penetration. That doesn't work for my husband, but everyone is different.

 

Try not to feel bad. It's not a big deal.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

It's common, don't worry about it. #1 reason, condoms suck, especially when you aren't used to them. Next, throw in some anxiety from wanting to make sure you please your partner the absolute best you can, and unfounded fears of coming too early turn into can't come at all. I personally don't look at orgasm as the end-all be-all of a swing experience or even the goal really. For me, it's about the whole thing from start to finish, and I can have had a really cool great time without ever having had an orgasm as long as she had a great time too.

[iIANVARIVS 17]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I didn't realize it's common. I'll talk to my play partner and let her know I’m really turned on by her. The fact I have a hard time finishing has nothing to do with her turnng me on. I'll let her know if things start to run long I’m ready to wrap things up anytime she is. Last time we played we exchanged text messages the next day and she said she was a little sore. She didn't in any way indicate that was a bad thing, but it's kind of added to the anxiety. Maybe just knowing we can stop without me popping will be enough to allow me to let go and I'll actually finish quicker.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

It is common, and some even prefer and choose not to finish until later with their own partner.

 

Keep in mind as well that there are quite a few men out there that wish they had this "problem".

[MrsPandMe 150]

I'm another guy who sometimes has this problem, and it is pretty common in our experiences. For me, it's no so much anxiety, but more what I'm concentrating on, which is making my partner feel good and paying attention to her needs. What's helped me is mentioning to my partner that if she wants me to come to say so. For me, it's incredibly hot for my partner to tell me she wants me to come. If I can't, I'll let her know.

 

Mr. P.

[AR1547 131]

You are not alone. I have the same problem.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

You are not alone. Same with me. But I do not consider this a problem.

[asncpl 730]

I noticed one thing you wrote is that you said your wife and her partner finished and they were waiting for you. Perhaps your wife can help you after she's done? Things like kissing her or having her touch you may add to the stimulation. My husband has same problem with condoms and for him, having me put a little pressure on the prostate usually does the trick. You and your wife can experiment what works.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

Most women would be happy with a "Superman". Give her a good orgasm whatever it takes. When she is done if you still can't cum, fake it. Women do it all the time and even if she thinks you are faking it she will still appreciate the experience with you.

[Nusccpl 15]

Thanks for this thread. We have been full swap for a year and I have only cum once with another woman other than my wife. I was thinking I was the only one who had this problem because all of the other guys have cum with my wife. I have gotten to the point that I tell women up front. I have had women thank me for telling them so they would know it wasn't them. I have also had women take it as a personal challenge to be the one that makes me cum. I am hoping that eventually I will learn how to cum with a condom and a new partner.

[sparkstar 128]

I'd rather have a man who cant cum than a man who cums within 1-2 minutes. At least then i can grind as fast/hard as much as i want without having to stop or slow down for him so he dont cum.

 

I can easily make my husband cum within half a minute if I'm feeling very horny or I'm close to orgasm. It is not because I'm tight (so I'm told!) as I've found some men are really hard work trying to make them cum.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

When I was young I always thought it was my job to make sure a guy came with me. If he didn't, then I felt like I failed. We were at a party one time and I was fucking the host, and he wasn't coming and I wasn't about to let it end until he did. Then he set me straight. He let me know that he wasn't going to come with me, that (in his case) he liked to enjoy multiple women throughout the night and once he orgasmed he was done. I was good with that answer, and from then on I've not really felt any pressure to make sure a guy came. As long as I feel like they are leaving happy.

 

So, I guess my suggestion is to just be honest. If you know she's satisfied just stop when you feel ready to stop and you can finish later with your wife.

 

One other thought that crossed my mind is to wonder if you are getting enough foreplay before you go into the intercourse? This could make a difference in how long you last.

 

That said, my hubby can go for (what feels like ever sometimes), even with me it's easily a half hour on a regular basis and I'm often ready for him to wrap things up. I know there are certain positions that he is likely to get off faster in, and I will move us into one of those if I'm ready to be finished. So, perhaps a change of position would help you as well.

[Fours Company 169]

Trust me, you are not alone in this and in a way your post is a validation to me that I am not since I felt the same way. Almost every women in the LS I've been with I've had this issue and it is embarrassing when as you described, the other man is done with my wife and the other woman and I are still at it, to the point of a few times I eventually gave up. It happens regards of condoms or not, so that's not it.

 

For me personally, I believe it is pure performance anxiety. No matter how many times I've done this, I think there's still a certain subconscious element of being outside one's daily experiences if that makes sense. I believe this because I used to a hard time finishing with my own wife in front of others back when we were soft-swing, when obviously we don't have this issue when we're alone. I also believe a small part is when another man is with my wife, I am so into watching her response that I have a harder time concentrating on myself or the other woman.

 

Not sure how to overcome this or if I ever will, other then just accepting orgasm is not the goal and accepting it's ok not to finish in the other woman if she's ok with that.

[junglecouple 128]

This theme is exactly why, over the years, we have become more MFM than couples. While couples are fun, I find very few women as exotic as my wife. Her being occupied having sex with another man is more fun, and more visually exciting than any "movie" ...

 

We still enjoy couple play, but it's no longer the prime theme in our play. I'd rather, sometimes, watch my wife have sex, and join in, than partake in the activity with another woman at the same time.

 

That's not fair to my play partner, she deserves the attention, but, what can I say, I'd prefer having sex with my own lady. Ironically we both feel the same.... she loves watching me and another lady, without the distraction of entertaining a gent at the same time.. We need unicorns of each sex... LOL We're both voyeurs..

[RunSilentRunDee 127]

This is not unusual for me, either. As SparkStar noted, I think this is better than the alternative, which I had a lot when I was in my 20s!

 

Because of JAJ's concern, I do think it's important to bring this up early, as a "here's something that often happens" thing. We guys don't want the gals taking it personally, after all. Much better that I feel embarrassed, than that she feel inadequate!