He came in her mouth without warning - faux pas?

[Guest Unregistered]

We just helped break a new couple into swinging. After a wonderful dinner follower by play and foreplay, we all got naked. The other couples wife and I started getting really friendly and in no time were engaged in a torrid sex session. My wife did the really nice thing of blowing the other hubby while he watched his wife get ravished by another male. Everything was great until the other guy blew his load without warning and my wife went off on him. My dick went limp in no time at the yelling and the evening was effectively a bust. We both went home feeling pretty bad.

 

I realize he committed a faux pas by not warning of the impeding release but honestly as a newby I think my wife should have just grinned and swallowed (or spit) without making a huge ruckus. She claims there was no excuse for his faux pas and that he should have worn a rubber if he new he was going to blow. What is the consensus out there?

[Vjklander 138]

This is one of those things that should be discussed in advance. Since my girl loves to swallow (she would be disappointed if he DIDN"T cum in her mouth) as do our gfs. If she objects to swallowing and wants warning from him she should tell him so in advance. This is exactly the kind of situation I think my proposed questionaire would obviate.

J

[LadyCleo 16]

If she didn't want him to come in her mouth, she should have said so to begin with. Especially considering that they were new and didn't know better.

I don't understand how you all could have gotten naked without covering a few basic rules.

 

Not judging, just confused.

 

LC

[Vjklander 138]

ANd he should have asked if it was ok before he did. I say its 50/50 on this one.

J

[PrtyinDuo 18]

Well,being the male half,cant say I havent done that be4.But,you

dont have to be an experienced swinger to know that "some girls do,and some girls dont".A little courtesy warning on his part would have been nice in my opinion.

[windsor4fun2 130]

I think she over reacted a bit. If she had a major problem with him cumming in her mouth she should have said something. He also should have asked. Things like this should have been discussed beforehand.

 

I put slightly more of it on her though because the other couple was new and during the excitment of a first encounter you don't always think as clearly as you should. As the experienced couple you should know this and make sure any ground rules are spelled out AND understood.

 

Hopefully you alld can get past this and play in the future

[NightGoddess 16]

I think if any of us made a mistake we would appreciate being given the benefit of the doubt. Poor guy, he was perhaps just as surprised as you were.

The male newbie was probably so excited at his first time he was caught without warning.

I hope you can all make peace, be friends and laugh together over this one soon.

--If it is a possibility, try being the 'experienced' ones and say, sorry, didn't mean to over-react...and get to talking about it in a non-judgmental way, like "Hey, there were some things I really liked...how about you?" ---and go from there to preferences, but be gentle. We all like to think of ourselves as good lovers, and something like this can be tough on the ego...

[wrnakedru 38]

Originally posted by NightGoddess

I think if any of us made a mistake we would appreciate being given the benefit of the doubt. ...The male newbie was probably so excited at his first time he was caught without warning.

--If it is a possibility, try being the 'experienced' ones and say, sorry, didn't mean to over-react...and get to talking about it in a non-judgmental way, like "Hey, there were some things I really liked...how about you?" ---and go from there to preferences, but be gentle. We all like to think of ourselves as good lovers, and something like this can be tough on the ego...

 

I think there are risks when you party with newbies, as well as pleasures. The risks can include one (or both) of them discovering part way into the activity that they weren't quite as ready as they'd thought. Sometimes one being overcome by the "green-eyed" monster is the unhappy result. So it seems that this was on down the list of dangers that are possible, and falls into the category of a "manners" type of issue. And yes, as the experienced couple, you can do a lot to ease what is now probably a guy who is "horrified" with himself for having done something wrong.

We have all known of those (maybe been among them) who have had a negative experience at some time. If the "unhappy" partner is sufficiently verbal, it can pretty much put a damper on any activity for some time to come for the "offender". I'll bet you wouldn't want their first experience to be their last one, so keep in mind, newbies are still learning. And you have it in your power to take this in stride, and make them comfortable in the lifestyle, or leave things as they stand, and leave them VERY gunshy about not doing things "right". Up to you!

[thump29 16]

I have to agree with some of the others this should of been discused and understood before anything actually got started. We make it a point to set ground rules with the couple that we are with before we actually do anything. They were new and they didnt think to ask and Im sure he is probably just as upset over this as your wife is.

 

I agree with the others, you need to talk to them and let them know that he should of at least said something to her in advance. I have seen new people have a bad experience and then they decide not to try it again and I know that isnt what you both would like to see happen.

 

Good luck I hope you all can straighten this out!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Personally, I think the Faux Pas was on your wife's part not on his.

 

I think it's a personal preference regarding wanting to be warned and I think that most women who give blowjobs on even a semi-regular basis know the warning signs without a guy having to say "hey I'm gonna cum".

 

If she had issues with a guy coming in her mouth then she should have told him up front that he needed to pull out when he was ready to come and given him directions on where she wanted him to cum. Last I checked the purpose of giving a blowjob was to make a guy cum so to get upset and say he should have worn a condom if he was going to come is a bit of an oxymoron.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if your wife just scared this couple right out of the lifestyle.

[bill&sabrina 22]

We are with Julie on this one. Yelling about a mistake has a tendency to make people that are new to something more nervous. In our opinion your wife should aplogize, and soon so that couple doesn't call it quits because of an obvious bad first encounter. Besides at the beginning of your post you said that you were breaking them in. Remind you wife of that.

Bill & Sabrina

[NightGoddess 16]

Ditto on everything BillandSabrina and Just Julie said...well done!

[Elusive BiFem 70]

I read this early on and started to post something, but for some reason hesitated.

 

But I'm with Julie on this one. I don't know that I would have thought to discuss this upfront (but now I do). However, I don't want anyone coming in my mouth and I've always been able to tell the "symptoms" of an impending ejaculation and been able to change the pace, pull back, or prevent it in some other way. I find it difficult to believe she didn't know it was fixin' to happen. I can understand that he may have thought it was OK by her if she offered no objections as he became more aroused.

 

Question for the husband of this couple in response to this comment:

 

My wife did the really nice thing of blowing the other hubby while he watched his wife get ravished by another male.

 

Is it possible she thought you were going to get upset because she had allowed it to happen? Or maybe she was somehow upset because you were "ravishing" his wife? The way this sentence is worded made me wonder. -EBF

[bear_n_bunny 43]

I think general rule is, if you don't want to do something, you say so up front so I agree if that your wife over reacted. I may be wrong, but I've always assumed that typical and complete blowjob included cumming and swallow. If one prefers to deviate from the norm, one should speak up.

 

I'm feeling sorry for the newbie couple. What a traumatic first time.

 

-- Bunny

[Brit_Pair 62]

We seem to be in agreement with most people here that the wife has the (slightly) greater responsibility for what happened. One thing we wanted to comment on particularly was this:

 

Originally posted by wrnakedru

We have all known of those (maybe been among them) who have had a negative experience at some time. If the "unhappy" partner is sufficiently verbal, it can pretty much put a damper on any activity for some time to come for the "offender". I'll bet you wouldn't want their first experience to be their last one, so keep in mind, newbies are still learning. And you have it in your power to take this in stride, and make them comfortable in the lifestyle, or leave things as they stand, and leave them VERY gunshy about not doing things "right". Up to you!

 

which we thought was an excellent point. This situation could easily lead to a couple returning to the ranks of the "non-swingers" forever. Hopefully, it won't come to that.

[Freebyrds 15]

Originally posted by NightGoddess

I think if any of us made a mistake we would appreciate being given the benefit of the doubt. Poor guy, he was perhaps just as surprised as you were.

The male newbie was probably so excited at his first time he was caught without warning.

I hope you can all make peace, be friends and laugh together over this one soon.

--If it is a possibility, try being the 'experienced' ones and say, sorry, didn't mean to over-react...and get to talking about it in a non-judgmental way, like "Hey, there were some things I really liked...how about you?" ---and go from there to preferences, but be gentle. We all like to think of ourselves as good lovers, and something like this can be tough on the ego...

 

I totally agree with this advice. Obviously it is always everyone involved's responsibility to TALK beforehand.. but being newbies they probably only now realize the importance of that. He also may not have had any idea that he would respond so.. strongly.. to what he was experiencing.

 

Anyone can over-react at times.. but I think when you are experienced, and know you are dealing with newbies, you must be willing to take on a certain amount of responsibility as an example (hopefully a good one), a guide, and a teacher.

 

Hopefully you can all discuss the situation and how to avoid it in the future. Open communication is one of the most important, and can also be one of the hardest lessons learned in this lifestyle.

 

Raella

[alabamafuntonig 20]

well a fuax pas or not i give ample warning of my impeanding seeds of furry! pleanty of time to let my partner get away or swallow if she may! to ear is human to do it again is assinine. as far as the yelling goes! thats just wrong!wrong! wrong! it takes two too make a mistake in this instance!

[Vjklander 138]

There is also the possibility that your wife was mad because she was giving a bj instead of getting fucked herself.

J

[bear_n_bunny 43]

I have to go along with Julie, EBF and some of the others. From where I sit, your wife fucked up bigtime. First, by not letting him know up front that she didn't want him cumming in her mouth, and second, by throwing a fit when it in fact happened.

 

I have yet to see any woman who felt that strongly about this issue who did not tell me from the start that she didn't want me to cum in her mouth. If she has that big of a hangup about taking a guy's load, she should always say so beforehand.

 

And if your wife's concern was disease (the mention of the condom), then she also fucked up by not having him wrap that rascal before ever starting the Hoover Maneuver on him, because she was swallowing his precum long before he ever got to the main event, as it were, and that can carry all the same bugs as semen can.

 

Bottom line, you guys screwed up in a big way, especially your wife.

 

Bear

[Alura 2,774]

Originally posted by bear_n_bunny

I think general rule is, if you don't want to do something, you say so up front so I agree if that your wife over reacted. I may be wrong, but I've always assumed that typical and complete blowjob included cumming and swallow. If one prefers to deviate from the norm, one should speak up.

 

I'm feeling sorry for the newbie couple. What a traumatic first time.

 

-- Bunny

 

I sure think you're right on this one, Bunny. We used to play with a couple whose lady didn't want cum in her mouth. I solved the problem by seldom letting her give me head. Her husband loved getting head from Mrs. Alura. Swallowing was something he wasn't used to.

 

Getting head doesn't make me harder or more excited anyway, eating pussy does. I'd rather be licking the lady because both of us would be doing something we enjoy instead of just one of us.

 

I'm not saying head shouldn't be used as foreplay only but I'd like to know if that's the sole acceptable option.

 

I think it's a real turn-on when a lady tells me she wants me to come in her mouth. I won't ask and won't come unless she says she wants me to.

 

Mr. Alura

[Michcouple 15]

Sorry....but your wife was totally wrong.

 

Isn't it safe to assume that preforming oral sex might lead to orgasm. She should had made it clear that she didn't enjoy from the very beginning.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by Unregistered

My wife did the really nice thing of blowing the other hubby while he watched his wife get ravished by another male.

 

This part of this post has really been bugging me ever since it was initially posted. Why I didn't comment on it earlier I don't know, other than I was too side tracked by the main point of the post.

 

It bothers me that you say your wife did the "really nice thing" of blowing her hubby while he watched your ravish his wife. To me it sounds as tho your wife wasn't interested in this guy at all, in which case I think you both should have abstained. Evidently she didn't want to play, and if you guys have a policy where one partner is willing to "take one for the team" so to speak then she needs to get over it and deal with it rather than making it sound like the two of you were doing this couple a favor (her by blowing him and you by ravishing his wife). Obviously in the end the only favor you may have given them was to show them why NOT to join the lifestyle.

[BradAndJanet 70]

Originally posted by bear_n_bunny

...I have yet to see any woman who felt that strongly about this issue who did not tell me from the start that she didn't want me to cum in her mouth. If she has that big of a hangup about taking a guy's load, she should always say so beforehand.

...

We've only made that mistake once Now J makes it clear upfront that cumming in her mouth isn't going to happen. She's tried, believe me, but it's just NOT something she likes at all.

 

-B

[BradAndJanet 70]

Originally posted by Alura

...I think it's a real turn-on when a lady tells me she wants me to come in her mouth. I won't ask and won't come unless she says she wants me to.

 

Mr. Alura

Amen, my friend. It's always welcome, but I never ask and wait for the lady in question to tell me...which is a huge turn on for me.

 

-B

[alabamafuntonig 20]

...I think it's a real turn-on when a lady tells me she wants me to come in her mouth. I won't ask and won't come unless she says she wants me to.

 

ditto

especialy when they look up and into your eyes and say it!

 

(mr bama has left his office to take care of a few things)

[RMRx2 24]

two threads come to mind

 

one thread was on how it is often hard to get a man to cum with a bj,,,,lots of advice given there,,,,,,,she must have been doing it right,,,,,,

 

one is on "performance anxiety" obviously there was no erection problems

 

those would be my two fears to start with

 

being a newbie myself, guess I feel for the guy,,,,

 

however, I've had enough negative reaction in my life to cummin "at the wrong time or place" that I think I would have been pulling away unless indicated otherwise

 

had one expierence years back with an expierenced couple and what pissed them off seemed to be cumming altogether,,,,,,,I give his wife an orgasim and it's geezz,,,,,"you made her cum already",,,,,,,then I cum with my partner and it's like the party's over,,,,,,,like I couldn't have gotten worked back up,,,,,,,was not a pleasant expierence

 

obviously communication is the key

[NightGoddess 16]

It sure sounds like we've all had experiences that could have been handled better ---if we'd known in advance!

That being said, I will admit to fumbling when giving a blowjob; My gentleman friend told me he was coming, and I presumed he meant for me to let go (I thought he was indicating his wish, as I have heard some men don't like any stimulation when they are coming..) --and it was my first sexual experience with this man. So I didn't know his preferences at all.

I picked up a towel I had at the bedside, and there was a silence...at that moment I realized maybe I'd done something wrong. I felt horrible and because of my inexperience and subsequent shame (jeez...I gave a bad blowjob.....?!?!) I couldn't even say anything. Neither did my partner.

I was upset, but was quiet about it. After all,

I hoped he would bring up any problems if he wanted to discuss it further. He didn't.

I felt for months like I'd 'failed'.

 

Oh, and this same man had given me no clues (no groans, no sighs).....nothing that indicated he was 'on the verge' of coming...and I thought we were just getting underway! So I was completely taken by surprise by his simple 'I'm coming'...I had really very little time to respond.

I enjoy swallowing...and if I'd known his preference, it would have saved us the uncomfortable silence afterwards.

I wish he had given me a second chance.

I really wanted to please him and put a big grin on his face.

 

Later, after confiding w/a friend, she made a nice suggestion: the next morning I should have asked for a chance to make it up to him ---- perhaps with a smile --- to keep things sweet and pleasant.

If only I had her wisdom and humor!

I guess we learn from our mistakes.

 

---So, Unregistered Guest, did you all kiss and make up?

I sure hope so!

 

[[These things all get cleared up ahead of time w/ you experienced swingers....but I tell ya, when it's the first time with a lover, it is much trickier (at least for me!)]]

[Guest]

My feeling is if a man has to cum, let him cum. It's all about feeling good. I have some rules and guidelines that I impose on myself regarding blow jobs. They come from experience and selfishness. On a couples date, I don't give a blow job until I have already been fucked and have had at least one orgasm. It has happened that a husband has gotten over excited and came in my mouth. It has happened several times. I thought I was good at telling when a man is going to cum in my mouth, but some guys give no warning. It doesn't disgust me. I'll accept their sperm and give the guy a warm place to release his milk. But, it is frustrating when the date becomes a threesome, especially if the woman isn't bi. At a party or club, I'll give blow jobs anytime a lover wants it. I don't care if they cum or not. And there are times when I just give a man a blowjob or hand job. It's when we are not in place to physically have intercourse or trying to be sneaky.

[Numex 2,416]

I'm surprised at this. My wife, I, and the folks who we play with expect that if a woman lets a guy put his dick in any of her holes, he's going to cum and blow a load. Nothing more natural than that.

 

I don't know about faux pas, sounds a little too French for us.

[Guest]

Oh, my mechanic was changing my oil and was so surprised that oil came down on him and he took out that oil plug screw thing. I’m sorry, we were surprised by that when we were 15 but surely not now as wives. Part of the fun in giving one is that although it seems submissive, we are so much in control the whole while. We know when they are getting closer, and closer and adjust our technique accordingly. And even on those rare occasions when it’s a little quicker then expected, we certainly know its a likely outcome and we either swallow or don’t depending on our normal practice, as we do when anything sudden surprises us. No foul here.

[EastInWest 1,524]

Old thread, but I think "I'm gonna cum" is a general courtesy. It can spare a lady an embarrassing "it went down the wrong pipe" choking scene. Still, if you aren't going to be able to brush it off calmly and politely, it's also a courtesy to spell that out up front.

 

I posted this recently, but I'll add it again: Mrs. E assumes she's going to swallow. It's the fastest and tidiest way to finish up. It's if you're going to pull it out and spray all over her that you need to speak up. It's not that she doesn't like it, she just needs to be prepared for the mess.

[Guest]

I hate that pull out and spray. I don't mind the mess, but please be more intimate. The idea of a man releasing what is inside him and just spraying it on me for his money shot, disgusts me. I'd be more satisfied to cunt a man or swallow than having to get out the club soda to clean sperm from my hair while feeling like where my orgasms happen isn't the same for him. I think you all watch too much porn

[EastInWest 1,524]

having to get out the club soda to clean sperm from my hair while feeling like where my orgasms happen isn't the same for him. I think you all watch too much porn

 

Never on the hair! Never on the hair! We should all know better than this.

[ViSexual 1,008]

We did our swinging before AIDs was a factor. In fact, I don't recall ever considering STD's at all. So we never used condoms and we never had a problem with ejaculating inside, where it's meant to be.

[Guest]

Yeah, the hair thing. That's how I learned about club soda. If you try to get rid of it with warm or hot water...it just turns to glue!

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I think your wife overreacted. It would have been respectful if the guy would have let her know he was getting ready to cum but didn't your wife think that something like that might happen? She might have requested that he give her a warning.

 

I'm thinking she might not be a good playmate. There might be other things that happen in the course of playing that might set her off.

 

All in or forget it.

[FunOzCouple 40]

i would have swallowed it all witha big cheesy grin on my face and then given the guy a wink!

[couplers 4,645]

My philosophy is that if you've gotten a man excited, he may cum at anytime, any place. I am always prepared, enthusiastically willing even, to accept that wherever his dick may be.

[Guest]

I was surprised the first few times, when I was still in high school but after that, I feel that it is the rare case that you don’t know that the guy is about to cum when you are giving a bj. I guess I’m surprised that she was surprised.

[PSULioness 856]

I am never surprised because I think I know when it’s going to happen. I am more surprised when a friend is put off by it. I also don’t get why guys want to finish by their own hands and cumming on my body.

[adamgunn 1,460]

PSU, I'm glad you said that. "I also don’t get why guys want to finish by their own hands and cumming on my body."

 

It happens all the time in porn, I guess it's so that's the only way the filmmaker can demonstrate that the guy ejaculates. But in real life? I can masturbate whenever I want and come into the air. But when I'm with a woman I have my choice (assuming she's willing.) Inside her, in her mouth, even in her anus. Why wouldn't I want to come inside her someplace? Just doesn't make sense to me.

 

If you're a guy who's into that, I hope you'll post the reasons you decide to play that way . . . No judgments, of course, everybody's welcome to do as they wish.

[couplers 4,645]

... It happens all the time in porn, I guess it's so that's the only way the filmmaker can demonstrate that the guy ejaculates. But in real life?..

I think it's a porn thing too, since the viewer is viewing and not feeling it. IRL if it's not me having sex, I still prefer to see the others where he ejaculates in her and it comes out between his dick and the walls of her vagina, or if she's blowing him she rolls it around with her tongue. I get the urge to go down on her or kiss her and snowball. If it's anal, the semen just disappears for a while. Which is good, because that one place I don't want to see it coming out.

[EastInWest 1,524]

If you're a guy who's into that, I hope you'll post the reasons you decide to play that way . . . No judgments, of course, everybody's welcome to do as they wish.

 

There's also a dominance/marking thing there. By that, I don't mean "degradation", but just part of sexualizing the other body. Apparently, the Marquis de Sade wrote about facials way back in the 1700s.

 

In her single days before her first marriage, Mrs. E usually dodged the unspeakable of casual intercourse with a handjob. Since things had already progressed by that point, she was usually partially undressed, and sporting DDs at 17, it was pretty common for someone to want to finish on them. She didn't let anybody do that until her first marriage, but this wasn't at a time when there was tons of free porn around and guys still got the idea.

 

I suspect porn took what was a common but unimportant thrill and turned it into something very mainstream.

[TricianMike 772]

I have been with plenty of men who will warn by giving different signals. Oh Fuck, oh oh oh, I’m cumming and oh shit are just a few. This is a swinging site what woman on here doesn’t know when a partner is going to cum? What is it, the first time you had a cock in your mouth? There are times when fucking I’m surprised when a partner cums, not always a warning and sometimes I didn’t know. I have had partners warn, maybe a courtesy thing. I do know there are those who don’t like it in their mouth.

For the men who jerk off at the end I just figure it’s their thing. It’s sex and everyone has their own fetish. There is plenty of that in porn.

I’ve been told to open my mouth and had it shoot, sometimes dribble, in my mouth. Ok even mike likes that once in awhile.

If a woman needs to be warned of what may happen possibly she should tell the guy not to cum in her mouth. Verbal clues go both ways.

[LaidBackFun 36]

I think your wife overreacted - Most experienced gals can tell when a guy is about to cum. Perhaps he showed no signs but she should not have reacted the way she did.

[Jane1902 476]

It doesn’t sound like it was handled well. I would have asked him to return the favor now.

[Bluespruce1 706]

Two thoughts here because I have asked my husband about it. He says when he gets very close to ejaculating, if he pulls out and jacks off he can better control his orgasms. He can actually time his strokes with the natural pulses so he can shoot a very big load and cover me. Admittedly, I totally get off seeing him pull out and shoot all the way from my pussyfoot to my tits or face. He’s definitely not a “dribbler.”. His other partners seem to like it as well because he usually has a very big load. As for the unexpected mouthful or unexpected internal cumshot - it’s going to happen. When a man is that close to climaxing I want to let him do what he needs. to do. I made the choice to be his partner and I want him to get what he needs and I want the same. I have asked guys to cum in me, on me or to wait and come with me so I am guilty as well. I’ve had guys who wanted to pull out and I grab their ass and hold me inside - especially if they have a bigger cock because I love feeling them pulse and release inside

me. Everybody is different so as is always the case, communicate.

[Ozzie+Harriet 84]

Ther is no fucking excuse for cumming in woman's mouth without knowing if it's ok. I knew that when I was a teenager. Any man with any savvy can find that out in advance easily enough if he has any intention of doing so and he can do it in a way that doesn't put any pressure on her to do it. It's not that difficult to carefully work it in to some sex talk while having sex with someone. Whether or not one wants to play with someone who doesn't swallow (or someone who insists on a woman doing it, is a different question). I also would not buy an excuse of it just happened because _____________ (insert any reason here). There is simply no excuse for a guy to be so oblivious or to lack the self control get his dick put of her mouth in time. If a guy did that to Harriet and he had been told ahead of time that it was not ok, I am pretty sure I would use him for a punching bag.

 

Sorry, but in my opinion, people who cannot remain cognizant of what is going on and figure out how to approach a question of what is and is not ok, should not be having sex.

[Ozzie+Harriet 84]

I think your wife overreacted - Most experienced gals can tell when a guy is about to cum. Perhaps he showed no signs but she should not have reacted the way she did.

 

I disagree. It's not his wife's duty to figure out when he is going to cum, especially because the guy is in a much better position to know that, than she is. If a guy is too oblivious or stupid or self-centered that he just just lets it fly when and where he feels like it without regard to those on the other end, he should be bannished to a deserted island for being too ineducable amd irresponsible to be around other people. She would have been well within her rights to slap the shit out of him. We certainly don't wish to ever play with people who are not considerate of others.

[PSULioness 856]

Ozzie if I didn’t want a man to cum I would tell him in advance. I think if I got hit in the eye or worse, in my hair, I would be angrier. You said if he knew he was going to cum he should have worn a condom, did the wife suggest that? There is always the possibility of a someone cumming no matter where his dick is. Maybe you have great control. Not every guy can control.

I’m not your wife and don’t know her limits. I for one expect a guy to cum during sex. If I’m worried I would tell him to cover up.

If you are swinging I would think you are experienced enough to the signals men give. I think by the time I gave a bj the third time in my life I knew the signals.