-
Similar Content
-
By leftcoastcouple
In responding today to a post today by bear_n_bunny regarding open marriages vs. swinging, I referred to a related topic that Mrs. LC and I have long wondered about--how most swingers feel about getting to know their playmates vs. just hooking up for sex.
Mrs. LC and I fall somewhere in the middle. We're generally turned off by the prospect of what Erica Jong would have called a "zipless fuck"--nameless, entirely impersonal, etc.--and we avoid situations in that direction. Yet, we have no desire to build a relationship beforehand, either. The prospect of "dating" before playing in hopes that everyone gels on a personal level is something we don't want to deal with. Nor do we particularly want to be friends afterwards. We prefer to keep friends and playmates separate.
For us, if we meet, have dinner and/or drinks, and find basic chemistry exists, then that's all we need--or want, really.
So, we're curious where everyone else stands. Is it necessary for you to be "friends" before you play? Are you on the other end of the spectrum, preferring to play and then say goodbye? Or are you somewhere in the middle? We've seen folks express opinions all over the spectrum, and we're curious about the norm.
-
By SJBluebirds
Normally, we don't look at the Craigslist Ads; we've found them to be predatory and full of people looking for money.
That said, we saw this one recently. It's not the usual, in that I don't think they're looking for play partners -- but Holy Cow! -- the sentiment totally resonated with us (well, me (the male-half), anyways). Almost (!) makes me wonder if I should rethink why we're always looking for new partners.
Here it is:
Anyone want to offer their thoughts?
-
By **Macbeth**
Okay, the topic is a little vague, so I'll give a little info here.
The wife and I are very interested in the lifestyle. We married young, and have no sexual experience apart from each other.
We were both raised in very religious homes, but have made a final break from all of the baggage that is included in that. Jealousy has never really been an issue with us, and we both have close friends of the opposite sex, and have talked openly about our attraction to others. That is what actually led to us wanting to give this a try . . .
We have some slightly different views on how to approach it, however.
Our very long discussion on the topic eventually led us to discussing which people we know that we would actually feel comfortable sleeping with. One of the women we know was a definite on our lists (mine, and hers for me), although very few men popped up. I'm definitely straight, but she is mildly curious.
We also discussed the concept of 'opening' our relationship, and giving each other the permission to pursue opportunities, should they arise.
Right now, she would definitely be more comfortable with feeling out some of our friends, especially since one couple has been reasonably flirtatious and a bit of sexual tension usually develops. I'm a little leery of this, simply due to the potential damage the inquiry could do to our friendship, which is valuable to both of us. We have discussed ways of bringing it up in a such a way as to have plausible deniability if our read is wrong, but I still feel a little odd about it. Not that I wouldn't jump at the opportunity with this particular woman, but . . .
I have brought up to idea of maybe finding a club and testing things out to see how it feels in a practical situation. She feels that this is a bit more extreme, and is actually more attracted to the separate encounters anyway. When you add into the fact that I don't really trust CraigsList or other sites, I'm not sure what the middle ground might be.
Has anyone had experience with any of these situations? I've read the warnings about trying to bring your vanilla friends into the lifestyle, but since we're still basically vanilla still ourselves I'm curious if there is a way to determine if someone is interested or curious without simply saying "Do you guys swing?"
Hopefully my rambling has made some sort of sense.
-
By deadparrot911
Ok, so I have finished reading a great post by Uomo....but one question keeps coming up....am I alone in this thought. This is the one part that I keep heating over and over friends first. So I'm gonna quote from his post about it and what I feel under that. Just curious if any feel the same as I do.
my reply....
I wonder how many swingers take this view or if maybe I just don't belong here. I share most of the ideas from the original post except for this part. I always hear separate sex from love with swinging...and that's how I feel. Now do not get me wrong just because I want to play with you does not mean we cannot have idle chit chat....but to me a friend is someone who is always there...I love my friends. It is possible that maybe I don't use the term friend as lightly as most...if you are my friend I will go to hell and back for you. I don't have sex with friends because there is only one person who gets the complete friendship/love/sex package and that is my husband. So basically if I have sex with you it is just that, sex...doesn't mean I don't like you...and I will never lead anyone to believe that it is anything other than that. For me honesty is always the best policy even if it is sometimes a little harsh. To me being good friends and having sex is a nono. Maybe my term for "friends with benefits" should be "acquaintance with benefits".
So am I really alone in this line of thinking?
-
By dragonblade
Ok, so maybe that's a wrong title, but I don't know how else to put it. :surrender
Here's the deal. At work, a guy that sits near me is a Jehovah's Witness. In and of itself totally not a bad thing, I'm a firm believer in "to each their own". The conversation started with " Have you ever heard of the Roman Saturnalia?" I looked it up, realized it was the Roman feast for the god Saturn back in the day that happens to correspond with Christmas. I was basically like "whoopdedoo, I know already that the Christian holidays are based (timewise) on the pagan holidays, that all came about with Constantine. Besides I'm not your 'typical Christian' and hold some very different beliefs from the norm." We delved further into that conversation.
I told him that I believed that Jesus' message was love and that to me cheating and adultery were the same thing, involving lies and deceit. That responsible non-monogamy with full knowledge and consent of BOTH spouses was not a bad thing, and if God wanted everyone to be only monogamous, why did Solomon have over 700 wives and concubines, and why did God say to David after the Bathsheba incident (paraphrasing) " If you wanted any other woman, all you had to do was ask." Not "you're married!! That's WRONG!! " etc etc.
Well, he brought up Matthew 5:27, 28. That Jesus spoke against adultery and lust etc. I hadn't done much research and I know that a lot of you have. I am currently trying to do so, but he wants to talk tomorrow lol. I know that several people here have delved far into these things (further than myself anyway) and that Spoo (if I remember correctly) actually has degrees in Christian Theology. Or things along those lines.. so anyone that has delved into this (particularly these verses, but in general) please help me out! I don't want to "prove him wrong" per se, just be clear on my stance and that I believe that Jesus would be cool with this and have some back up. (If that makes sense )
Oh and I know about libchrist.com, and I'm looking into stuff there, but that's only one site...
Soooooooo any help out there for me?
-