My wife just had crazy sex with someone much bigger than me...not sure how to react

[Grillo 48]

My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for several years now, though we do a lot of separate swinging. There haven't really been many issues, and we're very much in love and committed to each other. Today, however, I ran into a new situation that I'm having some problems with, and would appreciate any help or advice anyone has.

 

My wife was just with this guy who has a massive dick, like seriously huge. The first time they were together it actually hurt her really bad. The second time though she had an incredible experience and came three times. Now, I'm average in size...about 6.5" long and on the lower end of average in girth. This is the first time she's been with anyone this large, and she described how the sensation of him hitting her deep inside, though initially painful, just sent her over the top with pleasure.

 

Now, one part of me is of course incredibly turned on by this. And part of me is happy for her, I mean, shouldn't that be the idea? And I do trust the situation in all other aspects. However, part of me is extremely insecure and jealous. Realistically, I can't possibly give her that sort of stimulation with what I'm packing. She's never even been multi-orgasmic before today, so...I'm feeling pretty inadequate. My fear is that she's going to enjoy sex with him so much more that our sex life is now going to pale in comparison, and just not be nearly as enjoyable, and as it's a physical issue, there's nothing I can do about it.

 

Does anyone have any experience with this situation? I would really appreciate any feedback, advice, or stories!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

No experience with this particular situation, Grillo, but I have experienced situations that caused me to be envious (I do not think it is a matter of jealousy but rather envy that your wife just might be having more fun than her spouse). For each occasion, time seemed to heal the wound. I eventually come to the realization that my wife actually deserves to have her fun -- even if it might be more fun than my fun.

 

I see you are a new member here so I also want to say, welcome to Swingersboard.

 

~Michael

[M1F2KTJ 473]

Yes. I actively searched for someone with a large cock over the internet so she could have that kind of experience. I felt insecure at first as I watched them knowing that she could never have that kind of feeling with me but I felt secure enough in our relationship that we could have an intimate married relationship and still play with others. She felt the same way and loved me more for letting her have those kind of experiences.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Welcome to the forum, Grillo! I'm not a male but I wanted to put forth my point of view....

 

 

My fear is that she's going to enjoy sex with him so much more that our sex life is now going to pale in comparison, and just not be nearly as enjoyable, and as it's a physical issue, there's nothing I can do about it.

 

Before we started to swing, I had this fear of Mr. Sun being more pleasured with other women and that having sex with me would be awful for him once we started to swing. So it's in the same line of what your fear is. I think a lot of swinger couples had to go through something similar. The bottom line is that many couples are having non-monogamous sex for the variety and we will come across others who are better at doing a specific skill than your partner or yourself. Is it a blow to the ego? It could be but what we have to remember is that our connection with our spouse extends farther than just having a certain bedroom skill or sized body appendage. Sex with our spouse is on a different level than what any other swing partner can give because of those layers that your relationship provides.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

My wife was just with this guy who has a massive dick, like seriously huge. The first time they were together it actually hurt her really bad. The second time though she had an incredible experience and came three times. Now, I'm average in size...about 6.5" long and on the lower end of average in girth. This is the first time she's been with anyone this large, and she described how the sensation of him hitting her deep inside, though initially painful, just sent her over the top with pleasure.

 

Now, one part of me is of course incredibly turned on by this. And part of me is happy for her, I mean, shouldn't that be the idea? And I do trust the situation in all other aspects. However, part of me is extremely insecure and jealous. Realistically, I can't possibly give her that sort of stimulation with what I'm packing. She's never even been multi-orgasmic before today, so...I'm feeling pretty inadequate. My fear is that she's going to enjoy sex with him so much more that our sex life is now going to pale in comparison, and just not be nearly as enjoyable, and as it's a physical issue, there's nothing I can do about it.

 

There is always going to be someone with a bigger dick or a more talented tongue or bigger breasts or the ability to put her legs behind her head, whatever, and we all have to accept that, even people who aren't swingers. You can feel inadequate, or you can celebrate the incredible time your partner has with the folks possessing something you don't have and figure out how to adapt what you've learned. In this case, you both learned that your wife is multi-orgasmic with deep penetration, so maybe she'd like fisting or experimenting with an extra large dildo.

 

If your wife is anything like most women in happy, loving relationships, the sex she has with playmates - no matter how good it is - never measures up to the sex she has with you. So, you might want to just let go of the idea that you don't measure up (yeah, I know, but it turned into a pun no matter how I ended the sentence).

[Lionheart72 2,191]

Sex with other partners isn't better. It's just different. At the end of the night, she goes home with you. You are the one she picked... over this guy, over every guy. She goes home with you.

[JandKinBoise 859]

The one male lover we keep going back to is huge. I feel nothing but pride when I see her taking it all and loving it. BUT...say 3 or 4 years ago I would have freaked out. The change came when our marriage was in a tough time and we came through it 100% due to her unconditional love for me. I know that no matter how much she loves being screwed by this guy, she's coming home to "little" ol me. I have no advise on how to achieve this but she does come home with you right? I wouldn't worry too much. I think we guys think a lot more about dick size than the ladies. Let her have fun and be happy for her. You are fine. Your size is perfect.

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

This thread reminds me of a woman I dated before I married Mrs. FL. "G" was movie star gorgeous, perfectly shaped, lovely full breasts, a tight and wonderful pussy that remains the most deliciously juicy I have ever enjoyed. The sex was fantastic. Within a few dates, she brought me home to meet her mom and dad. And...it finally dawned on me that she was simply looking for her "MRS." degree, wanted only to raise a family, be a mom and so on. Nothing wrong with that, but absent the cerebral stimulation of a full-fledged partner in all aspects of life, I would grow bored and unhappy. We parted ways.

 

I married the right woman, who turned out to be be perfect for me in every way. Mrs. FL is the absolute most important woman in my life, no playmate could ever replace her. She knows this, and this is why she never worries about my finding someone younger, better "preserved" etc. etc. And the reciprocal is true.

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

My wife was fortunate enough to have a session with a man very much like what you describe. This fellow had an enormous penis, and he knew how to use it well. The sex she had with him was very, very good. It was extremely erotic for me to see her taking such an enormous penis in her, and watching her revel in the sex with this guy. It was truly fantastic for her and for me. It had no negative effect on our sex lives together.

 

I think JandKinBoise are right; as men we get awfully hung up on how large our cocks are and imagine our wives would run off with someone with a bigger one. It just isn't true. I've seen this concern raised here before, and the women in this forum seem almost universal in saying that it's not the size that matters. Others who have posted here are absolutely correct; she comes home with you. Have you noticed any negative effect on your sex life? Don't sweat this.

 

It is wonderful your wife has found someone who is that large, and that she can take it. Some women simply are too small to take such a large penis. This guy may be over the moon happy that he's found a woman to swing with who can take his enormous size. Another thing to consider; many guys with enormous cocks have a hard time getting fully erect. If this fellow is able to get fully erect with such an enormous cock, he may be a rare find indeed. I would not be quick to having your wife stop seeing him if the only reason is insecurity about his size relative to yours and the impact it could have on your sex life. If everything else is ok, and the insecurity is not causing serious trouble, I'd encourage her to keep playing with him. She's obviously having a great time having sex with him, and as you note that is the point, yes?

 

More importantly; talk with your wife about this. Let her know your concerns, and don't let this fester. If you don't discuss it, and she keeps coming home with tales of all the orgasms she has with this guy, how great his cock feels bottoming out in her, how full she fills with him inside her...and you keep holding in your insecurity it is eventually going to explode, and it won't be pretty. It won't be fair to her either. As far as she knows right now (assuming you haven't talked yet), you're relishing hearing about her escapades with this very well endowed man...and then suddenly you're upset. Communicate. You must communicate and make sure you're both on the same page.

[Grillo 48]

Thank you to everyone who replied...I'm really grateful that this community exists, because otherwise it's hard to get perspective sometimes, and perspective is exactly what I needed. The more I've thought about it, and considered what everyone has said, the more comfortable I've felt. The most important thing, as a few people mentioned, is that ultimately she's coming home with me. I do think our relationship is actually stronger because we have the love and trust to explore these kinds of things. Our sex life has actually been super-great since this last encounter, which I was nervous about. And now it's mostly just turning us both on.

 

The thing is, this was always kind of like my ultimate fear in swinging, and now that it's actually happened, I strangely feel much more comfortable in general.

 

Thank you all again. I really can't stress how much everyone's responses--and good points all around--helped dig me out of that insecurity and get my head on straight again...I owe you all!

[JandGinSD 77]

That's why most of us are here, to augment our great sex with mind-blowing variety. Whether you are giving her your dick or giving her access to a hung stud who provides her with thrilling sex, you are her source. She'll be grateful to you that you got her tickets to the best ride at the fair. She'll still enjoy sex with you, almost assuredly more than ever, even if you don't make her cum as violently and as often as that stud does. As long as she is enjoying it and it is safe, encourage her to play and take personal pride in the fac that you are giving a more intimately special gift than most husbands will ever. She appreciates that and will only be concerned that you are happy about it and for her. Enjoy!

[Tia Vampire 167]

I could never see myself leaving the man that I love for a one night stand even if it was the most mind blowing sex I have ever had in my life. My man has been with me through the good times and the bad, this guy that I'm having sex with is just fucking. Not the love making I have with my BF. So do not think about it too much. With you being a man, it's just in your nature to feel inadequate when it comes to a man bigger than yourself. Just because is well endowed does not make him a better man for your wife.

[confused12524 201]

Those feelings you describe can be fluid.

 

for me, feelings have changed over the years. We have been through tough times in our relationship and I do know for sure our commitment to each other.

 

For me, the "jealousy" and "insecurity" feelings ARE the turn on. But yes, behind it all, there is security, but its the temporary rush that excites me.

 

It took a while for that to develop. Heck, in the beginning of our relationship it would boil my blood to think about her having a sexual past before me. That evolved to me getting off on hearing about it.

 

Now the turn on is her sexual aggression and excitement.

 

We started as a NO SINGLE MEN, couples only and the thought of a single guy was out of the question.

 

Now I would prefer a single guy.

 

My personal interests have somewhat shifted from swinging to more hotwifing/mild cuckolding.

I find it 100 times more exciting for her to, completely on her own, hook up with someone and tell me about it later, than for me to actually play. And the more adventerous, the better.

 

I've written about our conflicts/my obsessions and this is the base of my problem. We do have an open sexual relationship and I have the freedom to do whatever I want on my own. So does she. My frustration is that she doesn't act on that often. And I rarely do since I just don't have much interest in being with other people.

 

I say this because this is a 180 degree change from what I used to be like. The very things I would lose sleep over and would eat at me, I now crave.

 

So just roll with it. Understand there is a difference between sex and love.

 

Having the security of knowing my wife's real love and devotion to me, makes her hooking up with someone hotter/more hung etc....nothing but a turn on

[JB 140]

Now that this has been bumped, I’ll ask the question.

 

So if you play with a woman who feels really good inside ( tighter, wetter, - insert preference here -), are you going to think sex with your wife is boring after that?

[81lizard69 470]

That can be a little humbling to say the least. My wife and I were with a couple not soon after we started we were with a couple and the husband had a enormous cock. It was hot to watch her sucking on that thing while his wife gave me a bj. Then He got on top of my wife and was working that monster in her deeper and deeper. My bride was making sounds I never heard make before. Yikes. I was about ready to ask him to stop when I Noticed that her feet were up by her ears and she was pulling his ass so he could go deeper into her. Hell that was the hottest thing I ever saw.. swinging is the best porn.. Afterwards we talked and she really liked it. But the bonus for me was that she could take me in deeper and harder than before. He sort of turned on her vagina and made it easier for us to have sex in all sorts of new positions. I could fold her in half and go really hard with her in the doggie position. It was a win win situation. We do go back and play with that couple a few times a year. I know when she gets that look she needs the huge meat. There are going to be people that can screw and fuck better than you or I.. I just watch and learn what I can. My wife is hot and I want her to get that cross eyed look as often as she wants. That means I get to go be with a different woman.. hell whats better than that?

[NYFlirts 158]

I've struggled with this and still do. Bigger penis, bigger muscles, taller, harder pounding, better kisser, better at fingering, etc. etc. etc. Even if it was an exact clone of me, the excitement she gets with the newness of another guy is obviously a turn on that is different than she has with me.

 

I've had a hard to reconciling this. My nature is to worry: "Am I not satisfying her?" "Am I less of a man?" "Will this increase the probability that she'd ever leave me?"

 

I'm not sure I've found the perfect solution that makes me feel 100% comfortable all the time, but the things I've read and thought about that help are:

 

1) Same thing happens to me with other women: Better kissers, bigger tits, skinnier, etc. etc.

2) Would I leave her for another woman just because of a few of those things? Nope

3) Independent of that one or two things that might be "better" than me, what about the other 98 things that make me better and better for her than him?

 

Again, those things don't completely squash my insecurities, but they help and allow us to both have a better time without getting my head too wrapped up in it.

[81lizard69 470]

You will have those emotions swell up inside Hell Its normal. . I did have those feelings and sometimes I still feel that pang of jealousy. ..

 

I am so embarrassed to say that in our first year of swinging. I was telling this man who just did my wife that I use to box and was a brown belt in Karate. That was true , but my verbal response was a knee jerk reaction. I can not believe that I said that. Out of my subconscious that thought popped out. He was a kind gentleman, he and his wife graced our bedroom for many years. I had a insecure moment and just let that out. Afterwards I apologized and said that I did feel jealous of him. It felt really good to say that out loud and helped me to release those feelings. I shifted from being jealous and possessive of my wife to wanting her to have the best experience in life that she could have. Be it sex with another man of anything else. in life.

 

I guess what I am trying to say is that I released my need for her to do and say what I want her to so I could feel good about myself. I was ok with her being happy.. not how I though she should act so I could be happy. If she is happy good for her. If I can help her have a better time.. Better for her in anything that she does.

That in itself set me free from wanting to control and manipulate her. Which set me free to have a satisfying life with my wife.

 

My wife and I talk alot about how we feel when we swing. When we bring another couple or person we introduce a whole new energy or dynamic to our lives. That new energy can really energize your life, it does for our marriage. Did I say we talk alot. I have talked to my wife about jealousy and how I sometimes feel it. She tells me how she feels and I ask her how I can ease her worries when that happens. So when we swing we always make love after our encounter. We talk about the sex we just had and how we can make it better for the next time. Sometimes we say we did not like that couple.. or person or whatever pops up.

 

Inconclusion those feelings are natural. Its what we do with them that sets us apart from the from people that do not swing.

[10thBadger 25]

On 7/12/2013 at 5:50 PM, SW_PA_Couple said:

No experience with this particular situation, Grillo, but I have experienced situations that caused me to be envious (I do not think it is a matter of jealousy but rather envy that your wife just might be having more fun than her spouse). For each occasion, time seemed to heal the wound. I eventually come to the realization that my wife actually deserves to have her fun -- even if it might be more fun than my fun.

 

I see you are a new member here so I also want to say, welcome to Swingersboard.

 

~Michael

Why would it be OK for your wife to have more fun than you or she deserves more fun than you. Isn’t it supposed to be a shared experience and good for both of you?

[10thBadger 25]

On 7/13/2013 at 11:02 PM, Grillo said:

Thank you to everyone who replied...I'm really grateful that this community exists, because otherwise it's hard to get perspective sometimes, and perspective is exactly what I needed. The more I've thought about it, and considered what everyone has said, the more comfortable I've felt. The most important thing, as a few people mentioned, is that ultimately she's coming home with me. I do think our relationship is actually stronger because we have the love and trust to explore these kinds of things. Our sex life has actually been super-great since this last encounter, which I was nervous about. And now it's mostly just turning us both on.

 

The thing is, this was always kind of like my ultimate fear in swinging, and now that it's actually happened, I strangely feel much more comfortable in general.

 

Thank you all again. I really can't stress how much everyone's responses--and good points all around--helped dig me out of that insecurity and get my head on straight again...I owe you all!

Yeah she is coming home to you and thinking about the other dude. Your feelings are valid and that is one thing I learned from this website. Take heed in your feelings and your feelings are real and don’t let anyone tell you that your feelings don’t matter and that you’re just being silly. If you have concerns, it is for a reason because you are feeling them.

[10thBadger 25]

On 7/17/2013 at 10:13 PM, Tia Vampire said:

I could never see myself leaving the man that I love for a one night stand even if it was the most mind blowing sex I have ever had in my life. My man has been with me through the good times and the bad, this guy that I'm having sex with is just fucking. Not the love making I have with my BF. So do not think about it too much. With you being a man, it's just in your nature to feel inadequate when it comes to a man bigger than yourself. Just because is well endowed does not make him a better man for your wife.

If it only was a one night stand. But if he continues to let her see him on the regular. Things may come out a little differently. I hope that his marriage is strong and I hope that his marriage stays solid. But I hope that this guy is not a regular for her or feelings will start and then when he will have a whole different situation to deal with